Raine didn’t know where she’d found the burst of courage to ask her mother such a question, but now that she had, she was glad. For years now she’d wanted her mother to be open with her, not domineering. Maybe with a little push she could make Esther understand this.
“Because you’ve always discouraged me to date or get involved with men. You obviously have something against the opposite sex. And since you won’t talk about it, I can only assume that a man hurt you at some point in your life.”
Esther sucked in a harsh breath. “Well, if that were the case, and I’m not saying it was mind you, a man would have had to hurt me after my—my accident. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have remembered it.”
Raine gave her mother a subtle nod. “I understand that.”
Esther sniffed and looked away again. “I—you’re all wrong, Raine. I haven’t had any sort of relationship with a man. Not since you were born.”
“And you don’t remember anything about my father? Not even the tiniest glimmer of what your life with him was like?”
Still staring at the opposite wall, Esther said in a brittle voice, “No. And it’s best that way. Twenty-four years is a long time. Things happen to people. He—your father is—probably dead.”
Esther’s words felt like brutal punches to Raine’s stomach and she literally wrapped her arms around her waist to ward off the pain.
“Why—why would you say such a horrible thing to me? You don’t know that my father is dead!”
Raine didn’t wait around to hear her mother’s reply. She’d already heard more than enough. Dashing back tears from her eyes, she ran to her bedroom and shut the door.
Chapter Eleven
An hour later, after Raine’s confrontation with her mother, Neil returned to the Crockett house carrying a bouquet of purple hyacinth and white daisies wrapped in green cellophane paper. Before he’d left the kitchen at the Saddler house, a florist truck from Goliad had arrived with the delivery of flowers that Geraldine ordered weekly. While the truck was there, Neil had taken advantage and purchased Raine a huge bouquet. To make up for his loutish behavior, he’d told himself. Now he could only hope the flowers would take the edge off her anger at him.
When he didn’t find Raine in the living room or the kitchen, he took a chance and knocked on the closed door of her bedroom.
“Come in,” she called in a muffled voice.
Neil stepped inside the small room and shut the door behind him. Raine was sitting on the bed and as he approached her, he carefully held the fragrant flowers behind his back.
“Why are you hiding in here?” he asked. “Have you been taking a nap?”
She shook her head and he noticed her demeanor seemed anything but happy. Her pretty, plush lips were compressed to a thin line and the puffiness around her eyes made him suspect she’d been crying. The idea that he’d caused her so much distress was enough to tie his stomach into a hard knot.
Frowning, he stated the obvious. “Something is wrong.”
She shook her head again. “Don’t worry about it.”
Neil moved to the bed and gently sat down beside her on the edge of the mattress. “I knew you were angry with me, but I didn’t realize you were this angry.”
Her face turned to look at him and Neil’s heart winced at the sad shadows he spotted in her green eyes.
Not waiting for her to say anything, he handed her the fragrant bouquet. “Here. Maybe these will help you to forgive me,” he said softly.
Still not speaking, she took the flowers and lowered her head to sniff at the pungent hyacinth. After several long moments passed, she looked at him again and this time there was a hint of bewilderment on her face.
“You must have met the flower man,” she said. “He comes every week.”
“I got lucky and he drove up while I was still at the Saddler house. Cook told me that Geraldine makes a point of keeping fresh flowers in most of the rooms. Guess she’s not hurting for cash,” he added on a teasing note.
“No. Not hardly. But you didn’t have to do this.” She inclined her head toward the flowers. “I really wasn’t mad at you. I was more angry with myself.”
Neil hadn’t realized how nervous he was until a small breath of relief rushed past his lips. “Why?”
She sighed as her elegant forefinger etched a petal on one of the daisies. “For a lot of reasons.” Glancing over at him, she gave him a wistful little smile. “But mainly because I…I don’t have the courage to reach out and grab what I want—like you.”
