I grip the straps of my backpack tighter until my knuckles touch just under my collarbone. A deep sigh slips past my lips, deflating my shoulders as I rest my chin against my fingers. There really is nowhere for me to go. No safe place in a city teeming with vampires who want to kill me because I’m some impossible cure, or dark witches waiting in shadows to pounce so they can take whatever it is they want from me. Everywhere I turn, there’s some kind of danger waiting to sink its claws in, and I can’t escape it.
I drag my gaze back up to the church looming before me. Even the one place most people find safety and protection has neither to offer a nephilim-witch abomination like me.
A buildup of unshed tears sting my eyes, and I squeeze them shut to hold them back. A single traitorous tear slips out, anyway. I grit my teeth and wipe it away. I will not sink into self-pity. I will not be helpless. I will be strong. I will fight my battles. And I will win because I have to.
Taking a step back from the church stairs, I suck in a deep breath, then look up and down the street, hoping for some kind of inspiration to hit. My gaze lands on a billboard adhered to the side of a building down the street advertising rustic getaways.
An insane idea pops into my head, and a small smile tugs at my mouth. Paige’s family owns a cabin near a huge lake fifty or so miles outside the city. They only use it a few weeks out of the year during holidays and school breaks, which means it will be empty right now. With the concealing charm Ivy gave me, I should be safe there. I can continue my training and learn how to control my magic on my own, and once things cool off, I’ll come back and make things right.
But first, I need to undo what I did to Evan. Once he’s back to the way he should be without any magical influence, I can go.
I twist my backpack around, rummaging inside to see exactly how much cash I have. I’ll need enough for a bus ticket, since I have no idea if I’m able to whoosh that far or not, and some groceries when I get there. I pull the money out and start to count when my phone lights up with an incoming message. My fingers stall over the bills, the numbers counted slipping out of my mind as I stare at the name on the screen.
Sebastian.
The money falls from my hands back into my pack, my now empty fingers inching closer to the text bubble displaying his name. It’s the fifteenth text he’s sent. My hand trembles the closer I get, my breaths too quick and shallow to fill my lungs. I want so badly to open his messages—to hope they say everything will be okay. But I can’t breathe at all now, and my heart is beating so fast, and each thump fuels the hand of fear gripped around it until my veins are flooded… because what if they’re not hopeful? What if they’re accusing? What if they rip me apart?
Still, my finger lowers, the touch of my skin to the screen bringing up the open tab. All I’d have to do is swipe right. The quiet whisper of doubt becomes a scream against my eardrum, stalling my finger. It shouts for me to stop, to ignore his messages, to save myself the pain it’ll cause if my hopes end up shattered. After all, hope is easier to hold on to when it’s just hope, and if I open his text, there won’t be any hope left. I’ll know where he stands, and I don’t know if I want to know.
I pull my hand away, my gaze locked onto the screen until it goes black. My lungs fill with a sharp, slicing breath that’s more akin to inhaling razor blades than air. I should turn my phone off. Stop torturing myself. Hope or no hope, I’d be dumb to think any of the messages he or Liv have sent will be good. How can they be after what happened earlier? My eyes turned black and dark spells tumbled from my mouth. I crossed the line and became a monster. They know it, and I know it.
My phone vibrates once again, each buzz a punch to the gut. My stupid eyes look at the screen, my chest already aching at the thought of seeing Sebastian’s name displayed again, but it’s not him. Taylor’s name stares up at me from the top of my notifications until another text comes in from Paige. Pulling my phone out, I hover my thumb over Paige’s text. Answering my friends couldn’t hurt, right? I mean, it’s not like they would know I’ve become an evil freak who’s now on the run.
“Indi!”
Air rushes into my lungs in one harsh inhale as the phone slips from my hand and back into my pack. Slamming my palm against the pounding beats of my heart, I turn to the sound of my name being called once again, my eyes searching the streets for the familiar voice. On the opposite sidewalk, a shock of purple hair catches my eye.
