Empower

by Jessica Shirvington

  I looked from Lincoln to the dance floor then back to Lincoln, feeling entirely confused. Without thinking, I blurted, “That’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever heard! Gray isn’t my, my…Hell, he’s barely qualified to be a friend.”

  Lincoln nodded, his look decidedly dubious. “A friend with whom you dance like that.”

  I put my hands on my waist, struggling to see past the red. The fact that Gray was easy on the eye and drew his fair share of female attention was one thing, but for Lincoln to honestly think I could register any kind of attraction to another person…I took a deep breath, considering that it might be better to just let him think that, but for some reason, I just couldn’t stand any more lies. There had already been too many to count.

  “I bribed him,” I confessed.

  “Sorry?”

  “He’d made a mess of a hunt, and I saved his ass. And, considering by the time I did, he was butt naked and hanging upside down, let’s just say he owed me big time for both his life and his pride.” I shrugged. “I forced him to go to dance classes with me twice a week from then on. He hates it with a passion but not as much as he hates the idea of the other Rogues knowing how close he came to a naked death.”

  It was the most I’d said to him since arriving. Lincoln took a step toward me, his eyebrows drawn together. “You’re telling me you’re not with Gray?”

  I half laughed, not that anything right then was funny. Far from it. If only he knew how impossible the concept of being with anyone in that way was to me.

  His frustration didn’t ease. “What about that kiss today?”

  I dropped my shoulders and stared at him, my neutral expression saying it all.

  He shook his head slightly and looked up. “A distraction.”

  “One that would’ve normally cost him a limb,” I said.

  Suddenly exhausted by the long day and night on top of my previous sleepless night, I sighed. I gestured halfheartedly to where Gray was dancing with Mia. She was lifting his hands from where they had been moving dangerously low on her back. He was damn lucky he never tried that with me. I pointed to them.

  “You might want to go cut in,” I said, even though the idea of him dancing with Mia like he’d just danced with me made me want to break in two—after breaking every bone in her body first.

  I walked back to my table without another word.

  Morgan was fanning herself dramatically as I approached. “I have never seen anything so hot in my entire life!”

  I grabbed my bag. “I’m outta here.”

  “I’ll go with you,” Steph said, quickly standing and joining me.

  As I walked behind the bar and through the door marked private, I could feel Lincoln’s eyes on me, but I didn’t allow myself to look his way again.

  Once we made it into the back of the house, Steph walked me to my room.

  “Thanks, Steph,” I said, wishing I could put into words how sorry I was that I’d taken off and left her behind, and how grateful I was that she didn’t hold it against me even though she had every right to write me off as a friend.

  “Want to talk about it?”

  I shook my head. “No. Thanks, but I just need to be alone for a bit. I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”

  Before disappearing back into the hall, she paused at the door to ask, “Roses or daisies?” When I stared back blankly, she added, “For the wedding.”

  “Oh,” I said, catching on. “Daisies,” I answered, surprising myself. Steph had always been a roses girl, but I wasn’t the only person who had changed over the past three years.

  She smiled. “Band or DJ?”

  “Definitely a band. Something loungy and sweet.”

  She nodded. “Night, Vi.”

  “Are you scared?” I asked quietly. “The age thing?” Salvatore could live for many hundreds of years and continue to look young while Steph would live a normal human life.

  “It’s weird to think of all the unknowns, but I love him, Vi.” She gave me a knowing look. “I have to believe that the rest will work itself out.”

  “All is riddle, and the key to a riddle is another riddle.”

  Ralph Waldo Emerson

  I woke with a start, surprised to realize I’d actually drifted off to sleep. It was one o’clock in the morning, which meant I must have had at least a few hours’ shut-eye. Glancing around the unfamiliar surroundings, I groaned, leaning back onto my pillow as the events of the past twenty-four hours came rushing back.

  In such a short amount of time, everything had come tumbling down around me, and now that I was alone with no one’s thoughts but my own, they screamed at me that I was utterly screwed.

  Unable to stay in my room any longer, I headed to the kitchen, hoping I might find enough supplies to rustle up a late-night snack.

  “I was wondering if I’d see you again tonight,” Dapper said from the doorway as I was half-buried in the refrigerator. Then he checked his watch. “Or should I say morning?”

  He still had a dishcloth over his shoulder and looked like he’d just come upstairs after closing up.

  “I couldn’t sleep,” I said, dumping some bread and cheese onto the counter. “Grilled cheese sandwich?”

  He shook his head. “That was quite a show the two of you put on earlier.”

  I busied myself with making the sandwich while waiting. I knew he had more to say.

  Dapper disappeared around the corner. I could hear him rummaging in his small bar, ice cubes clinking into a glass. “You want a drink?” he called out.

  “No, thanks,” I responded, pouring myself a glass of milk instead.

  I was putting the cheese sandwich in the press when he resumed his position against the doorjamb, drink in hand.

  “He came here tonight so I could heal him.”