As soon as her words were out, Neil wanted to take hold of her and drag her into his arms. But he restrained the urge and told himself it was best not to push his luck.
Instead he reached over and stroked his fingertips down her upper arm. “So you did want me? I wasn’t just imagining the way you kissed me?”
Closing her eyes, her head jerked from side to side. “No,” she whispered. “That wasn’t your imagination. But that—our time in my office—that’s not why you found me in here brooding. Not that I was actually brooding, but I am upset.”
Neil studied her pinched features and thought how much he’d like to take her face between his hands and kiss her cheeks, her nose and chin, her eyelids and most of all, her sweet, luscious lips. If any of that would make her smile, then he’d be one happy man.
“So something did happen. What?” he asked.
She opened her eyes and met his gaze head-on. “Mother came back to the house earlier. And we had a little conversation.”
His interest was instantly piqued. “Oh. Where is she now? I didn’t see her when I came in.”
Raine shrugged. “I don’t know. She probably went over to the Sanchez house. She usually oversees the cleaning over there in the afternoon.”
Neil’s fingers kneaded her shoulder. “What happened? Did she lay into you about me?”
Raine’s gaze dropped back to the flowers bunched in her hand. “A little. But I cut her off. I asked her why she was so against men and then I questioned her about my father. I wanted to know if she could remember anything about the man or her life with him.”
“And what did she say?” Neil asked as casually as he could manage.
Raine’s shoulders sagged, her head bowed. “She said that twenty-four years was a long time and things happen. She said my father was probably…dead.”
The last word came out on a tearful whisper and this time Neil couldn’t stop himself from pulling her into his arms and tucking her head beneath his chin.
“Oh, my little darling, you shouldn’t let that upset you,” he crooned as he stroked a hand down her shoulder and back. “If she has no memory of the past, then she’s just making assumptions.”
Swallowing at the lump of emotion in her throat, Raine tilted her head back to look at him. “But what if she does remember, Neil? Maybe this Carlton man that was found murdered down by the Mexican border was really my father and she knows it!” Shivering from that terrible idea, Raine gripped the top of his shoulders for support. “Maybe she’s just trying to give me the hint that she knows my father is dead—she just doesn’t want to come out and tell me the actual truth?”
Neil tightened his arms around her. “That’s possible. I just don’t understand why she would have said something so hurtful to you. What reason would make her say your father is dead?”
“To put me off the trail,” Raine said simply.
Frowning over her head, Neil asked, “You didn’t mention anything about searching for her past, did you? Or that I might be helping you look for it?”
Raine jerked her head back far enough to allow her to stare up at him. “No! I wouldn’t say anything to that effect. I won’t even say anything once you’re gone. All Mother will ever know is that my fiancé jilted me. And believe me, that will make her gloat with happiness. She’ll take great pleasure in telling me how right she always is—especially about men.”
The idea that he was eventually going to leave and Raine would be left here to tell everyone
on the ranch that he’d jilted her left a pain right in the middle of his chest. He couldn’t bear for anyone to think he was capable of hurting Raine. But the two of them had already painted a picture and he couldn’t change the last brush strokes. Not unless he changed his whole opinion of falling in love and having a wife.
“Raine, I’m thinking—it might be better if you were the one who did the jilting. Then I wouldn’t be leaving a bad impression here on the Sandbur and it would allow you to save face, too.”
The corners of her lips tilted up in an impish grin. “You’re worrying too much about this, Neil.”
No, he was worrying too much about her, Neil thought. About the way she felt in his arms, the longing he felt to dip his head and kiss her lips and most of all the deep desire he had to give her what she wanted the most—a family.
“You’re probably right,” he said. Then before he could do or say something he might regret, he said, “Come on. Let’s go put these flowers in water before they wilt.”
He started to rise to his feet, but Raine quickly caught him by the arm and urged him back down beside her. He arched a questioning brow at her and she gave him a tentative smile.
“Neil, before we go I want to thank you,” she said.
