by Kate Whitsby
Alma’s eyes stung with tears. She threw the dress down into the open trunk and rushed to Allegra’s side. She wrapped her arm around her youngest sister’s shoulders. “I’ll always be your sister, no matter what I change into. I’ll never change into anything that will take me away from you. You never have to worry about that.”
“But where will I find you?” Allegra whimpered. “Where will I find the sister who I know? If you’re being a wife and a mother here in the house and wearing Mama’s dresses, where will I find the leader of our ranching operation? Where will I look for the sister I used to count on to show us the way and keep us on track? That sister will be gone forever.”
Alma listened in silence. “Maybe you could become the leader that you need. Maybe you could be the guiding force for the ranch. You know everything I know. Maybe you don’t need me anymore.”
“But I do need you,” Allegra cried. “I don’t want to work on this ranch without you. It just won’t be the same if all three of us aren’t out there anymore. If you go, what’s to stop Amelia from going, too? Then I’ll be all alone.” A tear rolled down her cheek, and Alma felt her own sobs threatening to overwhelm her.
“I’ll stay with you as long as I can,” Alma promised. “I’ll ride the ranges with you as long as you need me. But it’s only a matter of time before being married catches up to me, and then I’ll have to give it up.”
“Is that what you want?” Allegra asked. “Do you want to give it up?”
“Yes,” Alma told her. “I want to be a woman. I want to be soft and gentle and loving and comforting to my husband and children. I don’t want to be a cattle puncher all my life. I want to come home to the fireside and stay there. I want to be the home that cattle punchers like you come home to. I want you to know there will always be a fire on the hearth and a hot meal on the table because I’m there to make it.”
Allegra hung her head, and the tears fell into her lap. “I thought the three of us would always stay together. I never knew you wanted anything different.”
“I didn’t want to let you down,” Alma admitted. “I didn’t want to have this conversation we’re having now. I didn’t want you to think I was leaving you.”
Allegra nodded and sniffed. “I understand why you want to come home to the fireside. I really do. I only wish I could, too. But I can’t.”
Alma put her arms around her sister and hugged her against her chest. “You have a different destiny. But let me be the one to give it to you. Let me be the one to make a home for you. Let me make a soft place for you to land when you come back to the nest. If you never get married, you’ll need someone to look after you. Let me be the one.”
Allegra’s shoulders shook in Alma’s arms with sobs long unshed. Alma cried into the back of Allegra’s head. “All right,” Allegra whispered. “All right. You be the one.”
When they both wiped their eyes and blew their noses, Alma put her mother’s dresses away in the trunk and closed the lid on that dream. The time wasn’t right yet. Allegra still needed her, and Amelia probably did, too. Jude wasn’t ready to ride with them on his own yet. He needed her support before he could hold his own with the sisters.
Alma went back to her bed and sat down in the same place. She unbuckled her belt. If only she could change into one of those soft comfortable dresses now. If only she could take these stiff heavy pants off once and for all. They chafed her until she was sore, especially when she sat in the saddle all day.
A bitter loathing for the cattle puncher’s life overwhelmed her. What made her live that life so enthusiastically over the last few years? She had to get up tomorrow morning and ride out to the range with her sisters the same way she always did. If she didn’t have to go, she would throw her pants, boots, hat, and belt on the fire right now and be done with it.
She sighed. To think, it was Jude who wanted so badly for her to be a woman and act like one. It was Jude she had to ride out to take care of, to make sure he didn’t cross her sisters so badly, he lost his place on this ranch. He probably didn’t understand that himself.
She glanced across the room. There he sat in his chair, staring blankly ahead of him, too tired to think. A surge of affection for him made her want to run to him and throw her arms around him. But her father sat just a few feet away. He wouldn’t approve of that sort of display.
Just then, Amelia put the food on the table. Allegra crossed the room to the table and pulled up her chair. Jude roused himself slightly and glanced toward the tortillas, the meat, and the bowl of grilled vegetables. At least he didn’t grimace in disgust the way he did last night. He might just be hungry enough to eat something.
Alma took the chair next to him. Amelia sat opposite them. One chair remained vacant for their father. Clarence heaved himself out of his rocking chair and shuffled over to the table.
Chapter 23
