by Taryn Steele
Another typical busy morning running around the house like a chicken with its head cut off. Christopher running here, there and everywhere while continuously talking about the Colson Baker Surfing Fan Club and still wanting to take surfing lessons. Dominic told me he signed Chris up for an intro class after school today. He knew I would be nervous, pissed off and upset but he also knew my issues shouldn’t stop Christopher from pursuing it and he’s right. I hate it when he’s right. That reminds me to send him our daily good morning text.
Once I drop Chris off at Mrs. Humphrey’s and I’m on the road to work I attempt to find a good song on the radio to boost my energy for the work day. I wish there was more music and less talking on the radio in the morning. Just as I’m about to give up I hear the familiar voices of Daft Punk singing ‘One More Time’. It might be the end of the song but I’ll take what I can get. Immediately following the song is more talking. I know radio stations have their traditional morning talk shows, but geez. I need to keep some cd’s in the car.
“Coming up next in the news stories for this morning there was a shark attack earlier this morning at Daytona Beach. The twenty year old male victim was rushed to Florida Hospital Memorial Medical Center in Daytona. We do not currently know his condition.”
Flashbacks flood my memory instantly. I will never forget the day I was at home on that blustery March day in Buffalo with my parents when the phone rang. My older brother Wyatt was on spring break in Vandenberg, California surfing. Finn and three of his friends were all big into surfing once they went off to college on the West coast. Finn wiped out and came back up. His friends were yelling for him to come back in closer. They saw the enormous fin on the Great White but Wyatt didn’t. All I thank God for every day is that the doctors say Wyatt’s wipeout knocked him unconscious before the shark took his life.
The sound of my text notification knocks me from the painful memory. A single tear streams down my cheek seeing a response from Dominic: Good Morning My Beautiful Wife.
I find myself driving faster to work since hearing the news on the radio that the shark victim was transported to my hospital. Wyatt was just as young as this young man. I pray he’s going to survive.
Making my way in to the emergency entrance I see Dr. D-Bag Pierce laughing with a few nurses. I’m not entirely sure what I overheard but it sounded like he was cracking jokes about the young shark victim. I see Olivia standing not too far away from them. She sees me and gives me a sympathetic smile. I keep moving forward into the locker room to change where I find more people whispering about the patient again. It sounds like he’s going to make it by what I attempted to hear eavesdropping. As soon as I’m dressed I’m checking his file. I have to know he’s okay.
Sharks are the malicious predators of the sea. They are large, strong and have saw-like teeth. I know surfing is a great sport, and it can make a trip to the beach feel more special. I can’t help but know sharks have ruled the sea for millions of years even before people learned to surf. This is why I’ve tried to push Christopher off from surfing. I can’t lose him, too.
Life is trial and error.
Sometimes you’re just meant to learn the lesson.
Why? What did I do that is so wrong that I have to go through this hell? I was your typical kid, typical teenage boy. I wasn’t perfect but I wasn’t hell on wheels either, that would be my brother Nate.
I pace around my condo thinking about all I’ve been through in my short thirty years on Earth. I stare down at my feet padding over my whitewashed hardwood floors. It just now comes to my attention how the gray hues in the flooring match so closely with the walls throughout the whole place. It’s so bright. I imagine this is what it must be like to be stuck in a blizzard. I wouldn’t know moving from Florida to California, but it’d be pretty cool to see some time in my life. This is what Viktoria liked. She decorated everything in the condo when she moved in. When she first came to my place she described it as functional with no taste. She wasn’t wrong. My idea of art at the time was surfing posters. The television that was in the living room and also the main entrance to my condo sat on a TV tray. Viktoria talked me into securing it to the wall. She took me shopping for an actual sofa instead of a futon and a couple of area rugs. That’s when she taught me about accent colors and that thing she always called “pop.”
“This sofa will be your pop color in the living room. It’s called November Skies because it has blue and gray,” she told me.
