Wow. Those weren’t the kind of words a guy who was rapidly falling for a girl wanted to hear. He wanted to mean something to her. He wanted her to feel more for him than she’d feel for her boss. Was that ridiculous?
But, she was coming with him, so he wasn’t going to give her a reason to change her mind. He extended his hand to guide her over to Mama Chile’s booth. It took a few minutes to walk there. Beth remained quiet as she stayed in step with Josh.
Josh wished he could read her thoughts. He wished she would just tell him what was going on. There had to be something. She was a normally cheery person. This was not the Beth he knew and cared about.
When they got to Mama Chile’s, they ordered and took their tag over to a recently vacated table to sit down. Beth rested her hands on the table in front of her and kept her gaze trained on them. Josh tried a few times to catch her attention, but it was in vain.
Finally, taking a chance, he reached out and wrapped his hands around hers. “Hey,” he said, softly.
She jumped as if he’d just shocked her and whipped her gaze up to meet his. He couldn’t tell if she was upset or just startled by his sudden touch. Worried he’d overstepped, he patted her hands and then pulled back, wishing that he could take back his blunder.
Her cheeks flushed as she tucked some hair behind her ear. She looked up and gave him a weak smile. “Sorry,” she whispered.
If Josh didn’t know better, he’d swear he saw tears in her eyes. His heart surged with the desire to protect her. Whoever was hurting Beth was going to have to answer to him. “What’s wrong?” he asked, leaning forward.
Beth shook her head as a tear slipped down her cheek. “It’s, um, nothing. Just exhaustion, I think.” She dabbed at her eyes with her fingertips as she refused to meet his gaze.
“Beth, something’s wrong. You can tell me.”
Beth pinched her lips together as she shook her head. She fiddled with the napkin dispenser next to her. She pulled one out and dabbed her eyes. “It’s nothing. I promise you, I’m fine.”
The weak sound to her voice and the pained expression in her eyes told him she most certainly was not okay. Why was she lying to him? What could she possibly be hiding?
And then realization hit him. She was in love with someone else. Of course. Why didn’t that dawn on him before? Here he was, allowing himself to fall for her, and yet, she was having feelings for someone else. And she couldn’t tell him because she’d sensed his feelings and didn’t want to hurt him.
Gah. He could be such an idiot sometimes.
In an effort to preserve his heart, he leaned back and forced a relaxed expression. “It’s okay,” he said. His voice came out low. And as much as he tried not to allow it, his tone sounded just as hurt as he felt.
Beth’s eyes widened. “Josh, I don’t think—”
“It’s okay,” he repeated. It was one thing to realize what was going on. It was a whole other thing to have her say the words. Call him crazy, but he wasn’t sure he could deal with that. At least, not right now.
He should have known better than to open himself up to someone again. Cindy had taught him that love was a joke. That it would only make him into a fool. And here was the proof. Again.
“I understand,” he said, tapping his fingers on the tabletop.
“But—”
“Josh Braxton?” The woman in the window called out his name.
Relived that he had an excuse to stand up, Josh made his way over to the counter to grab their food. They ate in silence, and Josh could feel Beth’s eyes on him every so often. Even though he wanted to talk to her, to fight for her, he couldn’t. He needed to lick his wounds. The ones from Cindy and, even fresher, the ones from Beth.
Tomorrow, he’d feel different. But today, he needed to wallow in his self-pity. It was the only way he was going to survive.
Chapter Sixteen
Beth sat across from Josh, trying to figure out what was happening. She wanted to tell him the truth. Tell him that her mother was sick. That her prognosis wasn’t looking good. But she couldn’t tell him that without spilling the secret that her mother had specifically told her not to share.
And, right now, she’d protect her mother’s wishes. It was the least she could do.
But it was breaking her heart to watch Josh struggle with what was happening between them. Even though the fact that Josh thought there was something between them made her stomach lighten. It was like all of her wishes were coming true at once, just at the wrong time. Why was fate cruel like that?
