by Dani Lovell
He continues to tease in this way, plunging slightly further with each entry until he has totally and rewardingly filled me.
Initially, he moves slowly with powerful short deep drives, and then he begins to take longer withdrawals and harsher jabs. I wail loudly, unable to contain my desperate lust.
I knew I wouldn’t last long, I knew how fiercely I needed to feel him, how ready I was for him to take me there, so I had no intention of curbing it. Now that I’m here, I’m going to do exactly what I need and let go, let the passion billow; the torrents of arousal gush through me in utter indulgence.
I cry out as it hits my core, begging him not to stop, yelling out in unruly fervour as the sharp crux hits forcefully, before slowly beginning to subside, brutally slipping away from me as he eases his pumping to coincide with the course of the climax.
I always find the length of an orgasm so wickedly unfair, however incredible it may be, but given my exhaustion after having had one, I doubt the human body could take much more.
I slump over the back of the couch, panting, as he remains positioned behind and inside me. He runs his perfect fingertips over the skin of my back as I allow myself to fall into the pit of post-orgasmic repose.
“Uh…” I moan, wanting him to know I’m still alive, but unable and unwilling to reactivate my brain in order to talk properly.
“Lexie, that was amazing,” he whispers, in keeping with the calm, wound-down atmosphere in the room.
“Mmm,” I respond, sleepily. I’ll be okay in a few minutes, but my body needs to recharge for a moment or two.
He bends over to kiss my spine delightfully as he patiently waits for me to return and all I can think of, is just how lucky I am.
CHAPTER TWENTY THREE
SUNDAY 3RD MAY
Sebastian left this morning after a text message from work. He said he needed to go in to sort something out and that he didn’t know how long he’d be. He seemed a little distracted, but I put that down to the urgent nature of the call from work, whatever it was.
The remainder of last night was just wonderful, we talked, we ate, we did all the lovely things that one wants to do when they get back from vacation and only want to relax. It felt perfect.
With Sebastian gone this morning, I took the opportunity to head straight to the gym to work out. I did a little in London, but not as much as usual so I really wanted to get straight in there first thing. I had hoped that maybe Sebastian would have joined me, but of course I understood that he had somewhere to be.
After a shower and some breakfast, I drove over to see my parents. I had decided that it was time to tell them that I had a boyfriend and wanted to do so, on my own. It was so lovely to see them and they were utterly thrilled; they have always been keen on Sebastian and told me that they had secretly hoped I’d succumb to his advances.
I didn’t know they were entirely aware of his advances and prior to my fascination with him, I might have been a little perturbed by that, but now, it doesn’t bother me at all. At least they approve, not that they’ve ever disapproved of a partner of mine, but because they really like Seb I know they’ll be happy. Like I am.
I checked my cell half way through my visit to see if he had been in touch but he hadn’t, and although I knew he would be busy with work, I felt a little disappointed. It wouldn’t worry me though, because I wasn’t going to do that – my life wouldn’t be spent worrying that he’s going to do another vanishing act as I had previously declared. He’d only been gone a few hours anyway.
But come seven o’clock, having been home for a couple of hours and beginning to think about supper, I started to wonder if everything was alright, or if, indeed it was okay to ignore those niggles about the AWOL thing.
I didn’t want to disturb him or seem needy, but we hadn’t even discussed whether or not he’d be returning to mine, or if, in fact, we’d be dining together this evening. So, feeling a little uneasy - I decided to text him, rather than call, so if he was busy, he could respond as soon as he had an opportunity.
~
Today 7:17
Hey, Seb. Hope you are managing to get the work situation sorted. I wondered if you’ll be eating with me this evening or if I should go ahead and get something for myself. I don’t want to disturb you if you’re busy, but perhaps you could let me know when you can. Thank you darling, speak soon. Xx
Delivered
~
I hoped that it wouldn’t sound too demanding, but when I didn’t hear back from him an hour and a half later, I began to feel those familiar drops in my stomach. He wasn’t ignoring me again, was he? Could he be that busy that he wouldn’t even check his phone? Could he be flying? No… surely he’d have told me if he was going to be going away anywhere – he told me he had to go to the office.
I didn’t even eat, I showered, prepared my things for work and training with Luke in the morning, and curled up in bed early to try to sleep off these feelings of insecurity.
So here I lie at one in the morning, still no word from Sebastian, and because of that – I can’t sleep. My cell is on my bed with me with the volume up so that I’ll hear it if it goes off in the night, and will be able to satiate my needy mind. But that hasn’t happened yet. Please, not again – please?
CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR
MONDAY 4TH MAY
I jump to grab my cell as I wake after about two hours sleep. I can’t find it so I begin tossing the covers around, jumping about like a crazy lady.
The minute it exposes itself to me, beneath my pillow, I check for messages. Nothing. And so my heart sinks. Should I be feeling this way after only twenty four hours of no contact? Should I stop doubting the man and do as I said I would and ignore this feeling?
