by Gemma Weir
“She what?”
“She… I just couldn’t be everything to her, I needed to breathe, to live, to be.”
“So you left,” I scoff.
“Look, you don’t know the details, you don’t know how it was.”
“I know you left a kid broken, that she thinks she ruined your life, that she thinks she’s toxic and poisonous to those around her,” I’m shouting; but speaking to her sister has made me unreasonably angry. Teddy was only a kid when our dad died, but there’s no way any of us would have just left him. How could she have left Alice? Tiny, sweet, innocent Alice.
“I’m not her mom,” Serenity says brokenly.
“No, you were her sister, and you left her and you never looked back.” Not bothering to give her chance to reply, I end the call, shove my cell into my pocket and try to calm down. I can’t go back into the store and face Alice like this, she’ll think the worst and I won’t do that to her. Inhaling slowly, I force my hands out of the fists they’ve been forming and stretch them straight out, shaking my arms as I try to relax.
It doesn’t matter that Serenity is a bitch who doesn’t give a shit about her sister, I’m taking care of Alice now, that’s my job and I won’t run from it, I’ll embrace it, because she’s my life now and I’ll do whatever it takes to make her happy.
17
Alice
“Oh, you could totally wear this, or this,” Cora says, holding clothes up against me, her head tipped to the side as she assesses me. “How do you feel about dresses? We have some gorgeous new stock that came in today.”
“I don’t wear them too often, but I’m not against them,” I say distractedly as my eyes move yet again to Granger. Just like he said he would, he’s standing with his back to the window of the store, his cell to his ear, but his body is tense, his free hand clenched into a tight fist where it hangs at his side.
“I’ll go grab some so you can have a look,” Cora says, but I’m barely listening, all of my attention is on him. Is it pathetic that when he said he was going outside, I wanted to beg him not to leave me? I know it is, but whenever I try to put some emotional distance between us, he knocks down all my walls and pulls me closer, like he’s deliberately encouraging all of my issues to dissolve into him.
If I could help myself around him, I would, but I think I’m almost as addicted to him as he’s obsessed with me. Six times he’s told me he loves me, and every time it gets more and more amazing to hear. I don’t know if what he feels is real, it’s far too quick, but even if he’s lying, I don’t care. I want to take a bath in the lie if it feels as good as it feels when he says those three little words to me.
I watch as he angrily shoves his cell into his pocket and slowly uncurls his fists, stretching all his fingers out as if he’s actually having to stop himself from clenching them again. I can hear Cora’s heels clipping across the floor but I don’t look away from him. I’m not sure I could if I wanted to.
“It’s impossible not to stare at them, isn’t it?” Cora says from directly behind me.
Startled at how close she is, I spin around and face her, dragging my eyes from Granger and hating it. “What?”
“They have this pull, all of them do, but when you become the object of their desire it’s like you’re physically connected to them, and no matter how much you fight they just keep reeling you in.” Her voice is wistful, but she’s smiling.
“Is that how it was for you?”
“Honestly, at the start I never really fought it. I tried to pretend I could keep it casual, just use him for his dick, but he wasn’t having any of it and I never stood a chance. I only ever fought when I thought he’d given me no choice.” Her hands rub over her pregnant belly. “This wasn’t planned and for a little while I really thought I hated him. I didn’t of course. I haven’t forgotten how he manipulated me, but somehow, the way he loves me overshadowed the lies. These men they consume you with their love, and I doubt there’s a soul alive who could truly walk away from them once they’ve decided you’re theirs.”
I feel my lips part on a silent exhale, because her words feel so incredibly true.
“Could you leave him? Now you know how it feels to be loved by him, could you walk away and never feel that again?” Her focus isn’t on me now, as she looks over her shoulder at where Huck is casually leaning against the counter, his cell phone in his hands, his fingers moving across the screen.
“I thought I could,” I whisper.
