He saw that I was about to make a run for it, out the door and past the cop. He grabbed my wrist. “Be cool,” he said.
The doors opened and we moved toward the ramp off the ferry. I watched as the policeman walked through the exiting passengers and headed our way. I was still ready to bolt, but then I realized he was ignoring us and focusing on Ernest.
Ernest knew what was coming.
“You’ll have to go ashore,” the cop said. “You know how it goes.”
Ernest nodded. “Yes, Officer.”
So the four of us walked off together. The cop followed, but once we were out of the ferry terminal, he headed down the street. Ernest let out a big sigh. He pulled an empty booze bottle from his coat pocket and deposited it in a recycling can. “Guess I’ll have to walk the bridge back to town,” he said. “It’s a good day for a hike. See the sights, get some fresh air.” Then he let out his loud, unhealthy, signature cough.
We stood silently there by the water for a minute. Ernest was just staring up into the sky when he started talking. “Cody, is your home that nice little hobbit hut in the woods, or is your home where your parents are and”—he nodded at Alexis and DeMarco—“where your friends are?”
I didn’t say anything, but his words were getting to me. I really did want to see my home again, but what was I going to do when I got there? And what was I really running from? I was running because I was afraid, not because I’d really done anything wrong.
And then Ernest drove the point home. “What if you run off and something happens to your dad in the hospital and you’re not there? They wouldn’t even be able to get in touch with you.”
I looked at Alexis, and she nodded. DeMarco looked at me and said, “It’s your call, Codeman.”
The ferry had not left yet. “I’ve got some more money,” Alexis said. “Enough to get us all back across the harbor.”
I nodded at Ernest. “C’mon. Let’s go.”
“You guys go. They won’t let me back on today. Like I said, it’s a good day for a walk.” And then he shook my hand and looked into my eyes. “Do whatever needs to be done, brother. And take care of those parents. They’re the only ones you’ve got.” Then he turned and began to walk toward the bridge. The ferry sounded its horn, and Alexis slapped my arm. “Let’s go, Cody.”
The three of us got back on the ferry, and almost immediately it left the dock. We stood outside at the front of the boat, watching as the city grew larger in front of us.
“What are you going to do?” DeMarco asked.
“Guess I’ll just go straight to the police. Tell them my side of the story.”
“We’ll go with you,” Alexis said.
When I walked through the doors of the police station for the second time, I feared I might never walk back out. But Alexis and DeMarco were with me, and I had faith in them.
I told the desk cop who I was, why I was there and that I wanted to talk to someone about it. He looked me up on his computer. “Says here you were involved in some kind of fight at your school. I don’t see anything else.”
Austin and Jacob had not reported what happened in the cemetery. “But I feel like I should talk to someone and explain what happened next,” I said.
The cop didn’t seem that interested. “We’re pretty busy around here,” he said, even though it didn’t look busy at all. “Why don’t you go back to school?”
I felt like a weight had been lifted off me. I guess I had not badly injured Jacob after all. Maybe he and Austin would still try to get back at me, but I wouldn’t fight them again. I’d find ways to stay clear of them, to get them off my case. I’d use my wits instead of my strength. It was all about a new set of survival skills.
Chapter Eleven
Mr. Costanzo spotted us as soon as we walked in the door. He had his arms folded in front of his chest. “Why aren’t you all in class?” he asked.
“We were just headed to class, Mr. Costanzo,” DeMarco said. “Cody said he needed some fresh air, and we thought we’d better stay with him so he wouldn’t get lost, being new here and all.” It wasn’t what he said but the way he said it—smooth, respectful. DeMarco was impressive at deflecting trouble. Maybe I did need to learn from him.
“Sorry we lost track of time, sir,” I said. “We’d like to go to class now.”
Just then Mr. Costanzo’s cell phone rang. He looked at it, then us. He waved his hand for us to go.
“You going to be okay?” Alexis asked me as we walked down the hall.
“I don’t know,” I answered. “I just really don’t seem to belong here. I still don’t understand the rules or know how to act.” Being back in the school building had me rattled already. Costanzo had been right there as if he was waiting for us. I didn’t look forward to going to the classroom and having kids stare at me again like I was the freak from the woods.
“I’m sorry about what I did to you the other day,” Alexis said. “I like you now that I know you. I think I understand a bit better. I’d like to get to know you a little more.”
DeMarco smiled. “Guess I can’t compete with that,” he joked.
“I want to meet your mom and dad,” Alexis said. “My parents are morons. Yours sound like heroes. Can I meet them?”
“Sure,” I said.
“Gotta go,” she said. “My class is on the other side of the building.” Then she kissed me on the cheek and ran down the hall. She did it like it wasn’t a big deal. But it was. Aside from my mom, no one had ever kissed me. The feeling booted the gloom right out of my head.
“Loverboy, we gotta get you to math class. We’re already late.”
“You go,” I said. “I’ve really gotta pee. It’s been a long day. I’ll see you there.”
“Sure thing. Don’t get lost.” As DeMarco walked on, I dipped into the boys’ washroom. Somebody else was right behind me, but he went straight into a toilet stall.
