“Fuck!” This time it was hissed from my brother’s lips as he stood down below, looking up at Deck and me. “That’s not what I meant, Ever,” he stated solidly.
“Really? That’s exactly what you just told me. You were not allowed to contact anyone in case there were leaks. So, you thought I’d be responsible for a leak.”
“No, I never said that,” T-Bone argued.
“Did our father tell Mamma-Luce he’d be gone?”
“Of course he did,” my brother insisted vehemently without thinking out his too-quick response. I quirked an eyebrow up at him as if to say, ‘you weren’t worried about her spilling the beans then, just me’.
“I bet he said goodbye to Anna too,” I stated and while my brother didn’t answer I could see the guilt dripping from him in the slump of his shoulders and the pleading in his eyes.
“Ever,” Deck started, but I only shook my head.
“Did your father tell Tiger-Lily where he was going? Let me rephrase that. Did he tell her he was going on club business for a couple days and would be out of communication?”
Deck swallowed thickly, but nodded his affirmation. I tipped my head in agreement too, because I already knew the answers to these questions I asked. I knew, because I’d seen the old ladies of the club receive calls, or in person announcements before a run before.
“That’s different, and you know it. You’re no one’s old lady,” my brother argued. Deck winced, because he knew that was an implication thrown at him as much as at me.
“No, I’m not. I’m also no one’s sister or daughter right?” It was my brother’s turn to wince. “I am apparently someone whose time can be wasted without regret or consideration though.” I bowed my head, thinking things through. Then I lifted my eyes while looking down the stairs at my brother, once again ignoring the man who was still holding on to my arm. “I’ll hand you the transfers for the tattoos that still need to be done. You can take them to whomever you want to get them inked if you choose to, but I won’t be the one doing them.”
My brother sucked in a sharp breath before responding. “No! Ever, no! It has to be you. It’s meaningless without you putting it there.”
“My art, my pain, they’re meaningless?” He shook his head in a way that represented a very vehement no, but I pressed on. “Then you won’t be needing them at all. Please, see yourselves out of this building. You aren’t welcome here.” I turned, snatching my arm from Deck’s grip, which hurt because he hadn’t wanted to let go, and the movement forced it to happen.
“Damn it, Ever!” He yelled the words at me. “Stop being so freaking stubborn. This is my fault. You want to be mad, be mad at me. I wasn’t allowed to tell you, because I hadn’t claimed you. Your dad didn’t tell you, because he didn’t think you’d care. Your brother didn’t realize I didn’t break the damn rules to let you know. I’m sorry, okay? I screwed up. I told you that I would put you first, but I’m stuck between a rock and hard place here, because I can’t claim you into a club that you don’t want to be a part of. I was hoping you would change your mind once the tattoos were done, but there was nothing I could do before then, unless I wanted to bring trouble down on…”
I scoffed at that. “That’s bullshit, and we all know it. Your idiot brother has told every whore he’s ever bedded when, and most of the times where, he was going and he’s never suffered any consequences I’ve seen for doing so.”
“I think it should be obvious to you that I am not my brother, and my word means a fuck of a lot more to me.”
“So, you’d be surprised to know that Jay was the only one to let me know that he wouldn’t be able to get his tattoo yet, because HE was going on a run?” It was true. Jay had texted me, and so I thought he was the only one on that particular run. “When no one else showed up, I figured you were all together, but it didn’t make any sense that Jay could do me the courtesy of letting me know he wouldn’t be showing up when no one else bothered to do the same.” I moved up two more stairs, and turned to glance over my shoulder. “I meant what I said. You need to leave. I need time to cool off, because if we keep having this conversation it is not going to go in a good direction for anyone.” With that, I unlocked my door and walked through it, shutting them out, and relocking it behind myself.
~ Declan ~
I fucked up! I turned, and sat my ass on the steps to Ever’s apartment, planted my elbows on my thighs, my head to my hands and growled out some insane noise to release my frustration. I fucked up, and my douchebag of a brother made that even more apparent by actually doing the right thing for once. How had I let this happen?
“Every time I take a step forward with my sister I end up fumbling a full field back man. Shit, sad thing is, I can’t even blame her for feeling this way or for being fed up with all of our bullshit. Sucks to be you, because you get lumped with the rest of us so your mistakes are going to seem way bigger to her than they would any other woman.”
“Yeah,” I sighed out as I glanced down the steps at T-Bone. “I’m beginning to see that. I thought I would have a different slate to work off of than the rest of you, but wearing this,” I flicked two fingers at my kutte to show him exactly what I meant. “This rag is going to cost me that girl.”
“If that’s how you feel then you don’t deserve her,” T-Bone told me as he glared up at me from below.
“You saying I should toss our family aside for your sister?”
“I’m saying if you’re not willing to then you need to walk away and leave her be. She deserves more than a half-hearted attempt on your part. I’d never tell another brother to walk away from the club, from our families, for a woman. Not a single damn one. Ever is different though. With her you get all the baggage that our club and our families have packed on her back, and because of that, only a person willing to give it all up by putting her above everyone and everything else will ever have a chance at winning and keeping her heart.” He started walking away then, but turned back at the last minute to glare at me. “She’s also the only person on this earth I think is worth it, and I’ve already failed her, so you better believe I won’t stand by and watch someone else do the same. You’re held to a higher standard than the rest of us if you want to go there. You have to be better, even if that means taking that rag off and walking away from what you know.”
