by Noah Harris
Philip’s head jerked up, sniffing the air frantically. His paws shoved against the ground, standing quickly. His lips drew upward, exposing his fangs as a growl rumbled out of his throat. Jaeger didn’t move, staying where he was and waiting until Philip looked at him, recognized him, and he could work from there.
When Philip looked at him, some of the tension in his body eased. Jaeger smiled, slowly lifting his hand, flat with the palm upward, toward Philip. There was no change in the tension of Philip’s body, but he took a step forward. Philip didn’t move at first, watching Jaeger as he stood there with his hand outstretched. Gradually, the wolf made his way toward Jaeger and paused when he stood a foot from him.
“Recognize me now?” Jaeger asked cautiously, seeing understanding in Philip’s eyes.
Philip gave a sharp bark and promptly rolled onto his side, pawing at the dirt with all four legs. Jaeger snorted as Philip then moved onto his back, thrashing his body in a constant wriggling motion that kicked up dirt and dust.
“You’re going to get dirt in your wound and I’m going to have to clean it out,” Jaeger scolded him.
Philip stopped, looking up at Jaeger from his position on the ground. One ear had been pushed back, lying flat against Philip’s skull. His lips had flopped open and his tongue had lolled out, almost laying in the dirt. He was panting, and his mouth was pulled back in the best grin a wolf could manage. Despite the fact that he was mostly unmoving, Philip’s fluffy tail continued to wag happily, adding to the cloud of dirt in the air.
Jaeger couldn’t help but laugh, turning his head away and shaking it. “You’re absolutely ridiculous, you know that?”
Philip barked happily, flopping over onto his side and then standing up again. The wolf burrowed his face between Jaeger’s legs, his tail still swishing merrily. Shaking his head again, Jaeger bent down and stroked the soft, if now somewhat dirty coat of fur. Philip’s fur was golden and bright, so much so it could almost seem white in direct light. In the shadows of the forest though, he looked like an out of place sun beam, warm and happy.
“Yeah yeah, you’re adorable. Now come sit by the fire while I clean and check out your wound,” Jaeger told him, smiling as he rubbed Philip’s head.
The examination had been pointless, though the cleaning had been necessary. Sure enough, there had been dirt and withered grass in the wound. Jaeger had tried to scold Philip further while he’d cleaned it out, but his heart hadn’t been in it. Philip had been positively playful as he lay in front of the fire, vibrating with energy as he soaked up the warmth.
Jaeger hadn’t been surprised when Philip’s energy hadn’t lasted. After about an hour of Philip’s restless movements, and constant need to paw and nudge Jaeger, the large wolf had dozed. The stress of the wound, the sudden transformation, and the warmth of the fire had lulled Philip into a restful sleep. Jaeger had watched him sleep, eyeing his fur as it glowed under the light of the flames.
He laid against Philip’s furry body for as long as he could as the wolf slept. Jaeger supposed they should have headed back toward the pack’s main area, where it would be safer. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to disturb either of them in order to go back. Jaeger didn’t imagine they were totally safe where they were, having already been attacked once, but he couldn’t muster the energy to pick himself up from the ground and force himself to move. Philip’s body against his was warm, strong, and the smell of his fur was comforting.
A smile crossed his face as he burrowed it into Philip’s pelt. The idea of the two of them together, as they’d always wanted to be, was a dangerous one. It invited the disaster they’d been trying to avoid for most of their lives. Philip’s insistence that nothing between them could ever be bad resonated with Jaeger.
For the longest time, Orrin’s prophecy had felt wrong, or more specifically, the interpretation of it. Deep down, Jaeger had never trusted the man or his word. Looking at what Orrin had done, and was willing to do in order to gain power, Jaeger was glad he’d trusted his instincts. But Philip had made a good point, it called into question the prophecy which had determined the path of their friendship, ending any chance of something more, since they were young.
