“Since when are you so close to my family? You spend a year talking with my son on the telephone and I don’t even know about it. You talk to my mother. I was your friend. Kelly was your friend. Where the hell were you?”
“Exactly where Kelly wanted me to be. Far away.”
She moved in closer, trying to keep herself from going overboard as she feared so many times she might. “I talked to your friends last night, Logan. Or the people who used to be your friends. Some of them haven’t seen you in years. You never go out for a beer with your brothers or hang out with any of the people you used to see.”
“What do you know about it?”
“They told me. Kelly did, too.”
Irritation turned his face red with anger. “You keep saying that as if you were even around. What do you even know about what Kelly and my life was like?”
“Just because I wasn't physically here doesn't mean that Kelly and I weren't close. She was the best friend I've ever had aside from you. I would have done anything for her. That's why I'm here now.”
He laughed wryly. “Because she asked you.”
“I know you don’t believe me, but she did.”
“I’ve had enough of this.”
He turned to walk toward the stairs, but she stopped him with her words. “I kept her letters. Not all of them. Some of them were destroyed when one of my old apartments in Greenwich Village got flooded after one of the pipes burst. She said she kept mine. You…had to have found them after she died.”
Logan's whole body sagged as if she'd just kicked him in the gut.
“Didn't you even look? You had to have seen my letters in the mail. Weren’t you even curious about me?”
She laughed cynically. When he didn’t answer, her shoulders sagged under the weight of just how deep the separation had become.
“She never told you I wrote to her, did she? She never told you we talked on the phone just about every week?”
He said quietly, “There was a lot she didn't tell me.”
With that, Logan abruptly walked to the stairs. Halfway up there was a creak in the wood, the same creak that had gotten her into trouble when she'd try to sneak out of the house to meet Logan when they were teens. In all the time they'd lived here Logan hadn't bothered to fix it. It was just one more reminder of the relationship she and Logan had before she'd gone away and Kelly had claimed him.
Regret chipped away at her resolve. She'd pushed him too far, wanting to know just how much he knew, how much Kelly had confessed to him, if at all. And now it was clear the only confession Kelly had made was to Poppy. She’d lived these last ten years as an invisible friend, someone Kelly never shared with anyone, especially Logan. And because she’d pushed to unveil the truth, Logan had retreated battered and confused about a woman he’d married and shared his life with instead of her. Of course he didn’t want Poppy here.
Everything inside Poppy wanted to reach out and tell Logan she'd leave if it stopped the hurting. The last thing she wanted to do was cause Logan more pain. But after talking to people in town, having a quick chat again with Hawk down at the shelter, Poppy was convinced more than ever that she had to stay if only to help Logan emerge from this well he'd allowed himself to hide inside long before Kelly died. Where was that spirited man she used to know? He was still there. She was sure of it.
Grabbing her mud-stained jacket, she opened the kitchen door and stepped out onto the porch. The light was on upstairs in Logan's bedroom. She could see the shadow of light stretching long across the dirt driveway.
Their lives had taken a dramatic turn years ago when her parents had decided to sell this ranch and move states away. Poppy had thought she'd die the day they'd told her. Tonight she realized she truly had.
The chill of the air made her shiver and she turned to go back inside. Logan was standing in the doorway looking out at her. Without his jacket, he stepped out onto the porch and shut the door. He was still the same Logan. She pushed him to his limit and he always came back for more. Well, not always, she thought with regret. There was one time she’d waited and he’d never come.
“What do you want from me, Poppy? I have never been able to figure that out. Kelly always knew where she stood with you. But me…”
“Don’t give me that. You always knew. You were just too scared or young or…” She laughed at the absurdity of going back all those years. “I’ve always loved you, Logan. Deep down you had to know that. That’s why I can’t understand why you didn’t come to see me like you promised. I was so heartbroken when I left here and you promised just as soon as you had enough money saved you were going to leave South Dakota to be with me.”
He sighed. “That was a long time ago.”
“Why didn’t you come, Logan? I waited for you.”
“I don’t know.”
Poppy balled her fists. “Please don’t back away from this. Not now when you knew I wanted you…”
“You’d moved on.”
She shook her head, fighting back tears. Lies. She could see how far back they’d gone by the expression on Logan’s face.
“You think you knew Kelly,” she said, trying to keep the regret she felt inside from being heard. “But you didn’t know everything, Logan. I didn’t either.”
She walked passed him to the door, her emotions dragging her down with every step.
As her hand connected with the cold metal of the screen door handle, he said, “She didn’t tell me she was sick until months after she’d found out. She let me believe she was okay until...”
“It was too late,” she said, finishing what Logan couldn’t. “That was Kelly’s way.”
“The doctor said the cancer might have started after the fertility treatments. I didn’t know she was even going until I found a bill in the mail from the treatment center.”
“Her aunt died of ovarian cancer very young, too.”
“If I’d have known she was going… She was desperate to have a baby. She thought it would…make things better.”
Poppy closed her eyes, and for a split second, she weighed whether her coming here at all was a good idea. Everything he believed about his life would change instantly as it had for her.
“I think it’s time you read the letters in that hatbox in the spare bedroom upstairs.”
