Today Michael wore the guise of a human. He was striking as he stood before me. Gray-haired, muscled, he appeared every bit the man in his forties. Only I’d seen him once outside of his human-wear. His head had been shaped differently than it was, wider somehow. His eyes appeared further apart, his mouth thinner. I’d even wondered if he was an alien.
Malcolm had laughed. They weren’t aliens. They were simply … Other. I really didn’t know why I was okay with the whole thing.
“You have to let Chase, here, erase your mind.”
He pushed off the wall. “Ah … no she doesn’t.”
I smiled at Chase. We’d all grown up together in this place, learning as much as we could. Time moved differently for us. Long past were the years of teenage angst. Now, he had my back, and I had his. That’s how it was for all of us.
“I don’t understand. I thought the point was to have our memories. So we could kill the shadows.” I was going to have to discuss this with Malcolm. They couldn’t change the rules on us the day we were slotted to return, could they?
“You’ll have your memories when you need them. I’m afraid we didn’t follow the paths as closely as we should have. We got attached to all of you. The twelve of you feel like our family, and that’s not okay. We let your happiness matter. I’m going to be frank with you. We need Malcolm to win this. It’s not a secret that he dwarfs the rest of you in power.”
He wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t know. Chase nodded his head. They were close friends, always had been since we’d woken up not-dead and terrified.
“You make him happy, deliriously so. We know you’re connected. You should have been screaming for your mother when that man shot you and instead you were blocking Malcolm’s body. You’ve always known he was special.” His interpretation was different from the one Malcolm and I had. We’d been there for each other, connected in a way which defied words and robbed us of pain. He needed me as much as I did him.
“The point is. If you remember him, you’ll go to him, and we can’t have that. Happiness makes Malcolm weak. You will destroy him with your love. The shadows will take your bodies and your souls. You’ll never be together again. Not in that life or any future ones. If you love him, you have to let him go. You’ll see each other again, but by then … things will be different. He will be able to manage the pain.”
I closed my eyes. Yes, this is why I had done what I did. I’d done it without even a by-his-leave from Malcolm. He’d have stopped me. In my heart, I’d known it was true. I’d always be a weak link to my love. To save him … so he could save everyone,I had to break his heart. And my own.
Chapter Nineteen
“You’re not seriously considering this?” Chase grabbed my arm. “Malcolm will string me up by my fingernails and throw me into the next dimension.”
Michael interrupted before I could answer. “He isn’t going to know anything about this. We’ll give everyone the option of having Chase erase their memories. Malcolm will say no. Then … it’ll simply be what it is.”
Chase threw his arms in the air. “How am I supposed to live with this? Knowing I took her away from him and whoever else doesn’t want to know things? That’s going to be hell every day.”
“You can erase your own memories.”
I wanted to throw up. “How will I know when it’s time to get them back?”
“They’ll come when they’re needed.”
I was thrown back into the room. I gripped my head. Victoria was at my side. I looked up at my best friend, really seeing her for the first time. She gripped my hand tightly, and I let her guide me to my feet.
“Any progress?”
She shook her head. “In the last ten seconds since you conked out? No. What happened?”
“I remembered.”
Chase was pale, staring at Malcolm and Grayson. He hadn’t gotten his back yet. Wouldn’t this have been a good time for them?
Grayson cried out just as Malcolm did. Together, they shouted. One second they were together; the next Malcolm jolted up in the air and flew across the room. He hit the ground hard. Grayson cried in Levi’s arms.
Victoria rushed to Malcolm’s side. “I’ll check him.”
“He’s gone, Dad-dee.” This time it was Grayson’s voice speaking. I rushed to his side, and my little guy who had hated me for so long threw his arms around my neck. “He’s gone. He’s been saying the worst things to me. The worst things. I can’t hear him. He’s gone.” I kissed his sweet cheeks. “Mommy, he got inside Malcolm. You have to help him. Help him now.”