Where was this Josh years ago? When they might have been able to do something about it. When secrets and her mom’s illness didn’t plague their relationship?
Beth picked up her quesadilla and took a bite. Even though it tasted amazing, the rock in her stomach was heavy and she wasn’t hungry.
“Did you have fun with Jordan?” Josh asked. His voice was flat.
Beth grabbed a napkin and covered her mouth as she nodded. “Yeah. He’s quite an adventurous boy.” She picked at the brown edges of the tortilla, grateful that Josh still wanted to talk to her. “What have you decided about Cindy?”
Josh cleared his throat and took a long sip of his Coke. Then he set it down on the table and glanced over at her. She could see the pain and frustration in his eyes. Even though she wanted to believe that it was all about Cindy, she knew better. She was the cause of that stormy look in his eyes.
“I don’t know. I guess I’ll have to talk to my lawyer and see what can be done. I mean, she did give up visitation rights.”
Beth nodded. She understood where he was coming from, but she also knew what it was like to live in a world where her mother could leave at any moment. No matter what her mother did to her, she’d want the chance to see her. And she couldn’t help but think that Jordan might want that chance as well.
“People can change,” she said, keeping her voice a whisper. It was something she had to believe because she was here, hoping it would happen between her and her mother.
Josh scoffed as he took a big bite of his taco. “Yeah, but most don’t.”
Beth kept her gaze focused on her food. “You don’t believe that,” she said.
When Josh didn’t respond, she glanced up to see him staring at her. His jaw muscles were moving as he studied her.
“You think I should let someone who’s hurt me back into my life?”
Beth sat up a little straighter. “Yes. People deserve second chances.” Things could always be different a second time around.
Josh snorted, which confused Beth. Why was he acting like this?
“Beth, some people don’t deserve the second chances we feel we have to give them.” He studied her, his gaze intense as he held her own.
This was strange. Did he know? “Well, I choose to live in a world where that isn’t the case.”
Josh grabbed a napkin, dabbed his lips, and threw it onto his plate as he glanced around. “Well, that’s where we differ. I can’t let Cindy hurt me or Jordan again. I have his best interests at heart. Cindy? She only wants what’s best for Cindy.”
Josh’s words stung as. Sure, Cindy was a horrible person, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t change, because if that was the truth, then neither could her mom. But her mom was changing. Well, partially.
“I’m sorry you feel that way, Josh. It’s disappointing that some people can’t put past hurts aside and think about the bigger picture.” Beth grabbed her plate. After dumping it into the garbage, she glanced over to see Josh staring at her. His jaw was set and his arms folded, and she could tell he was mulling over what she’d just said.
She nodded to him and turned, heading back toward the booth. Even though every ounce of her wanted to run back to her car and drive home, where she’d hide out under her blankets, she couldn’t do that. Not when she’d given her word to help Josh. Plus, Jordan would be disappointed if she left.
When she got back to the booth, she found Jordan asleep on the blankets. Mr. Braxton was
talking to Jonathan, Josh’s younger brother who had graduated with her. They’d been friends that ran in different crowds.
When Jonathan turned, his eyes widened. “Bethy?”
Beth groaned. Great. Why couldn’t that nickname have just died? Forcing a smile, she reached out and hugged him. He was no longer the lanky sixteen-year-old who was forced to take her to the prom, but a tall, and ripped, NFL player.
“Jeez, Jonathan,” she said, pulling away and squeezing his biceps. “You’re making us all look bad.”
Jonathan laughed. “Well, I kind of have to be like this. Helps protect me against those linebackers.” He winked at her. Last year, he was traded to the Steelers. Beth had tried to see him a few times while she lived in Pittsburgh, but he’d been so busy with the team, and she’d been busy with Zander, it never worked out.
Mr. Braxton announced that he was going to go get one of the funnel cakes that everyone was talking about. Just as Mr. Braxton walked off, Tiffany walked up.
