He marched to his room and found his mobile beside the bed. He had switched it to silent like he did every night before he went to sleep. There were twelve missed messages from Jager at various stages during the night. His best mate had needed him and he had been too busy selfishly creeping around behind Jager’s back with his sister.
Chapter 25
Neve’s mum passed away at three in the morning, five days after her stroke. As Neve left the hospital the morning of Mum’s death, Jager put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer to him as they walked to his car. He kissed her head. A kiss that said, ‘It’s now over.’
She could barely put one foot in front of the other, nor hold herself upright. Each muscle was leaden, aching from the lack of sleep for the past week and momentousness of what happened.
They took shifts in the end, always one of them staying the night so at least someone was there for Mum. There were signs that the end was close, and Neve had time to race to the hospital, in the dark and cold night, and spend the last hours with Mum.
And yes, that part of the story was over, but an entirely new chapter was ahead of them now—a future without their mother in it. It was difficult to look into that future yet.
A mass of grief was sitting beneath her skin. It never let up on reminding her that it wasn’t far away. Each breath was painful like her lungs were on fire. Like her heart was a lump of hot coal sitting in her chest.
The silence on the drive home seemed louder this morning or maybe that was because the world was missing the most important person in Neve’s life. That realisation was enough to send her mind hurtling towards that place she didn’t want to visit.
This was real. Completely and utterly real, and she would never see her mother again. A sob bellowed from her as she observed her world now with its constant black void where her mother should be. Every part of her body ached, her lungs, throat, head, chest. It hurt so much, she could barely draw breath and she had to rest her palm against her searing heart to make sure it was still beating.
She couldn’t stop sobbing, big hiccups, until tears were streaming down her face and her throat was sore. Jager put his hand on her shoulder as he drove, intermittently wiping his own tears away.
Neve made herself and Jager a cup of tea when they arrived home. They drank it at the dining table. Neve could barely remember what they spoke about or if they even spoke at all.
‘I better make phone calls,’ Jager said when his teacup was only half empty and strode into the living room.
Neve didn’t want to call anyone, but she knew she had to. So systematically, she rang her friends—Emily first. When she got off the phone, wet-eyed and trembling, she lowered her face into her hands, trying to gather her breath.
She overheard Jager say Anders’ name, and she lifted her head. Her heart thudded and ears pricked.
‘Hi, Anders, um … yeah, I’m calling to let you know that Mum passed away this morning … Yeah, thanks … it is tough, but we’ll get through it … Neve and I were there with her.’ He cleared his throat. ‘Yeah, it has been difficult … I appreciate that … yes … If you could give your mum and Tony a ring, that would be helpful. Thanks. Bye.’
Neve closed her eyes. Her heart was so fragile, she hadn’t been able to contemplate Anders this past week. She had collected her car from his garage, but she had kept their interaction brief. He had rung her a number of times after that, but she never answered, so he left voice messages to let her know he was thinking about her and that he was here if she wanted to talk or come over for a break.
His words had been everything she had wanted to hear, but she never acknowledged his kind gestures.
And that was the wrong thing to do—hurtful and cruel. He didn’t deserve to be ignored especially at a time like this when he would be so worried about her. She had heard his anxiety in his tight, wavering voice on the messages he left, and it was like a punch to her heart despite everything else that was going on.
But she was frozen, ever since she walked out of his door the morning Jager came to get her and she had glanced back at him. At that moment, witnessing the concern and confusion in his gaze, fear had overwhelmed her. Yes, about Mum, definitely, but also fear that he could be taken from her life too just as easily, and she would not be able to bear it.
The hard casing that Anders had helped her slip from these last couple of months had rebuilt around her, enclosing her solidly within—stronger than ever.
Neve snuck away to have a long, hot shower while Jager finished with his calls. She couldn’t be there listening to him say over and over again that Mum had passed away. It kept making her jolt as though with every recount, she was experiencing afresh the realisation that Mum was gone.
As she stood under the warm stream of water, she wrapped her arms around her middle and stared at the tiles beneath her feet. Despite the heat of the water, she couldn’t shake the cold shuddering through her.
The images she held of her mother’s final moments would never leave her thoughts—the sunken eye sockets, the sagging mouth, the thin, wasted frame. In the end, she didn’t even look like Mum, as though she was already gone and her body needed to realise her.
It was the only time in Neve’s life that she had ever begged her mother not to be so strong. She had laid beside her and told her that she and Jager would be okay and that it was fine if she wanted to slip away.
Despite how difficult it was to see her mother like that, Neve would never take back being with her in those final moments.
By the time she dressed into some warm, clean clothes, Jager was sitting on the lounge in the living room. His eyes were red and glossy from welling tears.
She went to him and threw her arms around him. For a long while, they held each other close, saying nothing, as they both cried.
Chapter 26
Anders set the phone down on the lounge beside him. He had organised a bunch of flowers to be delivered to Neve and Jager’s home. He wanted to visit in person, but he didn’t know which way to turn at the moment. At a time like this when two people he cared so much about had lost their mother, he should be there for them.