He glared at her accusingly. “You went through Kelly’s things?”
She rolled her eyes. “I didn’t have to. She’d been storing little letters and mementoes in that hatbox since she was a teenager. When I saw it on the top shelf of the closet, I figured you’d put it there and forgotten about it.”
“Letters won’t make a difference.”
Frustrated, she yanked the screen door open. “Fine. Don’t read them. Stay in your dream world. But I won’t let you blame me forever for what you think I did if you won’t at least try to learn the truth.”
Poppy turned to step inside the kitchen, but Logan caught her by the arm and swung her to face him. Anger was what she’d expected to be greeted with. She’d surely driven him to the brink. But instead, Poppy was met with raw emotion that was sharp and strong flowing from every move Logan made, and it only heated an already burning flame inside her. She should have been scared, but the flame in Logan’s eyes brought her back to a time when she would have given anything to be this close to him. For him to wrap her in his arms and press his mouth against hers. She’d been hungry for that long forgotten kiss they’d shared years ago for too long. She wasn’t about to back down now.
“What’s going to make a difference for you, Logan? What’s going to bring you back?” she said softly.
He dragged her into his arms and crushed her against his chest. There she felt at home, complete joy and elation filled her. The memory of being in his arms had faded long ago, but it instantly rekindled. His body had changed and so had hers. They were no longer teenagers. His hard chest muscles pressed firmly against her breast as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her ever closer.
Poppy lifted her face to him
in invitation, which he immediately accepted by claiming her mouth with his. And it was more than she’d dreamed of, filling an emptiness she thought would forever ache inside her. Every bit of her was on fire and shaken to the core. After all these years, Logan still had that effect on her, a hold that no other man she’d ever been with could claim.
Wrapping her arms around his shoulders, she deepened the kiss and was rewarded with his low moan, and then a sharp intake of breath as she leaned her hips into his, feeling his arousal.
Logan abruptly pulled away. On his face she saw confusion mixed with raw passion. He pulled his arms away and took a wide step back, leaving Poppy empty again. She fought back the tears burning her eyes.
“What was that kiss for, Logan? To prove me wrong? I think you know it did the opposite.”
Without another word, she stepped into the house and left him out on the cold porch.
She had wanted to blurt it all out to him tonight. I’m not the one who betrayed you. I didn’t forget about you. He deserved the truth after all these years. And even now she feared his reaction to how he would take the news.
Logan couldn’t have spent eight years as Kelly’s husband if he hadn’t loved her at least a little. And here she was trying to undo what couldn’t be undone.
Poppy still couldn't get Kelly's words out of her mind. I'm a terrible friend. I deserve to have terrible things happen to me.
Of course, Poppy had tried to convince her that she'd been a wonderful friend, the best Poppy had ever had. And then Kelly confessed the truth and all Poppy wanted to do was run away. She couldn’t cry. She couldn’t scream. She couldn’t breathe. The whole course of her life had been changed that day, in that single moment.
Things would've been different for all of them. Maybe they wouldn't have been the way Poppy had dreamed, but they would've been different for both her and Logan. Most of all, it would have been different for Kelly. And the fear of that is what had driven her friend to do what she’d done.
It had been Kelly and her relentless letters to Poppy that had finally convinced her to come back to South Dakota. Poppy had forgiven Kelly because she knew Kelly needed to be forgiven as much as Poppy needed to forgive her before Kelly died. She would forever be grateful that she had made it to the hospital while Kelly was still lucid enough to know that Poppy was there. They’d talked while Kelly was awake. They cried. They even managed to laugh a little. She couldn’t remember a time when her and Kelly had been that honest about everything. She died a few days later. And Logan had never known she was there.
It had taken Poppy a year to build up the courage to come back home to face Logan. She had to give him the same courtesy by allowing him time to feel whatever he was going to feel when he learned the truth.
* * *
Logan waited until he’d heard Poppy’s bedroom door close. And then he waited a little longer, just to make sure she was asleep. He’d stayed on the cold porch, letting the South Dakota winds bite into his skin just so he could feel something other than Poppy’s body pressed against his.
What the hell was he doing? Poppy was right about one thing. Kissing her hadn’t proved he’d moved on from the feelings he used to have. It only showed him how much of an effect she still had on him, even after all these years.
As he walked up the stairs, he paid special attention to the creaky step, avoiding it so as not to make a sound. With each step, his legs and arms felt heavy, much like they had the day Kelly died.
Poppy wanted to talk about truths. But those were hard for all of them. Logan knew all too well the course of their lives would have been so different had Kelly not gotten pregnant that first time. It was only right that he marry her. It had gutted her to lose the baby so soon after the wedding and Logan had fought the guilt he’d felt about wishing they’d waited. If only… Their new marriage had taken the strain of Kelly wanting so badly to get pregnant again.
Logan stopped at Keith’s bedroom door and listened. His little boy was asleep and probably would be until morning. It had taken Kelly four years to get pregnant with Keith. After that, Logan vowed to leave all the what-ifs that played in his mind in the past and devote everything to his family. Despite not wanting to be surrounded by memories, he’d even agreed to buy this house after Kelly got pregnant, for fear she’d lose another baby.
