I wonder what it would be like to fall in love and marry. Lesley insists that she doesn’t want to get married until she’s out of college, but I do. I want a romance just like John and Jackie Kennedy’s. I don’t know anyone I’d want to marry yet. Not even Scott. I asked Mom how she knew Dad was the right man for her and she got a goofy look on her face and said she just knew. That didn’t tell me anything. It was the same way last year when my periods started. Mom hardly explained anything. She seemed embarrassed about it, mumbled a few words and then handed me two safety pins and a pad. If it hadn’t been for Lesley starting first, I wouldn’t have known what to do. In biology class, Sister Mary Clare said that our periods tie in with having babies but I’m still not sure how. It’s like a deep, dark mystery no one wants to talk about. Lesley tried to check out a book at the library that explained everything but the librarian said she had to be eighteen to take it out of the building. When we went back to read it together, the book was missing. Lesley thinks the librarian saw us coming and hid it.
Oh, I almost forgot! My birthday gift finally arrived. I have my own television now. I don’t know anyone else in school who has her own TV. Dad had it built right into the wall. Lesley’s going to spend the night next month so we can watch the Oscars. I really hope Sidney Poitier wins Best Actor for Lilies of the Field. Lesley and I liked that movie better than any of the other movies we saw this year. Everyone talked about how wicked Tom Jones was, but I just thought it was silly. Lesley and I both learned something valuable from that movie. Neither of us can tell a lie and not feel guilty about it. We told our parents we were going to some other show and instead we went to Tom Jones and we both regretted lying. It was hard because Dad picked us up afterward and I wanted to blurt out the truth the moment I saw him. I didn’t, but he knew something was bothering me. Dad didn’t pressure me into telling him and I’m glad he didn’t. I wouldn’t want to see the disappointment on his face when he learned I’d deceived him.
This summer, instead of going to Hawaii, Dad said we might go to Disneyland. I said that would be fine as long as Lesley gets to come. Last year in Hawaii, Mom insisted Kathy Galloway tag along so I’d have company. Mom’s friends with Mrs. Galloway and she thought I’d enjoy having someone close to my own age. I would’ve liked company, but it didn’t work out. Kathy’s three years older and wasn’t interested in hanging around the hotel swimming pool with me. She was after men. Mom figured that out soon enough when she found her in the cocktail lounge flirting with a businessman. I bet Mom won’t invite Kathy again for anything, which is all right by me.
Bell’s Book Store
455 Main Street
Pine Ridge, Washington 98005
July 29, 1963
Dear Mrs. Lawton,
The Feminine Mystique is in. At your request, I have set aside a copy for you. We look forward to seeing you soon.
Ethel Cowin, Manager
Lesley’s Diary
August 29, 1963
The most incredible thing happened yesterday. Hundreds of thousands of people gathered around the Washington Monument in our country’s capital in a Civil Rights demonstration. It was on television and on the radio. Mom and I talked about what it meant to be a Negro in America. Several colored families live on the other side of the railroad tracks. Dad works with colored men at the mill. He calls them names Mom won’t let me repeat. Mom said they’re like everyone else. They bleed and sweat and breathe the same as us, despite what Dad says. I can hardly believe that the South treats people so differently just because their skin is a different color, and I told Mom that. I read that Negroes have a hard time finding a job or getting an education. That isn’t fair. Mom was born and raised in Mississippi, and she said the Civil War was about more than slavery. She explained some of the South’s history since the War Between the States (that’s what she calls it), and she helped me understand how much courage it took for this rally in Washington to happen. Then she recited a quote from an English writer named Samuel Johnson. I’m writing it down because I don’t ever want to forget it. COURAGE IS THE GREATEST OF ALL VIRTUES, BECAUSE IF YOU HAVEN’T COURAGE, YOU MAY NOT HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY TO USE ANY OF THE OTHERS. I don’t think I’ve ever realized how smart my mother is about life. (And I didn’t know who Samuel Johnson was until she talked about him.)
There’s going to be a colored man speaking at the Pine Ridge Emmanuel Church on September 6th and I told Mom I’d like to hear what he has to say. She didn’t think that was a good idea because it wouldn’t be right for a Catholic girl to be seen inside a Protestant Church. Although Mom said I couldn’t go, I had the feeling she’d like to attend the meeting herself. If I had my driver’s license and a car, I’d do it. Jillian’s taking Driver’s Education this summer. She thinks her parents might buy her a car. As it is now, her mother drives her to school every morning and her father picks her up every afternoon.
I hate being fourteen. I want to be sixteen and to be able to drive and hear the people I want to hear and meet the people I want to meet.
Jillian’s Diary
November 22, 1963
President Kennedy was killed today. Lesley and I were in Religion Class when the news came over the loudspeaker that the President had been shot. Sister Dorothy immediately had us get down on our knees and pray. No one knew then how serious it was.
It wasn’t long before we were released from school. Lesley and I went right over to church and it was already full of people pleading with God to save our President. By the time I got home, I learned he was dead. I can’t stop crying. Even my dad had tears in his eyes.
