by Stella Brie
I set it down once I hear the dial tone. Thayer sounds like a stuffed-up prick. The guys had told me a little about him. Apparently, he comes from an aristocratic family with old money. Based on our first conversation, I can only wonder why they never taught him any manners.
HANDING SHAW A GLASS of red wine, I move over to the end of the couch and curl up. Lev had an emergency at one of his restaurants in Helena and asked Shaw to stay with me. While I insisted I didn’t need someone to stay with me, Shaw had shown up an hour later with a duffel bag and informed me he wasn’t leaving.
Taking a sip of my wine, I fiddle with my glass as I stare at Shaw. He’d texted me several times this week to check on me. I wasn’t sure if we were friends again, or if this was another temporary truce.
“So, how was your day?” I ask tentatively.
Taking a long drink of wine, he sets the glass down on the coffee table. “Kate, I need to apologize to you for my behavior at the barn that day.”
Wincing, I try to deflect. I’m not sure we’re ready to discuss that day. Looking at him, I notice the black circles under his eyes.
“You look tired. Why don’t we just relax and watch TV? No need to go into anything else right now.”
Frowning, he continues. “I’m sorry for how I acted. When I saw you get out of Lev’s vehicle that day, I could see you two had stepped up your relationship together. You were glowing. Lev was smiling. It had been a long time since I had seen him so happy. I couldn’t stand it. Part of me was angry that he had found you, and that you were dating both him and Lowell. I’d rather they each found someone than have it be the same person.”
Confused, I wait until he looks at me. “Why? I care about each of them a lot, and honestly, I couldn’t choose between them.”
“Because I wanted you, too.”
“I don’t understand.” I knew he wanted me, physically at least, but I don’t understand why he didn’t want me to care for Lev and Lowell.
“It was like Nessa all over again. We each fell for her, and look what happened? Although it was the opposite last time. Nessa fell for Thayer and me first.” Rubbing his hand through his hair, his eyes are distant as he remembers the past. “Regardless, I didn’t want to enter another relationship where my brothers and I were all at risk for getting hurt again. You’re temporary here, in Thayer’s practice, in Montana. I couldn’t see a scenario that wouldn’t end up destroying us again.”
My throat tightens as tears threaten to fall. “Lev’s told me about your relationship with Vanessa. I get it. But I will not give them up. Every day I spend with them, I fall deeper. Hearing you tell me they are happy gives me hope for a future with them. I haven’t had hope in a long time.” I scrub at the tears that run down my face. “For a long time, I didn’t feel like I deserved to have a life. The guilt of being alive ate at me. Many of my friends and colleagues would never have the chance. Why should I? Lev and Lowell gave me back that hope, along with my sense of self-worth.”
Shaw moves to his knees in front of me. Taking my wine, he sets it down on the end table. Picking up my hands, he raises them to his mouth and kisses them. “Don’t cry, Angel, please. That’s just it. I don’t want you to give them up. It was fear for them, for me, and for our lives. I knew I had feelings for you, too, but I didn’t want things to change. The only way I could be around you was to shove those feelings, and you, away.”
Where is he going with all this? Is he now telling me he cares about me?
“The night you had your accident changed things for me. I kept swinging between bone deep relief that you were going to be okay and terror at what could have been. I was glad both Lev and Lowell were gone, because it meant I could take care of you. Hell, I barely slept that first night for fear you would disappear.” Wiping away my tears, he waits for me to say something.
“Are you saying you care for me? Not just physically want me?”
Squaring his jaw, he dips his chin. “Yes. I care about you, Kate. I want to be with you. I want you to feel for me like you feel for Lowell and Lev. I want you to give me a second chance. Or hell, a first chance.”
Staring down at our linked hands, I see my pale fingers intertwined with his tanned, blunt fingers. Before our last fight, I had been developing feelings for him. Did I still see him in my life? Thinking about the night of the accident, I realize when I saw him in the emergency room, I trusted him. I knew he would be there for me and take care of me. Can I trust him with my heart, though? I don’t know.