  I nodded. I’d noticed that the cut on Lincoln’s forehead was considerably better. It would probably be gone by morning. Dapper had the ability to heal both humans and not-only humans.

  “Thank you,” I rasped.

  He rubbed the back of his neck, looking tired. “I would’ve done it even if you hadn’t asked me to be there for him before you left,” he said, referring to the favor I’d called in. “Not that he comes to me as often as he should.”

  “What do you mean by that?”

  “He’s stubborn, like you. He only comes to me when he has to. No way he would’ve come to me with tonight’s injury if he didn’t need to be in top shape to go after Spence. Normally he just sits and suffers through the broken bones.”

  “Jesus,” I whispered. “Why does he always have to take the hard road?”

  “Are you really asking that? You?”

  I shook my head. “I wouldn’t take the hard road if there was another option. But he’s got someone here who can help him and he doesn’t accept it. That just doesn’t make sense. He doesn’t always have to be the martyr.”

  Dapper threw back the last of his nightcap and rinsed the glass in the sink. “Have you considered that he doesn’t do it because every time he accepts that this is now his life, he loses a bit of what he had with you?”

  “That’s—” My eyes burned. “That’s not true, Dapper. Lincoln gave up on me a long time ago.”

  “Oh, yeah?” he replied, raising an eyebrow. “And when would that have been?”

  “When he stopped looking for me. He chased me all around the world. There wasn’t a day I couldn’t feel him hunting me down in that first year. Then one day, he just stopped.”

  “And you wanted him to keep chasing?”

  “No,” I said, sighing heavily. It hurt knowing that he was doing nothing but searching for me, knowing I couldn’t ever let him find me. It was a cruel game of cat and mouse with no victor to be had. I swallowed. “It was for the best.”

  He reached for his dishcloth and dried his glass. �
�I remember when he came back. He sat in this bar for nearly a month. I’ve never seen anyone drink so much, not even Onyx.” He half laughed. “And then there were the girls.”

  I looked up sharply. “Dapper, please,” I begged. I couldn’t hear this.

  He ignored me. “They came from everywhere, all wanting to be the one who mended his broken heart and sorry soul.”

  “Oh,” I said.

  “Your sandwich is burning.”

  I lifted the sandwich press and quickly transferred the burned cheese melt onto the counter. I wasn’t hungry anymore.

  When I looked up, Dapper’s eyes were fixed on mine, waiting. “He never looked at one of them. Not even for a fleeting moment.”

  I swallowed something that tasted a lot like relief. “So what happened?”

  “I’m not sure exactly. One day, Spence came in, the two of them got in a scrap, and then Spence managed to haul him out. The day after, he just didn’t turn up. The next time I saw him, he was back with the Academy, and a few months later, he was running his own show. That’s all he’s done since—just put his head down and worked.”

  “That, I can understand.”

  He nodded. “I’m not surprised. There’s only one person in this world for each of you. For as long as you’re each not willing to take what you need, the other will inevitably suffer. It’s a Gordian knot if ever there was one.”

  “What did you just say?” I asked, a shiver running down my spine.

  “I said you two are impossible. Like a Gordian knot. Do you know the story?”

  “Yeah. I’ve heard it before.”

  Damn you, Phoenix.

  I knew he’d played a hand in this little coincidence; it had angel prints all over it.

  “I think I might go out for a walk,” I said.

  “Suit yourself. But if you’re just after some fresh air, those stairs over there will take you to the roof. It’s a nice view. And exile free.”

  I nodded before grabbing a sweater from my room and heading up the stairs as Dapper went to his and Onyx’s room.

  When I pushed through the high door and came out onto the roof, I was suddenly reminded of where we were. I was standing on the top of a Brooklyn Bridge pillar. “Whoa.”

  I moved to the edge and sat down with my legs hanging over. I’d only managed a few minutes of sky gazing before I felt the change in the air around me as gravity shifted and time slowed until the world around me was still.

  My shoulders slumped and my head dropped forward. Of course. It was too much to ask for a few minutes alone.

  When I turned around, remaining seated, I saw the whole gang present and accounted for.

  I glared at Phoenix, who quickly held up his hands in surrender.

  “Hey, you should be thanking me. Nox kept trying to turn up right in the middle of your dance.”

  I grimaced. “You all saw that?”

  “Every single hip thrust and possessive look,” Nox said, dragging out his words.

  “Even if you’d be better off dancing with someone else,” Phoenix threw in, his eyes moving away before I could catch them.

  “You’re probably not wrong there,” I admitted. Dancing with Lincoln had stirred too many of the emotions I worked hard to keep buried. “Though dancing with you would be no wiser,” I added, to which he glanced up and gave a half smile.

  I turned my attention to the others, noticing the grave expressions worn by my angel maker and Uri.

  “How bad?” I asked.

  Stupid question. The fact they’re all here is answer enough.

  “Very,” Uri replied.

  “Anyone care to elaborate?”

  “New Orleans is a…complicated territory. Many bad things happen there,” Uri said.

  “What bad things?”

