by T. J. Klune
“Um. So. Do you want to come up here or…?”
Silence.
“No? That’s… uh. Cool. I’m totally cool with that. You do you, dude. That’s the only way to be.”
Ryan snorted from behind me.
I glared over my shoulder at him. “What?”
“Nothing,” he said, holding up a hand to placate me. “I just wonder what the rest of Verania would think if they heard the guy that’s supposed to save them trying to summon a dragon saying you do you, dude.”
“Oh?” I snapped. “You’ve got a better idea, asshole?”
“Sam, I think any idea is a better idea. You could’ve started with Flora Bora Slam and it would’ve been a better idea.”
“Hey! I only work with what I’m given, okay! Just because you wanted to drop a rock down the hole, doesn’t mean you get to make fun of my idea. And I’ll have you know, Flora Bora Slam is still considered to be one of the greatest nonspells ever created. They put that shit on shirts, Ryan. They sell shirts with Flora Bora Slam on them.”
“I’m in a calendar,” Ryan said smugly. “It’s always the most popular month.”
“Well, yeah,” I said. “You have epic nipples. I used to buy it every year and masturbate furiously to—I mean, I read it for the articles.”
He frowned. “You read… the calendar for the articles?”
I nodded. “Exactly. Oh no. Look at the time. Maybe we should just come back tomorrow. Or never. Never is good also.”
Ryan started forward. “I’ll just drop this rock down and then we can go.”
I gave a hoarse battle cry as I jumped on his back, trying to reach for the rock to stop him from calling up the gigantic snake of doom.
“Oh yes,” he grunted, trying to hold the hand with the rock as far away from me as possible. “Because that was an appropriate response. Get off me, you weirdo!”
“Give me the damn rock, Foxheart!”
“Never!”
“We playing games?” Tiggy asked. “Jump on Knight Delicious Face?”
“What? No, no jumping on Knight Delicious—”
“Yes, Tiggy!” I cried. “Jump on him! Squash him flat!”
Tiggy crowed happily as he started running toward us.
Ryan and I stopped struggling. “This may have been a very bad idea,” I breathed.
“We’re so fucked,” Ryan agreed.
“Watch your mouth, oh my gods, think of the children you ass—oomph!”
What happened next I would take full responsibility for, even if the argument could be made that we wouldn’t have even been in this mess if I’d never been born, so blame could also rest mostly with my parents. Damn them and their libido.
Tiggy slammed into us.
Ryan and I were knocked off our feet.
We landed on the ground with a crash.
Ryan’s hand struck the dirt.
The rock bounced out of his hand.
“Noooooo,” I said, because everything felt like it was moving in slow motion. “Sommeonnnnne geeeeet theee rooooooooooock!”
But alas, it was no use.
We watched as the rock rolled toward the edge.
And it started tipping toward the edge—
But then it fell back onto solid ground.
It didn’t go over.
We all breathed a sigh of relief. The gods were smiling down upon us! Oh joy, oh happy day, I could just shit, I was so happy—
Then Tiggy sneezed, the force of which sent the rock careening over the edge.
“Excuse me,” Tiggy sniffed as he wiped his nose. “Pollen. Itchy.”
The gods hated us.
And we all cringed as the rock seemed to bounce off every part of the wall it could. In the history of the world, I doubted there’d ever been a louder noise. It was as if the dome was literally crashing down around us while a thousand birds shrieked and a group of children played their instruments in a concert that parents have to attend and clap and pretend to love, but really are all regretting not practicing safe sex.
Add to the fact that the large hole was apparently all the way down to the center of the world, as it seemed to stretch on for a good few minutes. I winced with every crash and bang, sure that at any moment, a nightmare was going to crawl out of the hole and come for us. It probably didn’t help that the hum in my head had all but ceased as soon as the rock began to make its way down. Which, you know.
Probably wasn’t a good sign.
Eventually, the noise fell away.
We stayed quietly where we had fallen in a tangle of limbs, Ryan on the bottom, me lying on top of him, Tiggy above both of us, propped up on his hands so he didn’t actually crush us under his considerable weight.