Ivy waves, then holds her finger up, motioning for me to wait as she turns to face a tall guy with a buzz cut. She fists her hands around the opening of his leather jacket, pulling him in closer. Rising up onto her tiptoes, she presses her lips to his in a kiss that goes from sweet to steamy in a matter of seconds. I shift my eyes away, gazing back every few seconds. Halfway through their make-out session, the guy opens his eyes, his gaze locking onto mine. The intensity holds me in place, sending a shiver down my spine. His mouth curves into a smile that has all the hair raising on the back of my neck as he pulls away to whisper something into Ivy’s ear, his eyes on me the whole time.
Is he trying to freak me out?
Because it’s working.
The longer he stares, the more my insides twist into knots. I tear my gaze away, only to find myself watching him from the corner of my eye two seconds later. His grin widens. What is this dude’s deal? The way he’s looking at me is so… creepy. Predatory even. If it weren’t for running into the one person who might actually be able to help me with more than one of my problems, I’d be hauling butt down the street right about now.
Get a grip, Indi.
I’m being ridiculous, seeing things that aren’t there. I don’t know this guy, and he doesn’t know me, so why would he look at me like I’m a tiny unsuspecting mouse, and he’s a big, bad cat itching to pounce? I chance a glance back in his direction, half-convinced, but still slightly wondering if I’d just imagined his creepiness or not given the crap fest of a day I’ve been having, but he’s already walking away with a group of people. I shrug it off, but the shiver tiptoeing down my spine refuses to leave.
I search for Ivy and find her darting across the street. She twists to the side, narrowly missing getting hit by an oncoming car. The driver blares the horn and sticks his head halfway out the window. “Watch where you’re going!”
“Maybe you should watch where you’re going, asshole!” Ivy gives him the one finger salute, then jumps up onto the curb. She brushes a wayward strand of purple hair from her eyes and offers me a smile. “Hey. I saw you standing over here and thought I’d see how you’re doing. You were pretty stressed out the last time we met. I hope things are better now, and the pendant is working well for you.”
“The pendant is working great. As for things getting better... not so much. Trouble seems to find me no matter what I do.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” Taking my arm, she pulls me down beside her on the church stairs. “I don’t have any calming tea to offer you out here on the street, but I have been told I’m a good listener.”
“Actually, there is something I wanted to talk to you about. I tried stopping by your shop earlier, but the sign said you were going to be closed a week.”
She rolls her lavender eyes. “My dad went out of town on a business trip and didn’t think I could handle running everything on my own without him being close by to keep an eye on things. He’s such a worrywart. But now that we’ve run into each other, what did you need to talk to me about?”
“It’s about the spell you gave me. The one you said would ease the pain of heart in the one I split from. I used it on my ex in the heat of the moment, and I think something went wrong. He’s different now. Something about him is… off. He’s not the same guy. I was hoping there was a way to reverse it? A way to give him back his rightful feelings so he can be himself again?” I drop my gaze to the sunflower keychain Evan gave me over the summer, dangling from the zipper of my backpack. “Even if it means he hates me again,” I add under my breath. I glance back over at
Ivy, hoping she’ll have good news. If I can give Evan back his true emotions, it’ll at least be a step in the right direction. A step back into the light because right now I feel like I keep sinking further and further into the dark.
“Sure. All magic can be undone. You just have to find the right counter spell. Have you looked in your Book of Shadows?” She glances down at the backpack resting between my feet, as though she already knows it’s in there. It sends a slight shiver down my back for reasons I can’t quite decipher.
“Yeah, um, about the book.” My mouth suddenly goes desert dry, making the rest of what I want to say halt in the back of my throat. It’s as though my words are fighting against me to come out. “I’m not so sure…” I cough into the crook of my elbow, wishing I’d had enough sense to bring a bottle of water with me. My throat feels as dry as the dirt after a two month long drought. “I’m not so sure I should use it,” I force between my teeth in a whispered hiss.