Turning back to me, she smiles. “It’s easier to accept their love than it is to try and run from it. Granger’s a good guy, quiet, but he has this steady strength to him, that some of the others don’t have. I don’t know you that well yet, but I promise he’ll look after you, if you let him.”
“I just need to figure out if I can risk letting him,” I say so quietly I’m not sure she even heard me.
Her laugh is soft and sweet. “I don’t think he’s going to give you a choice.”
His arms wrap around me before I have a chance to reply, his lips finding my neck as he buries his face against my skin. “I missed you.”
“It’s only been a couple of minutes,” I smile, my chest feeling a little lighter with him wrapped around me.
“Exactly, forever,” he groans. “Let’s shop so we can go home.”
“We can go now if you want.”
“Nope. We’re shopping.”
Then Granger takes over, encouraging Cora as she brings out dresses, skirts, pants, jeans and shirts, hustling me into the changing room and forcing me to try on outfit after outfit, all of which somehow make me feel more beautiful than the last. Or maybe it’s just the way Granger looks at me when I show him.
An hour later, I’m exhausted and somehow, I have enough new clothes to fill one of those closets from MTV cribs. “I can pay for my own clothes,” I say again, as Granger snatches my credit card from my fingers and pushes it into his pocket, handing his own to Cora in its place.
“Alice, just let him pay, you won’t win,” Cora laughs, taking his card and running it through the machine.
“Granger, it’s nearly a thousand dollars’ worth of clothes,” I argue.
“So?”
“So that’s a lot of money.”
“I have money.”
“So do I,” I argue again.
“Huck, can you put these in the trunk while this pair hash this out?” Cora says, handing off arm loads of bags to her fiancé who scowls at her.
“I thought I told you not to get lifting stuff,” he scolds.
“It’s a bag with clothes in, sweetie, it’s not like I’m lifting ten ton bags of gravel or something.” Cora rolls her eyes, then smiles when Huck is no longer looking.
“I’m paying you back, I don’t want you to spend your money on me,” I tell Granger, crossing my arms over my chest and glaring at him.
Backing me against the counter, he curls one arm around my back and grabs my ass with the other. “Do I need to spank some sense into this ass again already, honey?”
“You can’t threaten to spank me, I’m not talking bad about myself. I just don’t want you to spend this much money on me when I can more than afford to pay for them myself. I work a lot and live a cheap lifestyle, I can afford to buy myself clothes, I just never had any need for anything beyond work clothes and sweats.”
“I can spank this ass whenever the fuck I want to,” he chuckles lowly. “I can also spoil my woman whenever I want to, so just say thank you, kiss me and stop arguing.”
Shaking my head, I push up onto my toes and press my lips to his. “Thank you,” I say grudgingly.
“That’s better. Now come on, lets go home and chill for a couple of hours.”
Taking my hand, Granger leads me out of the store and into the car, practically lifting me into the passenger seat despite my protests about Huck being more comfortable up front.
“Huck’s gonna want to be wherever Cora is, that fucker’s already trying to get her pregnant again, before his b
aby’s even born.”
Granger and Huck insist on carrying all of my new clothes straight through to Granger’s bedroom when we get back to the house, refusing to allow either me or Cora to help. Grabbing my arm, Cora tows me into the kitchen, takes two wine glasses from the cupboard and pours wine into mine and juice into her own. Lifting the wine bottle to her nose, she inhales deeply. “God I miss wine, and I wasn’t even much of a wine drinker before I got pregnant.”
“How far along are you?”
“Six and a half months, but it feels like I’ve been pregnant for a year already,” she says, rubbing at her stomach absentmindedly.
“Do you know what you’re having?”
“Yes,” she whispers. “But don’t tell Huck I know, we agreed we wouldn’t find out.”
A giggle bursts from my lips and I almost slap my hand across my mouth to hide my reaction. Cora is kind of adorable, nothing like the girls I knew in high school. So far, both her and Bonnie have been nothing but nice to me, and neither seem to hate me yet.
