by Sue Watson
* * *
Later we drank coffee in Sue’s back garden watching the stars, a blanket round us both to keep out the evening chill.
‘What about you and me seeing that Santorini sunset together?’
I looked at him.
‘Thing is, a few of my mates just went out there for a few weeks. I was going to go with them but wanted to stay here with you... a bit longer.’
My heart filled up like a balloon and I slipped my hand in his—I had no idea he’d forsaken a visit to Santorini to be with me. He placed his other hand on top of mine. It felt so good.
‘It’s my mate Ben’s dad’s place—a huge apartment with loads of rooms and they’re really up for anyone staying there. What do you think?’
I smiled uncertainly—I wasn’t sure about ‘the mates’. I’d envisaged a holiday together as just me and Dan alone. I wasn’t into communal living and a shared fridge like at Emma’s student house. Then again, I didn’t want to seem old and scared of something new. This is the new Faye, and she’s cool, I reminded myself.
‘Sounds wonderful,’ I said, after all the accommodation was free, neither of us had a lot of money and it was all about being together in a beautiful place.
‘Okay, let’s do it.’ He texted Ben straight away and when he quickly received a text back he smiled triumphantly. ‘He says we’ve got to go out there,’ he turned to look at me, ‘because it’s a really romantic place.’
I melted.
His phone pinged again, he picked it up and a big smile spread across his face. ‘Ben just checked and Santorini flights leave on a Wednesday.’
I took out my mobile. ‘What dates did you have in mind?’ I asked, looking into the screen.
‘Wednesday.’
‘Yes, but which Wednesday?’
‘The day after tomorrow Wednesday.’
‘No... I can’t do that,’
‘Why not?’
‘I can’t just go to Santorini in two days, I have a job and there’s Emma and work and... stuff to do.’
‘Like what? Sue will let you have a few weeks off and Emma’s an adult with her own life. She’ll be fine. The summer’s slipping away...’
‘I can’t just go off for a fortnight and not...’
‘A fortnight? No use going all that way for a fortnight... I was thinking a month, maybe six weeks? Ben and the guys are planning to go back to Oz from Greece and I could do the same. We could spend the rest of the summer together in Santorini, Faye. Just think how gorgeous that would be—you and me and the sunset. Then I could kidnap you and take you back home with me,’ he joked excitedly.
‘Dan, there’s nothing I’d love more than spending the summer with you somewhere hot and beautiful and away from it all... I dream of it, but...’
‘Faye. Don’t say “no” again. You say you made excuses all your life not to do something? Well, here’s your chance—and you can tick another two off your list...’
‘Two?’
‘The sunset and... having sex in the ocean?’
‘It was swimming naked in the ocean.’
‘I just supersized it.’
I smiled. He was so funny and silly and impulsive. I nodded; ‘Yeah. Okay, let me work on it.’
He suddenly put his arms around me. ‘I’m happy with you,’ he whispered into my hair, moving his hands up my arms. He looked into my eyes and pressed his forehead against mine. ‘And I think I’m falling a little bit in love with you.’
New Faye had fallen a little bit in love too, but wasn’t quite ready to tell him because the old Faye was nagging her about flight times and what to pack and how to break it to Sue that she would be taking at least a month off. Then she brought up the more urgent matter of a holiday wardrobe and the desperate need to buy a month’s supply of new pants.
* * *
‘Sue, of all the fifty things to do before you die, I haven’t done one,’ I said the following day as I began my request for several weeks off. ‘I’ve never spent New Year’s Eve in Times Square, walked The Inca Trail, felt the spray from Niagara Falls, or watched fireworks explode over Sydney Opera House. I’ve spent my time cutting hair, gossiping, dreaming, sitting in front of the TV and blaming Craig, when all the time it was up to me—my fault I never did it, no one else. So, Sue, I’m going to Santorini on Wednesday and I don’t know when I’m coming back.’
She was surprised, and once she’d got over the shock and realised Camilla could cover for me, she was delighted. ‘I’ve got a Greek phrase book from when Ken and I went to Corfu,’ she said. ‘You’ll need it because the Greeks have a different word for everything.’