I double over in a coughing fit, which ends with a gag and the taste of vomit on the back of my tongue. Gah, what is wrong with me? I want to get rid of this book, so why does saying it out loud feel like blasphemy?
My breath freezes in my lungs, my mind jumping to the worst possible thought it can come up with.
What if… what if I’ve somehow inadvertently bonded myself to it by having cast spells from it? Is that a thing? Could something like that really happen? I don’t remember Jack or Liv ever mentioning anything like that in our studies, but I also didn’t tell them about the book or the way it shocked me at the bookstore when I discovered it. By the powers that be, I really hope this isn’t the case, because if it is, what if it means I’m destined to be a dark witch? What if that’s why the Dark Heart Coven has been watching me? What if they’ve been waiting for me to go dark like them?
A cold sweat sweeps across the back of my neck, leaving my face feeling flush. My stomach churns, fire spreading throughout my veins until my body is ready to ignite. Leaning forward, I swallow hard over and over to keep from spewing on the sidewalk. If I really am bonded, does that mean I really am evil? That there is darkness in me, clawing its way out with every dark spell I cast?
“Why not?” Ivy asks, interrupting my thoughts, along with the series of shivers slithering up and down my back at the thought of becoming a dark witch. I don’t want to be a dark witch any more than I want to have potential vampire traits. I don’t want to become the very thing the angels are so afraid I’ll be. A forbidden being with too much power, power that if blossomed in darkness...
The shiver paused along my spine resumes with a vengeance. I do my best to shake it off, telling myself it won’t ever be me. That I won’t become surrounded by, or consumed by darkness, no matter how tempting it is. That I’ll stand in the light, and my abilities will only ever be used for good. That I can be good. That I will be good.
But what if I’m not?
No. No, I can’t think like that. I have to stay strong. I have to stay in the light. I will not give into the darkness.
To ensure I don’t, I need to get rid of the Book of Shadows as soon as possible, regardless of whether or not I’ve bonded with it. It’s too tempting and too easy to justify using the spells in it, especially when I tell myself it’s to save the ones I love, like how I did with the sanguinary spell at the diner. Because eventually the line between good and evil will blur even further, and the ends will no longer justify the means—if they ever did. Eventually, I’ll cross a line I can’t come back from. I can’t take that chance. The book has to go.
“There are dark spells…” I trail off in another coughing fit as my mind drums up memories of what I almost did to the vampire on the jogging path, and to what I did do to the vampire at the diner.
“There are no such things as dark spells, only dark casters. Maybe. But even then, it’s a gray area, since magic is neither dark nor light. Magic is all about intent and the manipulation of energy. A spell only becomes dark, per se, if you want it to.”
Her words suck every bit of air from my lungs and sends the world spinning faster than it should. They echo in my mind over and over, each reiteration becoming heavier and heavier, crushing me under the weight of it. There are no such things as dark spells, only dark casters. If what she says is true, then it means the darkness I feel is all me and not the book. That I’m a dark caster, that the angels were right all along in wanting to eliminate me, that I really am the monster they always saw me as. That I truly am evil.
No.
Ivy has to be wrong. The angels too because I would never willingly hurt another being.
Ever.
I wouldn’t.
I am not evil.
I’m not.
Heat seeps into my chest from the protection charm resting against my skin. I clutch it in my fist, hoping to find some kind of comfort. It never comes.
But you did want to hurt someone, a voice whispers inside my head. You wanted to hurt the vampires coming after you. You wanted to make them pay for targeting you and endangering the ones you love. You wanted to make them bleed until there was nothing left.
No. No. No. No.
I shake my head vehemently side to side to shut the voice up.
“No.”
I dig into my backpack, pulling the book out. Flipping it open, the pages begin to fill in with words. I shuffle through until I find the sanguinary spell. “You can’t tell me this spell isn’t rooted in darkness.” I shove the book into Ivy’s hands. All the words disappear. “What the—?”