He was already through the door, heading back into the main studio area, before I could muster up a damn thing to say. T-Bone hadn’t told me anything I didn’t already know. I knew damn well I had to do better than my brothers, better than our fathers. I just hadn’t thought things through when my own father pointedly informed me that no one was to know that we were heading out. Now that I thought about it, he had also turned around and called my mother immediately after. Maybe he was testing me. The damn shame of it was I didn’t know whether I’d passed or failed in his eyes. I did know I’d failed where Ever was concerned though, and I wasn’t sure what to do about that.
“She hasn’t eaten all day,” a man’s voice called up to me a few minutes later. I turned my attention to the man in black that was lounging against the wall with one foot crossed over the other and his arms crossed over his chest like he had zero fucks to give the world. I wasn’t sure why Kane was trying to help me when he obviously wanted Ever for himself, but I was about to find out.
“Why are you telling me?”
“Well, I figure if you’re going to camp out on those steps you might as well do something productive with your time. The girl hasn’t eaten yet today, or much of anything over the past couple days from what I can tell. So, you either fix that shit, or I will, and if I have to do it, you won’t get another chance.”
“Why are you offering this one?”
“Because I care about that girl, and what she seems to care about is you. At least, she did before you fucked shit up. So, I suggest you pull your shit together, and figure some things out. Don’t wait too long though, because I know I won’t.” With that bit of a warning and a cockier than fu
ck grin, Kane disappeared through a back door, heading out for the night, no doubt. I busied myself ordering a pizza to be delivered to Ever’s exterior apartment door.
~ Ever ~
At first, I ignored the knocking at my door, but then a man’s voice called out and my curiosity got the better of me, because it wasn’t a voice I knew. “Gino’s Pizza,” he yelled one more time as I threw the door open.
“I think you have the wrong place,” I informed him.
“Nah, says right here, upstairs apartment above Permanent Marks. Your name is Ever?”
“Yes, but I didn’t order a pizza,” I explained.
“Someone ordered for you, ma’am. If you’ll just take this, and sign that it was delivered?” He asked impatiently, and so I did it.
“Let me go get you some tip money,” I told him as I took the oven-hot pizza from his hands.
He waved me off. “It was already covered. You have a nice night, lady.” Then the man was off, jogging down the steps that led him back to the street. I went inside, closed and locked the door, and then set the pizza on my table. I moved to the interior door that went down to the tattoo studio below. I unlocked it and yanked it open, intending to ask if Zeke or Kane had ordered the food for me, only to come face to face with Deck, who was still perched out on the steps just beyond my door.
“What are you doing there?”
He shrugged, playing it off as nonchalance when the look in his eyes said he very much cared how this all played out. “I never left,” he finally informed me.
“You never…” I glanced over at the clock on the wall. It had to have been more than thirty minutes since I went inside the apartment. “You never left?” I asked stupidly.
“That’s what I said.”
“Did you order me a pizza?”
He grinned at me then. “Sure did, you going to invite me in to share it so we can talk?”
“What if I hadn’t opened this door?”
“Then I would have knocked. Eventually.”
I sighed. Deck was nothing if not tenacious. He was also just as stubborn as I could be, so there was no point in shutting him out again. He’d just stay camped out on my steps until I went to work the next day. I moved back, throwing the door open wider so that he could get by to come inside.
As Deck passed me his scent overwhelmed me, involuntary and unwanted, tingles ran down my spine. That leather and fresh ocean scent that seemed to cling to him just did things to me that I didn’t quite understand, and wished I could shelve for now while we had this conversation. I needed all the strength I could muster for it. I was not going to be that girl who fell head over heels for another club brother only to be booted out the door the minute he decided I wasn’t worthy. I couldn’t handle it, and I was wise enough to know my limits now. I would be everything to someone one day, or nothing at all to anyone. There really wasn’t room for an in between any longer.
I moved to the counter I had placed the pizza on, and swapped it out to the little beaten down wooden table I was using in my little kitchenette. It only had two chairs that went with it, which I supposed was enough considering there were only two of us here now. Once I placed the pizza down I moved to the cabinet off to my left to retrieve a couple plates and then to the refrigerator to grab a couple Cokes out of it. “Sorry, I’m not old enough to buy beer, so your choice is coke or water,” I explained.
Deck grinned at me again. “Coke is fine, Ever. Come sit down, you don’t have to wait on me.”
“I’m not waiting on you. I needed these things for myself too. Now, what do you want?”
“Eat first, then we’ll talk,” he commanded.
“Awful bossy for someone who barely made it through my door,” I returned. He had the decency to look chagrined at my statement until he lifted his beautiful eyes to stare directly into my own.
