"Have a seat," Hunter said, motioning to their bed. They took the chair at the vanity table.
Emma eased herself down on the bed, wincing. In a matter of two hours, Donovan had had sex with her more times than she could count. The first time he penetrated her was painful enough, but it seemed he couldn't get enough, and every time she thought maybe it was over, he climbed on her all over again, Blue acting as a kind of facilitator. As the strange threesome experience unfolded, Emma had felt excited, frightened, ashamed, and sometimes almost distant from herself. It wasn't until Blue and Donovan fell asleep that she'd heaved her body out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom, sticky and sore, to take a shower.
Blue had awakened while Emma was putting on her clothes. She’d stretched, her thigh trapped under Donovan's naked hips while he lay softly snoring.
"You're leaving?" She'd asked.
"I have some things I need to do," Emma told her. In the elevator her body started to tremble. Stepping out of the building, the misery threatened to engulf her as she read more texts from Cat, Nisha, and Cassandra, their anger growing over her silence.
Emma had called Hunter.
"Come over," they'd said, reading the distress in her tone. Hunter required no more information from her, and Emma loved them for that.
Now, as they sat across from each other, Hunter asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"
Emma shook her head no.
"Okay."
They sat in silence for some minutes until there was a knock on the door.
"Come in," Hunter said.
Joanne opened the door a crack and then wider. She was holding two mugs of tea, and Emma could smell the minty steam. Joanne came in, handing each of them the tea, and then paused as if she were searching for the right words. There was a look of tension on her face that Emma couldn't place.
"It's okay, Mom," Hunter said, seemingly reading her thoughts. "It's not a Wren-Poppy situation."
"Hunter," Joanne said.
"I promise."
Emma sat up a little straighter. "I'm okay," she added. "I just had a hard day, that's all."
Joanne hesitated, then said, "Things have a way of working themselves out. When we're young, it seems like whatever hard time we're experiencing will last forever, but it doesn't. I want you to remember that."
Emma nodded and blew at the steam rising from her mug.
"Thanks, Mom," Hunter said.
"Okay," Joanne said, taking a step back. She paused again, opened her mouth as if she were going to say something more, shook her head and gave Emma a little smile, then left the room, closing the door quietly behind her.
"She's amazing," Hunter said.
Emma stared at her friend. Hunter's compliment of their mother and Joane’s respectful attitude toward the two of them was like a soothing balm for Emma in a world that felt like it was spinning further and further out of control.
She took a small sip of tea. "How did your moms come up with the name Hunter?"
Hunter grinned.
"I was born on a hunt."
"Really?"
"Henry hunts. I was born on Douglas Island in Alaska. We lived in Juneau, which is a hop, skip, and a jump away from the island. Joanne and Henry rented a cabin for a week toward the end of her seventh month of pregnancy. Joanne said she was going a bit stir crazy, and Henry suggested they have a change of scenery. The second to last day of their stay, Joanne went with Henry on a day hunt."
"While she was so far along in her pregnancy? Why?" Emma was astonished over the tale, her own concerns forgotten for a moment.
"Well…" Hunter shrugged. "They were in love. Joanne was in good shape and didn't think I was anywhere near to being born. The contractions hit her when they were several miles away from the cabin, and she said she barely had time to process what was happening before I was already making my way out. Henry delivered me. It was sudden."
"And scary," Emma said with a shudder.
"Yeah, that too. But they never use that adjective. Mostly, they just say it was a beautiful and amazing experience."
"But that would have made you a preemie."
"I was five pounds."
They sipped their tea in comfortable silence.
"I kind of fucked up," Emma said.
Hunter held her gaze, and she told them about what she'd done, blabbing about the ugly club to Blue and her friends, and the posts to Instagram.
Hunter listened without interrupting.
"I don't know why I did that," Emma said. "I guess I was kind of tipsy."
Hunter entwined their fingers and rested their elbows on their knees, chin propped on their hands.