Poor Jackie. She’s the one I’m crying for. I can’t bear this. It’s so terrible. Everyone is watching television. Everyone is weeping. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I can’t believe President Kennedy is dead.
Farewell from John Kennedy
by Lesley Adamski
Sorry I had to leave right away.
I look down and smile at you each day.
Little Patrick says to say “Hi”
And so, my darlings, please don’t cry.
Caroline, I’d like to say,
How proud Daddy was of you that day,
When you stood like a lady
and watched me go by,
And doing like Mommy, you tried not to cry.
John John, now you’re the big man.
Take care of Mommy the best that you can.
You were just like a soldier, that salute was so brave.
Thank you for the flag you put on my grave.
And Jackie, I had no time for goodbyes,
I’m sure you could read the “Farewell” in my eyes.
Watch over our children, and love them for me
I’ll treasure your love through eternity.
Please carry on as you did before,
Until we all meet on heaven’s bright shore.
Remember I love you, remember I care.
I’ll always be with you though you don’t see me there.
(This is in Memory of the late John Fitzgerald Kennedy,
whom I loved more than words can say.
I pray that I will meet him in heaven one day.)
1965
* * *
Holy Name Academy
January 20, 1965
Demerit Slip
Student: Jillian Lawton
Offense: Rolling up the uniform skirt
above the knee.
* * *
Holy Name Academy
230 First Street
Pine Ridge, Washington 98005
January 20, 1965
Dear Judge and Mrs. Lawton,
Enclosed is the demerit slip for Jillian, which I have had no choice but to issue. She has had repeated warnings about the length of her uniform skirt. Several of the Junior girls have defied the rules and each will be obliged to remain after school the first Friday of February to polish the gymnasium floor.
I appreciate your cooperation in this unfortunate situation.
Sincerely,
Sister Agnes, Principal
Jillian’s Diary
January 23, 1965
This whole detention thing is juvenile, and all because I rolled my skirt up. First, I detest wearing a uniform. I told Mom how much I hated it but she didn’t care. She says that a lot. “I don’t care” and “We aren’t going to talk about it.” Sometimes I swear she treats me like I’m ten years old. The other day I wanted to stand on my chair at the fancy new dining-room table and scream to get her attention. How else can I get her to recognize that I’m seventeen years old?
The state of Washington trusts me enough to give me a license to drive a motorized vehicle. Dad even bought me a car to go back and forth to school. It seems that if the government thinks I’m mature enough to drive, I should be smart enough to figure out what to wear to school. Apparently they think that if I had a choice, I’d wear something obnoxious like jeans and a sweatshirt. The truth is, my choices have been completely taken away from me, since I’m forced into a ridiculous school uniform. My closet is full of dresses I never get a chance to wear. I have this fear that I’ll be wearing a blue skirt and red blazer my entire life!
I love my parents, especially my dad. Both Mom and Dad are swell, but at times they can be completely irrational. They’re no better than my teachers when it comes to this uniform thing. Girls attending school in Communist Russia wear uniforms. (I don’t know that for a fact because no one really knows what’s happening in Russia except spies.) We talk about the Berlin Wall and the struggle for freedom, but we’re not all that different right here in Pine Ridge.
When I insisted that wearing uniforms was a form of Communism because it enforced sameness and obliterated personal identity, Dad said he wasn’t going to argue with me. I told him he was a coward but in a joking way, since everyone knows my dad is probably one of the truest, kindest, fairest men in the entire courthouse. I could see that he was amused and I know why. By proving my point with such a smart argument, I’m showing my parents that I’d be a good attorney. Actually I like to argue. I enjoy flustering people and proving my point. It gives me a sense of satisfaction.
I flustered the kid at the gas station the other day, but I didn’t mean to. He was young, probably about thirteen. He wanted to wash my windshield, but couldn’t reach the middle of the glass so I got out of my car and did it for him. Then his big brother showed up and finished the job for us both. I don’t think any boy has ever affected me like this. His name was embroidered on his coveralls. Nick. He’s the sexiest guy I’ve ever seen. One look told me he was a break-all-the-rules kind of guy. My heart was going crazy. I wasn’t about to let him know the effect he had on me, so I casually stepped aside and let him take over.
When he was finished, I paid him the $3.09 to fill up my tank. As soon as I pulled away, I looked in my rearview mirror and found Nick watching me. Then he grinned—and I nearly steered off the road. I felt that smile go right through me, the same way I do when the cat lies across my chest and purrs. I think I might be buying gas at the Texaco station a lot more often. Not soon, though. My driving privileges have been suspended for two weeks because of that demerit slip. I’m furious about it, but no amount of arguing would change my mother’s mind. As far as I’m concerned, Mom is the unreasonable one in our family.
P.S. I found out that Nick goes to Pine Ridge High and he’s a Junior (same as me).
