And Annie was handing her a toothbrush. Nikkie Jean wanted to cry. And then she wanted to sleep for a week.
Hormones. Hormones were the answer to why she’d felt so cruddy for the last two weeks.
And then she immediately felt guilty for feeling glad that her life was going to change—because it meant Caine’s was, too.
Roller coasters were playing in her mind. Constantly.
The concussion no doubt wasn’t helping. Nor was the man she’d seen yesterday that she’d honestly thought she’d never see again. She was so not ready to deal with the emotional maelstrom Jordan Carrington would bring into her life.
She’d almost gotten herself convinced she’d forgotten about him.
Nausea filled her.
It was going to be a long—she did the math in her head—thirty more weeks. Hopefully, the nausea would settle soon. She had about a month to go until she hit the end of the first trimester. By then, maybe the nausea would be more manageable.
She did not want to go on antiemetics again. She’d had enough of those when she’d had chemotherapy.
“You are currently making me glad I’m on birth control. And haven’t had sex in eighty years,” Izzie said, bluntly. “I can call Lacy or Layla. Have one of them call in something.”
“I don’t want to do that yet.” Layla Kaur, head of obstetrics, had come to Nikkie Jean’s hospital room at Rafe’s request, and they’d had a chat about Nikkie Jean’s concerns.
Layla understood her hesitation with prescription drugs at this point. The more natural her pregnancy, the better Nikkie Jean would feel. Maybe she was being overly cautious—she knew the risks, after all—but Nikkie Jean was scared. And she’d freely admit that to the ones who were with her now.
“So…what’s on the agenda today?” she asked. “I’m not just sitting here. I need to do…something. Anything.”
If she just sat there doing nothing—even with the headache of doom—she would go crazy, thinking of everything that could possibly go wrong with a pregnancy under the same conditions.
Annie hesitated. “Dr. Alvaro came by yesterday around seven. You were already asleep, and we weren’t going to wake you. We didn’t think you needed the added strain of dealing with him after…what happened at the hospital.”
“Thanks. I didn’t. I need time to think.” Exactly what she wasn’t quite ready to do yet. “I really need to think about what I’m going to do about him right now.”
“He’s the father, isn’t he?” Izzie asked.
“Yes. We…” Nikkie Jean led the way into the kitchen. She sank into her favorite chair. Her friends took the other two. She only had the three chairs. Just enough for them. Why hadn’t she ever noticed that? “It just sort of happened.”
“We didn’t even know you were involved with him,” Annie said from where she was making Nikkie Jean some scrambled eggs.
Annie had a tendency to mother people at times. Nikkie Jean was still getting used to that.
“I am not. Wasn’t. Well, obviously I was involved with him for about thirty minutes. Two months ago, I prepped a boy for surgery with Dr. Ralstone. And he died on the table. I was…upset. And I ran into Caine. I didn’t want to be alone. And he figured out that I’d lost a patient. He was just…there. I felt safe with him. Probably because of Rafe and Jillian. I’d met him before—outside of the hospital. I think that mattered. Made me associate him less with a hospital. Made him seem safer. One thing led to another that night, and I lured him to my room, where I—” Nikkie Jean stopped for a moment. No jokes. Not with her best friends. Total honesty. All the way. “We slept together. Then he decided he didn’t want more than that. Fast. Pretty much before we were even finished.”
“Bastard,” Annie said, more hotly than Nikkie Jean had ever heard her speak before.
“He thinks he has good reason. He has three other kids that he’s raising alone. And they are beautiful. They look just like Ari, especially his daughter. And Rafe. I think that is why I trusted him so easily. Because of Rafe being one of the few men I do trust. I know myself well enough to see that. Caine says he isn’t ready for a relationship right now. And we were careful.”