  “Things not meant for this world,” my angel maker answered.

  “We recommend that you stay away from the city,” Nox added.

  My eyes widened. “You want me to hide from a fight. Since when?” I didn’t bother to add that there was no chance I wouldn’t go after Spence. I assumed that was already understood.

  “To clarify, we don’t all recommend you avoid the city,” Uri offered.

  “I do,” Phoenix said.

  Nox smiled. “See. He does. And he knows you so, so well.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You do realize I can hurt you here,” I threatened Nox, reminding him that my blood—the very weapon the angels had instilled in me—was just as lethal to them when they chose to inhabit human forms as it was to exiles.

  “We are all acutely aware of that,” my angel maker said, his perfectly articulated words sending a shiver down my spine.

  I took in his chiseled jawline and seamlessly structured features, his perfectly neutral but purposeful clothing of gray pants and white shirt gracefully disguising a warrior’s physique with none of the carelessness of Uri and none of the vanity of Nox. My angel maker was simply all about task and function. “That in itself is part of the problem.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked.

  His lips pressed together, just enough to give away his slight hesitation. Along with Phoenix’s frustration, it only served to make me more curious. But Phoenix stepped forward, stopping my next question. “They can’t say, Violet. I can’t either.”

  I snorted. “Since when do you follow the rules?”

  He bit his lower lip. “Being an angel makes it impossible for me not to. Why do you think so many of us exile? All I can tell you is that you already know part of it—so think back.”

  “Back to when?”

  “To the time you try hardest to forget.”

  I looked away, knowing that this had something to do with the night we took down Lilith and the man with the briefcase.

  But I need more to go on.

  “I can give you everything you need,” my angel maker said, causing me to narrow my eyes at him.

  “Did you just read my mind?” The corners of his mouth lifted slightly. “Everything, huh?” I mused. “How about starting with your name?”

  “I already gave it to you.”

  “Lochmet. Yes, but that’s not your real name, is it? I know that my mother knows your name. She’ll tell me if I ask.”

  He nodded. “Most likely. But you have not asked her because you know that you are not ready for the answer.”

  I scoffed. “Then how about you just answer once and for all what I am?”

  “I answered that the first time we spoke.”

  I thought back, shaking my head. “No. All you said was that I was you and you were me.”

  “And that is what you are.”

  “So I’m a warrior? But I’m human?” I swallowed nervously. “I’m not an…I’m not becoming an angel, am I?”

  He clasped one hand over the other gently in front of himself. “Is that what you want?”

  I didn’t need a countdown to consider. “No. I want to be human.”

  “Then you must allow yourself to have the one thing that humans have that angels must not. The very thing angels envy most.”

  “What?” I asked, dreading the answer.

  “You already know. And when you surrender to it, when you allow yourself to be most vulnerable, you will be empowered and your time will arrive.”

  “You’re talking about love,” I said, knowing that it was the strongest emotion and gift of humanity.

  Except in my case.

  He bowed his head. “You have the choice that we never will—to love fully and, most importantly, to be loved fully in return.”

  I closed my eyes and whispered, “But I’ve lost my love.”

  “Love is never lost—only ever waiting to be found. You have been staring your answer in the face for a long time now, denying it and refusing to do what you must.” />
  I swallowed, glancing briefly at Uri. “Surrender to it?”

  “No, child. Surrender to yourself. Only then can you be the leader of your destiny.”

  Not for the first time, I felt the weight of my angel maker’s expectations and the great fear that I was not what he believed. Not enough. “I’m not a leader,” I confessed.

  “Said like a true leader,” he replied. “And when your time comes, they will choose. If they choose to follow you, you will never doubt their loyalty for all your days.”

  “Is that it?” I asked.

  He nodded once.

  I stood up and dusted off my clothes, now irritated. “I don’t even know why I bother. You need to learn how to speak without the cryptic. Then maybe I’ll actually understand something you say before it’s all over.”

  My angel maker simply took in the view. “It is the way it has always been.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Well, maybe it’s time you evolved.”

  At this, his eyes twinkled. “We did. We made you.”

  My mouth fell open.

  “What do you know about the exile you saw that night?” Phoenix asked, and I could see the pain ripple over his features, remembering the night at Lilith’s estate—the arrows, the death, the choices that were made that have forever changed us. “The one who took—”

  But I cut him off, holding up my hand, not wanting to hear him say it aloud. I wasn’t ready to admit that I had let that exile steal my blood—or that I’d always known, deep down, that it would come back to haunt me.

  “His name is Sammael,” I said. “He’s behind all of this somehow. He’s controlling the tournaments and he has Spence. Why? What do you know about it?”

  The angels all shared a look, and I could see they were conferring on what they would say. I wished fleetingly that I could just beat it out of them. From the corner of my eye, I saw Phoenix smirk and I glared at him. “You are reading my mind!”

  He chuckled. “No. I just know you.” But then he looked back to my maker and, after receiving a small nod, asked, “Have you ever heard of the weighing of souls?”