Lesley’s Diary
February 5, 1965
Jillian had a detention because of her skirt length and had to stay after school to polish the gym floor this afternoon, so I walked home alone. Buck Knowles saw me and stopped to offer me a ride. Buck is twenty-one and works at the mill with Dad. Because I kinda know him, I thought it would be okay to accept. He didn’t remember that I was Mike’s daughter and then tried to pretend that he did. He said he’s noticed me before, looking all “virginal” (his word) in my Academy uniform. It sounded like he’s been interested in me for a long time. I’ve noticed him, too.
Last week Mom sent me down to the mill to collect Dad’s paycheck and I saw Buck. He looked at me and I looked at him. I had my school uniform on then, too. The way he stared made me feel older than sixteen. Mom didn’t see him drop me off at the house today and I didn’t mention that Buck had given me a ride. After I closed the car door, he leaned over and rolled down the side window and said he’d see me around. I know I’ll be looking for him.
March 4th
Religion Class
Jillian,
Guess what? Buck Knowles came home from work with my dad last night and had dinner with the family. He’s the guy I was telling you about who gave me a ride home last month. I haven’t seen him since and I was beginning to wonder if I ever would. Neither Buck nor my dad get along with the foreman and they spent the entire night complaining about him.
The best part is that Buck said he’s coming to pick me up after school, so I won’t need you to give me a ride home. I’ll call you as soon as I can. Buck is so-o-o-o handsome.
Lesley
P.S. I signed up for Driver’s Ed, but I sure won’t be driving any fancy cars!
* * *
Murphy’s Texaco Charge Slip May 3, 1965
Quantity
10 gal
Per Gallon
.309
Total
$3.09
Attendant:
Nick Murphy
Signed:
Jillian Lawton
* * *
April 12, 1965
Dear Buck,
Dad said he’d make sure you got my note. I’m sorry to hear about the foreman’s accident. I hope he’s on the mend soon and won’t miss much work. I know how hard it is on our family when Dad’s off for a long period of time. Dad said that both of you would be working a lot of overtime in the next couple of weeks, so I’ll understand if I don’t hear from you for a while.
I did enjoy seeing your apartment and watching television with you. The news about Vietnam doesn’t sound good, does it? Your place is small and a little messy, but that’s okay. Arranging the empty beer cans like a pyramid against the wall is a clever idea. You’re right, I haven’t had much experience with kissing but I did like it. Well, most of it.
Lesley
* * *
Murphy’s Texaco Charge Slip May 7, 1965
Quantity
9.5 gal
Per Gallon
.309
Total
$2.94
Attendant:
Nick Murphy
Signed:
Jillian Lawton
* * *
Dance Card for
Jillian Lawton
Junior/Senior Prom
“Moulin Rouge”
May 15, 1965
Scott McDougal
Scott McDougal
Scott McDougal
Marvin Watterman
Scott McDougal
Scott McDougal
Scott McDougal
Scott McDougal
Buck Knowles
Scott McDougal
June 4th
Latin Class
Dearest Lesley,
Can you believe this is our last day of school? As of this afternoon we’re officially Seniors. We should celebrate. Mom and Dad want me to go to Hawaii with them again, which means no real job for me. I hate Hawaii. I don’t understand why we can’t go to San Francisco instead. I’d love it there, I know I would. Did you hear that My Fair Lady with Audrey Hepburn is starting next Wednesday? Do you want to go or do you have a date with Buck? You’re still seeing a lot of him, aren’t you? Meet me after school and we’ll celebrate being Seniors.
Jillian
French Class
Jillian,
Sorry, I can’t go out with you after school this afternoon. I got a call from the library—I have an interview for a summer job. I’d just about given up hope of getting hired. Say a prayer that I get the job. This is important. Besides, the library pays more than babysitting. I’
ll call you the minute I know. Buck said he’d take me to the drive-in tonight. Are you and Scott doing anything special?
Lesley
* * *
August 10, 1965
Dear Lesley,
Here I am in Hawaii again. (Sigh.) I wish you were here. I can’t tell you how bored I am with nothing to do but read and laze around the beach every day. I miss you and Scott so much. I’m counting the days until I return. I hope your summer is more exciting than mine. See you soon.
Love,
Jillian
Miss Lesley Adamski,
220 Railroad Ave.,
Pine Ridge, Washington
98005
* * *
August 25, 1965
Dear Jillian,
I was so glad to hear from you. Is the water in Hawaii truly that blue? I’m sorry you’re bored, especially when there’s so much happening elsewhere. Did you hear about all the rioting in California? The television news has been full of it every night. Last night they reported that there were 20,000 National Guard troops in Watts. So far, 34 people have died, and after five days of rioting it’s still going on. I didn’t think anything this terrible would ever happen in our country. Mom said it all has to do with civil rights and moral wrongs. I won’t tell you what my dad and Buck said, but I think you can guess.
Every day before I start work at the library, I’ve been checking into different kinds of scholarships. You wouldn’t believe how many are available. Mom’s been encouraging me to apply at the University of Washington. I know your parents are set on you going to Barnard College, but that’s in New York and Jillian, I just can’t afford it. At the same time, I can’t imagine attending college without you.
Between Friends Page 3