When the age of adulthood had begun its creeping approach into their minds and bodies, Jaeger could remember the first budding feelings toward his friend. Over time, they’d grown into something more than mere attraction, piggybacking off the intense intimacy of their friendship. Both of them had felt it, and in their unspoken way, they’d acknowledged it was what they wanted. There had never been anything unpleasant or dangerous about what they felt, save for when they were told they couldn’t. As a matter of fact, the only time Jaeger could ever remember feeling badly about his feelings for Philip, was when Orrin or his lackeys reminded them of the disaster which loomed over everyone if they didn’t follow the rules.
“Maybe, it’s time we make our own rules,” Jaeger muttered, feeling the warmth heavy in him as he allowed himself to be lulled into a resting state.
Philip was running ahead, for what felt like the hundredth time in Jaeger’s reckoning. The wolf had woken up, waking Jaeger in the process, apparently feeling refreshed and ready to go. Jaeger wasn’t sure where they could go, but he had bent, allowing that they could take a walk for a little while. He’d made what he felt was the required stop to inform the Arden pack where they would be, before following after Philip.
“More like chasing,” he muttered to himself as he caught sight of Philip’s bushy tail through a break in the trees.
It wasn’t so bad, Philip always came bounding back, sometimes by himself, and other times with some object clutched in his jaws. The last time, it had been the large bone, possibly a leg bone, of some creature. Jaeger had held it up, puzzling over what sort of creature could have bones so large out in the forest, but Philip was already on the move, exploring even further outward. Jaeger imagined there were enough mysteries in the forest to keep a curious and determined man busy for a lifetime, and probably generations as well. Pausing for a final glance at the bone, he tossed it aside and let it rest, to be buried again.
Watching Philip bound and leap through the forest had been oddly comforting for Jaeger. It wasn’t often he got to see Philip playful, or in his wolf form. The demands of court life and the ever-watchful eyes of Orrin had guaranteed Philip spent most of his time playing a part and always looking over his shoulder. Free of those restrictions, and content in his wolfen form, Philip unleashed a playful joy Jaeger had started to believe was long lost.
The problem he was facing however, was whether or not his friend was going to change back. Jaeger had already casually suggested that Philip shift back to his human form. He’d been met with a bark, and Philip running off to find something else to play with. As fun as it was to walk around, watching Philip enjoy a day for himself, it was beginning to make Jaeger uneasy.
It had been over a week since the Princess, and if she was to be believed, she would return soon. There were two kingdoms in need of help, and it looked as if Philip was content to play in the woods. Normally, Jaeger would tell himself he was being ridiculous, but he knew Philip. The man hated the role he played when he was before the court, but he liked to hide behind it as well. The more Philip had to play the fool, the more he could avoid what was bothering him. If Philip wasn’t prepared, they would be thrown back into the thick of things before Philip was ready.
“Hey! Come back here,” Jaeger called into the thick of the woods.
There was an answering yip from somewhere beyond the foliage. After a moment of shuffling noises, Philip appeared, this time with no prize in his mouth. His tail was high above his body, curled and wagging as he trotted toward Jaeger.
Jaeger bent down as Philip approached, catching the wolf by each side of his head. “Hey, it’s time we talked. And in order for us to do that, you’re going to need to be in human form, okay?”
Philip huffed, though if it was in understanding or annoyance, Jaeger couldn’t tell. Philip did
turn back, his body warping and twisting until he once again stood on two legs. Jaeger couldn’t help but stare at Philip’s naked body, couldn’t pull his eyes away from the broad chest and long stomach, both marked with patches of golden hair. The muscles in Philip’s arms were thick, and his legs looked equally as strong. Jaeger had seen Philip naked plenty of times in the past, but after their earlier conversation and promise to one another, the sight took on a whole new meaning for him.
Swallowing hard and forcing his eyes up to Philip’s face, he spoke. “We need to talk about what we’re going to do.”
Philip was watching him, the corner of his mouth twitching. “Is that why you had me turn back human? Or was it something else?”