She really made this condo a home instead of the boring bachelor pad it was before her. She had a knack for it. I remember when she picked out this eight foot long, dark wooden table for the living room and a dark wooden horse fixture to go with it. I never in a million years would have chosen something like that for the condo. Once it was in and set up with a plant, some candles that damn horse it looked great. I can’t imagine the living room without it now.
If trading in that table for Viktoria was possible, I’d get rid of it in a heartbeat.
Fucking life lessons.
It’s not often that I get out of the hospital early but I’m thankful when it does happen. I get to see Christopher get off of the school bus and help him with his homework. I smile as I watch him wave to Mrs. Humphrey, get the mail out of the mailbox and run to the front door. I know he already saw my car in the driveway so I’m partial to thinking that has something to do with his smile.
“Mom! Mom! Mom!” he’s shouting as he comes through the door.
“Hey buddy!”
“Look, I got mail from the Colson Baker Fan Club!” He holds up a large white envelope.
“Oh, wow! That is so cool.”
He drops his backpack on the floor and starts tearing in to the package. I see Dominic rounding the corner to see what all the excitement is.
The smile on Christopher’s face is contagious. He’s rattling off everything he has inside.
“Look, a signed picture of Colson!”
“Look, a letter from Colson!”
“Look, four tickets to the surfing competition at Daytona Beach this coming summer!”
“Holy cow, buddy, that is so awesome. It’s only November third, hope your patience is in full effect.” Dominic smiles as he walks over to Chris to get a closer look.
Nervous energy rakes over me but I put on a big outward smile for Christopher’s sake as I shiver with fear on the inside. I can’t let what happened to Wyatt interfere with Christopher’s dream.
I can feel Dominic eyeing me suspiciously. He knows that thoughts running through my head and immediately makes his way towards me.
“More than thirty people were killed by lightning in the United States last year but we aren’t scared to go outside in a storm. Almost forty-thousand fatalities resulting from motor vehicle accidents yearly but we drive every day. We had zero shark fatalities last year. We are more likely to drown while surfing then to get attacked by a shark,” Dominic reminds me.
I know he’s right. I hate that he’s right.
A couple of hours later I find myself cleaning up the dishes from dinner waiting for Dominic to come home. Christopher was so excited about his sleepover at Olivia’s with her nephew Kane tonight he practically dragged Dominic through the door to bring him over as soon as possible.
About twenty minutes later Dominic arrives back at home looking like a drowned rat.
“Man, that rain is coming down hard now,” he tells me shaking off the rain droplets from his jacket.
“I heard some thunder rumbling a few minutes ago,” I tell him.
“Yeah, it’s not looking good out there. Umm, actually, Abby …”
“Oh no. What now?” I ask him.
I can tell by the look on his face our date night is about to be over before it’s even started.
“On my way back from Olivia’s I got a call looking for volunteers for the big storm coming tonight. I don’t have to go in right now, just be on call for any outages. We can still have our date night, just at home.”
W
hile I’m disappointed because we never go out, a night in can be just as nice, and we could always use the extra money if he gets paged out for the storm.
An hour later I am naked on our oversized couch with Charlize Theron’s Atomic Blonde movie playing in the background. Just because I’m into men doesn’t mean that scene with her getting in on with that chick didn’t turn me on to all sorts of hot.
Dominic runs his hand down from my collar bone down to my hip, grabbing possessively. His other hand holds on to the side of my face kissing me ravenously on my lips. Slowly, he moves his lips to my neck and then licks my nipples tenderly sending the most gratifying shockwaves through me. I drag my nails down his naked, toned back while releasing breaths of elation in his ear. I lightly bite his shoulder. He becomes frantic. He grows more and more hungry and begins devouring my breasts in his mouth getting as much as he can. I was wailing with pleasure. His cock grew harder by the second pressing against my stomach. I grab onto it and stroke him long and hard just how he likes it as I stare hungrily into his eyes. Everything our lips aren’t saying our eyes are. His fingertips trailed back to my damp folds then Dominic pushed two of his fingers inside. Sliding them in and out soaked in my sweet juices of my love for him. His fingertips circle my clit, and a jumpy breath stumbled across my lips.