“You’re not on the oral pill, are you?” she asks randomly.
“Err, no, I have the implant.”
“Oh good, I was just going to warn you not to let Granger anywhere near it,” she laughs, waving her hand. “I could do your hair for tonight if you want?”
“It’s okay, I’m sure you have plans.”
“I really don’t, Huck’s being an over protective pain in the ass, he won’t let me and Bonnie go to the bar without him and Beau, and I’ve been banned from axe throwing since I threatened to cut Huck’s dick off the last time we were there.”
“Axe throwing?”
“There’s a place not far from here, it’s a bar but in the back room there’s axe throwing booths, with like targets and stuff to aim for. The boys all love it, what with Beau, Teddy and Huck being lumberjacks. The last time we all went, Huck pissed me off being all insane and territorial even though I’m obviously pregnant, wearing his engagement ring and I was sitting on his freaking lap. Well when it was my turn, he said something to piss me off and I kinda pressed an axe to his junk and warned him to stop being an asshole. The manager said I can’t go back till after I have the baby.”
I try really hard to stifle my laughter, but Cora just looks so proud and amused that I can’t help myself, and a moment later I’m outright laughing. Cora joins in and when the guys come back into the living room, my stomach hurts and there’s tears in my eyes from laughing so hard.
“Peaches, stop fucking laughing, you’ll end up shaking the baby out,” Huck says, cradling Cora to him and wrapping his hands possessively around her swollen belly.
“See,” Cora says imploringly. “Let me help you get ready so I can get away from his insanity,” she pleads.
“If you really don’t mind.” I’m reluctant to accept her offer, but she just seems so genuinely nice. Maybe it’s time to put myself out there again and try with people, it’s been years since I have, except with Granger and he is, well, Granger’s just everything.
“Yay,” she claps. “Then tomorrow, you, me and Bonnie are going out for dinner. I want to get to know my new sister better.”
“No,” both Granger and Huck say in unison.
Spinning, I look at Granger in shock, expecting an explanation, but his dark brows are furrowed, his expression dark and unhappy.
“We don’t—” I start.
“Yes, we do,” Cora interrupts me. “We’re three grown ass women going out for dinner, we’re not going to a party, or a club or an orgy.”
“Cora,” I hiss, when Granger’s expression gets angrier and angrier.
“You’re pregnant,” Huck snarls.
“And why’s that?” Cora snaps, poking her finger into Huck’s chest accusingly.
Granger slides his arm around my waist and lifts me from the stool I’m sitting on, grabbing my wine glass with his free hand while he half leads, half carries me back to his bedroom.
“I don’t have to go out with Cora, it was her idea,” I say quickly the moment he closes the door behind us.
I expect him to look relieved, but instead his brow furrows even further until there’s a deep line between his eyes. “I’m being an asshole.”
“No you’re not. This is your family.”
Conflicted eyes snap to mine and he closes the distance between us until I have to tip my head back to look at his face. “I don’t want to share you with them.”
“I don’t understand?” I tell him.
“You’re mine and right now I have you all to myself. If you go out and bond with my sisters, I’ll have to share you and I want to be a selfish fucker and keep you all to myself.”
Staring up at him blankly, I try to make sense of what he’s saying, but it doesn’t make sense, he wants me to get to know his family, he wants me to like them, for them to like me, that’s what he said, so what’s changed?
“The moment they get to know you, they’ll adopt you. I want you to want me, to need me for everything and the moment you have them, you won’t need me as much.” His words feel like the confession they are, falling heavy and loud in the quiet room.
“You’re worried because you think they’ll want to be friends with me?” I ask slowly. “I thought that was what you wanted.”
“It is what I want. Fuck, I want you to have good friends, good sisters. But I want you to need me more.”
