“I came to see you.”
Well, that was the last thing she’d expected to hear from him. He’d done everything possible to avoid being around her since their date.
And you didn’t?
Damn that little voice in her head. Yes, she’d avoided seeing him too. It would be easy to make excuses for the way she’d acted. All of them valid in her mind, yet kind of petty at the same time.
“Why did you come to see me here? You could’ve come to my house anytime you wanted.”
Her voice rose a little, and she became conscious of some of the occupants of the room looking at them. The last thing she wanted was to become a spectacle in front of the people she came to help.
“I dropped by your place this morning. You weren’t there, and this is where Ron said you’d be.” Caleb kept his voice low and modulated, as if he didn’t want to create a scene either.
Her heart warmed a little. He’d made the first move. Now it was up to her to either take it or push it away—and pushing it away was the last thing she wanted. “I… uh, I should be finished here in an hour. We can go for a walk after and talk if you want.”
Caleb smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “I’d like that.”
“Okay, well Eric’s not here, but some of the guys you played cards with that night are if you want to hang out with them.” She gestured to the right where the group was engrossed in a game.
“I’ll just take a seat and wait. I’m not in the mood for cards.”
“Right, well, I need to check on Willow. I’ll speak to you later.”
“Yep.” He walked away, toward the group of couches by the window. Only once he’d seated himself did she finally turn and join Willow. She didn’t need to be that close to her animal, but at the moment she wanted the peace her companion provided. Her thoughts were whirling a million miles a minute.
Caleb had come to see her. What did that mean? What did he want? More to the point, did she want what he was offering?
The next hour dragged slower than molasses. Why, Kerry had no idea. Willow did her job and Kerry joked with the people around her.
As she clipped Willow’s lead to her collar, she noticed Caleb in conversation with George as well as the lead trainer from the organization that handled Willow’s training.
It was a surprise to see Bill here, but not unusual. He popped in now and then, unannounced, to observe the dogs.
She wandered over there. “Hey, Bill, good to see you.”
“Kerry, great to see you too.” Bill reached over and gave her a quick hug before squatting down to scratch Willow behind the ears. “And a hello to you, young lady. I watched you doing your stuff. You’re doing an awesome job.” He crooned, and as if Willow understood every single word, her body shook with excitement.
“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you just made her day,” Caleb commented lightly, canting his head in Willow’s direction.
Bill stood and laughed. “I’m sure they understand what I say to them. I often get weird looks from people when I talk to dogs as if they’re humans. Sometimes the conversation with them is better than with people I know.”
“I’m sure,” he murmured.
Kerry watched the byplay between the two men. For having just met, they seemed to have fallen into a comfortable space.
“Well, the only reason she’s good at her job, Bill, is because of you and your training,” Kerry said.
“Thanks, Kerry, but really dogs like Willow make it look easy. I’ve had my fair share of dog owners who are convinced their dog will make a good therapy dog. Unfortunately, not all are suitable.”
“Same with K-9 dogs,” Caleb interjected. “It’s all about temperament and trainability. I’ve seen dogs from the same litter have completely different results. One dog was attentive and took to the training regime like a duck to water. And another dog got distracted by the simplest things.”
Kerry had to stop her jaw from dropping open. Caleb volunteered information about his background to someone he’d just met, without any prompting. That had to be a good thing, though she didn’t miss the flash of pain in his eyes as he spoke. If she didn’t know better, she’d say he was waging an inner war with himself. But what was causing the struggle?
Bill nodded. “I’ve spoken to people who train dogs for the blind, and they say the same thing. A dog can go through all the aspects of training, only to be tripped up at the very end by something as simple as barking at everyone who walks past.”
Bill glanced at his watch and grimaced. “Oops, I’m going to be late for a meeting if I don’t get out of here. Great to see you again, Kerry, Willow.”
She gave Bill another hug. “You too, Bill. I’ll call about getting over to the facility to do a little more training with Willow.”
“Sounds good.” The other man nodded and then turned to Caleb, again holding his hand out. “Caleb, great to meet and chat with you. Call me if you need anything in the future.”
“Will do.” Caleb shook Bill’s hand.
“Well, then I guess I should be going too,” George commented, startling Kerry. He’d not said a word, but that was George, always observing, and when he thought it necessary, he’d speak his mind. “Caleb, good to see you again. Don’t be a stranger here. We can always do with help. Have a good day, you two… well, three.” He finished on a chuckle as he patted Willow on the head.
Wait, was Caleb looking at leaving the air force? It almost sounded like he’d been given two job opportunities. Although he did mention being on medical leave.
There were so many questions she wanted to ask Caleb, but she wasn’t in a place where she could.
“Do you want to take that walk now?” he asked, his hand sliding to the small of her back. A shiver of heat coursed through her, firing her senses to life.
Willow barked as though Caleb’s question had been directed to her. Kerry laughed. “I guess Willow is a smart cookie and wants to go for a walk.”
Caleb’s fingers trailed up her spine, and she bit her lip to prevent a moan of pleasure from escaping. “I guess so, but how about Willow’s owner?”