His eyes roamed over her mussed hair, puffy eyes and bare lips and he shifted uncomfortably as desire began to coil deep in his loins. He didn’t know why he found her to be the sexiest woman he’d ever known. She wasn’t exactly glamorous. Nor was she a blinding beauty. Yet her innocence was wrapped up in sensuality and the combination stirred him in ways he’d never felt before.
“Thank me for what?” he murmured huskily.
Her hand moved across his chest and her fingers began to play with the corner of his collar. “For the flowers. But mostly for—” As she looked up at him, a veil of thick brown lashes lowered over her eyes. “For trying to help me. You didn’t have to do all this. But—” The corners of her lips curled upward. “I’m glad you did. Having you here on the ranch with me and being my fiancé, even in pretense, is…very nice. Thank you for that, Neil. Very much.”
He wanted to say something back to her that would be equally kind, but he found his throat had tightened around a hot lump and he couldn’t utter a word. He wanted to kiss her, to lay her back on the bed and let his body tell her how much he desired her, how much he was beginning to need her. But this was Esther’s house and at any given moment she might come in and interrupt them. So he settled for lifting her hand to his lips and whispering huskily, “It’s my pleasure, Raine.”
The next morning at breakfast, Neil was surprised to find Esther in an amiable mood and he was glad, for Raine’s sake, to see the woman hug her daughter with affection and discuss the barbecue scheduled for tonight.
He didn’t know what had changed Esther’s frame of mind, but it was showing him a different, more likable side of the woman and he decided this kinder, gentler Esther must be the one that Raine loved so much that she’d gone to great lengths to shield from the real reason for his presence on the ranch.
“So what are you two going to do today?” Esther asked as the three of them sat around the breakfast table, sipping the last of their coffee.
Raine looked questioningly over to Neil and he smiled back at her in a vaguely impish way.
“We’re going to drive into town and have a look around,” he answered. “I’ve never actually been to Goliad before and Raine wants to show me her apartment.”
Raine’s brows arched upward as she studied his handsome face. Like yesterday, she’d been staggered all over again when he’d walked into the kitchen this morning with his clean-shaven jaws, damp hair and smiling face. Dark chinos covered his long legs and he’d topped them off with a white shirt with tiny green stripes. He was the sort of man that managed to look both masculine and suave no matter what he was wearing and Raine figured most everyone on the ranch was wondering how she’d ever managed to snag a marriage proposal from such a man.
“I do?” she asked blankly, then at the sight of Neil’s frown, she hurriedly went on, “Oh—uh—yes, I do want you to see where I live. It’s nothing fancy, but I like it.”
“Well, I wouldn’t dally around town too long, Raine,” Esther inserted. “Geraldine likes to start things early. And since the party is in your honor you need to be here before it gets into full swing.”
“Don’t worry, Mother,” Raine assured her. “We’ll be back this afternoon.”
A few minutes later, Raine and Neil finished their coffee and Esther surprised them both by shooing them away from the table.
“I’ll tend to this mess. You two go on and enjoy yourselves,” she urged.
After gathering up her purse, Raine walked over to the cabinet counter where Esther was working and kissed her mother’s cheek.
“Thank you, Mother. Really.”
Nodding, and with something close to a smile on her face, Esther patted her daughter’s cheek. “Go on,” she urged. “I’ve got to get over to the big house and help Cook…she’s probably pulling her hair out about now.”
Raine and Neil left the kitchen and walked outside to where his rental car was parked.
“Was that your mother back there or her pleasant twin?” he asked, as he opened the passenger door and helped Raine inside.
“I think it was her. But I’m not really sure,” Raine replied with a chuckle. But after Neil took his seat behind the wheel and started the car, she said in a sober tone, “Neil, maybe I should explain that Mother is, for the most part, a kind, gentle woman. Yes, we’ve had plenty of differences and arguments, but basically she’s always been a loving mother. If I painted her as a shrew before, it was only because I get so completely frustrated with her.”