Levi picked up Grayson. “Go. I’ve got him.”
I ran to Malcolm, kneeling down. His eyes were closed and his skin shredded like he’d been burned up from the inside out.
“It’s bad.” Victoria held her hands over him. “I can’t make any headway. The demon is still inside. I can’t begin to help him until it’s out.”
“Move.” I inched closer to him.
You’re going to make him weak …
Maybe I was. For now, however, I was going to save his life and kill the motherfucker who dared to touch what was mine, not once but twice now.
I raised my hand to the light above our heads. Shadows weren’t the only beings that hated bright things.
My arms heated from the power inside of me. I was going to break all the lightbulbs in the house.
I pushed the power out of me into him. I could feel the demon, and damn it, he wasn’t going to spend one more second inside of Malcolm. The room bathed in a white light, and I had to close my eyes from the power.
The demon was hurt; Malcolm had injured it badly. But it was inside of him. I reached deep, and with everything inside of me, I pulled it out.
And the room exploded into blinding nothingness.
****
“Kendall? Can you hear me?” A cool cloth touched my forehead, and I groaned, pushing it away. My skin was too sensitive. Every stroke of the washcloth felt like someone stabbing me with needles.
“Stop.” The washcloth disappeared.
“Okay.” It was Victoria’s voice speaking. “Can you open your eyes?”
“Maybe.” I struggled through the glue which must be holding my lids closed and managed to get my eyes open. Everyone in the house stared down at me all at once, including my children. Grayson looked worn, like he needed a good night’s sleep, but otherwise fine. Molly and Dexter—weren’t they upstairs?—smiled at me with rosy cheeks and healthy demeanors. Victoria had her arm around Henry, and they both let out a sigh at the same time. Block didn’t say anything; he almost never did in stressful situations. Levi rubbed at his forehead over and over, one of his stress tells. My mother had tears in her eyes and leaned on my dad’s shoulder. He had his normal eyes; Michael hadn’t taken him back over for the moment. Chase narrowed his gaze at me and then grinned.
It was, however, Malcolm who held my attention. He was fine. His skin had healed, his eyes were focused, and the hard line of his mouth told me that, for some reason, he was really pissed off.
I sat up slowly and was glad when everything stayed solid, nothing spun.
“Can I assume the demon is gone?”
“You sent it to wherever we send things.” Chase shook his head. “Now that I can remember we did those things. In fact”—he reached his hand to Levi—“with your permission, I can make this a little easier for Grayson. I don’t want to take his memory. I hate doing that. I can make it easier to digest.”
Levi cleared his throat. “Okay. I mean, that sounds fine.”
Chase held out his hand to Gray. “Come on, man. I’m going to touch your head. It’s weird. It won’t hurt you.”
Malcolm spoke through clenched teeth. “Come with me. Now.”
“Malcolm, maybe…” Victoria’s voice trailed off immediately. She’d never interfered with whatever it was between Malcolm and me. No one did. We were too volatile.
I put out my hand. “Want to help me up?”
“Mommy.” Molly’s voi
ce drew me to her. “Your hair. It’s white.”
I grabbed my locks instinctively. “What?” Sure enough, my light brown hair was blond—white, silvery blonde. “I-I see that, baby. It’s my new look. Isn’t it pretty?”
Dex scrunched up his face. “Can you put it back the other way?”
“I hope so.” I’d never really pictured myself as a blonde. “Hair always grows out.”
Malcolm took my hand and lifted me to my feet. “Come on. You can all talk about hair dye or whatever later. I need to speak to you now.”
Every step outside hurt. My legs didn’t want to work. Bed sounded like the best possible option, only it seemed I had to have serious conversations before anyone would let me rest. “Are you okay?”
We made it outside before he spoke. “I’ve never been better. I took on a demon, it nearly killed me, I should be dead, and yet I am unharmed.”
“Okay. That’s good. Why are you angry?”
