by Green, Vicki
“Yes. I do too. Bye.” I walk back into the kitchen. The same sadness fills my eyes, and my head is bent low. I release a big sigh and then look up at Jase, trying to put a smile on my face. “I need to go. I think my clothes are dry now.” He doesn’t speak or move. He just watches me walk back out of the room. I’m so confused. I don’t know what to think anymore. All the feelings that I’ve tried so desperately to escape from are back with a vengeance. I get into the bathroom and close the door, then grab my clothes and start undressing. His smell is still heavily on the sweatshirt I’ve been wearing, even more so since he held me last night. I look up into my reflection in the mirror, my eyes wide. He held me last night, and it felt like home. I’m in so much trouble.
I had such a hard time telling Jase goodbye, but he was sweet and didn’t ask any questions. I felt his lips kiss my forehead, and I swear I can still feel them now. I hit my Bluetooth and call Hailey on the way home.
“Girl! Where in the hell have you been? I’ve been trying to get ahold of you since yesterday.” Silence and then a sigh. “Are you okay?” The sadness in her voice breaks my heart. What a shit friend I am.
“I’m okay. Hey, what’re you doing for dinner tonight?” I try to sound uplifting but not sure it’s working.
“Uh, having dinner with you?” I can hear the smile in her voice, and I relax.
“Yes, you are. Come over to Moms at six. Don’t be late!” She laughs and agrees then I hang up as I turn the corner onto my street. Bill’s rental car is in the driveway, and I take a deep breath as I pull in beside it. As I get out of the car and walk up the short sidewalk the front door opens, and I stop.
“Sweetheart, glad you’re home. Come here,” Mom says with a smile. I walk up the two small steps and into her arms. She hugs me tight, and I feel safe. “I made your favorite tuna fish salad. Come eat.” I give her a smile and loop my arm through hers as we walk into the house. I don’t see Bill anywhere as we walk down the short hallway then into the kitchen.
“Where’s Dad and Bill?” I sit down at the table and watch her busy herself getting plates and the bowl from the fridge.
“Oh, Bill wanted to see the new office building downtown so Dad drove him. Men! I swear! Who cares about a stupid building?” She brings everything over and sits down next to me, filling my plate with tuna fish salad and plops some crackers down too. My favorite! She fixes her own as I start to put some on a cracker and take a bite. Yum! You’d think I wouldn’t be hungry, but suddenly I am. “So, you know I don’t pry in your business but Bill was pretty upset last night when you didn’t come home.” I stop chewing and look over at her as she takes a bite of her own. She lays her arm on the table, still holding her spoon with tuna fish on it and looks over at me sighing. “Just the strangest thing. I got the feeling that instead of being worried, which he had no reason to be anyway, he acted more like he was…. mad.” She puts the tuna fish on another cracker and takes a bite. I’m frozen, waiting for her to speak again. “You know. We don’t know Bill very well yet but why would he be mad when you’re home visiting your friends, the place you grew up where everyone knows you?” She looks down and starts scooping more onto another cracker. “It’s not like you’re in a big city where you could get into trouble. I just don’t understand, I guess.”
I set my spoon down on my plate, along with my cracker, and lean over, putting my head against her shoulder. “Oh, Mom. I was with Jase last night.” My eyes look up until I can see her face. I expected to see shock on it, but instead there was a smile. I feel her hand against the side of my head patting it.
“I figured either that or you were with Hailey but then she called me looking for you. There’s nothing wrong with catching up with your best friend, honey.” I lower my eyebrows and frown. “But it’s more than that, isn’t it?”
I sit back up and sigh loudly. “It’s complicated. Everything’s so complicated. I wish we could go back to the days when we all were together, hanging out, and playing ball. Why does everything have to change?” I feel like a whiny teenager again.
