by Kimber White
“Out with it,” I said. “I can take it.”
Suzanne put a hand on my arm. “You’re right about one thing,” she said. “Rowan, you are so strong. And I wasn’t kidding about you being a marvel. But, you are only human. The changes in you aren’t meant to be sustained by a human body. It gets harder for you each time, doesn’t it? The pain that comes before and after your shifts is getting worse.”
I couldn’t say the words, but Suzanne knew. Damn her, she knew.
“Oh, Rowan,” Molly sobbed.
“How long?” I asked. My heart turned to stone. There was only one reason Molly would cry like that.
Suzanne bit her lip. “Rowan, we shouldn’t…”
“How long?”
“I don’t know,” Suzanne sighed. “There were some alarming results with some of your enzymes. I would really love to get some additional scans. An MRI could tell us a few things. And I know a specialist in Toronto who has done some amazing things with gene therapy and…”
“Suzanne,” I said measuring my tone. “If you don’t come out with it, you’re about to see how much of a marvel I am right here. Right now.”
“Yes,” she said, clearing her throat. “Rowan, I will be blunt then. Your organs are showing some early signs of decompensating. You probably can’t feel it yet. The changes in your adrenal glands are probably masking most of the symptoms. You feel strong. Powerful. But your body is beginning to shut down. You ask me how long. I cannot tell you that. You are a sample size of one.”
“So, extrapolate,” I said.
“Right. If you were on bedrest maybe, under tightly controlled conditions, we might be able to remediate some of the effects. I am guessing that is out of the question. And your Aunt Grace was right. With what is going on in your body, you shouldn’t be alive. So, there are many unknowable data points. But, Rowan, if I had to take an educated guess, a few months at the most. After that…”
I held up a hand. I suppose I should have crumpled under the weight of what she’d just told me. Molly already was. She drew me into her arms and sobbed against my shoulder. I couldn’t cry though. I couldn’t feel. If I let Suzanne’s diagnosis truly sink into my heart, Jagger would feel it too.
Months. Not years. I had only months to live. Some cold, detached part of my brain had known it all along.
“We’re not done yet, Rowan,” Molly said, pulling away from me. “Do you hear me? Suzanne and I are already doing more research. Don’t give up. I’m not. There are alternative medicines. There is witchcraft, a spell, maybe. There are shifters out in the Yukon who may have heard of things we can try.”
I straightened my back. The truth thundered through my heart, but still, I wouldn’t let it land. Not yet. There was still work to be done.
“You do that,” I said. “In the meantime, I’m going to try and help Jagger and the others kill that son of a bitch. Whatever else you do, don’t let Jagger know.”
I left Suzanne and Molly behind me as I headed back to the caves.
Twenty-Two
Jagger
Lena reached me first as I stood in the corridor near Sampson’s chamber. He was still unconscious, on his side, like he’d been since I dragged him here.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” she asked.
I smiled down at her. “If you have to ask me that, you already know the answer.”
Shaking her head and giving me her usual half-smile, Lena leaned against the wall and crossed her arms in front of her. “You really are a pain in the ass, you know that?”
Lena’s long amber hair fell to her elbows. She looked healthy, happy. She’d crawled out of a darkness I knew all too well and found Payne on the other side.
“I told you, I’m planning on coming out of this all right. And you know why I have to be the one to do it. But, I’m glad you’re here. There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”
Lena glanced over her shoulder. The others were coming. What I had to say, I wanted only Lena to hear.
“Jagger, don’t,” she said, putting a hand up. Lena knew me too well.
“Lena, listen to me. I promise, I’m not...like I was. I swear it. I’m not trying to die. I have something...I have something to live for now, I think.”
Lena narrowed those hazel eyes at me. “Don’t tell me it’s Rowan. She’s amazing. She’s perfect for you. But Jagger, I’m not standing here because of Payne. Things got better for me when I decided to get on with it for me.”
“I know. And I am. But Rowan helped lift a fog from my eyes. Now that it’s gone, I don’t want to live under it again. I’m also not naive and neither are you. So, before they all get down here and try to talk me out of this again, I need you to promise me something.”
