“Ever, do you need a minute, or can you keep on?”
“No, sorry, I just got lost in the memory for a minute.”
“It’s okay. That happens. So, what came next? He put your sister down and then…” Cindy encouraged me to keep going.
“He noticed me. I had been smiling at the interaction he’d had with my sister too. I wondered if this man would treat me like that once he got to know me. I never had any other family when I lived with my mom, so I kept thinking about how lucky my little sister was. I remember how quickly the easy smile he had for my sister slid right off his face when he looked at me. He was back to being the scary man I thought he was when we’d first walked through the door.
“The man, who my dad had called Crow when we walked through the door, glared at me, glanced over to my dad, and then settled his cold eyes on me again. ‘The other princess, huh?’ I swear, even then I knew the way he said those words he didn’t mean anything nice by them. Lucy looked shocked. My dad just gave him a tight smile and nodded, but he didn’t say anything to the man to correct him or I don’t know, tell him it was okay to be nice to me too. The Crow man looked back down at me, shook his head, and walked away without saying another word to me. He never even said one word to me after that either. In all the years I’d go to the clubhouse with my family, he always avoided me, except the one time his son – who was Anna’s age – asked me to help him tie his shoe.”
“What did he say then?” Cindy asked.
“He just said ‘No!’ really loudly, and then he snatched his son up off the floor and took him over to the pool table. He sat him down on it, and helped him tie the shoe. Crow was a different man again. He was the nice one who gave the lollipop to my sister the day I met him. I think he told his son not to ever talk to me though, because the boy always looked at me strangely after that and would never approach me, no matter how much he needed help.”
“Do you remember how it felt to be treated that way?”
“Yeah, I do, because from there on out all the other brothers in the club seemed to take their cue from how Crow treated me, and for the most part they all behaved the same way with me. If they couldn’t ignore me outright, they definitely weren’t nice or courteous with our interactions. I felt helpless, and I wondered what was wrong with me. Then, I worried all day, and for a lot of years after, that my dad would see in me whatever those men did, and then he would send me away to the bad places that Donna had told them about where no one would ever adopt me or love me again.”
“Did you ever tell your stepmom or dad about how the men treated you, or how it made you feel?”
I shook my head no before I responded. “No, because I was afraid they’d send me away if I said things about their friends that they might not like. I told Toby though, and he said not to worry that they just had to get to know me, kind of like how they did it with the club prospects. He explained how they treated the prospects like crap until they got to know them and until they proved to be good people. Then, they were like family forever. Toby told me that was how things were with me, and that everything would be okay. I asked him if they treated all the kids like prospects at first. I just wanted to know so I could ask how he had dealt with it.”
“And what was his answer?”
“He said it hadn’t been that way with him, so he didn’t think so. He thought maybe it was because I was so old when I got there, and my mom didn’t come with me like his did.” I shrugged my shoulders. Even then I didn’t expect that I would ever be treated like the other kids, but I listened to Toby and I hoped for the best.”
“It never got better, even before the incident with Jay?”
“No, it never got better, but I got used to it all until the whole incident with Jay, then it got worse and even though they all supposedly apologized and asked for my forgiveness it still never even went back to the way things were when I was a kid.”
“Have you attempted to talk to your father or brother about that now?”
“What would be the point? They made it clear when everything went down with Jay that I wasn’t a priority, or even as important as the brothers’ opinions of me. They never spoke up for me when I was younger either. Why on Earth would they suddenly change for me?”
“So you don’t think they learned from their mistakes with the Jay incident?”
“I don’t think they ever acknowledged they made a mistake where I’m concerned. Unless you want to talk about the mistake of me having been made at all, because that’s something they like to talk about at the club even when I’m around. Lucy heard them once when I was with them. My dad was telling the guys that it was the worst mistake of his life – getting with my mom that one night – and that it almost ruined things with Lucy. He was telling them how me being there was a constant reminder of everything, and how it was hard to look at me some days because I wasn’t Lucy’s.”
Cindy appeared taken aback by what I said. “I know Lucy, and I can’t imagine she let that go.”
I smiled at Cindy, remembering my fierce stepmom that day. “It was one of the few times someone stood up for me in that place. Lucy lost her mind. I think she forgot I was there with her for a moment too, because she dropped so many f-bombs even some of the bikers were blushing that day. She told my dad if he felt like he couldn’t look at his daughter then he didn’t need to come home, because there wasn’t a damn thing wrong with me and she sure as hell didn’t see me that way. I just felt sick, because while she was defending me and talking about how much she loved me like I was her own, I still knew that it was being said because my own dad hated me.”
Cindy seemed to be absorbing what I had told her and we both sat quietly for a moment while she processed and I tried to stop shaking. Damn emotions were going to make me end up breaking down again.
Finally, Cindy glanced at me and patted my hand gently. “I know I’ve asked this before, but do you think we could get your parents and siblings in here for a few sessions with you? I truly think it would be beneficial for them to all hear about how much you’ve struggled with feeling as though you don’t belong due to how they and their friends sometimes treated you.”