“I—"
“Fuck,” he hisses, lifting me off the floor and carrying me to the bed, laying me down and immediately climbing on top of me, parting my legs so he can settle his huge body between them. “I know you’re not as far into this as I am. I know this is harder for you, because it’s more difficult for you to trust that I feel the way I feel. But I need you to need me.”
“I do.”
“Not just for sex, not just because you think I’m the only person who doesn’t hate you. I want you to need me for air, for every breath. I want you to need me to be happy, to be fulfilled.”
“Granger.”
“I know I sound fucking crazy, I feel fucking crazy, but I’m obsessed with you. You’re mine, I love you and I don’t want to lose even a little bit of you to them.”
His lips are on mine before I can even formulate a response. What do you say to that anyway? A normal person would probably freak out, but I’m not normal. I love the way he wants me. I love that, for once, someone else seems almost as crazy as I feel most days. Instead of pushing me away, his declaration makes me want to curl up in his strong arms and live there forever.
Maybe we are meant for one another, maybe my crazy calls to his crazy.
His tongue pushes its way into my mouth and he deepens the kiss, his fingers tangling with my hair as he keeps me in place. When he pulls his lips from our kiss, he doesn’t lock his eyes with mine, instead he buries his face in my neck and inhales me, his large body resting on top of mine.
“I like your crazy,” I whisper, running my fingers through his dark hair.
“I like your crazy too.”
Rolling to the side, he gathers me in his arms and pulls me so my head is resting on his shoulder, my body facing his. We don’t say anything as he holds me close, pressing kisses to the top of my head every now and then.
“If you don’t want me to go, I won’t.”
“I want to want you to go.”
I laugh, I can’t help it.
“I take you, I pick you up. No bars, just dinner and promise me, you won’t like them more than me,” he snarls, his tone counteracting his childish words.
“I promise,” I giggle.
“Don’t laugh at me, woman.” His fingers find my sides and he starts to tickle me.
“No, stop, I’m not laughing,” I laugh, squirming and wiggling in his arms.
“How long do you need to get ready?”
“I haven’t been on a date in years. I’d say about thirty minutes, but I have the feeling Cora’s going to say I need significantly longer than that,” I sigh.
; “Let’s soak in the tub for a while, then I’ll get out the way so Cora can invade. I want to pick what you wear though.”
I nod, and he kisses me quickly, then rolls out of bed and heads to the bathroom, and the water starts a few minutes later.
What feels like hours later, my butt is numb and my hair is full of bouncy curls that seem to float around my shoulders like I’ve just walked out of a shampoo commercial. After our bath, Granger picked out a cute, long-sleeved red dress that clings to the waist then flares into a skater skirt that swishes mid-thigh. When Cora saw the dress, she gave me a pair of black pantyhose and a black fitted leather jacket, then proceeded to dry, then curl my hair, and now she’s putting the finishing touches to my makeup, that I’m not sure I actually remember asking her to do.
Cora truly is a force of nature, but I can’t help liking her. When Granger said she’d adopt me, he wasn’t lying and since she marched into the bedroom, she’s treated me like we’re the best of friends, including me in all future plans that apparently I’m obligated to attend.
As much as I’ve tried to be stoic and revert back to my monocyclic one word answers, Cora has just refused to allow it, asking question after question until we were chatting like I haven’t done with a girl since before my sister left.
Sweeping a fluffy brush over my cheek, she takes a step back, looking down at me where I’m perched on the edge of the bed and smiles. “You look beautiful. You don’t need the makeup, but it makes your eyes look huge, like a gorgeous Disney princess.”
Standing cautiously, I make my way into the bathroom, which is where the only mirror is in Granger’s room, and assess my reflection. The dress is a lovely deep red that somehow makes my blonde hair look even blonder. The makeup is light, but Cora’s right, my eyes do look huge and yet I don’t feel made-up, more like a polished version of myself.
“I have black heeled pumps you can borrow, but I’m gonna guess you’re not much of a heel girl, so wear the flat black over the knee boots you got today, they’ll go great with the dress.”