She reaches across and pats my arm. “Change can be good or bad. It’s what you do with it.” I look into her loving eyes and feel their warmth. “Sometimes we make the wrong choices but you know what?” My eyes widen with her wisdom, and I’m anxious for her to finish. “The good thing about those is we can change them to the right ones. It just takes some strength, some support and some determination.” She sits back and picks up her cracker and spoon, scoops up some more tuna fish on her cracker and takes a huge bite. Her smiling and all-knowing makes me feel so much better. She swallows, still smiling. “You know, your dad and I will always support you. No matter what.”
I sit up straighter, feeling some renewed strength. “You’re right, Mom. Thank you.” I pick up my own food and take a bite, feeling a little lighter. Now, I just need to fix the mess I’m in without anyone getting hurt. “Mom?” I look at her loving face and smile. “I’d like to have a few people over for dinner tonight. Is that okay?” She nods, her smile huge, and I’m feeling like maybe, just maybe, I can get out from all the heavy things I’m dealing with. Lord, help me.
Chapter 6
“Yo, Jase! Someone’s on the phone for you!” Jolie hollers across the room from the counter, and I give her a nod.
“Excuse me, please,” I tell the clients I have been talking to. I walk into my office and shut the door behind me, walk around my desk and sit down in my chair. After picking up the receiver, I hit the flashing button. “Jase Briggs here.”
“Bill Wells.”
“I’m sorry. Do I know you?” I know who he is but playing dumb seems to be the better thing to do. Motherfucker.
“No. We haven’t officially met yet but I’m sure we will soon. I’m here with Alena.”
Silence. I want to hang up on him, but curiosity is getting the better of me. I don’t know why he’s calling me. “Oh, yeah. I think she mentioned something about you. What can I do for you, Bill?” His name leaves my lips in a sneer, and I’m sure he can tell. “Did you want to work out while you’re here? I can give you a pass.” I pierce my lips trying not to laugh.
“No, actually I just called to give you a friendly warning,” his voice growls in my ear. A warning? Oh, please. He has no idea who he’s dicking with.
“I’m listening,” I growl back.
“Just stay away from Alena. I’m aware you have a past with her but I’m her future. You’d be better off remembering that.” What the fuck? “Just keep your distance. I won’t warn again.” The line goes dead, and I’m just staring at the receiver. Oh, game on, asshole! As if Alena doesn’t get a say on anything? I’m getting the feeling more and more that he’s always trying to control her. I just hope for her sake, she doesn’t let him.
My cellphone vibrates on my desk, and I smile when I see a message.
Alena: Dinner tonight? Moms.
I pick up the phone, my heart pounding. Can I go there? I’d have to pass where the accident happened. Is it time to try again? I’d do just about anything for Alena, but I’m not sure I can make it passed this hurdle. This asshole she’s dating is sparking me to go though.
Me: I’ll be there. Time?
Alena: 6 ok?
Me: Perfect!
Let the games begin. I’m sure he’ll be there but does he know I will? Guess we’ll find out. Gonna be a very interesting night, I just don’t want Alena to get hurt in the process. I need to be on my guard.
I worked out hard, a couple of times. The punching bag may need to be replaced soon. I figure if I get all my frustrations out before I head over to Alena’s house maybe I won’t want to punch his face in as soon as I walk in. Don’t think it worked. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to control myself with anything regarding Alena. The feelings I’ve had for her for so long are now escalating since she’s come home. Home. She needs
to move back home and get away from that jerk. If I find out he’s the one that put that bruise on her arm, he may be going back to his home in a body bag.
After a long shower trying to get my muscles to relax, I get dressed in a muscle shirt and jeans, put on my socks and tennis shoes and walk out the front door. I decide to take the tarp off my motorcycle and ride it over. When I get close to the street that turns onto my old neighborhood, my hands start to sweat, gripping the handlebars until my knuckles are white. I pull over at the intersection, my foot hitting the ground, steadying my bike. I remove my sunglasses and just stare at the street on my left. My body starts to shake, and I can feel the sweat beading on my forehead.
