I imagined that. Imagined flying. Flying was fun. If you didn't think about it too much. But if you want to fly you have to morph. And the idea of my skin turning into feathers and my bones shrinking and my organs going off into Zero-
77 space to be a big blob of blood and skin arid assorted body goos, well, that was so totally gross.
A bell rang and I jumped.
"Switch to decaf," Marco said. He was standing right by me. Waiting to go to our next period, which we had together.
"Oh, hi," I said.
"So. Purely hypothetical, here," he whispered. "Mean Rachel goes with Tobias, right? And you think I'm cute, right?"
"What?"
"Come on, we have to get to class. I'm just saying Tobias and Mean Rachel. I mean, that's the way it'll happen, don't you think?"
"Don't you think Tobias likes me?"
He shrugged. "How can he like both of you? I mean, you look alike. Very alike. Identical. And may I say I approve of the mini. It's the look for you. I guess what I'm getting at here is, how are you and Mean Rachel going to divide up your lives?"
We were walking down the hall, jostled by kids running past in both directions.
"I don't know," I admitted.
"She's a little intense, huh?"
"Duh!"
"Kind of creepy, really. I guess you wish you had someone you could talk to about it."
78 "Uh-huh."
"I mean, wow, the psychodrama of it all. It's the ultimate Jerry Springer. 'Meet a girl who has been split into two halves, good and evil.' Man, I'd watch."
"Uh-huh."
"But it has to creep you out, right? I mean, no offense, but now you're Rachel but without all the psycho-killer parts of your personality. So you have to be wondering what's going on with your life, right?"
"I guess so. She made me sleep on the floor." I don't know why I told him that. I shouldn't have told him that. It was embarrassing.
I saw his gaze flicker. I saw the smile fade for just a moment.
I stopped walking. "You know I'm not, like, this total moron now, okay? I know you're testing me."
"Testing?" he asked with a mocking laugh.
"Jake told you to check on me. See if I seemed like I was maybe losing it. Right?"
Marco laughed. "We're there."
"Where?"
"Class."
I shouldn't have told him. Marco would tell Jake I was unreliable. He'd tell Jake that I'd probably blurt out anything. And I didn't know if I had fooled Cassie, either.
79 Of course I hadn't fooled Cassie. No one fooled Cassie.
I fought down the panic that welled up inside me, threatening to choke me!
Had to get out! I had to get away from all this. My ... my other half was probably already thinking of how to get rid of me. And my friends? Would they try and stop her?
No. I was useless to them.
Useless to the Animorphs, maybe even a danger.
Suddenly school wasn't so comforting.
80
J. was early to the barn. Suddenly it occurred to me: I could spy it out! I should have thought about that earlier. Only why bother to load up your brain with a bunch of "what if?" stuff? The future is not my problem. Live for today, fight for today.
I morphed to fly. Not as cool as a big raptor, maybe, but with its own weird powers.
I did it in the barn itself. Why not? No one else was there. They'd just be getting out of the yawn factory.
I stood there, surrounded by creatures of the wild: fierce raccoons, aggressive geese, and rab-
81 bits that . . . well, there wasn't much good to say about rabbits.
I focused my mind on the morph.
My skin blackened and crisped. You know, like I'd been burned to overdone marshmallow consistency? Only instead of mushy marshmallow consistency, this was like fingernail.
My body squeezed into three portions. My head was a BB resting atop a muscular abdomen. Below that my waist pinched tight above a growing, swelling thorax.
My arms became sticks. My legs extended out and out, thinner, thinner and yet incredibly strong.
Two new arms burst from my chest.
«Hah HAH!» I laughed gaily. «Let my wimpy twin try this some time. She'd go insane!»
All the while I shrank and shriveled and seemed to fall toward grains of sand that became boulders and pieces of straw the size of felled telephone poles.
Suddenly my blue eyes inflated like balloons. The blue iris turned glittery black. My eyeball itself was shattered into thousands of tiny facets, each a sort of separate eye.
Very cool.
My weak human mouth, pale lips, and blunt, tiny teeth, became the long sucking-tube of the housefly.
