Maybe he didn’t.
“I think I hear Annabel,” she said, grabbing her top and yoga pants and quickly putting them on. She darted out of the room and into the living room, where Annabel was sleeping in her bassinet for the time being.
She dropped down on the sofa beside the bassinet and looked out at the glow of moonlight amid the darkness. Noah had never veered on what he wanted; she had to remember that. He hadn’t played games. He hadn’t made sexual innuendos. He’d been crystal clear. Yeah, he’d brought up a second chance but then explained what he’d meant. A second chance to do things right by her. Not with her. He wasn’t a man in love.
He wanted the twins and his former best friend to share his life on the ranch that he’d rebuilt.
She took a deep, steadying breath, feeling much calmer.
Well, at least she’d gotten great sex before entering into a sexless marriage. Tonight had been so damned good it would hold her for quite a while.
Or make her wish they could be together every night.
Partnership, partnership, partnership, she told herself. Feeling safe in the world. Having someone you count on without all the craziness of lust and passion getting in the mix.
A future to count on.
She heard footsteps coming down the stairs. “Sara? Can we talk?”
She stood, trying not to notice how incredibly sexy he looked. Trying to remember every moment of the past half hour. “I’m all right,” she said. “Annabel’s fine.” She smiled and gestured to the bassinet. “Okay, that was an excuse to run away from you. But I’m fine.”
“So...we’re okay?” he asked. “You’re okay?”
“I am,” she assured him.
But she wasn’t all that sure.
Chapter Eleven
The next morning, there was the expected awkward sidestepping as Sara and Noah ran into each other in the cabin a couple of times. Sara always had the mornings with the twins before Mrs. Pickles came so she could go to work, and Noah did his rounds on the ranch, but they’d been in the same place at the same time twice, both not quite looking at the other.
Last night, he’d accepted her “okay” and had followed her lead when she’d gone back to her room. The moment she’d heard his bedroom door close, she’d let out a huge sigh and then stared out the window at the night for what felt like hours. One moment—a half hour—they’d been so close, as close as two people could physically get. The next, separate bedrooms.
She’d felt really alone last night, but so aware of him down the hall, as always, and the dichotomy of that made her nuts. She had no idea how she’d managed to fall asleep, between thinking about their night together and what would happen in the morning: a trip to the town hall.
Now, they stood in front of the lodge at seven fifteen, preparing to say goodbye to their first guests. She forced her thoughts away from Noah as each of the participants shook their hands and let them know how much they’d enjoyed the ranch and what their favorite aspects had been. One guest, Zoe, admitted she’d cried saying goodbye to her horse, Lolly, with whom she’d felt a special bond, and she was already planning a future stay. Sara couldn’t help but notice that Tabitha was looking particularly happy—and her engagement ring was no longer on her finger.
Her old friend pulled her aside for a hug. “So I did email my mom,” Tabitha said. “I was very honest and emotional and put it all out there. That I couldn’t marry a man I didn’t love and didn’t want to grow old with, but that I also couldn’t bear to lose her and Dad’s love over it, and if they were ready to disown me for disappointing them, I’d rethink the marriage.”
Sara was surprised at that last part.
“I was bluffing,” Tabitha admitted. “And seriously praying I knew my mom as well as I thought I did. I know my parents love me and I just had this feeling that if I really explained how I felt, my mother would come through.”
“And she did?” Sara asked. From Tabitha’s happy expression, that much was obvious.
Tabitha nodded. “With several hours to digest the news, my mother softened and said she realized what she was doing to me—the exact thing her own mother would have done to her. She said she was horrified when she realized that. She had a long talk with my dad, and they called me this morning and said I came first, it was my life, and they wanted me to be happy.”
Sara was so relieved for Tabitha that she pulled her into another hug. “I’m so glad, Tabitha. Now you can go out there and find your true happiness.”
“Exactly. Thank you for helping me see that and for giving me good advice. I’ll never forget that.”
“Aw, that’s what friends are for. We’ll keep in touch?”
Tabitha nodded, and they exchanged cell numbers, and then it was time for the group to board the van.
“What was that all about?” Noah asked as they waved at the van pulling away.
“Tabitha Corey got her groove back,” Sara said. By standing up for herself. By knowing what she truly wanted beyond the obvious and finding a way to make it happen. She broke her engagement and kept her parents in her life. Sara was very impressed.
Noah grinned. “Good. The six new groups coming today aren’t part of any retreats. We have two sets of couples, a few families, and friends looking for some nature time.”
“They’re all set to arrive at one o’clock?” she asked.
“Yup. We’ll have a group orientation. After this, the orientations won’t be in big groups—it just worked out that way since they were all arriving around the same time on the same day. Some of the guests will be staying a couple days, some four, some a week. Things are going to get a lot busier around here now that we’ll have constantly arriving and departing guests. It’s all thanks to the great review in the Gazette. We’re booked, every cabin, every day, throughout midfall. I even have some bookings through winter at this point.”