“Beth. I’m happy you came,” Tiffany said as she handed off the two snow cones she had in her hands to Jonathan and wrapped Beth into a hug. When she pulled back, Beth made a point to give her a look, hoping Tiffany would understand. She needed her to not mention her mother or the cancer.
Tiffany gave her a supportive smile which helped ease her concerns. She turned to greet Jonathan when she saw Josh walk into the booth and head over to the cab of the truck. Just before he disappeared inside, he met her gaze for a moment. Beth’s stomach surged as all of the things she’d said to him—or didn’t say to him—rushed through her.
He was hurting, and she was the cause of that pain. But what he didn’t realize was she understood him more than he could imagine. She knew what it was like to have a less than ideal parent. But she also knew what it was like to be a child without their parent in their life. It was miserable and lonely.
“Wow, Josh is brooding today,” Jonathan said as he took a big bite of the blue snow cone.
“Hey, now, blue is mine,” Tiffany said as she grabbed the cone from him.
Jonathan pulled it up, just out of her reach. She dropped her jaw and gave him a punch. It barely registered on Jonathan’s face. Finally, Tiffany gave up, and Jonathan handed it over to her.
Beth wrapped her arms around her stomach as she tried to keep her gaze from making its way over to the cab. Over to where Josh sat. Hurting.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Tiffany asked as she tapped Beth’s shoe with her own.
Not wanting to get into any of the things plaguing her mind, Beth just shrugged and forced a smile. “Just tired I guess.”
Tiffany’s eyes widened. “You can’t be tired already. Not when we have a night of dancing ahead of us.” She raised an arm and wrapped the other one around her waist as she did the cha-cha.
Beth shook her head. There was no way she wanted to stay for the concert that happened at the end of every festival. She wasn’t in the mood to dance, and she certainly wasn’t in the mood to watch Josh dance.
“I should probably get home. I mean, Mom’s coming home—” Just as the words left her lips, regret filled Beth’s mind. She needed to get out of here before she spilled everything.
Tiffany was staring at her as she took a bite of her snow cone. Her eyebrows were raised, and Beth knew she’d heard.
“Your mom’s not back home?” Tiffany asked, stepping closer to Beth.
“Where’d your mom go?” Jonathan asked.
Beth shook her head. “No. Well, actually, she went over to Jordan to do some shopping. I should probably get back.” She hated how there were always so many questions, and she was having a hard time keeping her lies straight.
Tiffany eyed her as she stood in front of Beth.
Hoping that her smile would ward off any more questions, Beth took a deep breath and said, “But I guess it’s probably silly, me needing to be there when she gets home.” Beth shrugged. “So I guess I’ll stay. I can stay.”
Tiffany eyed her, and then a smile crept across her lips. “Great.”
Beth nodded, and when Tiffany turned to talk to Jonathan, she let her shoulders relax. Well, it looked like she was staying, even if she didn’t want to. But, if it kept people from guessing the real reason she wanted to be home, she was doing what her mom asked. And she was going to keep her promise.
* * *
It was hard to pretend while everyone around her seemed to actually be happy. Tiffany and Jonathan tagged along with her and Jordan as they went around and played games, once he woke up. Everyone else seemed to be moving around without a care in the world.
Beth, on the other hand, was miserable. Josh refused to look at her when he got out of the cab of his truck. Tricia showed up and went into full flirty mode with him. Josh didn’t seem thrilled about it, but he also wasn’t pushing her away. The memory of the hospital kept rushing back to Beth, confusing the heck out of her.
By evening, Beth had a headache. She wanted to go home and crawl under the blankets and hide from the world. But, with the way Tiffany was tugging on her arm, she knew she wasn’t going anywhere.
The middle of the fair had been cleared to make a large open space. A stage was set up on the far end of the circle, where a band was just starting to tune their instruments.
Tiffany had found a few other people to talk to, so Beth took the time to fade into the crowd. She kept a short distance away from Tiffany, grateful that no one seemed to have a burning desire to talk to her. Once the music started up, everyone cheered and made their way to the center.