“Maybe this kid is meant to be?” Izzie put her hands on Nikkie Jean’s shoulders and looked at her. Nikkie Jean just looked back. Izzie’s brown eyes were wet. She was such a softie, Izzie MacNamara. “You said it yourself: the odds of you getting pregnant were super slim, anyway. Let alone odds of a condom breaking. We all three know that doesn’t just happen all the time. What fraction of a percent of the population does that happen to, anyway? I don’t know, but it happened to you. There had to be a reason for that. I think the kid is a miracle. Whether he sees that or not.”
Nikkie Jean nodded. She’d had the same thoughts. “I feel exactly the same way.”
“He was worried about you. For someone who doesn’t want a relationship, he was really worried. He looked just like Rafe did every single time Jillian was brought into the ER hurt a few months ago,” Annie said. “I think he cares about you. No matter what he said before. He didn’t have to show up here last night. If you had been here alone, or there hadn’t been two of us to stop him, he probably would have stormed right in and hovered over you all night. You’d have trouble getting rid of him. He was truly worried.”
“Somehow, I don’t think so. I don’t know why he would have shown up here, though.” Nikkie Jean pulled in a deep breath and made her decision. It wasn’t fair for her to be here with people who knew about his baby—when he didn’t. “I have to go tell him. Today. No matter what, he deserves to know about the baby. As soon as possible.”
“What time does he leave the hospital?” Izzie asked.
“I think around five. I’ve passed him on the road a few times around then.” For the last two months, she’d deliberately look away whenever their paths would cross on the highway. Somehow, he’d always ended up a few car lengths behind her for the seven miles from the highway to his turnoff three miles from her house.
“Then you spend the rest of the day resting and taking care of yourself and Baby. If you behave, we’ll drive you over there. Be there if you need us.”
It sounded like a plan. Besides, her head hurt. Dealing with Caine Alvaro was the last thing she wanted to do at the moment, thank you very much.
39
CAINE STEPPED OUT of the hospital after one of the most useless and time-wasting board meetings he’d ever sat through, and there she was. Nikkie Jean was waiting on a concrete bench right outside the main entrance.
He’d almost missed her sitting there. Until she spoke. “Hey, Alvaro.”
“Nikkie Jean…” His first thought was concern; she could have been there as a patient again. After a half-second’s thought, he discarded that idea. She would have gone back to her own hospital with her little guard dogs driving her.
She was paler than he was used to seeing her, and from the way she moved, she was agitated. Frightened of something.
And still hurting. He studied her quickly, there were visible bruises and stitches. His hands itched to pull her close and just hold her. Make certain she was all right. Carry her to his truck, take her to his home, put her in his bed, and take care of her the way she deserved. Fix her with all the skills he possessed.
Like he hadn’t been able to do with April.
He would have given anything to save his children’s mother that day.
“We need to talk, Caine.”
She wasn’t as bubbly as he was used to her being. And she was shivering. In July. He could almost touch the nerves running through her.
There would be only two reasons she’d be here today. One, she had bad news about his brother or sister. Two, there was something else she had to tell him. Something that only she could tell him.
Caine took one look at her, did some counting backward. “You’re pregnant.”
“Damn, you’re good. Confirmed it with a quantitative hCG. And ultrasound. Lacy and Layla—my doctors wanted to be certain the cancer I had
when I was sixteen hadn’t returned and thrown off the tests. It’s real. I’m pregnant. I never thought I could be, but I am. Guess the striped condom had magic powers. Or you’re just super potent.”
The next words damned him, and he knew it the minute they slipped out. “And you believe it’s mine.”
The hurt in her eyes was unmistakable. Instantaneous. A shutter fell over her eyes and she stiffened, pulled away from him without even moving. Closed herself off in a heartbeat. But there was no surprise in her eyes. As if she’d expected his doubt. “Since I’ve only slept with one man in the last four years, I’m pretty certain it’s your baby. You know, broken stripey balloon? Remember that? But hey, you want to deny it ever happened, that’s fine with me. I’ll just tell everyone I used a donor. Of course, the kid will most likely look like Rafe, so people will assume…but…I’ll just tell Jillian and Rafe all about that night—and what you want to do about it. I’m sure Rafe will volunteer to do the daddy-kid things the baby may need in the future.”