“You were an asshole.” His mouth turns down at my words. “I was beginning to have feelings for you before the fight. They’re still there, but I won’t engage in a roller coaster with you. This is your only chance, though. Don’t screw it up.”
As the words process, he starts to smile, then laughs.
Bam! Right to the heart. That damn laugh gets me every time.
Leaning forward, he tilts up my chin to give me a hard, long kiss that is every bit of the inferno it had been that day at the barn.
CHAPTER 28
SHAW
Pulling the truck into the garage, I turn off the ignition and think about our discussion last night. Thank the fuck she’s willing to give me, or us, a chance. After the accident, all I could think about was that I could have lost her before I had a chance to know her and be with her. When I saw her mangled vehicle, I wanted to lock her safely in my house forever.
She had spoken to Lowell and Lev this morning to tell them we have a date planned for this weekend. I know they’ll be waiting for me inside. We’re overdue for a conversation anyway, about this and other things. Picking up my duffle, I head inside.
Lev has breakfast waiting on the table. Lowell strides into the room and sits down, without getting anything to eat. Lev holds off, too. My eyes drift to my eggs with longing before I put down my fork.
“I fucked up. I know.” Not a twitch from either of them. “I apologized for being an asshole to her. Now, I’m apologizing to you both. I’m sorry.” Looking each of them in the eye, I let them see my sincerity. “All I could see when I looked at you two with her was this cloud of rage and fear. When she had her accident, things cleared up real fast for me. There are no guarantees. You take the happiness you can get and hope for the best.” Falling silent, I wait for them either to absolve or punch me.
“Don’t fucking do it again,” Lev growls, standing up to get a plate of food. “I mean it. She won’t give you a second chance. If things don’t work out, you will treat her with respect, regardless. Do you hear me?”
Gritting my teeth, I hate the thought of it not working, but he’s right. “I understand and agree.”
Turning my head to Lowell, I observe the icy look in his eyes. It’s been rare for me to get one of his emotionless looks, but when I do, I know it’s because I deserve it. “I care about her.” He knows that single statement tells me how much he cares about her and warns me against hurting her again.
“While she didn’t say it yet, she loves you both. You give her laughter and hope. And so much more.” I can hear the longing in my voice as I give them her words.
Tension eases out of Lev, and he sits back down. “I love her, man.” He looks directly at me. “I love her more than Vanessa. She makes me feel on top of the world when I’m with her.”
Lowell looks serious as he studies my face. “I didn’t love Vanessa like the rest of you, but I cared about her a lot. Kate, though...I could easily fall in love with her.” A small smile plays on his lips.
We sit in silence for a few minutes, thinking about the past and Kate before I bring up the subject of Thayer. “I’ve got men coming tomorrow to build the ramps for the front and back doors. I’ll need your help to move my furniture upstairs so Thayer can have the downstairs bedroom.”
Lev jumps in. “Wait, let’s move my stuff upstairs. Then you can keep the main master.”
Shoveling a few bites into my mouth, I take a few minutes to eat. “OK. I’d like to stay near Thayer anyway, so that works.
One last thing, Thayer’s going to be an issue for Kate. He’s already been rude to her in a call yesterday. If he’s in a wheelchair, he’ll be vulnerable, and that will make him lash out even more. We need to figure out how to handle it. Thayer should be in the hospital for at least another week or two. I want Kate to feel at home when she comes over to see us, but I don’t want Thayer to feel like we abandoned him either.” We all share a look as we silently agree.
CHAPTER 29
KATE
When I pull up to their house, Shaw is waiting for me. It’s our first date, and he’s taking me fly-fishing. I’m very nervous, as I’m not sure I like the idea of fishing or wading into a river. Aren’t there snakes in there? Plus, I’ve never been fishing. What if I suck?