We barely breathed.
Nothing happened.
Tiggy lifted himself slowly.
I pushed myself up off Ryan.
Ryan stood, knees popping, brushing off the seat of his trousers.
I gave it one more moment.
Still nothing.
“Okay,” I said, sure we were fine. “Maybe it’s not even there. This was probably all for nothing. We should—”
The snake dragon monster thing roared, and then that was the loudest thing in the world.
“—run as fast as we possibly can,” I squeaked.
And then the ground started to shake beneath our feet, the trees shuddering, the flowers swaying back and forth. The birds took to their wings, flying up and circling overhead.
Tiggy didn’t even hesitate. He scooped up Ryan and me in his arms and took great bounding steps toward the front of the dome. My hands were on his shoulders as I stared behind us, tree limbs slapping against my back and neck as Tiggy grunted. Ryan was shouting something, but I was focused on the hole as it got farther and farther away. There was another roar that echoed through the dome, and Tiggy stumbled as the ground cracked beneath his feet. We pitched forward dangerously, and for a panicked second, I thought we’d go crashing down, but Tiggy caught himself at the last second, spinning out of the way to dodge a falling tree, clutching us tightly.
“Holy shit!” Ryan cried, and I couldn’t even be bothered to tell him to think of the children, because holy shit was right. “We have to get out of here!”
“Trying,” Tiggy growled. “Next time, you carry me!”
“Well try harder! You can’t just—”
Everything fell away after that, like a veil had dropped over the world. The colors were softer, the sounds muted. Tiggy and Ryan continued to bicker, but it wasn’t important. It was background noise. I could hear the breaths I took, the shift of the magic in the air. It was green and gold and red, and it was everywhere. It was in the trees, the flowers, the brush, everything. There was a concentration of it in this dome, and the hook in my brain gave a sickening pull, a wave of nausea rolling through me. We were going the wrong way. We were going the wrong way. We were going the wrong—
Wizard, it whispered, clear as day. Wizard.
I am coming.
“Oh no,” I whispered.
The dragon burst from the hole in the floor of the dome in a crumbling, forgotten castle. It was thinner than I thought it’d be, but far longer. Its underbelly was white, the scales on its back and sides a fiery red that glittered in the beams of the sun, causing fractals of light to shoot off around the dome. It had no legs, and its wings were paper-thin, flapping almost like an insect’s, quick and light. Its head was hooded like a snake’s, with sharp white spikes jutting out down the sides toward its neck. The same spikes ran up its head toward its blunt snout. It was completely out of the hole when its head jerked toward us, black eyes blinking. Its mouth opened as it hissed, forked tongue flicking out between rows of teeth that ended with two gigantic fangs that unfurled from the top.
In other words, it was a fucking nightmare, and I wanted to be anywhere but where I was.
“Sweet molasses,” I managed to say.
“And furthermore, you weigh like eight times more than I do. I couldn’t
even carry you if I—holy gods that is a giant snake!”
If we lived through this, I was going to give Ryan so much shit for the way he’d shrieked that.
Jekhipe curled in the air, bringing up its body underneath it, wings flapping furiously. The hood on its head flared out, the spikes rattling against each other as it shook. It opened its mouth again and roared, a sound that felt like it was vibrating into my bones.
“We’re so fucking screwed,” I whispered.
Jekhipe jerked forward, lightning quick, body hurtling toward us.
“We’re so fucking screwed!” I screamed.
“Talk to it!” Ryan shouted at me.
“You talk to it!”
“I’m not a godsdamned wizard!”
“Maybe you should be!”
“It’s your destiny, Sam!”
“You shut up about my destiny!”
Tiggy leapt over a fallen tree, skidding in the dirt and sand when he landed, turning to the right as he ducked under a thick low-hanging branch. The birds were screeching overhead, and Jekhipe was moving toward us, exactly like a godsdamned snake would, body curling and twisting behind it.
“There,” Tiggy grunted. “There.”