Maybe he just got caught up – maybe he had to fly somewhere and didn’t think to contact me because we haven’t really been a proper couple yet.
The thoughts consume my mind for my entire training session and the rest of the early morning until I get back into work. It’s lovely to be back in my power suit and in the office. I feel that confidence and authority that I have always felt within these walls. I forgot for a short while what that felt like, and being back has reminded me of exactly who I am and what I’m about.
I’m not going to sit back and wait for Sebastian Love to tell me everything is okay – I’ll find out for myself and make it okay. He’s not going to do this to me again. I will nip this in the bud and have him realise that I will not put up with the silent treatment and find out, in the meantime, if this is just an innocent occurrence. If so, I’ll feel like an ass but so be it, it’s better than feeling out of control and weak.
I’ll call him. Texting is not going to work for me, I am going to demand a response and I’ve decided that this is how I’ll go about it. I’ll do things differently this time – I won’t wait, I won’t text, I will make him realise what we have and that it’s too good to throw away, because leaving me high and dry again will not end in the same way as last time. That will be the end of us.
I sit at my desk and immediately lift my handset, giving myself no time to think. I am a strong independent woman! ‘She believed she could, so she did’!
He doesn’t answer and my heart is very close to sinking, but it doesn’t. It doesn’t get a chance.
‘You’ve reached Sebastian Love of Walter Love Aviation, please leave a message and I’ll get back to you at my earliest convenience.’ His beautiful deep voice is so gentle and smooth, I need to hear it personally.
“Hi handsome, it’s me. So, I have a feeling that you’re having one of your ‘scares’, and that’s okay, Seb, but just so you know, this time – I won’t sit back and wait for you. You will call me back and you’ll call me back soon so that we can rectify this.
“There’s nothing that’s too much to work through. I know you’ll call me back because I know you don’t want to lose me. So I’m looking forward to speaking to you later, I thought I might make us that shrimp dish for dinner tonight; I’ll need
you to tell me what to get at the store. Speak really soon.”
I exhale loudly and bite my top lip as I slowly return the handset. Who knows if that was the right way to go about it, but giving him time certainly isn’t, and getting mad will only scare him away, potentially closing him off even more. I want him to know he can talk to me and not to feel alone with these feelings of confusion, or whatever they are.
I pull my shoulders back and hold my head high, starting as I mean to go on with this. I am in control of my life and though I may have has a brief lapse, I’m back in the driving seat with the power to take me where I want to go. If I want this, I’ll damned well make it happen.
I can’t be angry with him, which is odd. I feel a sense of understanding now, even though I really don’t understand the situation. I feel like I can allow him to have his own issues and I can accompany him though them, rather than fight against them. It’s like somebody switched on a bulb in my head and everything seems so much clearer, now that I have remembered that I’m the master of my future, and I can manipulate my every move to shape it in the way in which I’m determined to live it.
The only question now, is; will he allow me to be a part of this darker area of his life? Deep down, I really think he wants to, and if I believe it enough, I can make it happen. So – I will.
I set about my day and work happily, feeling markedly more positive than I have felt over the past few weeks. I don’t worry about whether or not I hear from him, I look forward to when I hear from him. And at approximately two in the afternoon, my cell phone rings. It’s incredible how a positive mental attitude really can attract the things you want.
“Alexia Berkeley,” I answer formally, knowing very well to whom I am speaking.
There’s a pause and a sigh before he speaks softly and quietly. “Lexie, I’m sorry. I’m so glad you called.”
“That’s okay, I’m happy that you called back because I have no idea what I need to get at the store. I have my pen at the ready – can you reel off a list for me?”
He chuckles, clearly surprised by my lack of ‘issue’ discussion. “I… er…”
“Do you know the ingredients by heart? Maybe you remember where you got the recipe from so I can look it up?”
“No, I, er… no. I remember.”
“Oh great! I’ve been looking forward to making this for a long time.”
He continues, listing the ingredients quietly, and I keep the conversation short, explaining that I’m in work but very much looking forward to spending an evening together indoors tonight.
I can almost sense his gratitude for my overlooking of the elephant. He’s obviously anxious enough, I’m not going to make that any worse over a telephone conversation in the middle of the day, where nothing can be resolved or worked through.
In my opinion, the best thing to do is let him know I’m okay; I’m not mad, and then sit together this evening and see if he can tell me anything. If not, he’ll just have to understand that I’m going to be there, I will not let him run away physically or mentally and each time he get’s the jitters, it’ll be that little bit easier to work through.
My God, I hope this is the right thing to do.
CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE
MONDAY 4TH MAY CONT.
Having showered and changed into more comfortable clothes, I take the ingredients from the refrigerator and bags to set on the countertop in preparation.
I’m halfway through chopping an onion when I get the call from the concierge to announce Seb’s arrival. Whilst feeling a huge wave of relief that he did, in fact, turn up, I tell them to send him up and wash my hands; I couldn’t possibly leave a trail of smelly onion fingerprints on my door handles.