“I’m not angry.” His statement seemed negated by the fact that he shouted at me. “What were you thinking?”
I sank down on my stoop. “When in specific?”
“When you sank all your energy into saving me and nearly killed yourself in the process?”
He asked a real question and deserved an actual answer. “I saved your life and risked my own because you saved my son. Also, because I will always be in love with you even though I can’t have you.”
Malcolm went very still. “They said you got your memories back. Is that true?”
“Absolutely.” I could see it all. My life before I died, the one I had in that strange place after, and everything since. “I am clear on all of it. Seems Chase has his back, too.”
He knelt down in front of me. “Then you remember me. Us. Who we were.”
“Every second of it.” A tear slipped down my cheek. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I knew I would when I did it. I chose anyway.”
He wiped away the moisture from my eyes. “Why?”
“Because I make you weak. I had to forget you. I’d never stay away if I did. Or I wouldn’t have. Michael made it very clear right before I returned here. It would be better for you if I forgot you and stayed away.”
He stood fast, not doubletime fast but close. I’d have to see if I could still move faster than non-talents. I’d not done it since I’d come back. Obviously the others could. “Michael.” He shouted, this time at the sky. “You believed Michael? Without discussing it with me? He told us all kinds of things that weren’t true. Why would you believe him?”
“Because you’re so talented you can move through a heat barrier and rip a demon out of a child without causing him any pain. Because the only way we win this is if you win it. I won’t be the reason you can’t do what you were born to do.”
He breathed heavily for a second before dropping to his knees again in front of me. “Okay, you made a terrible decision. A stupid one. It’s over. You know me again. We can do this together.” He kissed my cheek, and I shivered. When he continued, it was to whisper in my ear. “Be as we were always supposed to. You’ll see. I’ll be stronger, not weaker, because of you.”
I took his face in my hands. “No.”
“What?” He blinked fast. “I …”
“We can’t be together. If things had been as we wanted them, then we’d have spent this whole life together. I listened to Michael,; he may have even been right. I forgot us. I fell in love with Levi. We had three children together. I can’t run away with you to wherever, fighting shadows. I have to stay here with my babies. Nothing can change, not for me.”
He looked down at the ground. “I see.”
“When I had the children, I gave them three parts of my soul. I don’t have it to give to you anymore the way you want it.” I wiped at my face. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m also not going anywhere.” Levi’s voice made us both jump. “I’m serious. I’m not giving you up because you suddenly remember him. I’m your family. We made those kids together, and we can be happy again. We can figure out how to be in love and have this in our lives. Don’t give up on us.”
Malcolm advanced on Levi. “You had her, and you let her go. I’m not backing off because you suddenly decided to find your balls.” He whirled around to me. “I don’t have to be those kids’ stepfather to be in your life. We can’t move back, fine; we’ll move forward.”
“Maybe you should both get over me.” I leaned back against the stoop. “Go find new women. I’m not that exciting. I have stretch marks and”—I pointed at my wrist—“now, a burn mark on my wrist because I took on a demon. A demon possessed my kid. There are better women. Go fight over one of them. This one doesn’t have the energy.”
I expected a response from either or both of them, yet neither of them spoke. They both stared in the same direction, and I met their gazes. There was a shadow man wearing a top hat on my porch.
“Quite a show tonight.” The shadow man under the light on my porch spoke. He wore a top hat and swung on my porch swing.
Malcolm tugged me back toward him. “That’s Top Hat. He’s very dangerous.”
I touched his arm. “I have my memories. I know who he is.”
“Then that makes this very easy.” The shadow person sighed. “Always a shame to have to sacrifice a demon. But then they’re such simple, easy creatures. Put one in a little boy and wait to see what six of the ten most powerful practitioners on Earth will do. And what did I learn? They’ll all scramble for you. But then I suspect you would for them, too. Victoria can make a room clean in seconds. Henry can hold off a horde of ghosts with no help. Chase has his memories back; he can affect change to memories. Block protected the children as though he were their personal bodyguard. And Malcom is everything they say he is. You, Kendall? You were surprising. They led me to believe you were weak.”