“I didn’t mean it like that. Not at all.” He’d meant…hell, he’d just flashbacked to the moment April had told him Dalton was on the way—and most likely wasn’t his.
He’d wanted more children for years. She’d known that and had used it as a weapon. Many times.
But Nikkie Jean was not April. He had to remember that.
“Here.” She slapped a familiar-looking photo against his chest. He took it. And checked the estimated date of conception printed in the corner automatically. He ran his finger over the little black shadow that was a human life. His child. Nikkie Jean’s child.
Their child.
“I didn’t mean it like that. I thought you said you couldn’t get pregnant.” He’d spent six-plus months not knowing if Dalton was his. Only to have the baby born prematurely and needing him—whether he’d been Caine’s child or not. That had left a lasting impression. Yet he knew instinctively that this baby was his. Nikkie Jean was not April. She wouldn’t play a man like that. Not her. It wasn’t in her DNA. “I need time to think. To decide what to do.”
For the children. For himself. And for her.
“You need time to decide. I know what I’m going to do. You can visit on weekends if you want. Then when the baby is older, he or she can visit with you. You need to understand something. I don’t need anything from you. And neither does this kid. I was told when I was sixteen that I’d never have children, Caine. That the surgery and ovarian cancer had destroyed that hope. Almost completely. My father made that as clear as glass. Until this week, I believed that wholeheartedly. I only have one ovary. And one fallopian tube. And they were only partially functioning when I was a teenager. Adjuvant chemo did a number on them after. I was told they wouldn’t be functional past the age of twenty-five and I’d eventually need them removed. That doesn’t matter now. What does is that this baby is going to grow up differently than I did. Loved. If you want to be a part of that, I won’t stop you. I’m not going to force you to do anything you don’t want to. This baby will be taken care of and loved: I promise you that. Period. And because I have a code of honor I live by, I figured you deserved to know as soon as I was out of the hospital. Consider yourself informed.”
She’d obviously practiced this speech a few times. It didn’t have the same free-flowing Nikkie Jean feel that her chatter usually did.
He doubted she realized that told him exactly how she was feeling. He was starting to understand how this woman was programmed. She spun and stalked across the parking lot as much as she was able on crutches.
She wasn’t very good on crutches; she was going to end up hurting herself worse.
Like an idiot he just stood there and watched, rain pouring down over him and thunder rolling in. Instead of following. Instead of protecting her.
His baby was growing inside Nikkie Jean right now.
The mere idea threatened to send him to his knees from emotions he couldn’t quite define yet.
Caine called her name, but she either didn’t hear him or she was ignoring him. He suspected it was the latter.
He’d just screwed up by not saying the right thing to her. Again.
They had just changed everything—for everyone. He needed time to process. She’d had several days, at least.
He held the ultrasound photo close, protecting it from the rain blowing in under the portico. Experienced eyes studied the little black blob for a moment longer. It was a good-sized fetus. No surprise; considering how big Caine was himself.
Resolve filled him.
It was time the two of them had a serious talk about what had happened. And cleared the air of exactly what he’d wanted to say to her for the past two months.
She was going to listen to him for once.
Caine hurried across the parking lot. He’d follow her home. Make certain she got there safely. Then they’d go inside and talk. Figure out what they were supposed to do next.
He hadn’t even asked her if she was ok. Healthy. If she’d been sick, or had any other issues from the pregnancy over the last two months. April had been horribly ill with the twins and had resented him the entire time. He didn’t have a clue if she’d been sick with Dalton. Or how she’d felt about their youngest.
He wanted to know everything about Nikkie Jean and the baby now.
He knew one thing. The last thing he would ever do was let a child of his grow up out there thinking their father hadn’t wanted them.