I admit that even with all of my rediscovered strength, I still feel the pangs of excitement and nervousness in my stomach. I think more than anything, though, I’m just so relieved to be putting my arms around him again and ingesting his presence.
I open the door and peer into the hallway, not seeing him yet, so I leave it open and head back into the kitchen to continue with the preparations.
I hear him closing the door and I smile, “I’m in the kitchen,” I call out, and within a couple of seconds he has entered looking somewhat dishevelled. Don’t get me wrong, he’s always terrifically handsome, but tonight he looks a little tired, stressed, maybe… “Hey, how are you?” I ask with a smile that I hope conveys my acceptance of his situation, whatever it may be. I want him to feel comfortable and not awkward at all.
“I’m… I’m okay,” he says as he approaches me without hesitation and slips his arms around my waist from behind, holding me tightly, resting his cheek on my head. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, it’s okay.” I pause with the knife and relax back into his body for a moment, the only thing I can do in this position to return his affections. “Mmm, you smell perfect.” I whisper with a smile, fully appreciating his very close proximity and he chuffs; a brief offer of amusement in response.
We stand together like this in silence for a few more moments before I slowly resume chopping and redirect the mood. “So, what do I need to do next?”
He releases me and looks at everything on the countertop, planning the prep.
“How about I take over with the sauce and you make a start on the rice?”
~~~~~~~
We work around each other happily, making quiet, easy small-talk. I don’t think we should get straight into the nitty gritty, we should at least relax in each other’s company and enjoy our food before any of the serious stuff goes down.
Sebastian is clearly a little ‘off’, he’s acting slightly hesitantly and somewhat nervously, but that doesn’t perturb me too much, I know he’ll be feeling bad about his recent bout of silence, albeit a very brief one.
The food is as delicious as it was the first time, though if I had to choose which way to make it again, I’d choose this way, because we worked together to create it and it has that extra little touch.
We talked casually and closely, without focusing on anything heavy, I doubt either of us could deal with a highly intense topic of conversation knowing the agenda for the remainder of the evening. We need to talk about what is happening, whether or not we touch on the reason behind it, and find a solution to help us move forwards. I know we’ll get through it, we just need to let each other know how we’re feeling.
Having put the dishes in the dishwasher and cleared the kitchen, Seb suggests we retire to the living room with coffee. I am glad that he suggested coffee because I think we should talk about this without alcoholic influences, but I wonder briefly if it’s because he’s planning on driving back home tonight. If that’s the case, is it his intention to close this? I do hope not.
“Lexie,” he says as we sit together and he turns his body to face me, resting a hand on my thigh. “I really am sorry, I didn’t mean to do the silent thing again.”
“I know, it’s okay – but we do need to talk about it. I know you find it hard, Seb, I do – but I need to try to understand this a little more in order to help me reason with your behaviour.”
“I understand that. I… I just…”
“Let me help.” I interrupt. “Are you happy to continue a relationship with me?”
“Oh God, of course! Definitely.”
“Well, okay. Good. So, forgive me for asking this but I have to. Is there another woman?”
He pauses, much like the last time I asked him this and it speaks volumes. He gives me no doubt whatsoever that there is somebody somewhere. He takes a long, deep inhalation before releasing the air slowly through pursed lips.
He looks down as he tilts his head. “It’s not what you think, I’m not cheating.”
I close my eyes and drop my head morosely. I just can’t see how he’s going to be able to explain this one. “Right.”
“No, no – it’s not that, I don’t have another girlfriend.”
“No – but you do have a wife, right?”
“No!�
��
“Ex-wife?”
“No, no… she’s… oh God, this is so hard.”
“I appreciate that, but if we’re going to have any kind of future, it rests on you helping me understand this, and right now – the future that I foresaw just changed, irreparably.”
“No, don’t say that – you’ll understand, just give me time. I will help you see – it’s just not all that easy. I haven’t done this before and… well, I’ve never been close to anyone like this and actually felt the need to discuss it.”
“Discuss what, Sebastian?” I hold his forearm in my hand. “Take your time, but please help me understand that you don’t have a wife.”
“I promise, I have never been married – you’ll see that when I finally manage to explain. You’ll understand.”
“Okay, okay. I’m sorry, I’ll slow down.” I lower my tone and hold back a little, speaking softly. “You said ‘she’, can you tell me who ‘she’ is? Do you have a daughter?” That wouldn’t be so bad, but I fail to understand how that would be something to hide, and if it is – shame on him.
“No, I don’t have any children. I’m not… I mean I’ve always been very careful about that. I’ve never really wanted to have... I er… I guess maybe I should have mentioned that another time. That’s a whole other discussion. Do you want children?” he asks, clearly anxious about unexpectedly dropping that potentially disastrous bomb.
I smile, it probably is something we should have already discussed when talking about our relationship and future but I’m relieved that we feel the same way about this. “Children have never been a part of my life plan, no.”