“So wet for me, my beautiful wife.”
He pumps his fingers hard and deep causing my eyes to roll in the back of my head.
“Open your eyes, Abby.”
I comply and stare into his grey eyes as the tip of his cock impales me. His strokes are hard and powerful as our bodies pummel together. I’m at his mercy as he pounds in to me and I revel in every moment of it.
When he withdraws from me I feel an immediate loss but it doesn’t last long before he bores in to me again. His strong drives pounding in to me, rocking my breasts back and forth cause me to grip the side of the sofa as I feel my nerves are about to explode. Dominic knows how to fuck me malevolently. He knows how to undo me. He knows how to drive me from one orgasm to the next.
“Dom, I’m going to come.” I say breathlessly.
“I’m coming with you, baby,” he says as he rocks harder in to me.
He continues to pump into me prolonging my orgasm, then I feel his warm release. Dominic releases the manliest of grunts as he partially collapses on top of me. We’re both sweaty and depleted but completely euphoric. I couldn’t be happier about our plans changing to an at home date night.
The power of the rain has increased. The sound of thunder is more clamorous, and the lightning is more frequent. I love a good rain storm. Lying naked on the couch with my husband is just a bonus to the night.
Beep! Beep! Beep!
The insanely loud sound wakes me from my peaceful slumber. The beeping continues. I nudge Dominic whose arms are still warmly wrapped around me.
“Babe, your pager is going off,” I mumble to him.
He grumbles something inaudibly in response. Slowly, and much like a stiff board I sit up from the couch. I turn toward Dominic and shake him awake.
“Babe, you have to get up. You are being paged,” I say louder. I wish I could sleep as soundly as he does. That hasn’t happened since Christopher was born.
I continue to shake him and talk his ear off until he’s annoyed and actually gets up from the couch.
In less than fifteen minutes he is out the door on his way to an outage. I lock up the house as soon as he leaves, the glowing clock on the microwave shining bright reading two thirty-seven in the morning as I walk by.
Ugh, I hope I can fall back asleep.
I keep replaying that knock on the door over and over as the tears stream down my face as I hold Dominic’s cold hand. I can’t stop shivering. I can’t stop crying.
I can’t believe this is happening to me right now.
“Abby, I called Olivia. She’s on her way,” I hear sweet Nurse Alice’s voice but I cannot clearly see her through my tear filled eyes.
I hear Alice continuing to speak to me but I’m not comprehending any of it.
A few short moments later Jay comes in to the room pulling up a chair next to me. I can smell the coffee he’s offering but I don’t want it. I want my husband back.
My head hurts.
My eyes hurt.
My heart hurts.
I hear more voices outside the room. I see a man in a police uniform speaking to Ralph and another guy from the company who appears familiar but I can’t be sure. My eyes are still filled with painful tears.
“Abby.”
I look up and Olivia is speedily walking toward to me. She falls into the seat next to mine and grabs a hold of me and I let it all go. I didn’t think I had anything left but I have so much. I have too many more tears, cries, and protests.
I’m not sure how long we sit like this for. I know quite a few people have come in the room and left but I didn’t acknowledge them. I think Olivia did it for me.
I overhear someone mention Christopher’s name.
Oh my god, Christopher! How am I supposed to tell Christopher his father is dead?
“Abby, don’t worry. My mom and Jeremiah are with Christopher for as long as you need. No one is going to say anything to him,” Olivia quietly mentions.
I want to run to Christopher right now. I want to hold him tight and tell him everything is going to be okay but I can’t. I can’t even comprehend what to say to him at this moment. I can’t even fathom it myself right now.
How am I going tell my sweet boy his dad is gone?
