Nadia lifted her hand off the gash in her skin and gazed at the slit. It was open and raw, weeping blood. She remembered the first time she’d cut herself. It was right after Bobby drowned. They were all at his funeral, dressed in black, mourners at the graveside of a child who never had the chance to live.
The pain at his death was unbelievable.
Soul-crushing.
Devastating.
Her stupid mother wept over his little coffin as if she had a right to be sad. As if she wasn’t the cause of his death. She failed him. She failed both of us.
Nausea overwhelmed Nadia, and she slipped away to the bathroom. Staring into the mirror, she screamed in sudden rage. “Why? Why? Why?”
Next moment her fist crashed into the gleaming glass. Sharp shards rained down, and fresh blood welled from her knuckles. She stared at the crimson drops, perplexed as the pain in her fist provided relief from the mental agony.
Her hand closed over a piece, and she raised it to her skin for the first time. That was the day she became a cutter.
It hadn’t helped, though. The relief was an illusion. The only thing that had worked was time, distance, “…and acceptance.”
“I’ll never be normal.” The words slipped out from between her lips and into the wind of its own volition. “I don’t belong here.”
Clarity cut through the confusion that had clouded her judgment for the longest time. This wasn’t her. It had never been. Neither was the cookie-cutter image she’d adopted to convince people she was ordinary.
“I’m not like them, and I can’t stay here. But I’m still me, still Nadia. That hasn’t changed. I just lost me for a while.”
Maybe she didn’t belong anywhere, but she’d never find out as long as she kept lying to herself and everyone else. Relief flowed through her at the realization, the comfort that comes with acceptance.
With a determined push, Nadia got to her feet. It was time to stop pretending. Time to be who she really was. She brushed stray bits of grass from her clothes and turned back toward the town. “Time to visit Marie. I’ll need a few things for the journey.”
She strode toward the line of shops that held the bulk of the town’s supplies. Each shop carried something different and was managed by a different person. The largest was run by Marie who oversaw the general store. But first, she stopped at the pharmacy.
The doorbell dinged when she entered, and the air was warm after the brisk breeze outside. Her fingers tingled as she made her way to the counter where the pharmacist greeted her with a smile.
“Morning, young lady. How can I help you?”
“I’m looking for a plaster.” Nadia proffered her cut arm with a rueful smile. “I’m so clumsy. I cut myself on the rocks at the beach.”
He peered over his glasses at the smooth line and tut-tutted. “Oh, that looks painful. Here, let me fix it for you. When did you last have a Tetanus shot?”
“Um, never.”
He shook his head. “Well, better safe than sorry.”
Ignoring her protests that she could do it herself, he disinfected and taped up the wound, but only after subjecting her to the painful shot. He handed her a leaf of painkillers.
“Thank you,” Nadia said as she headed back out.
“Keep it dry and clean, and it should heal without problems. If you see any signs of infection, however, you need to come right back.”
“Will do.”
She stepped out into the cool air and made her way to the general shop. It smelled of incense and mint, a product of the incense burner Marie was so fond of and the bowl of sweets she doled out to the kids.
After a warm greeting, Nadia browsed among the racks for what she needed. The store was large, the aisles overflowing with items. One half was dedicated to food and led to more storerooms in the back. This was strictly rationed.
After lengthy deliberation, Nadia chose a bottle of water, a packet of electrolytes, and a handful of protein bars. While the expedition would have food, she liked being prepared. “Are these okay, Marie? Not too much?”
“It’s fine, Nadia. Excited about leaving tomorrow?”
“I guess.”
“I’ll be sad to see you go, though.” Marie’s kind eyes crinkled at the corners.
“I’ll miss you too,” Nadia said, realizing it was the truth.
“Anything else you need while you’re here?”
“Could I have some clothes, please? I’ll send my other things back after washing them tonight.”
“Sure, help yourself, honey.”