I turned to look ahead of us and could see the entrance to the dome. Gary and Kevin were waiting for us, eyes wide, Gary stomping his feet as he yelled, “What the hell is going on!”
“Giant snake dragon monster thing!” I shouted back.
“Giant snake what to what?”
“Running would be good!”
Kevin didn’t even hesitate. He grabbed Gary around his middle and hoisted him up even as Gary shrieked at him to put him down, what did Kevin think he was doing, did he think Gary could just be manhandled in such a way? Kevin ignored him and took a lumbering step back, trying to clear out of the entrance of the dome to give us room. I glanced back over Tiggy’s shoulder, and Jekhipe was getting closer, tail twitching, tongue flicking out, tasting the air.
Wizard, wizard, wizard.
“Fuck you!” I bellowed back at it.
“Maybe it’s not a good idea to anger the dragon with big teeth!” Ryan said, clutching his sword.
“You’ve got a better idea?”
“How was that even an idea? It’s—”
“Hold on!” Tiggy yelled, and I felt him begin to crouch, the muscles in his legs coiling. I circled my arms around his neck, hanging on for dear life as Ryan did the same. One of Ryan’s hands gripped my arm tightly and Jekhipe was right there.
Tiggy leapt toward the entrance of the dome.
One moment we were in a cool, dank forest.
The next, we burst into bright, harsh sunlight, the desert air burning around us.
It went from green to burnt gold in the space of a heartbeat, like we’d torn through one world and into another.
The momentum carried us past Kevin and Gary, who stood off to the side.
Jekhipe followed us into the sun. I didn’t know why I’d thought it wouldn’t be able to.
It was.
Its mouth opened wide, like its lower jaw was unhinged. The top fangs lowered again. The bony spikes along its hood rattled, and it was right there—
Kevin slammed a foot down as it went by him, driving its tail into the ground. Just as Jekhipe was about to snap its teeth around us, its eyes bulged and it said, “Urk,” as it jerked back, slamming down in a cloud of dust and sand.
We landed hard on the ground, Tiggy squeezing us close as we rolled, trying to protect us from the impact as much as he could. I had sand in my nose and mouth and eyes, and the world was spinning around me, flashings of sky then ground then sky again. We came to a stop when Tiggy’s back collided with a battlement that still stood. It swayed above us, and for a moment, I thought it was going to come falling down on top of us, but it held, only chunks of loose stone falling from the top and landing around us, kicking up a dirty plume into the air.
“That,” I wheezed, “sucked balls.”
“Understatement,” Ryan groaned. “Remind me why we’re doing this again.”
“Fate of the known world.”
“Oh. Right. Still don’t know if it’s worth it.”
“Tiggy, all right?”
“Sand in my trousers,” Tiggy said, sounding grumpy as he sat up, pulling us up with him. “Sand, Sam. In my trousers.”
“Yeah, dude,” I said, patting his arm. “That’s terrible. Believe me, I know. I have sand everywhere too.”
“Stupid snake dragon monster thing,” Tiggy said.
Speaking of.
The dust was clearing by the time I stood. I shook myself out, trying to get as much sand off me as I could. I took a step forward as I brushed off my arms and—
A shadow fell over me.
Because apparently the day couldn’t get any worse, Jekhipe rose above me. Its body was still mostly on the ground, muscular and agile, red scales bright in the sun. The lower third of its body was wrapped around Kevin, holding his arms against his chest, Gary tucked under his neck, trapped in its grip. Kevin was trying to snap down at it, but he couldn’t reach. I thought for a moment he’d breathe fire at it, but it would run the risk of burning Gary, and I knew he wouldn’t take that chance.
But Jekhipe wasn’t focused on them.
It only had eyes for me.
And I was furious.
“That’s it, then?” I growled up at it. “That’s all you got. Come on, you bastard.”
For a moment, I thought I saw its eyes widen slightly.
“Um, maybe not anger it, huh?” Ryan said. “That’s probably not—”
It jerked its head toward the sound of his voice, hissing at him, tongue out and tasting Ryan’s scent.
Which, no.
It squeezed Kevin and Gary tighter, causing Gary to cry out in pain.