Jaeger knew what he was getting at, and he felt his face warm at having been caught ogling Philip. He’d been far subtler in the past, and it had been some time since he’d last been caught. Usually he could compartmentalize his feelings, capable of seeing a sweaty and shirtless Philip, or even a naked one, without batting an eye. Their shared kisses had wiped away the walls of his defenses, and a naked Philip, looking cocky and happy, was distracting.
In response, Jaeger thrust a bag of clothes at him. “I wanted to talk. But…I can’t do that with you standing there looking all…you.”
The response was enough to convince Philip to do what Jaeger wanted, which he was thankful for. As Philip pulled on a pair of pants, Jaeger realized his own had become a bit constricting. He watched Philip’s body disappear under a layer of clothing, feeling a mixture of relief and disappointment. They still had a few important matters to discuss, and Jaeger wanted to get them out of the way before they had their fun.
Philip stood, motioning to his now concealed body. “Better?”
Jaeger swallowed. “Much. Now, are we done with this whole ‘hiding in wolf form’ thing you’ve been doing?”
The good-natured look on Philip’s face darkened. “I haven’t been hiding.”
“You’ve been driven from your home, find out the man who should have been a trusted advisor is trying to kill you and control your father, attacked by a group of mercenaries intent on murdering you and kidnapping the Princess. Then you’re attacked, and wounded badly, by a would-be assassin in the woods and your response is to…run through the woods and dig up sticks and bones? Help me here Philip, because it looks an awful lot like running and hiding to me,” Jaeger said, forcing himself to be completely honest.
Philip frowned. “What am I supposed to be doing? All I can do is sit around and wait for the Princess to show up! I’ve been left to sit around while everyone else does something, which is typical.”
“What? You’re not being made to sit this out. Minerva went to get help, and when she returns, we’re going to have a plan. I’m sure she hoped we would’ve prepared somewhat while she was gone, but you’ve done nothing,” Jaeger said.
Philip scoffed. “And what am I supposed to be doing? All I can do is fight, and even then, I’m not going to be as helpful as you. The pack has already made that clear, all they have me doing is gathering firewood and collecting water. Meanwhile, they’ve found good use for you.”
“You say that, but all you’re doing is running around out here, content to live the life they have. Admit it, you like being able to run around, play in the woods, be some random wolf who can do what he wants, when he wants,” Jaeger said, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Well of course I like it! It’s the first time in my life I’ve ever been able to just have fun without worrying about someone coming around a corner and ruining it! All I wanted was to have one good day, one where you and I could just spend time together, to enjoy each other’s company without worrying about duty, or Orrin lurking in the shadows,” Philip said, his voice rising.
Jaeger could understand that, all too well. “I get it, I do. The problem is, we can’t afford to be screwing around right now. You could be practicing your fighting techniques, talking to Makepeace and finding out more about what they know, hell, you could be learning more about them since they’re supposed to be our allies. Philip, the fate of our kingdom is tied to you and to every choice you make from this point forward. Don’t you think it’s time you acted like it?”
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do!” Philip shot back, his face contorting.
Jaeger reached out, grabbing hold of Philip. “I know what this is about, and it’s time you faced it. You’ve played the well-behaved prince for far too long, and now you don’t know how to shake it off. You think standing up and deciding to give us a shot is enough? There’s more to this than just deciding to deny the prophecy, you still have a whole kingdom to run. If we can’t save…if everything goes wrong, it’s going to be on you, are you ready for that?”
The anger flickered, a flash of something small and fragile in Philip’s face. “I want to believe I am.”
“But are you? Because you’ve been doing anything you can but focusing on what’s to come. You can’t keep letting yourself do nothing simply because people have guided you your whole life,” Jaeger protested.
The anger returned in Philip’s gaze. “I’m not.”
“You are. For as long as I can remember, you’ve had people telling you what to do, and what not to do. Now you’re being expected to take charge and prepare to be a leader and you’re scared,” Jaeger said, softening his voice.