“That’s great!” she said, wishing she could hug him. But she stayed put. “And Chance’s temperature has been normal for over twelve hours, so I’m confident he’s on the mend. We have a few solid hours to go get ourselves married before we’ll need to be back and focus on the ranch.”
Thank heavens for Daisy; she’d gone to the foreman’s cabin about a half hour ago to babysit while Sara and Noah said goodbye to the guests, and she’d watch the twins until they returned from the town hall.
With gold rings on.
Noah was staring at her, clearly looking for hesitation, for upset, for a change of heart, but she had her neutrally pleasant face on. She wanted to do this. “Well, the staff knows what they need to do to get ready for the coming guests, so we can go anytime.”
“I’d like to change, of course,” she said. “I mean, I know it’s not a big-deal wedding, but I don’t want to get married in an employee shirt and denim shorts.”
“Me either,” he said with a nod.
They walked back to the cabin, both briefly chatted with Daisy, who was with the twins in the living room, and they went upstairs, disappearing into their separate rooms. They’d agreed to meet downstairs at eight.
It was just past seven thirty. A half hour to decide what to wear to marry Noah Dawson. She went for a pale yellow sundress that skimmed her body but was forgiving with its drape, and her bronze sandals. She left her hair loose, dusted on a little makeup, put a small dab of perfume behind her ears and that was it. Ready to get married.
A knock at the door made her jump. Didn’t Noah know he shouldn’t see the bride-to-be before the ceremony? She rolled her eyes at herself. As if it was that kind of wedding.
But it wasn’t Noah at the door, it was Daisy.
“Just checking if you need any help getting ready,” Daisy said, sitting down on the edge of Sara’s bed. “From the looks of you, you are ready. You look so pretty, Sara.”
“Thank you for saying that, but it’s not like it matters. Pretty an
d romantic aren’t key words for these coming nuptials.”
Daisy bit her lip and twisted her long hair up and let it drop over one shoulder. “Kind of reminds me of my own love life. Or lack thereof. Every time Jacob uses the phrase I want to try, I want to scream,” she said. “I almost feel like the two of us are only getting back together for the sake of the baby. Not because there’s anything between us anymore. But maybe that should be all that matters. The baby.”
“I guess people end up together for lots of different reasons,” Sara said. “What really matters is what you want, Daisy. What’s right for you. I do believe that marrying Noah is right for me. Yeah—for the twins too, but for me. For a lot of reasons.”
Daisy nodded thoughtfully. “And like I said, I’m just glad we finally get to be sisters.” She stood up, a hand on her belly. “You’ve always felt like family, and now you will be. And I get to be Aunt Daisy for real.”
Sara grinned and hugged her sister-in-law-to-be. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Daisy grinned and glanced at her watch. “You’d better get downstairs, or you’ll be late for your own wedding.”
The town hall opened at eight thirty. Noah wanted to be among the first so they wouldn’t have to wait around. She wasn’t sure she would survive that.
Downstairs, she found Noah in a suit and his black Stetson. She hadn’t expected him to dress up.
“You look very handsome,” she said. She could barely take her eyes off him. Memories of last night hit her, and she forced the images of a completely undressed Noah Dawson out of her head. There would be no more of that in their lives.
“And you look absolutely beautiful,” he said, the reverence in his voice catching her off guard. She could feel him staring at her, taking her in, liking what he saw.
But you prefer a lifetime of platonic partnership, she wanted to scream. Safety over—
Huh. She’d been so focused on how she needed to feel safe and secure that she hadn’t really focused on why he was so dead set on a passionless marriage.
She knew that he needed the safety too. It wasn’t just about keeping Annabel and Chance in his life. It was about her. The thought hit Sara uneasily in the stomach, and she wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t as though she didn’t know he was avoiding how he really felt or what was between them by insisting on a platonic marriage.
“Ready?” he asked.
Was she?
She found herself nodding, and they headed out, the brilliant sunshine and low seventies temperatures wasted on a quickie town hall ceremony that would last all of ten minutes. No reception. No wedding night.
Just...security. And maybe a couple of photos to commemorate the day. Taken by strangers, employees of the town hall who’d serve as witnesses.
She sighed as she got into his truck. She’d had the real wedding, complete with a princess ball gown, only white flowers—per Willem’s decree—a jazz quartet and exceptional catering. Willem had hired a high-priced wedding planner and had apparently directed the woman not to let Sara make any changes to anything he’d already decided. Sara hadn’t really cared. Back then, she was all about her father trying to fight prostate cancer, and that she’d danced with him at her wedding meant the world to her. The look on her father’s face as he’d stood up with all the strength he could muster for that dance had been priceless.
Life was about choices, and Sara had made hers for reasons she would always stand by. She would do the same about today’s wedding.
Fifteen minutes later, they arrived at the brick building in the center of Bear Ridge. Sara saw a few people she knew out and about, folks heading into the coffee shop, the diner, and waiting for the post office to open. Just people going about their lives while she was about to undertake something so big, so important. She was getting married and barely getting married at the same time.