“I’m sorry, Ever,” he said sincerely and without hesitation. “I screwed up and I’d like the chance to make it right with you, but I think you need to eat first. I may not know everything about you these days, but I do remember that you were always hard to get through to when you were hangry.”
“I don’t get hangry!” I protested with a vehemence that belied my nearly shouted statement. Besides, I knew full well that I did get hangry.
“Okay, babe, whatever you say,” Deck cajoled me as he reached over and grabbed a slice of the pizza that I just now noticed contained cheese, pineapple, bacon, and chicken. It was my all time favorite pizza that I almost never got growing up in my family, because everyone thought pineapple on pizza was disgusting. Judging by how quickly Deck inhaled his first slice, he didn’t mind it. Then again, maybe he did and was just trying to get it over with quickly.
I grabbed my own slice, blowing on it a few times before I attempted to put it in my mouth, and managed to burn the roof of my mouth as I did. By the time I attempted to hiss cool air into my mouth to stop the burning, and managed to swallow the tiny bite, Deck was laughing at me.
“Jesus, is your mouth completely desensitized, or what?” I asked because I had just watched him inhale an entire slice while I couldn’t even manage a bite without burning myself. Deck didn’t seem to take my meaning the way it was meant, because instead his eyes were locked onto my lips, and he was shaking his head.
“Nope, not desensitized in the slightest,” he murmured with a low gritty voice that caused goose flesh to break out up and down my arms. Damn him. Now, all I could do was remember the times he had kissed me. Not that I’d had many kisses from Deck, but those that I had were amazing experiences, and definitely didn’t feel like he had trouble feeling his way around my mouth.
We ate quietly until there were only two slices left in the box, and then I sat back and waited. This was his show. I didn’t have anything to say. Well, I did, but I wasn’t sure that needed to be vocalized. It seemed pretty obvious to me.
Deck glanced up at me after wiping his face and hands on a napkin and then sat back, getting comfortable without removing his eyes from my face. I managed to sit there under the weight of his stare without squirming, but it took effort, and that kind of made me angry. I shouldn’t be the one who had to be uncomfortable, and there he sat looking cool as a cucumber while he stared me down. Finally, after several minutes of this and neither of us saying anything he relented.
“I thought maybe you wanted to go first, but I guess not.”
“Why would I want to go first? I don’t have anything to say that I didn’t already mention downstairs.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t call. I’m walking a fine line right now trying to make the club happy and you happy all at once. Like I said earlier, I can’t just claim you and make it all okay, because I don’t know if you’re willing to be a part of the club again.” He waited a moment, probably wondering if I was going to answer that question now. I had no intention of doing so, and once he realized that, he continued on. “I should have called or texted at the very least.” He shook his head then, as if disappointed in himself. “I don’t know how to navigate this, Ever. The club has been my entire life, with the exception of when I was in the Army, and you were always there in the periphery then. Now, it’s like I have to make this choice every time I’m with you, or thinking of you. Do I put the club first or you?”
“I can make that really easy on you,” I started to say, but he cut me off by holding his hand up.
“Don’t even think about finishing that sentence!” Anger was brewing just below the surface, evidenced by his slightly puffed up chest and the reddening of his cheeks. The tightening of his hands into fists was a dead giveaway too. I didn’t think for a second Deck would ever be violent with me, but that didn’t mean his frustration wouldn’t show in a physical way. “You know how you’ve always felt judged and maybe even damned by the club?” I nodded my head, because that’s exactly how I’d always felt. “Well, that’s how I feel with you, now.”
A shocked squeak came out of my throat and I sat back, taking him in, and not knowing wha
t to make of the words he just spoke. I knew my eyes were rounded in astonishment too, but he just continued on as if my physical reaction didn’t register with him.
“I wasn’t even here when everything went down. No one even told me about what actually happened other than my brother screwed up and you weren’t speaking to him. Then I come back, and fall for you, only to realize that I’m being held accountable for the shit they’ve all done too.” Tears pooled in my eyes as he continued to speak while I continued to impersonate a wax figure. “If you hadn’t had issues with the rest of the club, and didn’t receive a call from me, tell me honestly what your reaction would have been. Pretend you’re a girl I just started dating who had zero family ties to the club and zero history with it. If my president told me I couldn’t tell anyone, that would include you.”
“It would include me, because we’d have had no history to build trust. The only people who need to build trust in my scenario are the club with me, not the other way around. I’ve never betrayed them. I’ve kept their secrets, taken their unwarranted wrath, and been a dutiful daughter and sister all these years, and still I’m to be treated no differently than some chick you picked up off the street whom no one knows?”
“It’s not that simple, and you know it. I can’t change the things that have and haven’t been done. My being with you doesn’t erase the years they’ve seen you in a certain light. I don’t know why they feel the way they do, or have treated you differently, but I’m stuck in this middle ground where I’m damned one way and then the other. I’m walking through a minefield in both directions here, Ever. The least you could do is have some patience with me while I figure everything out.” When I just ignored that he asked a pointed question. “Is that not what you wanted from everyone else in the club, to give you the benefit of the doubt while they figured out what to do with you, and how you fit in? You’ve seen what happens when people don’t do that.”
The Other Princess Page 16