“Son, one day you need to get through the road blocks you’ve set up in your mind, in order to live again.”
My mom’s voice sounds in my mind as I swallow down the lump in my throat.
“Try going over there and not looking where the accident happened. I know you have to ride down that street but just don’t look around. Keep your eyes focused ahead, always ahead.”
Dr. Murphy’s voice pops into my head. She’s the only one that’s really helped me get to where I am today, talked me off the ledge at times. Well, the doctor, Mom, Scott, and Danny.
“You’ll know when the time is right, Jase. You’ll know.”
I take a deep breath with Danny’s words still lingering. Alena’s beautiful face appears in my mind, and I rev my bike. “Focus ahead,” I say out loud and flip on my left blinker. Sweat pours down my face as I check my side mirror and pull out onto the street then take a left. I get close to where the accident happened and close my eyes, trying to keep my bike riding straight. When I reopen them, I don’t look around and stare straight ahead. I hear the sounds of children playing on my left and can imagine they are over on the playground by the trail I used to run on. Quickly, I come up to my street and take a right, breathing a sigh of relief that I made it. The houses still look the same, older and more worn or some that have had a fresh painting as I get to the end of the cul-de-sac and turn right into my driveway. I intentionally came early, mainly to see if I could even do it, but also so I could stop in and see Mom and Dad. Well, if Dad’s even home.
After kicking down the stand and turning off the engine, I hike my leg over the seat and turn around, looking at the neighborhood. I can’t believe I made it here. Feeling a sense of pride along with an unbearable amount of relief, I walk up to the front door, tap on it and turn the knob. “Ma? Dad?” I yell inside as I open the door.
“Jase?” My mom yells from the kitchen.
I start to walk down the small hallway and yell back. “Yeah, it’s me, Ma!”
“Oh, my Lord in heaven! Tom! Tom! Our boy is back!” she screams. I barely get to the middle of the hall when she emerges from the kitchen, wiping her hands on her apron. “Jase. My boy.” Tears are streaming down her face, and suddenly she seems older to me. Older and tired. She wraps her arms around me immediately, kissing the side of my face as I put mine around her. I can feel the warmth and wetness of her tears on my skin as she silently shakes, and I know she’s crying. “I can’t believe you came home. I’m so proud of you, son.”
Tears that had already formed in my eyes from seeing her, being here, start to fall. Everything is so overwhelming, from passing where the accident happened to walking in the front door of my childhood home. My home. I finally remove one of my arms from around her and quickly rub the wetness from my face. She pulls back looking at me, the biggest smile on her face. I hear footsteps behind me and a clearing of a throat. Turning, I keep an arm around Mom’s shoulder and see Dad standing in the hallway.
“Hey, Dad,” I almost whisper with all the emotion choking me.
“Son. Glad you made your way back home,” he chokes on his words and for the first time since I was a kid, he’s crying. He walks over, and I reach out my hand to shake. He grabs it then pulls me into a hug, and I totally lose it. I haven’t cried, not really cried, in such a long time. Dr. Murphy keeps telling me it’s nothing to be ashamed of, that it cleanses the soul. She’ll be proud when I tell her about this. It feels like we stand there like this for a long time, but it’s probably only a minute when Dad pulls back, moving his hands to my arms and smiles. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
“Me too, Dad.” I sniff and start to feel a little stupid, so I turn, looking into Mom’s swollen eyes, and keep my arm around him. “Beer?” I look over at him and smile. He nods, and we walk passed Mom and into the kitchen.
“So, you’re going over to the Spencer’s for dinner?” Mom asks for the fifth time. Her smile has been plastered on her face ever since we sat down at the table. I take another swig of beer and nod. “That’s so nice. I bet Alena is beautiful now, not that she wasn’t before but it’s been over two years since I’ve seen her last. People can change so quickly.”