Coming around, he opens the door of my rental car. “I promise I’m not that bad at dating. I’ll even feed you.” He watches my face as he easily catches on to my mood.
Laughing, I slide out into his arms. “It’s not the date, but I’m not sure how I feel about fishing. I’ve never been.”
Shocked, he just stares at me. “Are you serious? You’ve never gone fishing?”
“Nope,” I exclaim loudly popping the “P.” “And I’m nervous. Which is rare for me.”
“Angel, you’re in expert hands. I’ve been fishing since I could walk and hold a pole at the same time. My dad taught me to fish in the same river where I’m taking you today. You’ll do fine.”
Waving my hand, I motion for him to lead on. “I’m all yours.”
Stopping, he pulls me in close for a sweet kiss. “Well, not all mine, but definitely mine for the day.” Sliding my hand into his, he squeezes it. “I’ve got the picnic in the truck, so let’s go.”
Pulling the truck around the house, he pulls off onto a dirt road leading from the back. As he drives, he points out the various buildings and operations that run in each of them. While I’d been to the stables, I hadn’t realized there were so many other buildings out here. Noticing a new building going up, I ask him what he intends to do with that one.
“That’s for Lev to make wine. He wants us to put in a small vineyard up on that hill.” He points out the hill behind the structure, currently covered in lush field grass.
“That’s wonderful! He’s got such an excellent palate that every wine he picks out turns out to be so good. In fact, I’ve drunk most of the wine he left at the apartment. I can’t help myself.”
“You should check out the wine cellar in our basement. He’s proud of his wine stash. I’m not much of a wine drinker, but you’re right, he’s got good taste.”
Shaw pulls up to a wide, flat river. Turning around the truck, he backs in closer to the river so we can get the stuff out of the bed of the truck. The back of the pickup is also in the shade of a huge leafy green tree.
Waiting for him to help me out, I look out at the land surrounding us. We’re in a valley filled with grass and wildflowers. On the edge of the valley is a mountain that must be the source for the stream. As he helps me out of the truck, I hear the sounds of the burbling water. As I look over to the river, it feels like it is rushing out of the mountain to get to the lake sitting placidly below the valley. The air smells like summer and sunshine.
“It’s beautiful.” I look over to Shaw, who is watching me intently. “A perfect piece of serenity.”
Face brightening at my response, he pulls open the tailgate and hands me two poles. “Would you mind carrying these?”
Reaching out, I grab them and watch as he pulls out some rubber pants, a net, and a tackle box. Leaving the picnic basket, cooler, and blanket in the truck, he heads over to a spot on the bank.
“Let’s set everything here.”
Once we’ve got everything laid out, he hands me a pair of the rubber pants. When I hold them up, I notice they have built-in boots. Kind of like someone attached rain boots to the rubber pants.
“Do I take off my shoes?”
“Yes. Take off your shoes. They might be a little big, but use the suspenders to tighten them up.” He slips off his boots and tugs on his pair. Slipping his arms in the straps, he shows me how to tighten them.
Once we’re dressed, he opens the tackle box and shows me which slot holds the “flies.” “They don’t look like real flies. What are they?”
“Essentially, it’s a concoction of materials designed to look like a fly or other type of bug. The fish don’t know the difference until they bite. Once they bite, you reel them in pretty quickly.”
“They look pretty real from here.” My mouth twists, and I scrunch up my nose as I reach down and pick up a small black one. “This one looks like a dead fly. Where do you get them?”
“Some I made when I was younger. Some I’ve bought.”
Shrugging, he walks through the various pieces of the pole, from the reel to the tippet, then shows me how to put the bait on the end. Reaching out, he puts a few more flies into the pockets of both our waders, and we head out towards the water.