There was an unspoken rule among the inhabitants that you only took what was needed, and if you no longer wanted something, you returned it. Other than that, the stores were open to everyone.
“Looking for something specific, hun?” Marie asked after Nadia went through half the available stuff.
“Kind of. I’ll know when I see it,” Nadia replied with a smile.
After several minutes of searching, she emerged with two pairs of sturdy jeans, socks, sports underwear, a couple of tank tops, and a beautiful leather jacket and belt.
She completed the selection with a long screwdriver, a small hatchet, black eyeliner which she found in a bin full of dusty makeup, and a box which caused Marie to raise an eyebrow.
“This color, hun? You’re sure about that?”
“I’m sure, thanks, Marie.” Nadia looked around. “Have you got any earrings? You know like studs and so on.”
“Well, I don’t know, I think so.” Marie rummaged around underneath the counter before coming up with a wrinkled box. “There’s a few costume jewelry things in there. Have a look.”
Nadia picked out a few items before the quizzical gaze of Marie. “That should do it. Thank you so much for everything. I’ll never forget it.”
Marie’s eyes shone with unshed tears. “It’s all right, honey. Now run along before I break down and cry.”
Nadia left and walked back to the house she shared Logan, carrying her latest acquisitions in her arms. Along the way, a huge grin broke out on her face. It felt good to be back. “Time for a change.”
Chapter 9 - Logan
Logan got up early, as he usually did, and had a long hot shower. He lingered under the stream of water, knowing full well it might be the last one he got in a long time. Unlike some of the town residents, he knew what lay outside the walls, and it was not pretty.
After brushing his teeth, he got dressed in what he termed his field clothes. It was a basic combo of jeans, jacket, t-shirt, and boots coupled with a knife and gun that rode on his hips in their holsters.
He tossed the remainder of his belongings into a backpack, pocketed the keys to his Land Rover, and slung his rifle across his back. That concluded his preparations for the trip, and he made his way to the kitchen.
To his surprise, Nadia was already there, which did not happen often. At the sight of her, he froze in his tracks. “Nadia? Is that you?”
She looked up from her steaming cup of coffee and winked. “Yup.”
Her blonde hair had been colored a deep purple-black, and the vivid aquamarine shade of her eyes was shocking against the dark backdrop. They were further enhanced by black eyeliner and mascara.
To top it off, she wore her old biker boots over jeans, a hot pink tank top with a leather jacket, and once more sported an assortment of hardware. Though her face was bare besides a stud in her nose and a ring in her eyebrow, she wore several chunky rings on her fingers, and her usual cross hung on its chain around her neck.
“I can’t believe it.” He plonked his ass down on a chair and took the cup she offered. “You’re back.”
“You bet I am.” She turned her head this way and that. “Do you like it?”
“That depends.”
“On what?”
“No more whining and complaining about people not liking you?”
“No more bitching,” she agreed.
“Is the kiss my ass, take no shit from anybody attitude back?”
“Pretty much,” she said with a wicked grin.
“Then I like.”
“Good. Now eat your food so we can get a move on.” She indicated a plate of sliced ham, the canned variety, over a bed of savory porridge.
“Thanks.” He picked up his fork and dug in. “Have you already eaten?”
“Done and dusted. I just want to get going.”
“I’ll hurry,” he said.
“Just don’t choke and die on me.”
He snorted. “Not likely.”
As he ate, he contemplated her, noting the relaxed ease of her posture. She must have had some epiphany since he’d last seen her outside the meeting, a fact he was glad for. Neurotic, insecure Nadia had not been good for his peace of mind. Still, he was unsure how far the change had gone.
“Have you…” he hesitated.
“Spit it out, Logan.”
“Have you spoken to Donya?”
A flash of pain crossed her features. “I have.”
“And?”
“And she’s right.”
Logan inhaled sharply and choked on a chunk of porridge. He sputtered and wheezed until Nadia jumped up and slapped him on the back. She shoved a glass of water under his nose, and it took a full minute before he regained his composure.