Which.
No.
“Hey!” I shouted at it, taking a step back. “You look at me when I’m talking to you!”
It reared its head back as it turned to me.
“That’s right,” I said, taking another step back. “Thaaat’s right. It’s me you want. And I’m right here.”
“Sam? What are you—”
“Don’t move,” I said, not taking my eyes off Jekhipe. “I got this. Tiggy, get him out of here when I say.”
Ryan sounded furious. “And you get pissed at me for acting like a martyr?”
“Tiggy! Do you understand me?”
“Sam got a plan?” Tiggy asked, sounding worried.
“Yeah,” I muttered. “Yeah, I got a plan.”
That was a lie, but they didn’t need to know that.
“Bullshit,” Ryan said. “Tiggy, he’s going to—”
Jekhipe coiled to strike.
“Tiggy, now!”
Three things happened at once:
Jekhipe struck, teeth flashing;
and,
Tiggy grabbed Ryan and bolted to the side, out of the way;
and,
I jumped in the other direction as Jekhipe snapped its fangs at me. I felt the heat of its mouth as it missed me by inches. It slammed into the precarious battlement face-first. The tower swayed dangerously and then it tipped, tipped, tipped—
And then collapsed on top of Jekhipe’s head.
I scooted back as quickly as possible, trying to avoid falling stone. When it landed on Jekhipe, its body tensed and began to writhe. For a moment, I thought it was going to squeeze Kevin and Gary further, but it released them, causing them to sag toward the ground as Gary gasped sharply.
“Sam!”
I turned and looked toward the other end of the island, where the sea of sand had been before I’d destroyed it.
Ruv stood there, waving his arms over his head. “Sam, this way!”
I pushed myself up off the ground and started to run.
Jekhipe roared behind me as I heard it pull itself out of the collapsed battlement. I didn’t look back, didn’t stop to see if it was coming after me or how close it was. Al
l I focused on was Ruv.
Wizard wizard wizard wizardwizardwizard—
My lungs burned with every step I took as I jumped over the ruins of the desert castle that lay spread out around me. Magic was curling itself against my skin, and I knew my eyes were flashing again. The ground shook beneath my feet as Jekhipe tore after me. I could do this, I could make this—
“Sam!” Ruv shouted. “Left, move left!”
I moved left.
Jekhipe’s head came down on my right, jaws snapping closed around nothing, much closer than I thought it’d be. The eye on the left side of its head focused on me, still black, but there was a hint of a reptilian shape in the cornea.
I kept running.
I distinctly remembered the island being much shorter than it was right now. Fear and terror of being eaten by a snake dragon monster thing apparently caused me to misjudge distances, because one moment, Ruv looked like he was as far away as the City of Lockes, and the next, I was about to crash into him.
“Go!” I shouted at him. “Go! Go!”
He started moving, and by the time I caught up with him, was running full tilt.
“What’s the plan?” he shouted at me, darting to the left when Jekhipe tried to snap at him.
“The plan? I thought you had a plan! You told me to start running toward you!”
“It was about to eat you!”
“It’s about to eat me now!”
The stone path that led across the cavern lay ahead. We were quickly running out of land on which to run. And the path was broken halfway through, probably farther than we could jump, from where Tiggy had fallen from the sky on top of the mermaid.
We were so fucked.
Wizard, it hissed in my head.
And then—
“That thing!”
Ruv looked at me, face red as he panted. “What thing!”
“Your sailboard sand thing!”
He reached behind him and unhooked it from his pack.
I could do this.
“We get to the end, you go left. You go left and you throw that thing out as hard as you can.”
“What are you going to do?”
I laughed, sounding crazed. “I’m going to jump.”
His eyes bulged. “Are you fucking crazy?”
I grinned at him. “I’m Sam of Wilds.”
We careened toward the edge of the island.
I heard Kevin roaring behind us somewhere, either in the sky or on land, I didn’t know. He wouldn’t get to us in time, regardless. I didn’t know where Ryan and Tiggy were. I hoped they were safe.
