by Aubrey Dark
I tensed as she paused. What was she saying? What was she doing? None of this was in the vows. But she was only pausing for a moment, before continuing on.
“Are you thinking that I might run away from the altar right now?” she asked, winking slyly. A low chuckle slid through the crowd. “Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere. I needed to be upended and second guessed. I needed to know what it meant to not have all the answers, and to let someone else help me find them. And sometimes I have the right answers for you. Like when the right answer is ‘make more bacon.’ By the way, that’s always the right answer. No matter what the question is.”
Sanders applauded, and more than a few laughs cracked the tension in the air. But silence quickly descended again. And my heart started to beat with the rhythm of what she was saying.
“William, you’ve done more for me than I can ever imagine. I didn’t know how lost I was until I found you. I didn’t know how scared I was until I wasn’t scared any more. I thought before that I was independent, that I didn’t need anyone. And then you showed up, and I realized that there was a huge hole in my heart that I had been covering up. You showed me how much I needed, and then you gave it to me. You’ve made life so amazing, and so perfect, and sometimes it hurts me to think about how wonderful you are. You’re generous and patient, and you’ve always helped me out, even when I didn’t deserve your help. I don’t. I don’t deserve you.”
There were tears in her eyes, and her fingers were holding tight to mine. This time, it was me who squeezed them. All of the breath was gone from my body. I didn’t know if she was speaking real words, but it didn’t matter. What I was hearing was all I had ever wanted to hear, and the look in her face told me that no matter what, she was going to be my wife.
It took me a moment to realize that it was happiness choking the breath in my throat.
“So I have to say thank you,” she said, and the tears blinked back. Had they ever been there? Had I imagined it all? ” Thank you for asking me to be your wife. And I will try forever to give you as much happiness as you’ve given me already. I love you.”
Chapter 26
I blinked back the tears that had sprung to my eyes. William was only a blur in front of me.
I hadn’t thought that I would be able to say what I wanted to say. And I definitely didn’t think that I would cry. But looking at him waiting for me at the altar, I had the irrepressible urge to try and make things work. To try and make William see how good I was going to try to be for him.
Maybe I could be a good wife, this time. Maybe we could stay together. It seemed impossible, and maybe it was. But even if this marriage only lasted until the board meeting, I wanted him to know how grateful I was. When I’d rehearsed the vow last night, I had put in the “I love you” at the end. I’d hoped that it wouldn’t sound too fake.
But when I said that I loved him, it didn’t sound fake. It didn’t feel fake. It felt totally, achingly real. And the tears that stung my eyes were real tears that had to be stifled. My throat swelled.
I wanted him to know that this was real. And even if he didn’t realize that I was telling him the truth, I was still happy. My heart swelled with happiness so full and big that I wanted to reach my arms out and take the whole world into a hug. Because I was telling the truth, finally.
After a lifetime of lying, it felt great.
“William Fawkes, have you written your vows?” the officiant asked, her voice ringing out through the clearing.
“I have.”
William’s hands dropped back, letting mine go. His dark hair fell forward as his head bent to read the words on the page he had pulled out of his pocket.
Then, to my surprise, he folded up the paper and tucked it away. His gray eyes pierced mine, the same way they had when we’d first met. Like he was seeing right through me.
I only hoped that he liked what he saw.
The air was cooler now, but my heart was still beating fast. I’d been so nervous when saying my own vow. Now, my skin began to tingle with the chill of the evening.
“Step forward and take her hands, and recite your vow.”
Kit stepped in front of me, holding out her hand. The officiant laughed and tried to motion her away, but William waved the woman off.
“It’s alright,” he said. He took Kit’s hands in one of his, and then clasped my hands in the other. I looked up at him, confused.
“I’m marrying both of you, right?”
Oh. Oh.
My heart swelled. There was nothing he could have said more to make me feel like I’d been swept off my feet. His face was serious, his voice solemn. He wasn’t joking.
It wasn’t real. I knew it wasn’t real. But I’d be damned if it didn’t make me want to cry anyway.
Then William started to speak, his deep voice resounding in the clearing.
“Sierra, there isn’t much I can do to put into words how I feel about you. Sometimes I feel like I only met you yesterday. And sometimes it feels like we’ve known each other forever, that my whole life has been spent waiting for you to come along and show me what love really means.”
I knew that this wasn’t the speech that Shawna had given him. Was he making this up on the spot? I hoped that he didn’t trip over any of his words. But I needn’t have feared. He looked down at Kit.
“Kirsten, you’re a wonderful girl. I will always be there for you, just like I will always be there for your mom. If you need anything, just ask me. Except if you want bacon. Then ask your mom, because I’m apparently terrible at cooking bacon.”
I heard laughter, but my heart was still beating fast from his first words. Who was this man standing in front of me? His face was serious as he bent to my little girl and finished speaking to her. “You’ll always be my princess.”
He straightened up. His steel eyes fixed on me, and I felt his gaze thundering through my nerves like a stormcloud gathering power. This wasn’t real, and because it wasn’t real, it hurt all the more.