She hands the book back to me and the words reappear once again. “It’s as I told you that day in the shop. This Book of Shadows belongs to you. You’re bonded. Only you, or another member of your bloodline, can call forth the spells.”
Her words stab through me like a giant blunt knife to the center of the chest. The book and I really are bonded? Does this mean I can never get rid of it now? Will I become more and more drawn to it until there’s nothing good left in me?
I shake my head again.
No.
There has to be a way to become un-bonded. Please, please, please let there be a way, and let Ivy know how to do it. I mean, she’d have to, right? Why else would she have multiple Books of Shadows in her bookstore? What would be the point in having them if she can’t read them?
“But you said you have a collection of Book of Shadows in the back room at Books and Brew? Are you saying you can’t read any of them because they’re bound to other witches?”
“Not all of them are bound. If a magical bloodline ends, the spells in the book will reveal themselves to other witches. There are also revealing spells that can be cast to break the bond, but they’re usually complicated and time-consuming. They also take a lot of magic, sometimes that of an entire coven.”
“But they can be un-bonded?” If Ivy weren’t sitting right beside me I’d be shouting hells yes and kissing the ground right now.
“Yes, but like I said, it’s very difficult to do.”
“How did mine come into the shop?”
“Yours came into the shop blank, which means it had to have already been bonded to your bloodline. It’s also why it shocked you when you ran your finger over the spine. It recognized your blood.”
I stare down at it in my hands. If this book belongs to my bloodline, why was it ever in a shop to begin with?
Probably because whoever owned it before realized how evil it was and wanted to get rid of it, I think to myself. I know I certainly want to get rid of it for that exact reason.
Maybe Ivy can help me unbind myself from it? And then I can burn it to ashes and bury it in the woods so no one else can stumble upon it. But first, I need to prove to her that some of the spells in here are evil all on their own.
“If I keep a hold of it, can you read the spell?”
She shrugs a shoulder. “I don’t see why not.”
I scoot a little closer. “Okay, tell me this spell isn’t evil.”
She leans in, peering down at the bo
ok. Her eyes skim over the pages, her mouth forming the words without sound. “This spell is not evil.”
My mouth hangs open. “How can it not be? It causes all the blood in a person’s body to spill out.”
Twisting to the side, she puts a hand on my shoulder, her expression taking on the appearance one would have when talking to a scared child. “Magic has been around for a long time, Indi. Before modern medicine, it wasn’t uncommon to bleed out one’s illnesses.”
“So you’re saying this is a medical spell?”
“Yes.” The tone of her voice leaves little room for debate in its sureness, but something in her eyes gives me pause. She blinks, washing it away before I can put my finger on it. Pulling a phone out from her back pocket, she lays her free hand over my forearm. “I have an apartment in the city about fifteen minutes away from here. Why don’t we share a taxi, and I’ll show you the spells in this book are only what you make of them. More than likely there will be a spell in it to counteract the one you cast on your ex too, and if there’s not, I have one in my Book of Shadows.”
She stands, holding out her hand, her silver rings reflecting the streetlights. “What do you say? Unless, of course, you need to go home for the night, in which case we can meet at the shop in the morning and take care of things there?” Her gaze drifts to my backpack, the subtle change in her expression saying she already knows the answer I’ll give. Maybe she does. I get the feeling Ivy knows more about things than she lets on.
Lifting a brow, she wiggles her fingers.
Part of me isn’t so sure I should trust her, especially on the subject of certain spells not being inherently rooted in darkness. I refuse to believe there can’t be dark magic all on its own because if it turns out she’s right, and magic truly isn’t good or evil in nature, I am in no way equipped to handle the implications. The mere thought of it even being remotely true has my stomach acid wanting to churn until it solidifies into something with claws, ready to rip its way up my esophagus.
Of Darkness & Light: Blood Descent Book 2 Page 8