82 I tested my wings. I was airborne in an instant. A totally different type of flying than an eagle, of course. An eagle is a killer. A fly? A fly eats dog poop.
Ah well. A hunter, a killer; a soldier must do what a soldier must do.
I flew, wild and bobbly and blown by any stray air current, but I made it to one of the crossbars of a cage. I rested there, waiting.
I didn't have to wait long. But it wasn't my friends who arrived first. It was a boy who seemed, to my fly senses, to be a blurry explosion of weirdly colored light.
Erek. His hologram was not designed to fool the fly's compound eye.
The android looked around, switched off his hologram, and now seemed to be nothing but a pile of steel and ivory. The colors were still off - the fly eye sees the color spectrum differently.
If the Chee was here waiting, he had news. Important news.
Pathetic creature. He had deliberately chosen to resume his pacifist programming. We had freed him to be a warrior of such great power that not even I would ever have challenged him.
And yet, in his moment of glory, having done more destruction in two or three minutes than we had done in months of missions. Having littered the floor and smeared the walls and ceilings with
83 his vanquished foes, he had deliberately chosen to reintegrate the programming that would force him to die rather than cause harm to a living creature.
It bothered me. It was a waste. And . . . and it just bothered me, that's all.
Maybe I'd ask him. Later, not now. Why? Why would he do it?
The Chee's hologram snapped on. The door of the barn opened. Jake led the way. They were all there, huge, blurry, purple-hued beings, shattered into hundreds of images. They spoke in confused vibrations that rattled the spiky hairs on my back. Ax demorphed from human to An-dalite. It was like watching a slow-motion explosion at a paint factory, so colorful and weird to my compound eyes.
Tobias flew in through the open loft and rested on a high perch. Time for me to start acting like a fly. Tobias was a hunter! A predator! I had to treat him with respect.
"Erek," Jake said.
"Yes. Trouble. Your raid failed."
"We noticed," Marco said grumpily.
"The Yeerks are moving the Anti-Morphing Ray."
"Where?"
Erek caused his hologram to shake its head. "Don't know. There's a level of secrecy that even
84 we cannot penetrate. All we've learned is that they're moving it. And that they are being very, very careful about keeping it hidden. They'll load the AMR aboard a truck. Three trucks will leave Buyers Research Institute. They'll go three different ways. Only one will have the AMR."
"Three trucks?"
"Three trucks. Three routes," Erek said. He looked around. "Where's Rachel. Or should I say Rachels, plural?"
"I don't know if Crazy Rachel even got the word," Cassie said. "She wasn't in school today."
"Yeah, the total lack of ambulances was proof that she didn't go to class today," Marco said dryly.
"I have to go," Erek said.
"Erek" - it was Cassie - "is something bothering you?"
The android hesitated. "No." Then, "Yeah, I guess so. It's stupid, really, but it's like I'm jealous."
"Of who?" Cassie pressed.
&n
bsp; "Of Rachel. The nice one. She's done it, hasn't she? She's found the way to fight a war and suffer none of the pain. She takes all the evil inside her and sends it off on its own to do ... to do what has to be done. I guess there are times I wish . . . well, forget it."
86 He shrugged. No one said anything. The Chee left.
«0kay, look,» Tobias said, speaking for the first time. «Before either of the Rachels gets here, we need to talk. We need to figure out what we're going to do about them. I've been talking to Ax. He says maybe - only maybe - we can put her back together again.»
85
Mean Rachel
«l4Je would require enormous amounts of power,» Ax said. «And the two Rachels would have to agree. And there would be a definite possibility that both halves of Rachel would die in the process.»
"Unacceptable," Cassie snapped.
"What is acceptable?" Marco asked. "The present arrangement? A pathetic whiner who's made up of all the fear and self-doubt and inde-cisiveness and airheadedness that hide way down inside of Rachel? Or the psychotic killer, the rage machine that Rachel has managed to keep under control for so long?"
Psychotic? Was Marco saying I was crazy?