"It was a violation of trust," they said.
Emma nodded. Her bottom lip trembled. She bit down on it to make it stop. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like I've been out of control lately."
"You've been spending a lot of time with Blue," Hunter said. "Blue's nice, but she's kind of alone."
"Alone?" Emma echoed.
"Yeah. Her parents left her in the care of her sister, and her sister is a prostitute whose priority is her clients. I’m not against prostitution—sex workers have their reasons, and I think the profession should be legalized and regulated—but it's not a world that a kid should live in. It's kind of forced Blue to grow up fast."
Emma felt tears fill her eyes. "Yeah," she whispered. "We've been… hooking up, and I really like her, but…."
Hunter remained still and quiet.
"Something happened today," Emma said at the back of her throat, and Hunter moved their chair closer. The rest of the afternoon events came pouring out of her, and when she finished, Hunter said,
"Is it okay if I sit next to you?"
She nodded. They got up and sat down on the bed, taking Emma's hand.
"What happened earlier," Hunter said, "That was rape."
"No. Because I fully took part."
Hunter squeezed her hand. "Listen to me."
She gasped back her breath.
"It was rape," Hunter said quietly. "Donovan had no business having sex with you. You're fourteen. Donovan is what—twenty-one, twenty-two? The reason it didn't feel right, the reason it wasn't okay for you, is that it was a violation." Hunter sighed and rubbed at their face. "I never liked that he was going out with Wren, but their relationship developed at a slower pace. Still, I told Wren that I thought it wasn't the best decision on her part." Hunter's brow furrowed with anger. "I tried to rationalize it by putting a scientific spin on the whole thing, you know. I told myself, she's in love. It's hard for her to think straight." Hunter's mouth twisted with the pain of thinking of Wren. "She was so happy. I wonder if it was him, Donovan, who got her down."
Emma shuddered.
"Are you cold?" Hunter asked, and got up to get a sweater from their dresser. Emma put it on.
Hunter leaned against their vanity table, thinking. "I wonder how many other young girls he's been with. When I saw him dating Sam, I thought, maybe Wren was just a one off… like, maybe he actually loved her. But now he's with Blue and you."
"You won't tell, will you?" Emma asked, suddenly alarmed. The idea of going to the police was mortifying.
Hunter shook their head. "No. It's not for me to do that. But Emma, stay away from him."
"I will," Emma said, and drew her knees to her chest, peering up at Hunter. "There's something else about me," she said, shocked at herself that she was actually going to confess her darkest secret. "I think I might have a problem with porn."
"Porn?" Hunter cocked their head.
Emma covered her face with her hands. It was hard to take a breath. When Hunter said nothing, she lowered her hands.
They were staring at her, eyes soft. "You're not alone," they said.
"Why? Do you look at it?"
"Yeah, I used to. Unfortunately, we're all exposed to it at younger and younger ages. I think I was ten the first time I saw pornography. I was at a friend's who had unlimited access to his phone and no sup
ervision."
"I was twelve," Emma said.
Hunter nodded.
"I've read articles on how it's become an enormous problem for teens, and even young kids."
"You geek out on everything, don't you?" Emma said.
"Guilty." Hunter made a face. "It's not just the porn. It's all the predators online. I remember Wren showing me some solicitations she used to get. She said it was constant."
"I've been getting a ton of solicitations," Emma said. "It's gross."
Hunter took a seat back on the bed. "But back to your issue. If you feel like it’s really out of control, you can get counselling or join a support group.”
Emma took a deep breath.
Hunter smiled. "Want to stay for dinner?"
"Yeah. I'd like that." Emma pulled her phone from her pocket. "Let me ask my mom."
There were more messages from Cat. This time, she seemed worried. Emma felt a knot form in her throat. She needed to make things good with her girls. There was also a message from Blue.
Hey, our little love fest was fun. God I love dick. Donno was thirsty for ur ass. What r u doing tomorrow? Wanna come by? She'd signed off with red kissy lips. Emma's stomach churned.