Logan turned to go down the hall toward his room when the hatbox on the floor outside of Poppy’s room caught his eye and caused him to stop. On top of the hatbox was a stack of letters tied with a red ribbon. He moved closer, picking the stack up in his hand and pushing the satin bow aside to see the writing. His stomach fell. The envelopes were in Kelly’s handwriting. The top letter was postmarked just a few weeks before she died.
He dropped the stack on top of the hatbox and shut himself inside his bedroom for the night, knowing that sleep was the last thing he’d be getting.
* * *
“Hawk called while you were still asleep. He said Skylar was hoping to take Keith for an overnight to help keep Alex company while she helps your mother.”
Logan nodded without looking at Poppy. He couldn’t. Not because he was angry with her for anything that happened last night. He’d turned his anger on himself. He’d spent the better part of the night trying to figure out how he’d managed to be married to one woman for eight years and still feel the way he did about Poppy after all these years. And he did. That was the conclusion he’d come to as the dark sky had turned his room light in the early hours. Only then had he been able to finally fall asleep.
“He hasn’t had his breakfast yet,” she said quietly as she filled the coffee filter with coffee grounds. “But he’s all dressed. He’s just playing with his trucks in the—”
“He can have breakfast at the diner. I’ll drive him,” Logan said. “Could you feed the horses while I’m gone? That would be helpful.”
He finally looked at her then. She was searching for answers. He gave her none.
“Sure,” she said with a weak smile.
Fifteen minutes later he was pulling into a full parking lot at his mom’s restaurant. It didn’t matter if there were no seats left in the diner. There was a family table out back in the kitchen where he and Keith had taken a meal on plenty of mornings. He parked the truck in the back next to Hawk’s Jeep.
After giving his mother a quick kiss on the cheek he sat in his favorite chair by the window. Hawk was just finishing up his breakfast. Keith wasted no time climbing into the seat next to his favorite uncle.
“Hey, little man!”
“We’re going to have good pancakes. Not like Auntie Poppy’s.”
Hawk laughed. “Auntie Poppy doesn’t make good pancakes?”
Keith made a face and shook his head.
“It’s a good thing Grammie does. Did you hear that, Ma?” Hawk called out. “Two helpings of pancakes.”
“And chocolate milk!” Keith added.
“Heaven forbid I forget the chocolate milk,” Kate said from the other side of the kitchen.
“Don’t forget your manners,” Logan said, eyeing Keith.
“Please!” Keith added.
“That’s my boy,” Kate said with a smile.
Logan grabbed a container of orange juice and a glass, and filled it before he sat down opposite Keith and Hawk.
As if Kate had been expecting them, she appeared at the table with two plates filled with pancakes. One had a stack of pancakes and a side of bacon and fried potatoes. She dropped that plate in front of Logan. The other plate had one pancake and one slice of bacon. With the plate still in her hand, she grabbed the container of maple syrup from the table and proceeded to make a smiley face on her grandson’s pancake stack, much to Keith’s delight, before she placed the plate in front of him.
“Make sure you eat all of it. Alex is going to be here pretty soon and you can’t play until you’ve had your breakfast.”
“I will, Grammie.”
Kate paused at the table. “How are things going at home?”<
br />
Logan looked at her, knowing exactly what she was referring to.
“Fine.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Good.” Then she went back to her tasks in the kitchen.
Hawk laughed.
“Cut it out,” Logan warned.
“I didn’t say anything.”
“I expected Poppy to come by with you.”
“Since when are you so interested in Poppy?”
“Since you seem to be acting like a—”
“Uh, uh.” Kate dropped a cup of chocolate milk in front of Keith and bent her head toward her grandson giving a strong look at her sons. “Little ears.”
“My ears aren’t little,” Keith said.
She bent down and kissed him on the cheek as he ate. “And getting bigger and smarter every day.”
As she turned to walk away, she paused and angled back to Hawk, mouthing, “Watch it.”
Hawk shrugged his apology to his mother.
Logan chuckled. He quickly ate his pancakes and then helped finish up the rest of Keith’s pancake while Hawk sat back and drank his coffee. When they heard Skylar come in through the back, it was all Keith needed to declare he was done with breakfast.
“Can I go play in the back room with Alex?”
“Finish your milk first.” Keith drank enough to satisfy Logan, and then he wiped his face clean with his napkin before climbing down from the chair.
Logan waved hello to the babysitter, Donna, who usually watched the boys for a few hours while his mother and Skylar were working out front. Keith ran toward her.
“You know the rules here,” Kate said to Keith, catching him half way. “No running in my kitchen.”
“I guess I need to be getting back,” Logan said.
“Alright, fine. Don’t tell me anything.”
Logan drained his glasses of orange juice. “There’s nothing to tell.”
Hawk’s expression fell and his brows drew inward. “Logan, you can lie to me all you want, but don’t lie to yourself. You’ll waste years of your life chasing a ghost that isn’t there. Hasn’t that gone on long enough?”
Her Dakota Man (Book 1 - Dakota Hearts) Page 6