She sighed and dropped her gaze. I knew what her answer would be. I probably didn’t even have to ask. But it mattered, so I did.
“Lena, if anything happens to me. Anything at all. Promise me you’ll look after Rowan.”
Lena pursed her lips together. Her eyes creased where her scar ran deepest. It gave her a cruel beauty and marked her strength as much as anything else about her.
“Give me your word,” I pressed on. “Swear it.”
Lena pushed off the wall and came to me. Reaching up, she laid her hand flat against my shoulder. “You know I will. We all will.”
“I know, but I need to hear it from you most of all. She’s tough as nails, but she’s been on her own for a really long time. You understand that. You’ll see things in her the others can’t because of who you are and what you’ve been through.”
“You have my word. Of course you do. But, you’re not going to need it, dammit. Because I, for one, am not going to let your ass get killed. Got it?”
I held out my hand and we shook on it. Voices rose down the corridor as the others drew near. I pulled away from Lena and went for Sampson.
“Jagger, wait…” she started. But, I’d waited long enough. Before Molly or Liam or any of the others tried to talk me out of it, I knew what I had to do.
I took the key out of my pocket and unlocked Sampson’s dragonsteel chains. I tossed them against the wall and pulled him to the other side of the room by his front paws. He started to pant, but his body stayed slack.
“Careful,” Liam’s booming voice bounced off the walls. “You’ve never done this before.”
I gave him a raised brow. “Neither have you.”
Rowan stood in the doorway. Molly was at her side, her eyes puffy from crying. I couldn’t feel bad about that now. I wanted to ask them all to leave, but knew they never would. So, there was nothing to do but start.
I closed my eyes and let thousands of years of instinct take over. I had no idea if this was how this was done, but it seemed as good a plan as any. I was an Alpha, after all. I was meant to dominate.
I went on all fours and put one hand on Sampson’s wolf’s head. His eyelids fluttered and my heartbeat quickened. A growl came from me, unbidden. Power flooded my chest.
“Mine,” I whispered. “You answer to me now.”
Sampson whimpered. Just that small, pitiful sound and something primal unlocked inside me. I’d been in control of my wolf since I was a teenager. For a brief instant, I wasn’t. He ripped out of me. The shift came so suddenly, pain flooded my senses. I hovered over Sampson’s wolf, fangs bared. I snapped my jaw.
Voices came to me as if from a great distance. I seemed to exist in two halves. There was the rational, more human part of me that could watch it all and stay detached. Then, there was the beast.
I closed my eyes and gave in to it. It was as if I fell down a long, winding tunnel. Colors swirled around me. It felt like I had a rope wound around my chest, tethering me to this side, the good side. But, what I was after was all the way down in the dark.
Sampson. Clayton Sampson!
I shouted his name in my mind. He was there. I’d slipped through some other plane of consciousness. We were there, Sampson and me, in the cavern with eyes all around. But we w
ere somewhere else too. The same tunnel, but just the two of us. His yellow eyes snapped open and filled with fear.
Stand up! I commanded.
Sampson’s front legs windmilled. He cried out in pain but couldn’t move. My pull was strong. Powerful. He arched his back and reached toward me, fangs dripping. But, there was something else in that room with us.
Able Valent.
I felt his power snake around Sampson’s mind, trying to pull him back.
I was bigger, closer, stronger. I paced in front of Sampson, breath coming in heavy pants, fangs bared. He was mine. I nipped the back of his neck, asserting my dominance. Sampson sprang to life. He got to his feet and backed away from me.
Submit!
I could feel the weak spots of his mind. Tiny holes like swiss cheese. I could see straight through them. Able was in there. I saw him standing on the porch of the old prison house. He was human, old, his white hair lifting in the breeze as he braced himself against the railing. Able’s eyes flared red. Sampson’s did too, but they were fading.
I dropped low, taking an attack stance. Power and magic flowed through me. I was born for this. My true nature soared. I was Alpha. Sampson belonged to me if I wanted him to.
My pack. My control. It lured me. Intoxicated me. I tapped into something primal, ancient and raw.
I lunged for Sampson and sank my teeth deep into his neck. An arc of electricity flowed from him to me. His mind opened to me. I saw everything. It was all vivid and clear.