Chapter 28
"Emma," Brenda said, looking her up and down. "It's good to see you. It's been a while." She stepped out of the way so Emma could come in, closing the front door behind her.
Cat's younger siblings, Carrie and Swen, were in the living room, each reading a paperback novel. Their grandma Tess was in her rocker, back hunched, as she sewed a tiny patchwork quilt.
"Hi, Emma," Carrie called out.
"Hi." Emma gave a small wave. Swen glanced at her and smiled briefly.
"That's a small blanket," Emma said to Tess.
Tess didn't respond.
"It's for the cats," Brenda said, adding, "Her hearing's going."
She gave Emma another brief smile, the sort of look you give people you don't know very well. It had been a while since Emma was at Cat's. Two weeks. An eternity in the scheme of things, considering that Emma often visited several days a week and usually spent a night or two, ever since they were in first grade.
"You've grown," Brenda said, leading Emma down the hall.
"Yeah. It just kind of happened all at once," Emma said. "At my last physical, my pediatrician said I'd grown five inches in, like, five or six months."
"Ouch," Brenda said.
"I know. Sometimes I get these terrible cramps in my legs at night."
"How tall are you now?"
"Five-seven."
"Wow! Your mom's not that tall, though, or your dad."
"My mom's brother and sister are, and so was my grandpa, so I guess I got their genetics."
"Yeah, I guess so. Amazing how kids change. You used to be the shortest of the bunch, but now you're the tallest. You look good, Emma." Brenda paused at Cat's door and lowered her voice. "Um, I know you girls have been on the outs, but I hope you're able to mend it—whatever's come between you."
"Thanks, Brenda," Emma said, her heart starting up.
Brenda went back into the living room, and Emma took a moment to catch her breath, her palms sweating.
It had been five days since that afternoon at Blue's. Even though she'd tried to fix things with Cat, Nisha, and Cassandra, every text and phone conversation had devolved into each of them chewing her out and then stonewalling her. Last night, she'd reached out to Cat, who texted back two words:
Come over
It was a glimmer of hope.
Emma knocked on the door.
"I'm packing," Cat called out.
Emma opened the door. Cat sat on the floor with an open suitcase and clothes all around her. Cassandra and Nisha were lounging on her bed, each holding and petting a cat.
Their faces took on a flat expression when they saw Emma, and Cat said,
"Oh. I thought you were my mom coming to harass me about packing." She sighed and blew a strand of hair off her forehead. Emma felt a wave of nostalgia and homesickness at seeing her friends and being in Cat's comfy, smelly room.
"When do you leave?" Emma asked, making no motion to move away from the door.
"That just goes to show how fucking removed you are from us, bitch," Nisha snapped. "Cat leaves the day after tomorrow, and you of all people should know that."
Emma blanched. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm so sorry."
Emma's apologetic attitude mollified Nisha, and a small wrinkle appeared between her brows, a hint of concern countering the hostility radiating out of her dark brown eyes.
Cat sighed. "Are you just going to stand there, or what?"
Emma took a few more steps into the room and sank down to a cross-legged position on Cat's carpeted floor.
"You look good," Cassandra conceded.
"Of course she looks good," Nisha said. "We've already established that. It's why Em completely dissed us. You think you're too good for us now that you're so tall and pretty." The bitterness in Nisha's voice was so sharp it made Emma wince.
"I don't think that at all," Emma said.
"Oh, so that was you showing us some love by telling Blue and her squad all our private business, so they could post it all over the gram."
"I didn't mean it to be like that. They thought it was sweet, us calling them Pretty Little Devils. They were just having fun. The posts weren't meant to be mean."
Cassandra tossed her hair over her shoulder. "I'm trying to build an image with my music, and I know I'm not a," she did air quotes, "classic beauty, but the last thing I want to advertise to the world is that I was part of some lame little Ugly Girls' Club."