Upstairs, they found the Weddings Performed Here sign on the second door on the right. Inside the large waiting area with benches and chairs and a lot of mirrors on the walls, another couple was already there, also clearly wanting to beat any possible rush at eight thirty on a random weekday. Sara imagined the couple was in a similar boat to her and Noah. An arrangement-type marriage. Needing to get it done before work. Even if the bride was in a strapless, above-the-knee white ball gown and white cowboy boots, and the groom was in a tux with a neon purple tie and black cowboy boots. Even if the bride held a beautiful bouquet of pink and red roses. Sara did not have a bouquet. Still, she liked to imagine the couple was getting married out of necessity instead of deep, abiding love. Petty and small, Sara Mayhew, she silently yelled at herself. Don’t wish a lack of love on anyone!
She need not have worried. She watched the groom take the bride’s face in his hands, staring deeply into her eyes, and say, “I’m the luckiest person on earth. To get to spend my life with you. I still can’t believe it.”
The bride leaned up on her toes to kiss her tall groom, wrapping her arms around his neck. “No, I’m the luckiest. I can’t wait to become your wife.”
Sara’s shoulders slumped as pure envy socked her in the heart. She caught Noah eyeing the couple before turning away from them and fidgeting, pulling at his blue tie.
A door opened, and a middle-aged woman dressed in a powder blue suit with matching heels called the Hartley-Monkowski party. The couple made squealing sounds and hurried through the doorway after the woman, who closed it behind her.
“Guess we’re next,” Noah said, taking in a breath.
She nodded, biting the inside of her lower lip. A sheen of sweat broke out on the nape of her neck, despite the air-conditioning. Her sundress felt itchy. Her sandals suddenly felt too small. Her throat was dry and scratchy.
And standing next to her, looking like he might either faint or jump out the second-story window, was her groom-to-be. He seemed preoccupied, wasn’t looking at her and did not remotely seem ready to do this.
To get married.
“Are you all right?” she asked him. Please say no. Because this isn’t feeling right.
Why had it last night but not now?
“Just hitting me that we’re actually getting married,” he said. “Legally. Husband and wife. I’m about to become a married man.” His expression was half wonder, half something else. Like fear.
“Strictly platonic partnership,” she reminded him, peering at him closely.
“Platonic,” he repeated. “But still it’s legal. Official. We’ll be married, and we’ll both know it.”
“Meaning?” she asked, staring at him. Where was he going with this?
“Meaning vows are serious stuff, Sara. We’re about to vow to love, honor and cherish each other till death do us part.”
And we’re not going to mean it the way the first couple will, she thought. Sadly.
A small sob built deep in her throat. Just remember why you’re both here and doing this. Remember how you felt last night. Remember how scared and panicked you were. How grateful that you had Noah to count on. Partnership is a good thing. Not getting emotion and sex involved means things stay on an even keel. Always.
In other words, settling for certainty. Not that that word could ever be applied to anything in life. She thought about Tabitha, coming into her own, not settling for a life she didn’t want. Sara might want the life Noah had offered—the husband, the family, the father for her kids, the ranch, the partnership, the team...but not the platonic part. How was she supposed to live as husband and wife with the man she loved—as essentially his roommate?
“Mayhew-Dawson party, we’re ready for you,” called a voice.
Sara glanced to the left; the woman in the powder blue suit stood in the doorway of the room where the ceremonies were performed. Beyond her, Sara could see the justice of the peace at the front of the room, standing in front of the windows.
She swallowed. Partnership. Safety i
n the world. Noah Dawson, her friend. The man she’d always loved.
And did love.
Oh God, she realized as she slowly turned toward the smiling woman in blue. She loved Noah too much for this.
* * *
Noah stood in front of the justice of the peace, a man he’d never met, let alone seen before, Sara beside him, looking like she might throw up. Her complexion was kind of pasty and green at the same time. Her expression at the trying-to-keep-it-together stage.
This was not how this was supposed to go. Butterflies were one thing. Nausea quite another.
He wanted this marriage. But not at the expense of Sara’s happiness.
“Sara, if your heart isn’t in this,” he whispered, “let’s just go home.”
She frowned. Actually, she looked pissed as hell. “Just one moment,” she said to the justice of the peace, then took Noah by the hand and led him toward the back of the room.
“My heart isn’t supposed to be in this. It’s not supposed to count at all, remember?” she muttered. She shook her head. “Tabitha almost married a man she didn’t love to make her parents happy. Your sister is trying to figure out how she feels about her baby’s father after he disappeared on her the past six months. I’m not sure doing the right thing should be this damned hard. And I’m not sure this is the right thing anymore. Do you want to know why, Noah? The beating-heart reason why?”
He had a feeling he was finally about to learn what it was that Sara really wanted.
“Yes,” he said.
“Because I love you. Not like a friend. Not like a partner I happen to be close to. I love you with everything I am, every part of me.”
He sucked in a breath and stared at her. Of all the things she might have said, he hadn’t been expecting that.
“I had to settle once before,” she added. “And I paid dearly. I won’t settle again. So unless you’re in love with me too, I’d like to return to the ranch and spend my morning with my twins.”
For the Twins' Sake Page 16