I really should listen to Dr. Pine and write in a journal once a day. I hate to admit that he’s probably right that one positive thought a day could get me in the right mind set.
Between phone calls from my agent and then my mother and brother I need a fresh mind. There is so much going on I can’t even catch up on emails. My goal today is fan mail. I’d be nothing without them. Hearing them cheer me on while I wait to ride that perfect wave is the best.
I pull up Spotify on my laptop to play some tunes on shuffle while I go through my mail and chuckle when I hear one of Viktoria’s favorites, The Look by Roxette. That girl loved eighties music.
A smile comes across my face when I see an envelope with a familiar return address. Christopher Jenkins is a young kid from my home state of Florida. He has been following me for a while now. I feel bad for the kid. He wants to surf but his mom won’t let him. According to Christopher his mom’s brother died when he was surfing. I guess she’s afraid it will happen to him. I wish I could convince her otherwise. I tear open the envelope and pull out of his letter. The first thing I notice is the date on letter. My head drops seeing he wrote this a few months ago. I feel awful about how behind I am on fan mail.
Dear Mr. Baker,
Its really late. I can’t sleep. My dad died yesterday in a work accident. I’m super sad. I can hear my mom crying in her room next to mine. I don’t know how to take care of her. I’m scared I will make her more sad. Do you know anyone that you were close with that died? I know people die when they get old but my dad wasn’t that old. Not like my grandpa old. Like normal parent age old.
My dad talked my mom into taking me for a surfing lessons. He was happy for me. I don’t think my mom will take me now though. It’s okay. I don’t want to upset her any more.
I got the new SURF magazine. It says you’re coming to Florida for a competition. I live in Florida. Maybe I can find someone to take me. I’m sure my mom won’t take me but I can ask my best friend Kane. His dad will take us. He knows I want to surf. Him and my dad were friends.
I better go before my mom comes to check on me and sees me awake.
Your #1 Fan
Christopher Jenkins
As if God himself was watching me read this heart wrenching letter, I hear the song change to Broken Halos by Chris Stapleton. Knowing the song is about young lives gone too soon my head and my heart can’t help but break down, and tears pours down my face.
I have to help this bo
y.
My guts are twisting inside. I’m doing my best to keep my shit together, to not burst in tears, to not puke all over the floor. Olivia hasn’t left my side. Her brother Jeremiah is on his way over here with Christopher. They’ll be here any second. Christopher is going to run inside our home with a great big smile and I’m going to take that away. I’m going to shatter his world in a few short words.
In a few short minutes the door swings open and in comes Christopher with an even bigger smile than I pictured. He must have had the greatest time at Jeremiah and Tashia’s with Kane. I am so grateful he has a close friend. He’s going to need him, even if they are only ten years old.
“Mom! I had so much fun with Kane,” he says as he comes running towards me when he sees me sitting on the couch in the living room.
“Hey, buddy. I’m so happy to hear you had a good time.”
“Momma, what’s wrong? Your eyes are red. Were you crying?” Christopher asks with grave concern on his face.
“Yeah, buddy. I was crying. Come sit next to me so we can talk.”
I briefly close my eyes and take a deep breath.
How the fuck am I going to do this?
Christopher eyes me cautiously and slowly sits next to me on the sofa. I catch him looking around the room. He sees Olivia and Jeremiah standing next to each other. Has he noticed Dominic isn’t here? Would it even be a factor knowing his crazy schedule?
“Chris … Daddy got paged out very early this morning for work because of the bad storm. There was an electrical accident. It hurt his heart very badly …”
I feel like I’m having a fucking heart attack. I don’t know if I can get these words out. My hands are trembling.
“Christopher, Daddy didn’t make it. I’m so sorry but he went to heaven.”
His eyes immediately fill up with tears. His bottom lip and chin start to quiver. He looks around the house again. I can see Olivia and Jeremiah standing still with their heads down.