87 Crazy? Why? For wanting to annihilate my enemies? For standing up for myself? For taking no bull?
He was going to regret saying that.
"That's not all there is to it," Cassie said. "I think the split goes beyond that. I don't think Mean Rachel is capable of long-term thinking. Nice Rachel is, but she's not capable of short-term focus. Rachel busted in last night with no idea what to do. No plan. She was just reacting. But Nice Rachel laid out a shopping trip yesterday that was like a general planning an invasion."
Marco said, "Strategy and tactics. Long-term, short-term."
"We can't use either of the Rachels we have," Jake said.
I began to demorph. I was just beginning to grow when I realized what Jake had said.
Couldn't use me?
Couldn't use me?
I'd use them! I'd use them till they cried for mercy!
I was growing fast now. I was sitting atop a gate. The rough-textured wood was receding beneath me.
«She's here!» Tobias snapped.
At that moment I lost my balance and fell from the gate edge. I fired my wings, but
88 they were already melting. I hit the floor. I was too small to be hurt by the fall and I kept de-morphing.
«You're MEAT, Marco!» I shrieked.
"She's out of control," Cassie said sadly.
«Shut up you tree-hugging moron!» I screamed. «l'll take you down, too!»
I was growing, growing! Bigger and bigger. Human first, then I'd morph to ... but wait. No! I'd made a mistake! In my human form I would be vulnerable.
I was vulnerable!
NOOOOO!
"Ax?" Jake said quietly.
I saw huge hooves moving swiftly closer. I knew what would happen! They would kill me while I was weak. They had to! It's what I would do, they had no choice!
«Don't kill me, I didn't mean it!» I wailed.
"No one is going to kill you," Jake said.
«Yes you will. Let me live! I want to live! You can't hurt me. You can't kill me. Weaklings! Fools!»
All the while I was demorphing, growing, becoming more and more human. Although I was still mostly fly when the wimp showed up.
"Aaaaahhhhhhhhh!"
She screamed.
I lunged for Marco.
89
hideous!
Foul!
It was me. Me! My face with that long, spittle-dripping proboscis where my mouth and nose should be. My body with dwindling stick legs sticking out of my chest. She had grown to nearly human size, but with enlarged fly features still lingering.
I couldn't stop screaming.
"Aaaaahhhhh! Aaaaahhhh! Aaaaahhhhh!"
She ... it ... I ... had her hands around Marco's throat. Ax was trying to swat her with the flat of his tail but she'd gotten Marco between her and the Andalite.
90 Mean Rachel struck Marco's face with the open tube end of her proboscis. She used it to cover his mouth and nose, shutting off his air, muffling his own cries of outrage and disgust.
"Aaaaahhhhh! Aaaaahhhhh!" I screamed.
"Rachel, shut up!" Cassie snapped at me. "My parents could come home any minute!"
Marco punched Rachel in the stomach. She swatted him with one of her brittle, stick arms. But she was still becoming more human and there was no great force behind the blow.
Her proboscis shriveled away, clearing Marco to breathe. And allowing her to talk.
"I'm taking over! Who's with me?!" she cried.
Jake took a running jump at her, but Mean Rachel released Marco and dodged aside. Jake hit the floor hard. A flutter of wings and Tobias was dropping from above. He maneuvered in the still air, looking to grab a talonful of blond hair and distract her long enough for -
But Mean Rachel was too quick. She shot an arm straight up, grabbed Tobias by the feathery leg above the talon, yanked him down, and wrapped her free arm around his body.
Then, with perfect malice on her face, she closed her fist around Tobias's neck.
"Mess with me and Bird-boy here is a dead chicken."
Everyone froze.
91 "Hah HAH!" she crowed. "Too easy! I don't even need to morph!"
«Rachel, what are you doing?!» Tobias yelled, more mad than scared.
"Sorry, my love," she sneered, "but as a predator, you'll understand."
"Okay, everyone chill," Marco said.
"Chill?" Mean Rachel screeched. "You called me 'psychotic'! How can a 'psychotic' person chill?"
"I meant 'psychotic' in a nice way," Marco said.