I raised my arm. “I want you off my porch.”
The shadow stood. He had no face, but I could have sworn he smiled. “I will go. For now. Rest assured, I’ll be back. I know who you are. I know who your people are.”
I pushed energy forward, and it shattered the light above him, breaking the bulb into pieces. The light struck him, and he jolted backward.
“If you come near my people, you will know a fury like you’ve never imagined. I’m surprising? Guess what? I haven’t even gotten started yet. Stay away, Top Hat. Go back to where you came from.”
Malcolm raised his arm, and the next porch light exploded. “Should see what we can do together.”
The shadow vanished. I took a deep breath. “Top Hat has shown up. That’s bad news.”
Levi ran in front of us. “Why didn’t you kill it? He was here. You should have killed it.”
“He wasn’t really here. You can’t kill them when they’re not here.” I walked toward the house. My body ached everywhere. “I’m going to put my children in my bed and sleep with them. You two should go home. Both of you. Thank you for tonight, Malcolm. You saved my baby. You are incredible. And Levi, this was a little taste of hell, and you kept your head. You’re amazing. Both of you go home.”
“I love you.” I don’t know which one of them said it. Maybe they both did. I closed the door behind me. I wasn’t going to have a happy ending, not in this life. They should, which meant they should stay far away from me.
****
Dex ran down the soccer field chasing the ball. He looked fierce, happy, and not at all like a child I had to worry was about having a vision. My kids had bounced back from their ordeal pretty well. Chase had worked with Gray a couple of times, and he didn’t seem haunted anymore. Next to me, in a lawn chair we’d brought from home, my oldest son ignored his brother playing soccer and played with his iPad like it was his job. Molly sat behind us, picking flowers and singing to herself while my parents spoke quietly to her. I hadn’t seen Michael in his eyes in a long time.
Henry chatted with Levi, pointing together at something Dex did on the soccer field.
“There isn’t a dad out here w
ho doesn’t secretly hope their kid is the next superstar of whatever sport they’re playing.” I nudged Victoria. “I think Henry is going to like the whole dad thing.”
“Are you telling me I’m going to spend the next eighteen or so years on fields like this watching the baby do a sport they may or may not be any good at?”
I nudged her arm. “What did you think you’d be doing?”
“Glamorous baby things.” She shrugged. “This will be okay, too.”
“What is she thinking?” Betty and January, two of the moms from my former life of yoga mom, muttered their whispered conversation loud enough that I could hear them. They’d probably already broken into their mid-day drink, and it was ten am. I knew what they were gossiping about. My hair was still horribly white. It wouldn’t dye back. I’d tried three times, once even shelling out a fortune in the most expensive salon in Lakeway to see if we could make it brown again. I was going to be the blond-but-really-white-haired mother for the rest of my life.
January snorted. “She’ll do anything for attention. Begging for Levi’s love.”
I sighed. “Did I really live like that?”
“Not when you were with me.”
“Hey.” Levi spun around. “Nice to see you two out and about. Frankly I’m shocked, considering. Does the lawyer think he can get your husband off with time served for that mistake about the shoplifting, Jan? And how about your husband, Betty? Did he ever fix that issue with his boss? I mean, she was his wife before you married him, right?”
They both gasped, and January turned bright pink. I covered my mouth. I would not laugh. I would not laugh. I would not laugh. Levi had stood up for me. He’d looked at them and stood up for me as though it was completely natural for him to do so. I caught his gaze, and he nodded to me. There was a time I’d not thought that could ever happen. In the sunlight, he was really beautiful to look at. My heart did a double flip.
Victoria leaned over me to speak to Levi. “You might have more balls than I gave you credit for.”
Haunted Redemption (The Cascade Book 1) Page 22