Tiffany grabbed Beth’s hand and dragged her with. Not wanting to fight her best friend, Beth followed. She tried to act like she was fine, dancing in the crowd, but she wasn’t. Eventually, she leaned forward and told Tiffany she needed a drink.
Tiffany nodded, but kept her gaze on a tall, blond that Beth didn’t recognize.
Grateful for the escape, Beth slipped through the crowd and over to the table of water pitchers. The evening heat surrounded her, making her more thirsty than ever. After locating a cup, she poured the cool liquid into it. Once she was done, she brought it to her lips and reveled in the feeling of the water as it slid down her throat.
After drinking two glasses, she held the cup in her hand as she glanced around. People on the outskirts of the dance floor were moving slowly to the music as they chatted.
For some reason, being just an observer calmed Beth. She enjoyed just watching instead of forcing conversation when she wasn’t in the mood. And lately, that had been happening a lot. It was hard to smile and fake happiness when her life felt like it was crumbling down around her.
“Having a good time?”
Tricia’s voice pulled Beth from her thoughts. She turned to see Tricia standing about a foot away with a glass of beer in her hand. Not sure what to say, Beth just nodded. “Yeah.”
Tricia took a sip of her drink and then glanced over at her. “I’m surprised you’re not out there with Josh.” Tricia motioned toward the throng of dancers.
Beth followed her gesture as the mention of Josh’s name caused butterflies to flutter in her stomach. “Why are you surprised?”
Tricia shrugged. “Nothing really. Just that I’ve seen the way he looks at you. I mean, you two have something going on, right?”
Beth swallowed. It felt so right and so wrong to hear Tricia say that about her and Josh. Beth knew she should correct Tricia. Tell her that they were strictly friends and all she did was nanny for him, but she knew that was a lie. Besides, what would Tricia do with that information?
Would she finally make her move on him?
Gah, why did Beth care? She shouldn’t. Josh should be allowed to date whoever he wanted to. He was single, and Tricia was single. They both were looking for someone, and Beth was the last person Josh should fall for. If she cared about him, she’d let him be happy, even if that meant he was happy with Tricia.
“We’re not dating. There’s nothing going on there.” Beth raised her gaze, hoping th
at she looked stronger than she felt.
Tricia’s eyebrows rose. “Nothing. You and Josh aren’t seeing each other?”
Beth nodded. “Right. There’s nothing going on, and there will never be. I don’t think of him like that.” Except she did. Every minute of every day. But she just got her mom back, and she wasn’t going to blow it again. If Josh was in her life, then her secrets were no longer hers.
Tricia’s smile widened as her gaze flicked behind Beth. “Josh, there you are. I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”
Beth’s body went numb as she slowly turned to see Josh standing a few feet off. His jaw was set and his gaze hardened as he stared at Beth. Beth’s lips parted as every excuse for what she’d said flooded her mind. She needed to tell him that she didn’t mean it. That she didn’t mean to hurt him.
Anything to wipe that betrayed look from his face.
Right on cue, a slow song blared from the speakers. Beth watched as Tricia walked up to Josh and wrapped her arm around him. Just when she thought she was going to have to stand there and watch them parade around the dance floor, Josh stepped forward, breaking Tricia’s hold, and grabbed Beth’s hand.
“We need to dance,” he said, leaving Tricia with her mouth open and her protest lingering in the air behind them.
Not sure what to do, Beth followed after Josh as he led her to the dance floor. Before she could protest, Josh wrapped his arm around her back and pulled her close to him. He raised her hand and began leading her around the dance floor.
“We aren’t going to leave until you tell me the truth,” he said, glancing down at her.
Too startled to speak, Beth just nodded as she followed his lead. As much as she wanted to pull away, she couldn’t. The desire to be held by him was quickly taking over her desire to run. And, right now, she was too tired to fight.
She just had to be strong for the duration of a song. She could do that, right?
Chapter Seventeen
Her Boss: Braxton Brothers Series Book One Page 13