“Be my wife,” he said. “Let me hold you. Wake up with me every morning.”
I nodded, not trusting my voice.
“Give me your heart. I promise that I’ll be careful with it.”
My heart almost cracked. Real or not, I wanted to throw myself into his arms. I wanted all of this to be real, because it was so perfect.
“I love you, Sierra.” He said it so softly that only I could hear. My heart burst into a thousand pieces, scattering with the gust of wind that sent white orchid petals tumbling through the air around us. The officiant was speaking, but the only words I caught were the last ones: man and wife.
And then he kissed me.
Chapter 27
I moved through the reception like I was floating through a dream. All of the people who’d come congratulated me, but I could only look over at Sierra. Her skin glowed radiant under the globes of light.
I’d kissed her, and it was like the world dropped away. The only one I cared about was her, and she was mine now, in my arms. A pretend marriage, but a marriage nonetheless.
Mine.
Now, as dozens of people clapped me on the back and murmured platitudes about love and devotion, I tried to read Sierra. She’d pressed back into my embrace, so warm that I wanted to stay there with her in my grasp forever. And then she’d pulled away, and since then we hadn’t said a word to each other.
Maybe there was nothing to say. She was good at pretending, wasn’t she? Better than I was, even. But now she would pretend to be my wife. And I would show her that I could be a perfect husband in every way… every way but the one that really mattered.
A hand on my shoulder took me away from my reverie.
“I see what’s going on here.”
I turned to see Mr. Barlow staring at me. I moved with him away from the crowd. My voice dropped low.
“What do you mean?”
“You know exactly what I mean. I see what’s happening here.”
“Do you?”
My hea
rt beat a bit faster. I wasn’t going to give up any secrets. He would have to pry them out of me if he wanted them. Mr. Barlow cracked his knuckles, looking out over the crowd.
“Sierra’s always been smarter than her old man. She jumped head first into her marriage with Justin. She wouldn’t do that again. Unless there was something else happening behind the scenes.”
My smile felt forced.
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I know what you’re hiding.”
I shook my head.
“I don’t think—”
“Don’t try to tell me I’m not right,” he interrupted, holding up one hand. “I may not have book smarts, but I trust my instincts. There’s something else behind this wedding, isn’t there?”
There it was. I pressed my lips together, unsure of what to say. I wasn’t going to admit the truth to anyone. But I didn’t want this man screaming out his suspicions in front of everybody here. I spoke slowly, carefully.
“I love her, Mr. Barlow. Skull, I mean. I do love her.”
“I know you do. And I think she’s pretty head over heels with you. But there’s something else, too, something you’re not telling anyone.”
My mother passed nearby, and I paused as she moved out of hearing range. I turned my full focus to Sierra’s dad. His dark eyes shone as intelligently as hers.
“If you love your daughter,” I said, “please—let this be.”
There. It wasn’t a confession, but it wasn’t nothing. He nodded, his eyes knowing.
“You had better have been telling the truth there in your vows,” he said gruffly. “Even if there’s something else behind it all. If you leave her like Justin left her, I’ll hunt you down. And I don’t care how many private bodyguards you buy, nothing will keep me away. You believe that?”
“After getting to know Sierra, I believe it very well. She said she learned from you.”
His eyes twinkled and his gruff expression loosened.
“You know what she is? You know what she does?”
I paused, then nodded.
“Yes.”
He clapped me on the back, dropping his fixed stare.
“Good. You’re more of a man than I took you for at the beginning. I’ll let it be. You remember what I said.”
“Believe me,” I told him, “if Sierra ever leaves me, it’ll be her who decides to do it.”
The honesty of the statement struck me with more force than it should have. I hadn’t realized it, but it was the truth. If Sierra wanted to stay with me, well, then…
We would cross that bridge when we came to it.
As the reception drew to a close, I watched Sierra dancing with Kit in the middle of the clearing. Her dress swung freely around her ankles. The little girl in her arms was nearly asleep, her head lolling onto Sierra’s shoulder. A pang of happiness pierced me. Regardless of what Shawna thought, I knew that I had made the right decision.
She wasn’t the rational choice, by any means. But somehow, she had snuck into my heart. Cracked into whatever locks I’d clamped around it, and eased herself and her little girl deep into my life. It had only been a few weeks, but I couldn’t imagine life without them.
Still, there was a niggling doubt at the back of my mind. Was any of this real for Sierra? Or was it the new part she was playing in order to make sure that Kit’s future was assured? I didn’t know. Even today, her impromptu vows—had they been heartfelt, or were they just a ploy to pull at my heartstrings? In the moment, I couldn’t help believing the words she’d said. But now, watching her from afar, it seemed impossible that such a wonderful woman would have the same depth of feelings for me as I had for her. It simply wasn’t plausible.
The horse-drawn carriage I’d rented pulled up at the back of the clearing. In the night air, the horses’ breath were white puffs, making them seem even more magical. One of them whinnied and shook its mane.
I stepped forward onto the dance floor. Sierra had just caught a glance at the carriage, and she spun, her mouth agape. And Kit’s sleepy eyes snapped open, wide with excitement.