Neil backed the vehicle onto the gravel road and headed east in the direction that would take them off the ranch.
“Well, I don’t know what caused the overnight change, but it was good to see her in a better humor,” he admitted. “Maybe that little confrontation you two had last night made her think twice. She probably knows she upset you and she’s trying to make up for it.”
Raine nodded. “You could be right.” She squared around in her seat to look at him. “We didn’t get much chance to talk last night after supper. Normally Mother doesn’t want to sit outside after dark because of the mosquitoes, but for some reason she followed us out there. And then when we went back inside, she was right behind us. I felt like we had a shadow. And I wanted to ask you about yesterday. Did you find out anything that might help you determine whether Mother might really be Darla?”
Neil thoughtfully shook his head. “Not really. I talked to Cook for a good while because I suspect she probably knows your mother as well or better than anyone here on the ranch. But she didn’t give me anything conclusive to work with. I’ve been wondering if you’ve ever tried to trace information about Esther through her social security number? I realize you might not want to dig through her private papers, but we need somewhere to start.”
Raine sighed. “I’ve already tried the social security number. That didn’t help. Apparently she acquired the number after she was released from the hospital after her accident back in 1982. I’ve also searched through other papers for any kind of hint of her life before that time, but I can’t find anything.”
Neil considered her information. “Did the police report mention anything about what they found on your mother? Any sort of papers, jewelry, anything?”
Raine shook her head. “Not that I could find. She wasn’t wearing a wedding ring. And sometimes I wonder whether she was married or having an affair when she became pregnant with me.” She grimaced and shook her head again. “I know I’ve thrown all sorts of scenarios at you and I guess some of them sound crazy, but when you don’t know the truth it allows your imagination to run wild.”
He gazed thoughtfully at the dirt road ahead of them, then finally said, “I think tomorrow I should drive up to Gillespie County and see what I can find out. There could be some
of the older law officers still in that area who remember the incident.”
Raine studied his chiseled profile and wondered how he had the power to make her heart lift even when things around her appeared hopeless. “I can’t ask you to go to that much trouble for me, Neil. Gillespie County is north of San Antonio. It’s too far.”
He shot her a wry grin. “Let me be the judge of that. I just wish I could openly question people here on the ranch. Especially Geraldine. It’s too bad her husband, Paul, and her sister, Elizabeth, have passed on. They might have given us some sort of clues as to your mother’s early years here. What about Elizabeth’s husband? You said something about him being disabled, but he can communicate, can’t he?”
With a sad shake of her head, Raine said, “He resides in a nursing home in Goliad and, unfortunately, it’s a struggle for him to utter a word.”
Neil frowned with surprise. “Oh. Well, Matt and Cordero don’t seem old enough to have such an elderly father. He must have married their mother when he was an older man,” he surmised.
“Actually Mingo isn’t all that old. He suffered a stroke and—” She broke off as sorrow twisted her features. “This isn’t something that is discussed among the family, especially with Matt, who’s very close to his father. But Mingo’s stroke was a result of some sort of head injury he received in a fight with a couple of men. I’m not sure what the fight was over, but Matt says the men were out to kill Mingo and they very nearly succeeded. As a result his speech is slurred and his mobility limited.”
Distracted by this new story, Neil took his eyes off the gravel road to glance at her. “That’s terrible. Is there any hope that Mingo will ever recuperate?”
Raine shrugged. “The doctors aren’t giving the family much hope. But who knows. Miracles do happen. And we pray for Mingo all the time.”
“I hope your prayers are answered,” Neil told her, then reached across the seat and clasped his hand around hers. “But let’s not talk about your mother or the Saddlers or Sanchezes or anyone else on the Sandbur. We’re on a little journey of our own today and I want to enjoy it.” He squeezed her fingers and shot her a wicked grin. “What do you say?”
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