"I am in charge now!" she cried. "I'm running the Animorphs! I am the boss! You'll all obey me. ME!"
"Whatever you say," Jake said placatingly. He moved gradually closer to her. "You want to be in charge, fine. I'm tired of the responsibility anyway."
"Yeah? Then here's my first order: I want Marco killed! No! Wait. Not killed. He may still be useful."
"Glad to hear that," Marco muttered.
"Don't kill him. Just. . . just. . ." She looked around wildly, frantic, her eyes blazing. "Just punish him. That's it! We'll whip him! Tie him down to that stall door and we'll whip him! Whip him till he screams!"
"Okay," Jake said. Then he shot his right fist
92 out, past a squirming Tobias, to connect with Mean Rachel's left cheekbone.
"Ax!"
Before Rachel could recover from the shock of the sudden attack, an Andalite tail blade was at her throat. Marco grabbed one arm. Cassie grabbed the other.
Tobias fluttered to the ground, picked himself up, and flew back to the top of the barn.
Mean Rachel began to thrash. To scream.
"Aaarrrgghh! Aaaarrggghh!"
Out of control!
She fell to the floor, writhing, spit flying as she screamed curses and threats which soon were nothing but incoherent roars of rage.
Cassie, Jake, and Ax held her down. To protect themselves. And to protect this mad, rabid beast from injuring herself.
I was crying. Face in my hands, crying.
"She's not me! She's not me!" I wailed. "She was never in me!"
But I knew the truth. My memories were all intact. I knew that this Rachel, this tortured, wild, vicious thing had been a part of me.
She had made me brave. She had made me strong.
Poor, sick, twisted thing, she had made me ... me.
93
Man, you never saw a bunch of kids so upset over nothing. I mean, I was mad. So what? Who wouldn't be?
Anyway, they let me up after a while, and then Jake decided the meeting was over. And I decided I'd put off any action on the Marco problem till later.
The list was growing: Bailey still had to die. And now Marco. Probably Jake.
But that was okay, there would still be me and Tobias and Cassie and Ax.
Of course Ax wa
s kind of devoted to Jake. And Cassie . . .
94 I headed home, feeling a little confused. A little weird. Like I kind of didn't know what to do next.
The others would probably never accept me as long as my simpy twin was around. They pretended to like her better.
Of course, in a fight who were they going to turn to? Me. I was a natural leader: strong, violent, determined. I could figure out what to do about the truck convoy.
I could. If I really wanted to.
But when I tried, I realized to my shock that I couldn't. It was strange. Like . . . like when I tried to use that part of my brain, the planning part? No one home.
Was Cassie right?
I tried again. Nothing. Not just like I couldn't come up with a great plan. It was like I couldn't come up with any plan. Couldn't really think ahead like that. Like the future wasn't real, or possible, or... it just wasn't there.
I'd done okay at the BRI, hadn't I?
Of course that wasn't planning. That was spur-of-the-moment reacting. Yeah. I could do that. I could react.
Her.
She had that part of me! The rotten little weasel! Wussy Rachel had part of my brain. A part I needed!
95 I'd have to take it from her! I'd have to ... How?
It was too complicated. I felt like my brain was going to explode. I got home, shoved past my little sister, and stormed up to my room.
Up till then I'd been okay with the split. I mean, it was like finding out you have this tumor, this tumor of weakness, sickening weakness, growing inside of you. That was Rachel. Wussy Rachel, I mean. A tumor full of fear and indecision, and getting all that out of me was great, great, GREAT! Liberated, man! Free! Yah HAH!
Only . . . she had the part of me that could plan. That was wrapped up in all that fear.
I needed it back. I needed to figure out how to get it back and all I could come up with was: Kill her! But, no. That wouldn't work. Would it?
I stormed around my room ripping the covers from my bed and kicking whatever I found to kick.
Where was she?
I jerked my head left, right, left. Not here. Why not? Where was my other half, the half with part of my brain?
Not here.
I felt suspicion tickle the adrenaline into my bloodstream.
Not here. Plotting against me with my own brain!
The Separation Page 5