His voice had dropped a couple of octaves, and Kerry had visions of that tone in her ear seconds before he thrust into her body.
“Yes, a walk. Let’s walk.” She took off out of the room, not sure who she was trying to escape, Caleb or her visions of them in bed. Visions she wanted to make come true.
What on earth was she thinking?
Chapter Thirteen
The sun beat down on Caleb’s head as he followed Kerry’s retreating figure out the door and into the grassy area at the back of the building. Memories of another time he and Kerry were in this area slammed into him. His fingers were still tingling from the brief contact with her back. He’d love to know what had made her jumpy though. One second she’d been melting into his touch and the next she’d moved away from him as though she’d been electrocuted.
Willow kept glancing over her shoulder to ensure he still followed them. It wouldn’t take much to increase his stride length and keep time with Kerry. But there was a reason she wanted the space between them, and he would give it to her. Hopefully, it didn’t mean she was trying to work out a way to stop anything developing between them before it even started.
She went to the bench where they’d sat the night they’d shared their first kiss.
Did she replay it over in his mind like he did?
He joined her on the warm wood, making sure to keep a respectable distance between them, even though he wanted nothing more than to sling an arm around her shoulder and bring her close.
Her fingers twisted Willow’s pink sparkly lead, a sure sign of nerves. Willow sat on the grass, looking up at the two humans, her tongue lolling out of her mouth as she panted.
“Damn, I should’ve brought some water for her,” Kerry muttered beside him.
“We can go back in if you’d like.” Not ideal, but he’d do anything for that little dog. Leaning forward, he scooped he
r up and placed her on his lap. The dog let out a sigh of contentment.
Kerry shook her head and smiled. “I don’t think she’d be happy if I moved her now.”
His fingers tangled in the short course hair. “No, I don’t think so either.”
Silence stretched between them and Caleb couldn’t form the words he needed. But if they had any hope of exploring this attraction growing between them, everything had to be laid on the line.
Taking a deep breath, he willed his mind to form words that made sense. “I’m currently on medical leave. I have a meeting with my commanding officer in the next couple of days to hear the medical board’s finding. I’ll know if I will stay in the air force or be medically discharged with full benefits.”
Saying the words out loud made them real, and he waited for the pain that pierced his chest, like it always did when he thought about his future.
It didn’t come.
Had his subconscious been working quietly in the background preparing him for this moment?
A warm hand laid over his on Willow’s back. Kerry’s breast brushed up against his arm, and his body responded immediately. Settle down. Now is not the time or the place. But the future, definitely.
“I’m sorry. That must be a hard decision to have to make.”
“It’s not easy, but one I have to anyway.”
“What are your options?” she asked, her fingers stroking the top of his palm gently.
Willow lifted her head and laid it over Kerry’s leg. From the dog’s perspective, her two favorite people were close and all was right in her world.
“I could take a desk job in the security forces division. Perhaps go into a high school or college and work with their ROTC program, which I can do even if I get discharged. Or I could find something else to do entirely. I’m not far off my twenty years so I would’ve had to think about my future anyway.”
When he’d joined the military, he’d never imagined he’d reach twenty years’ service. After surviving basic training, his goal had been to finish his enlistment time and then leave. Yet he’d grown to love what he did and he loved working with the dogs, so he’d kept reenlisting.
His father had been so proud of him. In a way, he was glad Dad wasn’t here to see him struggle with this decision. Although knowing Martin Bradshaw, he would’ve told his son there was no shame in retiring after twenty years.
“Sounds like you don’t like any of those options.”
“I know that working behind a desk isn’t for me. And while an ROTC program could be good, I don’t think it’s for me either.”
“So if they don’t discharge you, when your twenty years are up you’ll retire and find something else to do?”
Caleb closed his eyes and focused inwardly. Willow’s rhythmic panting soothing him. He opened his eyes and faced Kerry. “I think that’s what I’m going to do.”
“You don’t sound so sure. Changing your whole life is a big decision to make. Thinking that’s what you want to do isn’t the way to go. You have to want it. You have to know”—she placed her hand over his heart—“deep in here, that what you’re doing is what’s best for you. Your mind will convince you what you should do. But your heart will let you know if it’s the right decision.”
Every word was true. He’d arrived at the center today convinced being medically discharged wasn’t all that bad. Yet seeing the guys playing their cards, some laughing, some lost in their thoughts and pain, doubts had crept in. He joined the military to protect and serve his country. He could still do that behind a desk. Even inspire young people to join the air force through the ROTC program.
But would it make him happy?
He didn’t know.
It didn’t help that both George and Bill had spoken to him about how important former veterans were to their organizations.
“I still have a lot to think about. I was sure I’d made up my mind earlier today. Now, I don’t know.”
“Don’t feel bad about wavering from one decision to another. I’m guessing if you hadn’t had your accident, you wouldn’t be in this position.”
Accident.
He referred to what happened to him as an accident, but it wasn’t really. They’d been ambushed when they’d least expected it.