Once I’d told Sue, there was no turning back.
I called Emma and told her about my emergency departure in my coffee break. She took it in her stride; ‘You go, Mum,’ she said, and I just wished she was there so I could hug her. I explained about Dan, telling her we were great friends and who knew what would happen next, but she was ten jumps ahead.
‘Mum, I know it’s more than that. I told you, I saw the way he was looking at you. To be honest, I feel better that you’re going with a guy and not on your own. At least I know he’ll look after you.’
Emma seemed happier than ever. She had a job in the wine bar near uni when she wasn’t studying, and she told me all about the mad customers and how she’d made friends with others who worked there. Dan was right—she would be fine if I went away for a while. She was getting on with her life and I was a big part of it but I now had to take a back seat and get on with my own.
‘Are you okay, really?’ I asked, guilt still seeping into every conversation we had. ‘About me going away, I mean, after me and your dad...’
‘Yeah, I’m fine, Mum... just have a great time.’
‘I know Dan’s probably not what you had in mind for me, but I really like him Em. It’s funny, you have all these dreams about your ideal man and who would be right for you, then someone comes along who you never imagined yourself with. You can’t help it. It isn’t always the right man at the right time, or even in the right place,’ I sighed, ‘but it just feels... right.’
‘I know what you mean, Mum. It’s about what makes you happy,’ she continued, brightening. ‘Talking of which, I’ve met someone too,’ the words bubbled up, her excitement tangible.
‘Oh, that’s wonderful, darling, who is he?’ Emma’s happiness was more important than mine and if all was going well for her, it would enhance my own joy.
‘It’s a guy at the wine bar. His name’s Phil. Mum, he’s wonderful—so different from the other boys.’
‘I’m so happy for you, Em... so tell me all about him. What’s he studying?’ I asked, delighted at the news.
‘He’s... not at uni, Mum. He’s the manager of the wine bar where I’m working...’
‘Oh?’ I couldn’t help myself; I was disappointed. ‘I thought he was like you, working part-time while he...’
‘He’s really good-looking and so wise and funny and... he’s thirty.’
‘Thirty?’ I didn’t know what else to say.
‘And I don’t want you being all weird, but he’s got a child, a son... with an ex-girlfriend.’
Whoa. My heart sank. ‘Oh, Emma, he’s nine years older than you. And has a child...?’
‘Yes... a lovely little boy. Don’t spoil this, Mum.’
‘I’m not... I just always hoped you’d meet someone your own age, someone at uni... who you could share stuff with... travel and books and...’
‘Well, like you just said, Mum, the person you fall for isn’t always the picture-perfect man who fits all the criteria at just the right time. Sometimes it’s just right... isn’t it? Phil isn’t who I thought I’d fall in love with, any more than you thought you’d fall for hippy surfer Dan. And just because I’m twenty-one doesn’t make it any less intense or any easier to resist... or any less “right”.’
She had me there. Who was I to question her choices? And if it worked out and they were happy, then great. If it didn’t work out, th
en it was all part of life’s rich tapestry, as my mum used to say. Emma would have to do what we all do and find her own way... like when she was a little girl and wanted to ‘tightrope’ walk along a wall, I’d let her do it, knowing I’d always be there to catch her.
‘You told me once you shouldn’t have married Dad, and you were unhappy, but you must have been happy once. When I talked to Dad he said you’d both just changed... that the person you need at twenty isn’t always the person you need at forty.’
I was taken aback by this. A new, live and unplugged Craig appeared before me... sensitive, empathetic, philosophising about life. I was sure Emma must be adding her own spin.
‘I never saw that side to your father.’
‘Perhaps you just weren’t looking, Mum.’
She was right; I’d stopped looking and listening, stopped caring, and once that happened, I was never going to see the other side of Craig, only the one I expected to see. Craig was right—he had been ‘the one’ for twenty-something me. He'd provided the safety and security I needed with my new baby. But forty-something me needed something more exciting and unexpected.