Philip looked away, a muscle in his jaw twitching. “I’m not scared, I just don’t know what you people want from me.”
Jaeger moved closer, laying a gentle hand on Philip’s arm. “We want you to do what you think is right, we want you to be willing to take charge when the time comes. Orrin and his people have done nothing but treat you like some inept child, some tin soldier, waving his sword around and pretending to be a general. Well you know what? It’s time you stopped believing that, because I think deep down, you’ve started to believe it, or have for a while now.”
Philip recoiled, stopping just short of pulling away from Jaeger completely. “I’m not…some fake prince, to be dressed up and paraded before everyone.”
Jaeger nodded, tightening his grip on Philip. “That’s exactly what I’m saying, you’re not. But you’re acting helpless when you’re anything but. You’ve always known not to trust Orrin, just like you’ve always known something wasn’t right about your father’s deterioration. You listened to good council about leaving, and you’ve been nothing but courteous and helpful to these people, who are supposed to be our allies. You even know you’re supposed to be doing something, but aren’t sure what, but you want to. You’ve got everything you need already, you’re strong, intuitive, and you’ve got the guts to follow through. The only thing you’re missing is that first step, and only you can take it.”
Philip gazed back at him, his emotions flickering across his face briefly. Fear, pain, despair, hope, desire, all of them and so much more, little insights into the baggage Philip had been carrying for years. Just as Jaeger had wanted so desperately to believe in Philip’s interpretation of the prophecy, so too did Philip want to believe Jaeger now. He was still holding himself back, and Jaeger’s desperation to get Philip to understand grew into frustration.
“We’ve lost so much time, playing it safe, and behaving ourselves Philip. You’ve played your role, and I’ve played mine, but you were right before, we weren’t our true selves. We’ve been dancing to the tune of a man who wants to rip our lives apart. I need you to be who I know you really are Philip, I need you to break yourself away from what Orrin has tried to force you to be. Please, stop running, stop hiding,” Jaeger begged, surprised to find his eyes stinging.
Philip gazed at him in wonder. “Jaeger…”
Jaeger reached with his other hand, holding tightly to Philip. “No, you don’t understand. I have stood by and watched that man warp and manipulate you and everyone else around him to do his bidding, to do things his way. We’ve kept ourselves away from one another, refusing to break his prophecy, behaving in accordance with
his dictums, saying what he permitted us to say. We’re going to be facing him and everyone behind him in battle soon, and you can’t go into it still half influenced by him. I’ve allowed him to keep us apart for too long Philip, I am not going to let him keep you chained anymore, you understand me?”
Jaeger wanted to look away, wanted to retreat into the shadows of the woods and away from Philip. His voice shook, and even cracked near the end and his vision was swimming from barely withheld tears. Years of denying his emotions, withholding his affections, and avoiding what his heart knew was right were finally catching up with him.
Philip stopped trying to pull away, shifting closer to Jaeger. The ache in Jaeger’s chest eased as Philip’s thick arms wrapped around his middle and drew him close. The smell of the woods mingled with the earthy tones of Philip’s scent, filling Jaeger’s nose and easing some of his pain. They were still together, they had one another and would see all this through to the end.
“I’m going to try, you’re right,” Philip whispered, his lips pressing softly to Jaeger’s temple.
Jaeger didn’t expect Philip to make a complete change overnight. The promise to face the problem was enough to take the worst of his anxiety from him, easing his breathing and slowing his heart rate. They both had plenty to work on still, but at least he could trust Philip would listen to him when it was most important.
A throat cleared nearby, and Jaeger pulled back enough to see where it had come from. Verity was standing at the edge of the clearing, watching them both with an apologetic wince on his face.
Verity bowed his head. “I am sorry for the interruption, but we have received news from our advanced scouts to the north. Princess Minerva makes her way back to the forest, and she comes bearing a legion of armored soldiers at her back.”