I shook my head emphatically indicating that was a no. “Not in a million years. First of all, no one outside of Lucy knows I come here, and if they did I don’t think they’d agree to come anyway. I was the accidental child with the woman everyone hated. My dad has his perfect son and his perfect daughter, he doesn’t need me, and certainly doesn’t need the headache I’d become if I had to drag his ass in here to talk about everyone’s feelings.”
“Are you still afraid to make waves and afraid asking them will drive them further away from you?”
“I don’t think you can really fear losing something that was never yours. When I was younger, I had hope that they would be mine in time, but that hope died years ago.”
“What about Lucy? She was very concerned about you when she first brought you here to me. You don’t think she’d understand and be on your side?”
“Lucy is always on my side, but there’s only so much she can do. You can’t make someone love another person and I don’t want her to get on my dad’s nerves trying to make something happen that he clearly doesn’t want, you know?”
“Let’s go back to that first night the social worker brought you to their home. Didn’t you say that your dad is the one who stood up for you against Lucy?”
“Sure, but once Lucy was in my corner, I guess my dad decided I didn’t need him there. Honestly, it was fine until after my first visit to the clubhouse. After that, he just kind of stepped back from me and I don’t know…” I drifted off for a minute, considering it was the first time I’d ever been able to put my finger on the moment when my dad decided he actually didn’t want to care about me. “I guess he saw that his brothers weren’t going to accept me like they had his other children, and he felt like that made it okay for him to feel the way he did since I was coming between him and Lucy in some way.”
> “What about your sister? You almost never mention Anna in all of this, except when you talk about why you’re called ‘the other princess’.”
“I smile when I think of Anna, because she’s always been such a sweet little girl. It’s impossible not to love her. Anna is the princess everyone dubbed her. She’s pretty, but somewhat clueless about everything going on around her, I think. No one else’s drama ever really touches her, because she only sees through her rose-colored princess glasses. She’s been shielded and guarded from everything so much I honestly don’t think she’s ever noticed a problem.”
“Don’t you guys have your own sister relationship though? You’re not that far off in age.”
“No. We keep it casual, speak in passing, but we’re basically strangers who grew up in the same house.”
“Why?”
“She has all of their love. Our family, the club, everyone loves her unconditionally.”
“So you’re jealous of her?”
“No!” I struggled to get that single word out fast enough. “I stay away to protect her so that if she choses to like me and want me around as her big sister the others don’t hate her for it. My sister deserves the world. If keeping her mostly out of my life ensures she keeps that world in her palm, then that’s the least I can give her.”
“Ever,” Cindy hesitated a moment before continuing, but I could hear the sad note in her voice as she said my name. “I really think you need to speak to your family about coming in. I think that maybe you’ve been sad and disappointed by people for so long that you don’t fully grasp how everyone actually feels about you.”
I glanced down at my phone then to see that our time was up about 15 minutes ago. “Times up, Doc. I’ll ask Lucy about it, but I’d rather leave the others out of it right now.”
“Okay, Ever. At least that will be a step forward. Why don’t we go ahead and schedule an appointment for next week?”
“Sure,” I agreed, but when I left the building I never stopped to make that appointment with the front desk. Instead, I decided that I was done with therapy. It couldn’t help me any further. I had gone there to talk about my mixed feelings about Deck and all Dr. Cindy Thompson wanted was to talk about the past – the way back past – when everyone started hating me. The past that couldn’t be changed, so why bother to reexamine it when what I had really needed help understanding was in my present? I’d just have to find another way.
Chapter 6
~ Ever ~
Another text pinged my phone, and I nearly ignore the noise again except Kane glared over at me from across the station wall. “If you’re not going to answer anyone why bother keeping it turned on? Are you trying to annoy the rest of us while continuing to piss off whoever is trying so desperately to get a hold of you?”
Shame flooded my cheeks with burning warmth that I knew probably registered bright red on my face. “Sorry,” I mumbled as I silenced my cell, and took a moment to glance over the texts that had been coming in at alarming rate. There was one from an unknown number; I ignored it. Then there were five from my brother, Toby. I also ignored those. The one from my stepmother I couldn’t skip so easily.
Momma-Luce: I didn’t want this for you, sweet girl.
Me: I know. Sorry, I’ll call later.
Mamma-Luce: Are you going to ignore your brother forever? You know he loves you, and he’s truly sorry for everything. He tried making it up to you back then. I know everyone hurt you, but are you truly going to hate the rest of your family forever?
Well that was a harsh blow. It’s not that I hated my brother, or the rest of my family. I just didn’t trust them any longer, and that put barriers in place that made it easier to just stay away than risk letting down those walls and possibly making the mistake of trusting one of them again. I couldn’t go through it a second time. The first nearly killed me in the most real way possible.
Me: I’ll call him later. I’m working.