“I told you not to die on me,” she scolded.
“She’s right? Donya’s right? Did I hear that right?”
“Not about everything,” Nadia said. “But she was correct about one thing. I’ve been lying to myself all along, thinking I could pretend to be someone I’m not. I believe she termed it being a wolf in sheep’s clothing.”
“I see. Go on.”
“It’s not right lying to other people either. I am dangerous, and they should know that. It was selfish of me to keep it a secret.”
Logan absorbed this in silence before he nodded. “I’m glad. So long as you stop with the freak and murderer nonsense.”
Nadia took a sip of her coffee before replying. “I’ve thought about it, and while I’m not a hundred percent at peace with what I’ve done, I’ve got to accept it. I’m not a freak, just different. I’m not a murderer either. It was an accident.”
“When did this all happen? It seems a little sudden.”
“Let’s just say an old memory helped me to move on.”
“Can I ask what?”
“I’d rather not. You’ve got your secrets, and I’ve got mine.”
Logan’s heart skipped a beat at her words, old pain reawakening as Morgan’s golden-green eyes flashed in front of his eyes. He managed a half-smile. “Fair enough.”
Logan scooped up the last of his food before washing his dish in the washbasin. As he dried his hands, he turned to her. “Well, I’m glad you’re back. Now let’s kick some ass. Ready?”
“Ready!”
Logan left the apartment that had been their home for a month behind without any feelings of regret. While St. Francis had been kind to them, it was time to move on. Time to go home.
***
The Land Rover was parked in the public lot along with all the other vehicles available in the town, so this was where Logan headed. It was a bright day, though cold, and a stiff breeze blew in off the ocean bringing with it the taste of salt.
Martin was already there, along with Josh and three others. As they neared, Logan recognized the other people with him, and his stomach dropped. While Jed was an excellent addition to the party, a man from the watch and a good fighter, the other two spelled trouble.
Next to Logan, Nadia faltered. He reached out a hand and gripped her elbow. “It’s okay. I’m here.”
“Thanks,” she whispered as Donya and Caleb’s eyes fixed on her, one with loathing, the other with guarded optimism.
The distance between them closed, and Logan halted a few steps away from Martin and the rest. His gaze settled on first Donya then Caleb. Inside, he boiled with glacial rage. “Is this a joke?”
“No joke,” Martin replied. “She asked to accompany us. I couldn’t refuse.”
“Couldn’t refuse?” Logan asked. “With their shared history? You don’t think it odd that she suddenly wants to go with us?”
“She’s assured me she won’t cause any trouble.”
“And you believed her?” Logan barked out a short laugh. “This is ridiculous.”
Caleb’s eyes narrowed at Logan’s words, his gaze jumping from Donya to Nadia and back. “What’s going on?”
Jed nodded, his expression likewise confused. “I’d also like to know.”
Irritated at the interruption, Logan snapped at Caleb. “Not that you’re any better.”
“Excuse me?” Caleb asked, his green eyes narrowing.
“You heard me. I’ve watched you running after Nadia like a puppy dog, and I don’t like it.”
“It’s none of your business. You’re not her father.”
Logan felt his hands clench into fists but controlled himself with an effort. “I’m as good as.”
Nadia tugged on his arm with both hands. “Logan, please. I can handle this.”
He looked into her pleading eyes and sighed. “Fine. Go ahead.”
She gulped and straightened up, facing the group. “If we’re all going to travel together, then you deserve to know the truth.”
“Hear, hear,” Donya said in a mocking tone of voice, but she quieted when Martin shot her a warning look.
“What truth?” Caleb asked.
Nadia drew in a shuddering breath and squared her shoulders. “I’m infected with the virus.”
“What?” Caleb paled while Jed’s eyes narrowed and Josh paled. Only Martin showed no reaction while Donya gloated openly.
“How’s that even possible?” Caleb asked.
“I’m a carrier. Months ago, I got bitten by a zombie. At first, I got sick. I thought I was going to die for sure. It was awful.”