Able was alone. Weak. Wounded. Sampson stood in front of a line of beta wolves. Their movements, their plan, it was all laid out bare for me. It was simple. Robotic. Able reduced them all to basic thoughts and commands. The power of his will overrode theirs. Patrol. Protect. Kill. I picked out the pieces I needed of Sampson’s mind as easily as picking berries off the ground.
Five betas. They patrolled in a grid pattern. Two stayed within a hundred yards of Able at all times. Sampson had been the leader. He relayed commands to the others and warnings to Able.
There’d been others. Stronger betas and even a few Alphas like me. I saw Payne. His eyes glared red as he sank his fangs into a young wolf. Able stood behind him, smiling. I felt Payne’s struggle to break free. His heart warred with his body. He wasn’t like the other Pack members.
I fell into a dark hole. I still had a paw on Sampson’s neck, keeping him still.
A warehouse. The stench of oil and burning rubber filled my nostrils. Able’s Pull was everywhere even though he was far away. He had a grip on me I couldn’t break. I thrashed against it. He’d been waiting for me. Waiting for this. Oh, God. The chains binding me felt stronger than dragonsteel.
Tenley. I tried to tell myself this wasn’t real. Tenley was dead. He’d been one of Able’s last strongest generals. He was dead now. He couldn’t be here. I realized with growing, smothering horror, this was just a memory Able wanted to show me.
Tenley was strong and fierce, standing over Molly. She was terrified, cowering, even as defiance flared in her eyes. Tenley was an Alpha; I felt his lust for Molly hovering in the air like smoke.
Then, the world fell apart.
Keara. Oh, God, Keara!
Able’s Pull strengthened, but it wasn’t aimed at me. In the corner, a smaller wolf held Keara by the throat. I felt Able’s command pour through him as he started his shift.
No!
She was too close. The smaller wolf’s cruel shift tore from him, breaking Keara’s ribs. Then, he flung her away from him and she crumpled to the ground like a ragdoll.
As I tried to run to her, Able’s wolf loomed between us like an apparition. Transparent. Here but not here.
I lunged for him, arcing through the air in my mind. He dissolved in a vapor. Only Sampson remained, lying crumpled on the far side of the cave. Keara’s death had been a vision within a vision, and now it was just Sampson and me. And the Pull.
It roared through me. Total. Absolute. No pain. No questions. Sampson’s eyes snapped open. He tried to shift and let his man out. I wouldn’t let him. Bloodlust coursed through me. I could make him pay. He saw the same thing I had. He watched and stood by as the vision unspooled before us. If he had been in that warehouse, he would have killed Keara at Able’s command.
Sampson begged for his life. He was caught between wolf and man, struggling against the pull of my Alpha.
Submit! Kill. Die!
Black power poured through me, shutting out all the light. No time, no place, no distance, no pain. Just...dark magic that took all the agony away. He was mine. I could kill him. I could make him suffer. I could make him kill for me. I could make him kill himself. I could be God to him.
I felt the last faint strands of Sampson’s free will falling away. He was gone. Wrecked. Hollowed out. I alone held the power.
I saw myself again, as if I’d split in two. My wolf towered over Sampson’s limp form. My eyes blazed red. Distant bands of light seared through me. I wanted the darkness. It was easier there. No more struggling. No more heartbreak. No peace either, but the path was clear.
It would have been so easy to give over to it. I fell through it, letting my limbs go slack. My mind go quiet. I let out a great sigh and all the pain left my heart. I closed my eyes and drifted.
“No!”
The voice shot through the dark, straight into my heart like an arrow.
“Jagger!” Again, a pinpoint of light burst through my body, leaving a scorching path of agony.
Heavy chains seemed to wrap around my wrists, slowing my descent into hell. My eyes snapped open. The light blinded me at first. I tried to lift a hand and shield myself from it. Then, the pain faded and a new sensation blossomed through my heart.
“Jagger!” Keara’s voice reached me. I looked for her in the light. I couldn’t see her eyes. I couldn’t even remember what color they had been. But, her red hair floated in front of me as if we were both underwater. When I tried to reach for it, it vanished in the mist.