‘Oh, Emma, life is so bloody complicated... If only we had a crystal ball or Sue’s “astronomical” predictions were more reliable,’ I sighed.
Emma laughed. ‘Poor Sue. Is she still logging on every morning to find out what kind of man the day will bring? Wouldn’t it be great to know, or at least have a clue?’
‘Yes,’ I giggled, ‘and I envy Sue’s blind faith, but it wouldn’t do to know what the future held. It might stop us doing things...’
I thought about how we are always making choices in our lives and how sometimes they’re right and sometimes they’re not. Sometimes it’s just about choosing a different sandwich for lunch... and sometimes it’s so much bigger and we have to take a giant leap into the dark to find out if it’s for us. And I didn’t worry about where things were going anymore because I knew now, the joy was in finding out.
17
THE NON-LITHUANIAN BAYWATCH BLONDE
The night before we flew to Santorini, I looked online at the beautiful people wafting around the island, and worried about what to wear. I desperately wanted to look the part and fit into Dan’s world. His friends would be there and might have girlfriends and I just knew they’d be young and skinny and gorgeous. I’d packed some T-shirts and a couple of pairs of shorts but my clothes were all old and boring and even a little big for me.
Financing my escape wasn’t a problem; for years I’d been squirreling a little away each month and my ‘running away’ money was waiting in my savings account. I had always told myself the money could be put towards Emma’s wedding, but it was as though somewhere deep inside I’d always known I would need it to leave one day. I’d kept the account card in my rucksack along with my other precious things—the postcard, Filofax and the red silk dress. I was taking it all with me, along with the photos of Emma and my mum.
On the surface I was happy, but remnants of the old Faye sometimes bubbled underneath and there were moments when I wasn’t sure who I was anymore. Even now, with the prospect of ticking off a Santorini sunset with the most wonderful man I’d ever met, a tingle of fear bloomed in my chest. The old Faye wondered if her new sandals were too frumpy? She was worried about what would happen at the end of the holiday and what Dan’s friends would think about her. Would they see her as one of them or as an older out-of-touch woman, invading their thirty-something existence? But the most pressing question of all: did she have enough pants? I smiled to myself; I was about to fly to one of the most romantic places in the world with the man I loved and all the old Faye could think about was pants.
We had to be at the airport for seven a.m. the following morning and, despite her fear and hatred of red-haired air stewardesses, Sue had offered to drop us off.
Dan had just called to make final arrangements and I was just about to go to bed to try and get some sleep when the front doorbell rang. I looked at Sue. ‘That’ll be Mandy and Camilla,’ she said, opening the door. I was puzzled; I’d said my goodbyes to them earlier and didn’t realise we were expecting them.
Sue let them in and they marched into the living room. Mandy was carrying a huge black plastic bin liner over her shoulder, and as she hurled it to the floor like a dead body she announced, ‘The makeover team are now in the building.’
‘And looks like we haven’t arrived a minute too soon,’ Camilla added from behind her with a ladylike giggle.
Apparently a Faye makeover night was about to take place and Mandy was threatening to make me look ‘really sick’ for my maiden flight to Greece.
‘What’s in the bin liner?’ I was worried she was also providing me with sex toys for my trip. She and Sue had been so keen to give me bedroom advice, I wouldn’t have been surprised at a grab bag of rampant rabbits and love eggs. ‘Apart from the fact I’m not ready to surprise Dan with a colourful array of bedroom equipment, it would take my baggage allowance way over the limit,’ I said with concern.
‘No, it’s not sex toys,’ Mandy sighed, ‘but I could kick myself because Ann Summers had a sale and we could have got you all kinds of stuff for your hols. No, this is a bag full of summery clothes.’ She began emptying it out onto the sofa. ‘They’re your Emma’s. She Facebooked me, said you would need some holiday stuff as you’d never been abroad and she had loads. She thought you might not want to go back to the house so me and Camilla went round to your old place and Craig said, “Take what you want.”’
‘Aw, thanks Mandy and Camilla.’ I was touched and called Emma to thank her.
‘You will call me, Em, won’t you, if you need anything at all, or if you want me to come back—I will be on the next plane.’