“Horsie!” she exclaimed.
“That’s right,” I said, coming up next to them and placing my hand on the small of Sierra’s back. Rather than shy away, though, Sierra leaned into me. I breathed in her perfume, the delicate scent of orchids damp with night dew.
More pretense? This uncertainty was making me anxious. I resolved to accept it for what it was.
“It’s almost midnight, princess,” I said. “Pet the horses, and then your mommy and I are going to leave.”
Both Sierra and Kit extended hands out to the closest white horse. It sniffed, its nostrils flaring, but then bent its head and let itself be petted.
“This is amazing,” Sierra said. I wasn’t sure if she was more enamored than Kit with the horses. Teresa came over and took her after a minute or so.
“Time to go, Mrs. Fawkes,” I said, holding my hand out to Sierra.
“Oh! That’s me now, isn’t it?” Sierra’s face beamed, and my heart swelled again as she put her hand in mine. “Well, thank you, Mr. Fawkes. Goodnight, Kit.”
The little girl waved a sleepy goodbye at me, and then I helped her mom up into the carriage. The red plush seats were soft and thick, and I sank back gratefully into the cushions. Sierra sat next to me, her white dress billowing out around her waist. I put one arm around her and drew her into a half-embrace. We waved at our family as the horses snorted and whinnied, Sierra leaning forward to reach out toward Kit. Then the driver snapped the horses forward, and Sierra went tumbling back into my arms. The lights from the reception grew fainter and twinkled out of sight one by one, like fireflies winking out of existence in the middle of the forest.
“There’s a blanket in the back,” the driver said, his face turned away from us. I found the fleece blanket and pulled it around Sierra. The night air was crisp and cool, and soon the only sound was the muted clicking of the horse hooves on the dense ground.
I heard a soft sigh and looked down to see Sierra brushing a tear away from her cheek. I squeezed my hand around her shoulder. She seemed so fragile. I didn’t know exactly what was wrong, but I could guess.
“Kit will be okay with Teresa for the night,” I said, my voice questioning.
“I know. It’s not…it’s not that.”
“What is it?”
Sierra’s face upturned toward mine, her eyes rimmed red. A smile pulled across her exhausted face.
“I never had a real wedding.” Her voice nearly cracked. “And now, all this: a real fairy tale wedding. A carriage to pull me away like Cinderella? This was perfect. Thank you, William.”
She hugged me tight, and I could see another tear sliding down her cheek. I didn’t know how to react. Perfect? A real wedding? It was anything but real. Unless…
“You know, I don’t want to become a husband who makes his wife cry,” I said.
“I promise I’m not crying because I’m sad. These are happy tears.”
“Good.”
“I hope you had a good time too.”
“I had a wonderful time,” I said honestly. Then I steered the conversation back to a safer topic. “Kit seemed to have enough fun for a year. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so worn out by the end of it all.”
“Her and me both,” Sierra said. “I’m tired.”
“Then rest.” I drew her up against my chest and dared to press a kiss on the top of her head. She only snuggled deeper into the crook of my arm, her breaths coming slower.
“Thank you,” she murmured again. “Thank you so much.”
“I’ll let you know when we get to the lodge,” I said. She didn’t reply. She had already fallen asleep.
Holding her warm body against mine, I let myself relax and enjoy the rocking motion of the carriage that was taking us toward our honeymoon. She fit into my arms perfectly, her chest rising and falling softly with each sleepy breath. And I wondered how it could ever have been any other way.
I woke up to find myself being lifted out of the carriage. My head snapped up.
“William?”
He had me in his arms, and he was carrying me toward a porch with a wooden door. The inside of the lodge beckoned with candlelight. I squirmed against his chest, but his strong arms held me fast.
“You fell asleep.”
“I’m awake now,” I said, blinking my eyes. “You can put me down.”
“No, you can’t get down. This is how it’s done. It’s tradition.”
“And you’re a man of tradition?” I asked, laughing.
“Absolutely. I have to carry you across the threshold of the house.”
“This is a hotel room.”
“The threshold of the hotel room, then.”
“Alright,” I said, letting my head fall against his chest. His skin radiated warmth even through his suit shirt, and I thought about the first time we had met, when he’d pinned me down on the floor. Immediately my body tensed with desire.
“Sierra?”
“Huh?”
“Are you alright?”
He had pushed the door open with his foot, carrying me to the bedroom. Behind us, I could see the doorman place the luggage by the entryway and tip his hat before closing the front door.
“Fine,” I said, but my heart was beating faster. I remembered the wedding, the carriage ride. Falling asleep in William’s protective arms. And now, as he lay me down on the silken sheets of the canopied oak bed, I wondered how much of it had been real and how much I had imagined. Outside the window, moonlight twinkled over the tops of the mountains.
“I feel like I’m dreaming,” I whispered.
William was taking off his tie, his long fingers pinching the silk as it whispered off of his neck.
“I feel like I’ve been dreaming all day,” he said. “Ever since I saw you in that dress. You looked like a creature out of a fairy tale.”
I swallowed.