“Jagger!” Keara’s voice changed. “Don’t you dare leave me!”
I opened my eyes again. Keara was gone. In her place, Rowan stood tall and proud. Her dark hair hung loose, flowing around her. She held her hand out to me. Her eyes flashed silver as her power surged.
I reached for her. Her grip was strong and hot. I met her gaze and felt the bloodlust fade.
“Rowan,” I whispered her name. It carried across the chasm on the wind. The chains around my wrists vanished. I floated up.
Gasping, I rolled to the side. I couldn’t get air into my lungs. “Rowan!” Her name erupted from me. I felt her hand on my back.
“Jagger, breathe!” Rowan took me by the shoulder and rolled me to my back. Her face swam above me, full of love and concern.
“Baby?” I said. Her soft hair fell around us like a curtain. But, she was real. She was here, and the darkness fell away.
She got her arms around me and covered my face with kisses. “Oh, thank God. You came back. Jagger, you came back.”
I held her against me as Rowan’s tears fell against my chest. We weren’t alone. Suzanne, Molly, Liam and the rest of the Mammoth Forest crew crowded into the cavern. There were smiles, cursing, and a fair amount of high fives as they erupted in joyful shouts.
For me, there was only Rowan. I slid until I had my back against the wall. Rowan straddled my lap. Smiling through her tears, she looked down at me.
“What happened?” My words felt strained, still underwater.
“You damn near crossed over, you asshole,” she said, hiccupping past a sob.
“No,” I said, shaking my head. My thoughts were jumbled. Nothing had landed yet. I’d seen too much.
“I saw it,” I said to Liam over Rowan’s shoulder. “All of it. I saw Valent. I saw his guards. I felt him. I know where his weaknesses are. The whole Pack.”
Liam, Mac, Gunnar and Payne pushed past the others and came into the room. Suzanne and Molly moved to Sampson’s limp body. They tried to work on him, but I knew it wa
s no use. There was nothing left of him. Able Valent had hollowed out that poor man’s head long ago. I had just been there for the finale. A part of me felt sorrow for his passing. He’d shown me everything I needed. But, there was nothing I could do for him now.
I cupped Rowan’s face between my hands. “It was you,” I said. “Rowan, you pulled me back.”
I couldn’t say how close I’d come to turning into something I knew we all feared. Tyrannous Alpha. It would have been so easy. I knew Able Valent now. He had no soul. It was his strength but also his greatest weakness.
“Let me look at you,” Suzanne said. She’d come to stand behind Rowan. I scrambled to my feet. Rowan looped a hand around me, helping me stay upright.
I held a hand up to her. “It’s okay. I’m okay. But, there’s no time. Let’s get to the map room.”
“You need to get to the infirmary!” Suzanne and Molly shouted in unison.
I straightened, finding my legs again. “No. Before it fades away.” Though, I knew the visions I’d seen would stay burned in me forever. “I know how we can win.”
Twenty-Three
Rowan
“No way!” Jagger fumed. He stalked along the river’s edge, his wolf eyes flashing. He was having a hell of a time keeping from shifting. His agitation fueled Gunnar and Payne’s. I tried to go to him, but sensed instantly that I made things worse. Lena shot me a look. I gave her a nod and she went to him instead.
“Get it together,” she said. “You go all wolf on us here, we’re sunk before we even start.”
For my part, I was a hell of a lot more calm than I probably should have been, under the circumstances. We were at the edge of the Tennessee River, a mile from Heartland. By dawn, this would all be over, one way or another. The moment Jagger laid out his plan last week, I knew what my role would be, even if he didn’t. Now, that I’d given voice to it, he was straight up going berzerk.
“Jagger,” I said. I stood with my hands folded in front of me. Once I’d settled on my course of action, a strange peace settled over me. It was as if the pieces of my life had all aligned in a certain way, leading me to this time, this moment, this action. It was simple. It was right. I couldn’t think about the things Suzanne and Molly had told me at my Aunt Grace’s gravesite. I was dying. The moment she’d said it, I knew in my heart it was true. But, I couldn’t think about that now. Maybe after.