His ears still rang from the silent treatment he received all week. Of course he didn’t expect a three-hour long conversation, merely an update as to what was happening.
He could understand Jager’s cold shoulder—he had caught Anders in a huge lie. Anders had said to Jager’s face that he wouldn’t pursue Neve and yet he had. Nothing was more obvious with Neve’s clothes strewn across the living room floor. No lies could cover that up.
But after what he and Neve had confessed to each other, and now she had barely spoken a word to him, he was baffled and wounded. He didn’t know what this silence meant.
If he went to see Neve and Jager, would it cause more hurt for them?
He leant back, his head resting against the couch, and huffed. His heart was heavy for his friends and what they must be going through. Anders hadn’t experienced that level of grief. He’d lost his grandparents a few years apart five or so years ago, and that was really tough, but to lose a mother would be a completely different experience altogether.
He would try one more time with Neve, not a voice message, she didn’t respond to those, but a text, hoping that she might reply.
ANDERS: I’m so sorry about your mum. I understand this is such a difficult time for you, so if you need anything at all or want someone to talk to, I’m here. Thinking of you. Love, Anders. xx
After ten minutes sitting, staring at his phone, willing her to reply, he understood that she wouldn’t.
He dragged himself to his feet and sighed. His prediction had been right that it was over between them. Maybe there was nothing there to start with. Maybe in his lust-fuelled eagerness, he had read far more between them than what was there in reality.
But how does that explain what she said to him, that she was falling for him? Unless she was humouring him.
He shook his head, berating himself for
being such a selfish prick. Her mum died today and here he was worrying about their brief love affair—if that’s what he could even call it.
He shoved his phone in his pocket, grabbed his keys and wallet and headed over to Mum and Tony’s. He had decided what he was going to do about the farm, and he wanted to tell them face-to-face.
Chapter 27
Neve searched for Jager’s car keys and found them on the dining table amidst the funeral plans and empty tea cups. They jangled as she picked them up. Her car was still parked at the hospital; she hadn’t the wherewithal to go back to that place yet.
‘Going somewhere?’ Jager asked, striding into the living room. His eyes were bloodshot, his hair dishevelled. She wondered if she looked in as sorry a shape.
‘Do you mind if I borrow your car for half an hour? I really should go see Anders.’
Jager’s posture stiffened. He shoved his hands into his jeans pockets and cleared his throat. ‘We probably should discuss that elephant.’
‘I’d rather not. What’s done is done.’
‘How long?’ Jager asked.
‘How long, what?’ She knew what he meant, but she was drawing it out for as long as she could get away with.
‘How long have you been sneaking around together?’
She closed her eyes for a moment. ‘I don’t know. Not long. A few weeks. It’s nothing serious.’
‘It looked like it had become serious to me.’
She shook her head.
His brow furrowed. ‘Do you like him, Neve?’
She flinched. ‘It doesn’t matter. It’s over.’
Jager took a step closer. ‘Over?’
‘Yes, but I owe it to him to end things face-to-face.’
He tilted his head back, looking up at the ceiling and rubbed his eyes with his palms. ‘I still can’t believe he lied to me. He looked me fair in the face and lied to me.’
Tears pricked the back of her eyes as she heard the unstated ‘and you lied to me too’.
Jager looked at her again; he was frowning and deep lines creased his forehead. ‘Did he ever have a girlfriend or did he make her up too?’
She winced, then drew in a shaky breath. ‘He made it up—’
‘Bloody hell—’
‘He did it for me because I asked him to keep it secret.’
Hurt flashed in his eyes. Her heart pounded and stomach clenched to know that she had caused it.
‘Why? Why not be upfront with me?’
She shrugged. ‘I was worried you wouldn’t approve. You were fairly forthright with Anders that you didn’t.’ That had always been the excuse. But Jager disapproving of their relationship was the least of her concerns. Quite the opposite.
Deep down, Neve had known she was always going to back out. Time and time again she had proven her seamless ability to self-sabotage in order to keep her heart intact.
The trouble this was causing them all now was inevitable. And right from the start, she knew that. To keep this a secret from Jager was to ensure that his and Anders’ relationship didn’t end too.
But circumstances didn’t go quite to plan.
‘He’s my best friend, Neve, and it all feels so wrong.’
‘Please don’t make a big deal out of this. I can’t take any more guilt-tripping for the moment.’
He shook his head, face apologetic. ‘I don’t mean to make you feel guilty.’
‘Well, it does. Because you needed me and Mum needed me and I was with Anders …’ her voice wavered, tears pricked her eyes.
‘As you said, what’s done is done.’
She nodded, wishing she hadn’t been so weak to get involved with Anders to start with. He deserved more than her. He deserved someone whole-hearted not broken. She wiped at her cheeks then pointed her thumb in the direction of the front door. ‘I better get this over and done with.’
‘You’re breaking up because of me?’ Jager asked.
‘No, Jager, this is for me.’ But in a way, this was her protecting them all. Anders too. If it felt like this now, she could only imagine the pain when they had passed the point of no return. ‘I’ll be back soon.’
Jager sighed. ‘Sure.’