‘Mum, stop. I’ll be fine. Just have a brilliant time and... make sure he looks after you.’
I smiled. ‘I’m big enough to look after myself, Em.’
‘Hmm... And don’t go round calling everyone “girlfriend” and saying OMG—even as a joke, okay?’
‘No, Emma, I won’t.’
‘And I don’t know what “mad” Mandy’s taken from my room, but if she’s got them, please DO NOT let her talk you into wearing the gold hotpants.’
‘Okay,’ I giggled at the thought.
‘Oh, and Mum...?’
‘Yes?’
‘You go, girl!’
I put down the phone, promising to text when we arrived. Camilla and Mandy were now fighting with the tanning tent and Sue was mixing a non-Lithuanian potion for my hair. They were chattering and giggling and, though I was so ready to move on, I would miss them too. ‘Wine?’ said Sue, tripping back into the room holding four glasses by their stems and a bottle under her arm
Mandy was now rifling through the black bin liner to help me choose the right clothes for my trip. Emma had so many clothes, I didn’t recognise some of them—she’d probably never worn a lot of it as she was so fashion conscious she wouldn’t be seen dead in anything twice. As Sue dabbed bleach on my hair, Mandy sorted through the bin bag, shouting, ‘Summery dresses, T-shirts, jeans, white cropped trousers and...OH. MY. GOD! Faye, you are gonna love these bad boys!’ She was beaming and holding up the pair of tiny gold hotpants.
* * *
The girls worked hard, lightening my hair, manicuring, pedicuring and fake-tanning. When they’d finished, I was amazed at the transformation and admired myself in the mirror. ‘You look like someone out of Bay Watch,’ Sue said, titivating my long blonde hair like the mother of a Pageant Queen.
That night I went to bed happy. I had turned the juggernaut of my life around and had achieved so much in the past few months. But I hadn’t done it all on my own; I had wonderful supportive friends, a daughter who understood and a new man in my life who listened and cared. I felt very lucky.
The following morning, I woke and finished packing. My hair was much blonder and the spray tan quite deep, and what had looked like a sun-kissed makeover the night before through the mists of wine
and electric light looked quite different the following morning. My pillows were orange and so was my face. I looked like an overcooked Barbie doll, and even after three showers was still sporting the Tango’d look.
Downstairs, Sue had made me scrambled eggs and orange juice, and despite my tummy being all over the place with excitement and fear, I thanked her and sat down. ‘That tan will fade and you’ll like the highlights once they’ve settled,” she said vaguely, placing a glass of orange juice in front of me. ‘You eat up, love. That orange juice is a bit Hasidic, but who knows when you’ll get a meal? It took me and Ken almost a week before we found somewhere that did egg and chips in Corfu... it’s all talamalamata and humis.’
We collected Dan and, as amazed as he was to see my new Technicolor appearance, I was amazed to see he was only carrying a large rucksack and wearing the jeans and T-shirt he’d had on a couple of days before. I had a huge new suitcase, and of course my pink rucksack containing my precious things, ‘I thought you were planning to go straight back to Oz from Greece?’ I said, a glimmer of hope forming in my heart (perhaps he was coming back with me to the UK first?)
‘Yeah... I am going straight home, but I travel light,’ he smiled.
His casual, laid-back approach to everything was rubbing off on me. I didn’t worry so much about the future, what might or might not happen; I was really living in the moment at last—but I hadn’t reached ‘Dan’ point yet. I’d packed far too much for just a few weeks, yet he had travelled halfway round the world with one bag and would travel back the same way. I smiled to myself; he’d clearly never been away with a child or had the same issues around pant quantity that I did.
At the airport I hugged Sue, knowing she was the best friend I had and grateful to have her in my life. She’d seen me through some difficult times and I would always be grateful to her. We both shed a little tear when I said I’d see her again, I just wasn’t sure how long it would be. Anything longer than a fortnight felt incredibly long to me and Sue in our small salon world. Dan hugged her and thanked her, then began walking slowly to the departures area, leaving us to have a few words alone.