Caine knew exactly how that felt. And he would never do that to a child of his own. No matter what the circumstances of that child’s conception.
Even if Dalton hadn’t been his, Caine would have loved him just as much as he did now. He still didn’t know with one hundred percent certainty, although there was a high likelihood he was. April very well could have been lying when she’d been on her deathbed.
He pulled out of the parking lot and followed Nikkie Jean.
40
CAINE HAD BEEN BEHIND them the entire way. Nikkie Jean knew it was him; the big jerk. She’d half convinced herself that things would be different. That he wouldn’t turn out to be just like her father had.
Her entire childhood had been littered with her father’s doubt. The arguments between her parents when she’d been too young to understand them had stuck in her mind.
Her father hadn’t wanted her. He’d made that very clear, from the first time she’d heard him say it when she’d been four or five.
She’d always been unwanted.
What he’d said the day before didn’t erase that. Make her believe he’d ever cared.
But it was the first time in her life her father had told anyone that Nikkie Jean was his daughter and not looked away when he said it. He’d been almost fierce about it.
Only when she’d been sixteen and her mother had ordered a DNA test done had he finally stopped throwing it up to her mother that she might not be his. After the results had proven her mother hadn’t lied, that she was just as legitimate as her older brother Dathan, had her father even tried to have a relationship with her.
After it had been far too late.
Nikkie Jean should have known better about Caine. She’d seen that exact same doubt in her father’s eyes every time he had looked at her.
Her baby would never go through that pain of rejection. Not for a moment.
Caine may not want anything to do with his biological family, but she was friends with them. She could take her child around whomever she wanted. Her baby would have a family. No matter what happened with the baby’s father.
Izzie parked. They’d not said much on the drive, but they’d all known he was there. Following.
“Go home, Iz. Annie. I’m going to talk to him. We’re going to work things out.” She pulled in a breath after she said it.
It was the exact opposite of what she wanted. She did not want the big, terrifying dragon in her cave again.
“You don’t want us to stay?” Annie asked when Izzie protested.
She’d j
ust told her only real source of a safety net that they could leave her with the one man she feared the most. Well. Emotionally feared.
She didn’t have a physical fear of Caine Alvaro, despite him being the size of a mountain and all perfectly muscly.
“No. I can handle Caine Alvaro on my own.” He hadn’t screamed or raged at her. Or glared at her with the type of stony silence her father had given her mother. There was that.
He hadn’t been so angry he’d frightened her. Not at all.
Nikkie Jean didn’t know what to think of that. If he’d shown anger or disdain, she would have known how to respond. Could have predicted what would happen.
She couldn’t predict Caine.
That both thrilled her and terrified her to her hot-pink-striped painted toenails.
“We’ll go. To Lacy’s. If he threatens you or scares you, you call us. We’ll come with Lacy and Travis and make him leave. Even if we have to bring Travis’s ranch hands to help,” Izzie said. “Remember: he has no right to touch you. None at all. Keep your phone in your pocket. Text us right away.”
She stood in her yard after her friends pulled away, until he killed the engine and opened the door.
Nikkie Jean started toward the steps of her front porch. She was up two of the five before he was even out of that truck of his.
She looked back.
He’d caught up to her; no surprise with her on crutches. He was so close she could almost touch him. Nikkie Jean stepped up another step.
And lurched forward as the wooden step buckled beneath her.
41
CAINE GRABBED HER. One arm slipped around her waist, and he caught her. He pulled her against his chest and to safety.
The crutches fell to the ground. Her head narrowly missed hitting the wooden handrail. By an inch. He lifted her up into his arms, fighting the sudden rush of adrenaline. Fear. She felt so damned breakable in his arms. “You ok?”
She drew in a shaky breath. “Yeah. Thanks. The step broke. You can let me go now. I don’t like men behind me like this.”
Lost in the Wind Page 14