Sticking his pole into a rock to hold it, he steps in behind me. He shows me how to hold the pole, then gripping my hips, he moves me into a good standing position. Sliding his hands along my body, he positions my arm up and back to show the starting point. By this point, I can barely pay attention to what he’s saying. The friction between our bodies is setting off little sparks. And he smells so good, like sunshine, man, and an undertone of spice from his cologne. Suddenly, he throws my arm forward and brings his body in tight to mine as he leans over me. Inhaling, I hold my breath until I can regain some focus back.
“OK, those are the basics. We’ll practice the overhead cast a few times, then you’ll be ready to go.”
Swinging my arm up and back, he throws it forward again. Struggling to pay attention, I get the gist of it and nod. My body is tingling as he steps away, taking the heat and smell of spice with him. Standing back, he motions for me to cast.
Shit.
OK, holding the fly line in one hand, I grip the rod, rotate my arm backwards, then fling my arms forward to the ten o’clock position. The fly line flows out into the water as the fly sits on top of it. Gasping, I smile and turn to Shaw.
“I did it! I can’t believe I’m fishing.”
His head tilts back as he laughs. Damn, that laugh gets to me every time, turning his usually serious face into a younger, lighter version.
“OK, I’m moving upriver to cast my line so we don’t get tangled.”
Watching as he uses some weird side arm throw, he casts out the line. “Why did I go overhead, and you cast from the side?” I ask, puzzled.
“Experience. Beginners start with the overhead cast because it’s the easiest.” He talks about the various types of casts. I’m not really paying attention, but I love to hear his passion. Standing there with my feet in the water, listening to the river and him, I can see why he likes it so much. It’s peaceful. And here in the middle of Montana, the world is light years away.
He shows me the spot on the other side of the river where his dad first taught him to fish. We talk about his father and their relationship. His mom died when he was a baby, so it had always been him and his dad. While he had been a good dad, a ranch this large took up a lot of his time, which meant he didn’t have a lot of time to spend with a young boy. Still, he tried to teach him everything he knew, from fishing to ranching.
“When did he pass?”
“He passed about three years ago.” He frowns. “We had a falling out over my choice to join the Army instead of going away to play ball. About ten years passed before we spoke again.”
“I’m guessing he wanted you to play ball? I heard from Sarah you were All-American and had a scholarship to an SEC school. And supposedly, you left a high school sweetheart in the dust?”
A slight blush tinges his cheeks. “This town is way too small.” Pulling at his cap, he runs a hand through his hair before settling it back on his head. “She’s right and wrong. When I went into the Army instead of taking the scholarship, the high scho
ol sweetheart left me in the dust. Seems she was quite taken with having a big shot footballer for a boyfriend, but not an Army grunt.”
Hmm, true love indeed.
“And the scholarship?”
“Football came easy to me, but I never loved it. As I started my senior year, I realized college would be a lot like high school if I kept to the same path.” Rolling his shoulders, his eyes are distant as he looks into the past. “I wanted more. I needed to feel like I was making a difference in the world. The Army felt more like a calling than a career choice to me.”
“I understand completely.” His eyes swing to mine. I tell him about my grandpa, his cancer, and his influence on my decision to be a doctor. “Becoming an oncologist felt like a calling to me. A chance to help people like my grandpa, who had no control over the outcome of this horrific disease and how it affected his life.”
Frowning, he asks, “Did you grow up with your grandpa? What about your parents?”
I explain how my dad was never in the picture, but I didn’t really miss having one because of my grandpa. And because of my mom. My mom was incredible. She was always supportive of my intense focus and dreams, but she was also determined that science would not be my only accomplishment.
“She was always enrolling me in extracurricular classes, like art, gymnastics, computer coding camps, and of course dance. She was determined that I would be more than just the nerd my grandpa wanted me to be.”
“It definitely paid off. Lowell raved about your ability to tango.”
We had been talking non-stop for hours, only pausing when he caught a fish. He finishes his current story about Lev’s first time fishing just in time to pull his sixth fish out of the water. I roll my eyes.