Nadia’s voice was hushed but steady while she spoke, and he’d never felt prouder. He moved up behind her shoulder to lend his silent support.
“But, I didn’t die. Instead, I got better. It was a miracle. Or so I thought at the time. That night, my boyfriend…he…I kissed him you see, and that night he turned. Everyone died. Everyone except Donya and me.”
“Don’t forget Harry. He died later, but might still be alive today if it wasn’t for what happened. Everyone died because of her,” Donya said. She pointed an accusing finger at Nadia. “She killed them.”
“That’s right,” Nadia replied with a lift of her chin. “I killed them, but it wasn’t my fault. I didn’t know, and I would never have hurt them on purpose. You can’t put that on me anymore, Donya. I won’t let you.”
“Won’t let me?” Donya gasped. “Why you―”
Martin stepped up and raised his hand. “That’s enough.”
She glared at him but closed her mouth.
“Does anyone else have anything to say or ask?” Martin asked.
Josh shook his head in denial, though he looked intrigued.
“I do,” Jed said. “So, you’re a carrier but not a zombie. That right?”
Nadia nodded.
“Are you dangerous? To us, I mean?”He motioned to everyone gathered.
“Not if you’re prepared.” Donya laughed at that, but Nadia remained firm. “I’d have to bite or kiss you or get blood in you through a cut or something. As long as you stay away from me, you’ll be safe.”
“Why didn’t you say something before?” Caleb asked.
“I couldn’t,” Nadia admitted. “I didn’t want you all to view me as a monster.”
They all looked at her in silence until Logan said, “Is that it? Can we get down to business now?”
Martin nodded and stepped forward again. “Now that you all know about Nadia, is anyone pulling out? I, personally, don’t think it matters. She’s a strong, capable girl, and I’m happy to have her with us.”
Logan shot Martin an approving look and added, “She’s going nowhere without me, for the record.”
Jed shrugged and shook his head. “It makes no difference to me. She’s welcome to tag along if she carries her weight.”
“Fine by me,” Josh added.
Donya snorted and folded her arms.
Caleb looked at Nadia for a long moment before he said, “This doesn’t change anything.”
Logan fought the urge to roll his eyes. “Great. Now that everyone’s had their say, can we get going? Except her, of course.” He pointed at Donya. “She’s made it clear how she feels about Nadia and will only be a liability.”
“What?” Donya cried. “A liability?”
“He makes a good point. You have a problem with Nadia, that much is clear. There’s no room on this trip for personal vendettas, despite your words to me earlier.” Martin said.
Donya pressed her lips together, “I won’t stay. I need to go.”
“Why?” Logan asked. “Why other than to get your chance at Nadia?”
“Because I have family there, and I’m hoping to find them.” Donya swallowed, and for the first time looked a little vulnerable. “I know it’s a long shot, but I’m willing to take that chance.”
Logan let his disbelief show in a sneer. “You expect us to believe that? How convenient.”
“It’s true.” Nadia surprised them all by speaking up in defense of Donya. “She spoke about her aunt and uncle often enough.”
Donya didn’t reply but nodded in tight-lipped agreement.
Martin looked at her. “Are you willing to set aside your troubles with Nadia for the length of the trip?”
“I am.”
He turned to Nadia. “Your call.”
Logan squeezed her shoulder, silently willing her to say no, but in typical fashion, Nadia nodded after a brief moment of hesitation. “She can come.”
“Then it’s settled,” Martin said. “Now we’ve wasted enough time on this as it is, so let’s get going.”
“On that, at least, we’re agreed,” Logan said. “Nadia’s with me in the Landie. We’ll follow you.”
“We’re going in the double cab truck over there, so I can take four. One will have to go with you guys.”
Caleb opened his mouth, but Logan jumped ahead of him. “Josh, wanna lift?”
Children of the Apocalypse: Mega Boxed Set Page 60