Cat and Nisha stared at her. Cat looked hurt.
"What?" Cassandra said. "You both feel the same way. We agreed, and I think we can all agree now that we've outgrown it, you know, and we don't need to tell people about it."
"But you told Sam," Emma said.
Cassandra colored. "That's different. She's my sister. I didn't think she'd get all stupid and catty about it."
"No offense," Cat said to Cassandra, "but you only have to know Sam for, like, two minutes to know that's exactly what she'd do. It's like she loves making you look like a loser."
Cassandra picked at a loose thread on the cuff of her shirt. "She wasn't always like that," she mumbled.
Nisha rolled her eyes and focused back on Emma. "What's going on with you and Blue, anyway? She’s always posting pics of you two together."
"We're just hanging out," Emma said quietly, hunching her shoulders. Donovan's face came to mind, the memory of his eyes rolling back in his head as he rammed into her repeatedly. Her mouth suddenly went dry, and she felt she might not recover if she lost her friends. Her real friends.
"I love you guys," she whispered, trying to blink back tears. "It was wrong of me to bring up our club to Blue and them and…" she waited a moment, trying to catch her breath. "I just want us to go back to how we were. I can't help how I've changed physically." But Cat was already putting her arms around her.
"We'll always be friends," she said, "no matter how we look. And I think it's been super bitchy of us to give you a hard time for being pretty." Cat took a breath and drew apart from Emma, smiling at her. "You should enjoy your hotness. I mean, you lucked out and hit the genetic jackpot."
"I don't want our friendship defined by our looks," Emma said. "I think we're better than that." She glanced at Nisha, who looked sheepish. Cassandra still picked at the string on her shirt.
"Can I give you guys a hug?" Emma asked them.
Nisha started to roll her eyes and stopped. Instead, she met Emma's gaze, and for a moment, Emma saw her vulnerability. Hurt radiated out of Nisha along with something else. Disappointment?
"Yeah, bitch," she said finally. "Get over here. If I'm honest, I'm just major jello. You feel me?"
Emma got up to hug Nisha and then Cassandra, who said, "Me, too. In fact, my mom keeps talking about wanting to talk to your mom about the diet she put you on to
lose the weight." She spoke down at her lap.
"I don't know if it was the diet, exactly," Emma said. "I think it was just me growing. It kind of stretched my body?" She cocked her head, thinking about it.
Cat started laughing.
"What?" Emma said.
"I was just imagining you stretching like taffy, all your fat elongating." She opened her arms wide, and a giggle bubbled up out of Emma. Moments later, they were all laughing. They laughed for a minute straight, and then Cat said,
"God, I'm going to miss you guys."
"If you're expecting me to feel sorry for you because you're going to Europe, you're talking to the wrong girl," Nisha said.
Cat grinned. "I know. Obnoxious."
"Which country are you going to?" Emma asked.
"My mom wants to split the vacation between Cannes and Barcelona."
Nisha opened her mouth and tipped her head back, pointing her index finger toward her throat.
"I think I might go to Nashville," Cassandra said.
"Really?!!" Cat shrieked. "You're such a bully, Cassandra!"
Cassandra beamed, and Emma’s phone pinged.
She glanced down at the message. It was Blue.
Hey. Donovan says he has your ID
"What's up?" Cat asked, reading Emma's change of mood.
She shook her head. "Nothing. It's just Blue. Donovan had a fake ID made for me, and Blue was just letting me know it's ready."
"Donovan?" Cat tilted her head.
Emma swallowed, feeling feverishly warm. "Yeah."
Cassandra and Nisha stared at her.
"Yo, are you hanging out with that dumbass?" Nisha asked.
"No," Emma said. "He's more friends with Blue and her friends, and he came by the other day and offered to get me an ID so I could go out with them." As she talked, her voice grew softer.
"Hmm." Nisha made a face. "He's a pedo if I ever saw one. I bet he's boning one of those girls, if not more than one."
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