I was standing at the urinal, taking the longest leak of my life. My head was full of a jumble of things, and I wondered if I’d ever be able to settle into life here at the school. That’s when I heard the toilet-stall door open. I zipped up and turned around.
It was Austin, glaring at me. He angled toward the main door and just stood there, blocking my way out. We were alone in here. I studied the look on his face. I couldn’t quite figure it out. Anger? Hatred? Since coming to the city, I’d realized that other people communicated by the way they looked at you. I couldn’t read many of those expressions. This one especially puzzled me. Nastiness, yes. Animosity, for sure. Threatening, definitely. But there were traces of something else. It was a look that said he didn’t approve of anyone or anything. It was the look of someone who didn’t even like himself.
“Just you and me this time,” he said. His breathing was heavy.
“I’m not gonna do this,” I said.
“Afraid to fight?”
“We’ve been through this,” I said. “It’s pointless.”
“You hurt Jacob. He had X-rays. Nothing was broken, but you sure messed up his arm.”
“I didn’t mean to.”
“So you’re sorry you did it?”
“Yeah,” I said, “I’m sorry I did it. I just want this crap to end.”
“Saying you’re sorry doesn’t quite make things all right.” Austin moved toward me, but I didn’t move. He had his right hand in his jacket pocket. I wasn’t sure what that was about. But I was ready for him to make the first move. I decided that when he went for me, I’d push him off and get the hell out of there, go straight to Costanzo if I had to. But I was not going to hit him.
“Where the hell are you from anyway? And why the hell did you move here?”
I decided to tell him the truth. “We lived a long way from here. Just my family and me. I’m here because my dad got real sick. Cancer. We had to get him to the hospital.”
Austin didn’t seem to know how to respond to that. “So you think everyone should feel sorry for you, right?”
“No,” I
said. “I’d just be happy to be left alone. I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me.”
Austin took his hand out of his pocket. “How is he?” he asked in a different voice. It wasn’t what I was expecting to hear.
“I’m not sure,” I said. “He doesn’t seem to be getting better.”
“Hospitals suck,” Austin said.
“This one’s not so bad. It just seems that the treatment is wearing him down more.”
“Yeah. I think sometimes doctors do more harm than good.”
“What do you mean?”
“I hate hospitals.”
“You spent some time there? You were sick?”
Austin backed away and leaned against one of the sinks. Behind him I could see our reflection in the bathroom mirror. “My mom had cancer when I was ten. She died in a hospital. I think it was that place that killed her.” Austin now looked like a hurt little kid. All the anger had left him.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
But then he sucked in some air, puffed out his chest and glared at me. “Screw off, asshole,” he shouted. “Just screw off.” Then he grabbed the door, slammed it hard against the wall as he opened it, and walked out.
I was left looking at my reflection and thinking that maybe some stuff was starting to make a bit of sense after all.
Chapter Twelve
By the time school was over, I was tired. Sleeping on the street sucks. I thought about Ernest and the life he was living. DeMarco slapped me on the back as he jogged by. He was on his way to his afternoon job. “Stay out of trouble, Cody,” he told me as he scooted by. “And lighten up, brother. Be cool.”
I saw Austin and Jacob. They saw me, too, but Austin just walked away. Jacob followed him. I was in a bit of a fog—tired, still a bit confused, attempting to put all the pieces together. I was trying to understand my new identity, and it was beginning to click that even though I’d only been here a short while, I was now connected to other people—DeMarco, Alexis, Ernest, even Austin. It was a new feeling for me.
Drifting out of my fog, I realized someone was following me. I turned to see Alexis walking quickly toward me. “Wait up,” she said. “You said you would introduce me to your parents.”
I was on my way to the hospital, but today didn’t seem like the right day. I was going to have to explain to my parents what had happened. I really wanted to have a heart-to-heart talk with my dad. The truth was, I was really worried about him.
“Can we do that some other time?” I said.
Alexis looked hurt. “So this is how you do it? You draw me in and then you push me away?”
Once again, I realized I didn’t understand much of anything when it came to communication.
“I’m just not sure my dad’s in any shape to see visitors,” I said.
Alexis stopped and stood there on the sidewalk with her arms folded. I stopped walking and turned to look at her. “Don’t you get it?” she asked.
“Get what?”
“I know that you’re going through a rough time. I understand that your dad is really sick. I think you need more than just you to see this thing through. That’s why DeMarco and I were willing to run away with you.”
“So you feel sorry for me? That’s why you want to hang out with me?”
“Yeah, I feel bad about what’s going on in your life. But there’s more than that.”
I wasn’t sure I liked having people pity me, not even a girl like Alexis. But I wasn’t going to push her away. I told her about my encounter with Austin.
“Some people want sympathy for their pain,” she said. “Some just want to push it onto others.”
“Come on,” I said. “Let’s go to the hospital. I actually could use some company. I’m really worried about my dad.”
“I promise I’ll be good,” she said.
Alexis could see I was feeling panicky as we walked into the lobby of the hospital. She took my hand and squeezed it hard. We took the elevator up to the cancer ward, and I led her to my dad’s room. When we walked in, my mom was crying. My dad was not in the bed. I felt the blood drain out of my face.