I look at Dad and then back at her. “You haven’t been over there yet or she hasn’t been over here?” I take another drink and set my beer on the table. “I’d thought for sure she would have visited you already, being that this was always her second home.”
She smiles and looks off as if thinking of memories. “Well, I’m sure she’s been busy. I’ll see her at the cookout, if not before, I’m sure.”
“So son,” Dad speaks and I turn my gaze to him. “What brings you here today? I mean….” He clears his throat. “After all this time, why today?”
I look down, feeling all kinds of uncomfortable when Mom speaks up. Thank God! “Oh, Tom. Why does it matter? All that matters is that he’s here.” She pats my hand as I look up and smile.
I look over at Dad and see he’s as uncomfortable as I am. “Actually, I’m kind of anxious since Alena invited me over to her parents for dinner.” His eyes widen and when I look at Mom, her eyes are sparkling. “Not a big deal, really.” Her smile tells me she thinks it is. “Anyway, I need to head over there but no way was I not coming here first.” I stand, take my empty bottle to the trash can and almost bump into Mom when I turn around.
She pats my cheek, and I feel all her warmth and love in her touch. “Well, now that you were able to get here today, I expect to see you more often.” I smile and lean down, kissing her cheek and start to walk out of the room. Dad doesn’t move, doesn’t look at me as I walk by. I get to the doorway when I hear his faint words.
“Good to see you here again, son.”
I need to get out of here before I fucking cry again.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
“Seriously, Alena?” Bill’s annoyance is making me more than annoyed. He turns to me and grabs my upper arms. “Do we really have to have him in this house? Do you not remember the nights I held you while you cried yourself to sleep? Why would you want to dredge up old memories like that? I just don’t understand.”
I pull away, anger shows on his face for a fleeting moment, and I walk to my closet to get my shoes. “My memories….” I turn around and hold onto the dresser as I slip on my heels. “Are all around this house, this neighborhood, these people, and I don’t wish for them to go away, Bill. This was my life. Is my life.” I walk over to him and look into his eyes. “Did you think I wouldn’t run into him at some point anyway, especially at the cookout in a couple of days and at the reunion? I’d have to see him eventually. Why not in my comfort zone at my house?”
He bends down and kisses my cheek, his thumb rubbing over where he kissed. “I know, my darling. You know I just worry about you.” He did, he does, but way over the top. “You know how I feel that everyone is out to get your money since your company has taken off. I wouldn’t put it passed….”
I place my finger over his mouth, and his eyes widen. “Not everyone wants to take my money. I grew up with these people. Most don’t even know that I own a multimillion dollar company or the name, but I trust them even if they did. They aren’t like that, Bill.” He kisses my f
inger, but I can tell he’s still angry. “Why don’t you go downstairs and help Dad and I’ll be down shortly.” My finger leaves his mouth as he leans in, pressing his mouth against mine, and the feelings I’ve had for him for so long aren’t there anymore. Maybe it’s time to talk about our relationship. But something inside me tells me no matter when that talk happens, I may need to have backup. I don’t think he’ll just walk away easily. Not now.
I watch him walk out of the door, and I go into my bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. A sun dress. Really? I feel so uncomfortable, so not me. I look like the person Bill made me into. The reputation for business. Not Alena, the fun loving girl in the neighborhood that can catch a ball better than most of the guys. My hair’s straight, took me forever to get it that way, and it’s up in a bun. Who wears their hair like that? Maybe a librarian. Suddenly, I find myself taking the pins out of my hair, watching it fall down around me. I turn on the shower and remove my sundress, undergarments and heels and step in. I make haste washing my hair and conditioning and then step out and dry off. When I walk to the mirror, I put some of my favorite gel in my hands and scrunch up my hair all over. I reapply a little light makeup and walk into my room then my closet and grab a tie-dye tank top and a pair of my jeans shorts, dress and then step into my favorite flip flops. I know he’s gonna flip when he sees me, but I don’t care. I’m at home, on vacation, and I want to be me. The real me.