“Yeah, if it hadn’t had happened, I’d probably be overseas now, or at least I’d been going to and from base every day to work out and train with my squadron. Instead I sit at home and do nothing.”
Her hand clasped his again and he placed his other one over the top, anchoring her to him.
“I’m sorry, Caleb. I don’t claim to understand what it is you’re going through, but I’ve been at a crossroads when I’d least expected it. I can’t deny it’s daunting not knowing what you’re going to do from day to day, but then you find it and waking up isn’t so difficult.”
“You make it sound so easy. I’ve spent nearly the last year in limbo. I lost my working partner. Trigger relied on me as much as I relied on him. Knowing that I’m never going to see him again is the hardest thing I have to deal with on a day-to-day basis.”
For almost twenty years, all he’d known was being in the air force. How was he ever going to find something that fulfilled him like serving his country had?
*
The pain in Caleb’s tone was almost too much for her to bear. She wanted to comfort him. Let him know he wasn’t alone. But she suspected showing him pity was the last thing he wanted.
Everything began to make sense to her. The way he’d wanted to avoid Willow when they first met. The way he constantly pushed the dog away when she tried to give him comfort. Little things that added up to form a coherent picture.
Over time, he had softened toward Willow. Yet he still held back. Even now, his hand might be resting on Willow in his lap, but it could’ve been a lump of wood.
“What happened to you and Trigger?” she asked and braced herself for the brush-off she was sure to be tossed at her.
Caleb tensed beside her, and it was only because their bodies were aligned side by side that she was aware of it. “We were asked to help out with an issue at the Texas/Mexico border. Trigger and I were scouring the area, looking for any individuals who may have been hiding in the scrub. We stumbled across signs of a camp. It looked like whoever was there hadn’t been gone long. The next thing I knew, a group of men came over a small rise and ambushed all of us, spraying bullets everywhere. Trigger jumped up and pushed me to the ground, taking shots to the neck and chest. One whimper of pain and then he was gone. I also got shot in the shoulder and leg. We ended up getting the guys and found out they were part of one of the large Mexican drug cartels. They’re now awaiting trial and will, in all likelihood, be extradited to Mexico once convicted. Although I’m not sure. I know I’ll have to testify at some stage.”
Every word that came out of his mouth was so clinical and emotionless. Her heart broke for him. Like anything, one moment in time changed a person’s destiny in a way they never, ever expected or wanted.
Kerry laid her head on his shoulder, unable to stop the tears from falling. “I know they’re hollow words, but I’m so sorry. So sorry this happened to you and Trigger.”
The hand he’d had resting on Willow cupped her head, keeping her close to him. A tiny bit of tension eked out of her. At least he wasn’t pushing her away. “Thank you. I know I should talk about him more. But it’s hard.”
Willow shifted her position and snuggled into the both of them, offering her silent support. “I have no doubt. Talking helps though.”
Caleb sighed and his fingers drifted from the back of her head to her shoulder. “It’s not easy to rehash defining moments in your past. It unlocks the ‘what if’ parts of your mind. What if I’d seen the flash of gun earlier? Perhaps I could’ve ducked and Trigger would still be with me. What if I’d gone in a different direction?”
“Stop,” she said softly. “That’s not helping. Going over it all doesn’t make it any better. It only makes it hurt more. You
can’t change what happened in the past.”
Caleb moved quickly, before she even had a chance to register it. He scooped Willow off his lap and put her on the ground. Then he was up, pacing back and forth in front of her. “You think I don’t know that? I know I can’t change what happened. I can’t bring back Trigger. I can’t bring back the guys who died. I have to live with this every single day.” He thrust an arm toward the building. “Every single guy in there has moments like this. Each and every one wishes they could’ve done something different and have to live with the fact that they can’t. Have to live with the fact that they’re alive and their friends aren’t.”
Kerry stood and hooked the looped handle of Willow’s lead over one of the wooden slats of the bench. There were professionals not fifty feet away who could help him through this, but she had an idea he wouldn’t want anyone to see him like this.
With careful steps, she made her way to where he now stood, hands in pocket, gazing out over the lake. What she was about to do was a huge gamble, but one she would take and deal with the consequences afterward.
She slipped her arms around his waist and hugged him tight. She opened her mouth and then closed it again.
What could she say that would take away his pain?
Nothing.
Nothing would take it away except time and perhaps the advice from a professional. But she could provide him with support and comfort. Let him know he was not alone.
His hand closed over hers and a long sigh rippled out of him. She imagined he blew out a lot of pain with that breath.
“I’m so lost. Some days I think I’ve got my shit together and then others it’s clear I haven’t. I had a clear vision in my mind when I came here today. The second I walked into the room and saw you and Willow working, everything blurred, and now I’m adrift without any idea of what to do next.”
Caleb was sharing a part of him with her that he probably hadn’t shared with anyone.
“I’m here. Whenever you need to talk or whatever, I’m here.”
He turned in her arms and loosely gripped her hips. “I know. As I said, it’s hard to talk about things.”
Next Door Knight Page 10