“Mom?”
“It’s your father,” she said, then started to cry some more.
I held her in my arms. “What about him? What happened?”
“He’s so stubborn,” she said.
“What do you mean?”
Just then my dad walked into the room. He had his old clothes on, and he leaned against the doorframe. He looked very, very sick. “Cody, I’m going home. We’re all going home.” But as he stepped toward me, he started to falter, so I grabbed him and helped him to the bed.
Alexis didn’t say a word. She slipped to the side of the room and sat down in a chair.
“Convince him he has to stay here,” Mom said.
My dad was breathing heavily as he leaned back on the bed. I’d never seen him look so bad.
He noticed Alexis now but didn’t acknowledge her presence. Instead, he stared intently at me. “Why did you come back?” he asked.
“It’s all okay. There was a misunderstanding. I’m not in any real trouble.”
“It doesn’t matter. I need to get out of here and go back home. This hospital is killing me.”
I thought about what Austin had said about his mom. Maybe Dad was right. But he didn’t look like he was in any shape to travel anywhere. There was a terrible stillness in the room. All I could hear was my father’s labored breathing.
“Cody,” he said. “We always lived what we believed, right?
“Yeah.”
“We believed in being self-sufficient, taking care of ourselves, not being a burden to anyone or anything. Not being dependent on anyone but us.”
“You taught me those things,” I said. “And more.”
“Live what you believe in.”
“I know.”
“But being here is all wrong. Everything feels wrong. And I don’t think I’m getting any better.”
Then he paused, swallowed hard and said the thing I was most afraid he would say. “If I’m going to die, I’d rather die at home.”
My mom burst into tears again.
I looked over at Alexis and saw the shock in her eyes. She didn’t say a word. My father’s statement echoed inside my head, and my mind rebelled at the thought. I felt like screaming. And I suddenly knew then that if my father was stubborn enough, we would go home. And he would likely die there.
And I couldn’t let that happen.
“Help me up, Cody. Help me get downstairs.” There was determination in his eyes, but also desperation.
“No,” my mom said. “Don’t do it.”
Chapter Thirteen
Alexis looked quite upset now, and I guessed she was wishing she hadn’t stumbled into my family drama. My mom wasn’t in any shape to improve the situation, so I knew it was up to me.
“Dad,” I said. “You taught me a lot of things about survival, and you always seemed to be right.”
He nodded and tried to get up again but didn’t quite have the energy. He looked annoyed with me. “You going to give me a lecture, Cody? If so, save it.” I had rarely heard my father sound so stern.
I decided to continue. “You always told me that if I got truly lost in the woods, the most important thing was to stay put and not get more lost.”
“Right, but we’re not in the woods.”
“I think we are.”
He said nothing.
“You said to stay put, stay calm, assess the situation. Come up with a strategy.”
“That’s why we’re going home,” he insisted.
I shook my head. “Dad, we’re lost, all right, but if we leave here, we’ll be more lost.”
My mom got up and stood on the other side of the bed, leaned over and gave my father a hug. “Listen to Cody, please.”
My dad lay back in the bed now. “Looks like I’m outnumbered,” he said. “So I guess you’re in charge, are you, Son?”
I shrugged. “I’m just trying
to make sure we all get out of the woods safe and sound.”
My dad’s breathing was a bit steadier now. He looked at Alexis and then at me.
“This is Alexis,” I said. “A friend. A good friend.”
Alexis gave a funny little-girl wave to my dad.
And then he closed his eyes. He smiled a bit and let out a short little laugh.
My dad did get worse after that. Much worse. For a while we were fairly certain he would die. The doctors had tried chemo and radiation, and they just dragged him further down. But they didn’t give up on him. The worst for me was seeing my once-strong dad weakened and finally giving up on himself. A bone-marrow transplant came next, and at first that didn’t seem to do any good either. And it caused him a lot of pain.
I wished I could take on some of that pain myself and ease his burden. I couldn’t stand to see him suffer.
Alexis insisted on coming to the hospital with me almost every day. It wasn’t easy for her, but she always seemed to be there for me.
One Saturday when she was walking with me to the hospital, I said, “I don’t get it. Why do you want to do this? This is not your problem. I’m sure it’s no fun for you to hang out with my mom and me at the hospital on a day when you could be doing whatever you want to do.”
“This is what I want to do. And I’m not sure why it seems so important to me. But it is. Maybe because I’ve had it pretty easy in life. Nobody in my family has ever had to face what you’re dealing with. But then, my family… well, it’s never really felt like a family. Not like you guys. We all just live in the same house. My father travels a lot. My mother is more interested in her friends and social life than in us. And I always feel like an outsider in my own home.”
“That’s awful,” I said.
“When I see you with your parents, I feel the bond that’s there. And that’s something pretty precious. But more than that, I want to be there for you.”
I think it was at that moment that I realized I no longer felt lost in the city. Alexis had found me stumbling around in the urban wilderness and had known the way out, the way back to safety, the way home.
Off the Grid Page 4