Momma-Luce: Ok
I huffed out a sigh of frustration as I turned my cell off, tossed it in a drawer, and proceeded to prep the station I had been slotted to work in. I had one whole client scheduled. He loved my artwork when Zeke had shown him what I’d come up with based on his client’s idea. The man had asked why I wouldn’t be doing the work, and when Zeke informed him I was only an apprentice and hadn’t done enough hours on real skin, he had scoffed at Zeke. “How’s she supposed to get hours on real skin if you don’t let her at it. I’ll be the guinea pig.” He had thrown a wink my way too, and Zeke reluctantly agreed while shaking his head.
To say I was nervous was an understatement. If I screwed this up not only my non-existent reputation was at stake, but that of the shop as well. At least, that’s how I saw it. I knew Zeke felt differently, and even made a special waiver for the client to sign before he’d allow this to happen. While I was setting up Kane had finished with his client and sent them on their way.
“You ready for this?” Kane asking the question simply added to my jumbled nerves.
“I’m a bit nervous. I don’t want to screw it up.”
“Then don’t,” he offered simply.
“Sage advice,” I laughed out.
“Don’t I know it?” Kane chirped out, clapped his hand on the side wall of the space I’d be working in and then took off for the break room in the back of the studio. Kane had just disappeared around the corner when the tinkle of the bell over the front door sounded alerting me to the fact that my very first client was here.
~*~
“I hate to say this to you Zeke, but you may have to share this canvas from here on out,” Eddie told my boss and mentor.
“Can’t say that I blame you for that,” Zeke returned solemnly as he checked over the work I’d done. When he finished taking it all in he stood straight and looked me in the eye before he spoke again. “You did damn fine work, Ever. Make sure you get pictures of that and get them in a book to put out front.” That was it. He left Eddie standing there grinning at me while I picked my jaw up off the floor, because I knew what needing a book out front meant.
“He just told you this was a regular thing for you, didn’t he?”
I nodded, still sort of shell-shocked.
Eddie clapped his hand down gently on my shoulder and gave me a reassuring squeeze. “I had a feeling about you, kid, and my instincts have yet to lead me wrong. Congratulations, and glad I could help get you there.”
I did something I’m definitely not prone to do then. I hugged the man. “Thanks Eddie, I appreciate your faith in me.”
“Yeah, well, I appreciate this fine ass dragon you inked on my leg.” As I cashed him out and took the extremely healthy tip he left for me I had savored the elation that had welled up inside me. Tattooing the dragon on his leg had been a high in itself. Seeing my work done so well in the end, the client happy about it, and my boss offering me a book to show off my art up front just blew everything over the top though. For the first time in years I felt hope that happiness would find me again.
Before happiness could find me, my brother showed up looking instead. The bell over the door tinkled to life causing me to glance up. It was then that Deck, Trunk, and my brother all came strolling in to Permanent Marks. A part of me wanted to run to the back and beg Kane to deal with them. The other part of me was still running on the high of my finishing my first major tat and wanted to share that news with the world, even if that world included my mostly estranged brother and his friends. I was still paralyzed by my indecision when Kane came sauntering back out to the lobby.
“You guys lost or something?”
“Nah man,” my brother started to say, but Kane came and positioned himself so that a good half of his body was hiding me from the three men who had entered the studio together. It was a protective stance if I ever saw one, and the hurt that registered on my brother’s face said that he knew it too. Kane felt he needed to protect me from the men of Aces High. It didn’t hurt that Kane happened to be my best friend’s big bro
ther and knew all about the shit storm I had to wade through over the past couple years.
“Damn dude,” my brother huffed out. “I don’t know whether to be thankful you have my sister’s back, or to be completely insulted that you think she needs you to have her back when her own brother walks through the door.” He hung his head a moment, and then shook off whatever he’d been thinking.
It was then that Deck stepped further into the room placing himself between Toby and Trunk and myself and Kane. “We just came by to check to see if Ever was inking people yet.”
“What business is it of yours?” Kane sniped at him. “You guys have your people over at your own shop, man. Pretty sure if you wanted Ever doing work for Aces members you would have manned up and asked her to work there, but no one did.”
“Yeah, it’s unfortunate that I wasn’t around to see that it happened that way,” Deck informed Kane. “I’m here now though, and making sure some things get set to rights around here.”
“Yeah, okay,” Kane scoffed in his direction.
“What exactly is your problem here?” Deck asked while narrowing his eyes on Kane as if he were finally seeing a problem just a man trying to protect a young girl. “Bit old for her, aren’t you?”
At that, my brother and Trunk both bristled a bit before Kane damn near doubled over in laughter. I glanced at him; feeling a bit miffed for thinking the insinuation that he might have something to do with me romantically was so damn hilarious. “Shit, that’s the funniest thing, because I’m pretty sure that would make you the pot and me the kettle, Deck, since we’re the same fuckin’ age.”
The Other Princess Page 7