Neve jumped into her brother’s ute and drove to Anders’ house. But when she knocked on his front door, there was no answer. She tried the handle—locked.
‘Damn it!’
She went back to the car and sat in the driver’s seat, gripping the steering wheel, nerves beating in her belly, and waited.
Chapter 28
Anders found his mother in the office, inputting the farm accounts. Her glasses were perched on the end of her nose as she looked from the invoice in her hand to her laptop.
‘Hi, Mum,’ he said from the doorway.
She flinched, then spun to face him, hand on her chest. ‘Oh, Anders, I didn’t hear you come in.’
‘I called out.’
‘I was in my own world.’
‘Tony down in the sheds?’
‘No, he’s in one of the paddocks.’ She frowned. ‘So terribly sad about Mrs Mitchell. I’ve sent Neve and Jager a bunch of flowers. I was wondering if I should take a stew over for them. The last thing they’ll want to be doing is cooking. But I might wait until tomorrow. Give them a day to themselves.’
He frowned. ‘It’s tough.’
‘How are they coping?’
He shook his head. ‘I couldn’t tell you. They’re not currently speaking to me.’
Mum’s face dropped and she sighed. ‘I told you to keep away. Sneaking around like that was only going to cause trouble—’
He put his hand up. ‘Please, Mum, I don’t need to hear it right now.’
She sighed. ‘No, I suppose not.’
‘I’ve actually called in to let you know my decision. About, you know, your proposition.’
She ordered the paperwork quickly and stood. ‘Right. Good. How about I make us a cup of tea?’
‘Sure. Maybe we should get Tony to join us too?’
She shook her head, waved his request away. ‘I’m perfectly capable of relaying it to him later.’
In the kitchen, Mum set about making cups of tea. They sat together at the dining table, a tray of biscuits in the middle of them.
‘So, out with it, what’s your answer?’ Mum said finally.
He frowned because this was the most difficult decision he had ever made. Nerves flickered in his guts and worked up to his chest, tightening his ribcage.
‘Um, Mum, as generous as the offer is—I can’t see a future for me here at the farm.’
His words hung in the air between them for a long moment as loud and as damaging as a swinging axe.
‘Oh,’ Mum said, fiddling with the tablecloth. ‘Right. Yes. Of course.’
A sharp lump sat in his throat. ‘I am so sorry.’
She forced a smile, though it was tight and strained. ‘No need to be. It’s your choice. Not something Tony or I wish to push onto you.’ She continued to straighten creases in the tablecloth that weren’t there.
‘I don’t want to see you sell the place either, though.’
She smiled sadly. ‘Neither do I. But we can’t have it both ways, I guess.’
‘I’m not sure why you’re retiring. You are both still young. I would have thought another five years at least before you considered it.’
She frowned; her bottom lip was trembling. His heart throbbed. When she looked at him, her eyes were watery. ‘Timing isn’t really important. If you don’t want the farm, it doesn’t matter if we retire now or in ten years.’
He reached over the table and rested his hand on top of hers. ‘I’m sorry, Mum. But it’s not my dream.’
She blinked quickly and nodded. ‘That’s why we gave you the option. It would have been nice to hand the farm over to family.’ She laid her free palm over her heart. ‘I would have been really proud ...’ Her voice cracked and tears rolled down her cheeks. ‘But I was also prepared not to if need be. It’s fine.’
&nbs
p; Anders slumped back in his chair and sighed. He was finding it hard to breathe.
For days and days, this proposition had been at the forefront of his mind, but it was all tangled up and obscured by sympathy and concern for Neve and Jager.
When Jager had rung him this morning to tell him his mother had passed, the answer Anders had been wavering on was suddenly clear: he had to follow his own path.
But if this was the right decision, why did it now feel so wrong?
‘I’m sorry,’ he said again, not knowing what else he could do to make this better. But there was nothing else he could possibly do; he had broken his mother’s heart.
Anders drove home in a daze. For the past few weeks, with all his lying to his mates, and then the fight with his teammate, he was already scared he was a broken excuse for a man.
But nothing catalysed dread in his veins more than what he had just done. He had looked his mum in the eye and told her he wasn’t going to run the farm, cementing the knowledge that he was completely selfish.
He was going to stand by and watch Mum and Tony sell the dairy, which had been in the family for two generations, to some unsympathetic investor, all because he wanted to keep pursuing his own career.
He slammed his palm against the steering wheel and yelled, his harsh, angry growl filling all the space of his silent car. That decision could never be taken back, not completely; it would always hang there as a signal to his parents that their son was a selfish prick.
He turned up the radio, blasting it, so he could drown out his own mind.
When he arrived at his house, Jager’s ute was parked in his driveway. His stomach lurched. He had no idea what awaited him—a mate who wanted to talk and needed support or a distraught man who wanted a fight.
He parked in beside the ute and climbed out, preparing himself for both outcomes, though feeling like he couldn’t handle either right now.
When Neve climbed out, his shoulders relaxed. Her blue eyes met his, and he took the first full and deep breath since she had walked away from him that cold morning.
Meet Me in the Middle (Wattle Valley, #2) Page 18
