by Keary Taylor
I made it to the institute just before the time my appointment had been made and the woman at the front desk politely directed me to the doctor I needed to speak with.
The woman was a good four inches shorter than I was, with short cropped black hair and friendly eyes. She told me her name, which I immediately forgot. There were just too many other things racing through my head at the moment.
“Please have a seat,” she said as she guided me into a tiny, well kept office. I sat in the only available chair, startled by how uncomfortable it was.
“As you know, we have been observing Miss Thomas for a while now and I must say that I am quite impressed with the progress she has shown. I am sure you are aware she has her lucid times and these seem to be becoming more and more frequent. She has shown no signs of being a danger to herself and we believe she could be released. We believe that there is not much more we can do for her. We have made a few adjustments to her medication and she seems to be doing amazingly well.
“One of the reason’s I wanted to speak to you though is we have talked to Sally about the possibility of releasing her and she is absolutely refusing. I wouldn’t say she quite goes into a frenzy whenever we try and talk to her about it, but these are the times when she gets the worst. We were hoping that you could talk to her.”
I had listened to the doctor, trying very hard to keep my head in our conversation. “Of course,” I agreed. That wasn’t the only thing I needed to talk to Sal about.
The doctor gave one short nod with a tight-lipped smile before she rose and led me down a long hallway. She stopped in front of a door that had the number eight on it in gold metal letters.
“Go ahead,” she encouraged when I hesitated.
I only nodded as I grasped the door knob and opened it.
The room Sal was in was simple but comfortable. It had a double sized bed, a dresser, and a desk. There was a door that led off from the main part of the room and I caught a glimpse of a shower, indicating it was a bathroom. Sal, dressed in a pair of light green scrubs, her hair brushed nicely and pulled back, sat at the desk, a book laid open before her.
“Sal?” I called quietly as I closed the door behind me.
I could already hear the sound of the doctors retreating footsteps in the hall thanks to my increased sense of hearing.
Sal turned in her seat to face me, a gentle smile on her face. “Jessica,” she said, delight evident in her voice. “I’m glad you came. I missed you.”
“I missed you too,” I said as I tried to reciprocate her smile as I sat on the edge of the bed, just two feet away from the desk. “The doctor told me you were doing much better.
How do you feel?”
“Good,” she said as she closed the book. “They are all very nice to me here and there are always lots of nice people to talk to.”
I couldn’t say anything for a while as I just stared back into Sal’s eyes, unsure of how to approach what I needed to talk to her about. I most certainly did not want to set her off and destroy all the progress she had seemed to have made here.
“They said you don’t want to come home,” I started, keeping my voice as gentle as I possibly could. “How come?”
She took in a slight sharp intake of breath before she looked from side to side, as if to make sure no one was listening to us. When she looked back at me her eyes were intense. “I can’t. He knows where to find me there. He doesn’t know I’m here so I’m safe. I can’t go back.” I considered this for a moment and recalled the things she had ranted about in the hospital. “Is this the same man who came to visit you in the hospital?” I whispered, my voice shaking. In the pit of my stomach I knew exactly what had happened to Sal that dreadful night, though I still didn’t understand why.
Sal’s eyes grew large and she nodded her head enthusiastically. “They didn’t believe me, Jessica. They told me there was no man and that he was just from my imagination.”
“And this is the same man who told you to take the pills? That they would make you forget?” My heart pounded in my chest and the room threatened to start spinning.
Sal’s eyes remained wide as she nodded her head again.
“What did this man look like, Sal?” I squeaked.
Sal looked at me for a moment as if trying to decide if I really believed her or if I was trying to continue the psychoanalysis she had been undergoing with the doctors and nurses. “His eyes were black as if there was nothing behind them but darkness. But they tried to tell me to trust him. His face though, I had never seen a face like it before.
It doesn’t belong here. He doesn’t belong here. He needs to go back where he came from.”
I closed my eyes and tried to hold back the tears that were welling there. I held my breath to try and keep back the sobs that were threatening to escape my chest. It was at least a solid minute before I felt I could ask what I needed to next without frightening Sal. When I opened my eyes finally Sal’s met mine, filled with concern and confusion.
“Sal,” I said, testing to see if my voice was stable enough to talk. It shook a little but I hoped I could cover it.
“Do you remember your new neighbor that moved into the house next to yours?” I silently braced myself for what I knew was possibly coming.
Sal’s expression was blank for a moment then changed to thoughtful, as if she were trying to dig up a memory.
After another moment it changed to outrage.
“That man!” she shrieked. “That man! He…he… I told you to stay away from him Jessica! He did this to me!” Sal sprang to her feet and paced around the small space. Her hands twisted around each other, her knuckles turning white.
“It was Cole that told you to take those pills,” I whispered, by body feeling numb. “Wasn’t it?” Sal slowed her pacing, her face looking enlightened almost. “Yes!” she nearly shouted. I hoped the nurses wouldn’t come to investigate what all the sudden noise was about. “I forgot his name. I forgot who he was! You can’t go back home Jessica! He might get you too!” My mouth felt intensely dry as I tried to swallow. I wanted to do as she said, to never return to that house again and run away. But I couldn’t do that. Alex was still there. I had to protect him and I couldn’t simply just disappear.
What would Cole do then?
Sal froze in place, her eyes staring intently down at my own. “Promise you won’t go back there, Jessica. I don’t want him to hurt you too.”
My eyes dropped to the floor and I laced my fingers tightly together till they turned white. “Okay,” I lied. I told myself I hadn’t said yes nor did I agree to anything, knowing I was just trying to justify it to myself.
Sal sat back down in her chair and pulled the book into her arms. “I can’t leave here, Jessica. You have to tell them that. I can’t leave until he goes away.”
I could only nod as I continued to stare at the floor. A soft knock on the door startled me and I looked up as a sun baked looking nurse poked her head through the cracked door.
“Is everything okay in here?” she questioned, looking around to make sure everything was in order.
“Ya, it’s fine,” I said as I stood. “I think it’s time for me to go.”
The nurse nodded then closed the door. I turned to Sal, her eyes inquisitive on mine.
“I’ll talk to the doctor and tell them you need to stay,” I promised, knowing I could keep this one. “You take care of yourself. I’ll come back to see you as soon as I can.” Sal nodded, still not breaking her stare.
I tried to give a half smile before I turned and left the room, heading back for the doctor’s office. I was glad I found her there and did not have to go searching for her.
I stood in the doorway, not wanting to have to stay long. My composure wasn’t going to last much longer.
“Would it be alright if she stayed here for a while longer?
She seems to be under the impression it isn’t safe for her to go home. I want her to feel comfortable to go back to her house before she is discharged.” I hope
d I sounded convincing enough. After all, what I said was true.
The doctor nodded. “Her insurance will pay for up to four weeks so she can stay for that long if you feel she needs to.”
I could only nod. “I think that would be best.”
“Alright,” she said as she opened a folder. “Thank you for coming up and talking to her. As always, we will be in touch.”
“Thank you,” I whispered as I walked back out into the main lobby. “May I use your phone?” I quietly asked the receptionist.
The motorcycle wobbled dangerously as I made it into the parking lot of the apartment complex. Yet again I had somehow managed to survive getting on the bike and still had avoided running into any cops.
It only took me a moment find the apartment I needed, it was just on the second floor. As I knocked on the door, my stomach heaved as if some kind of storm was raging inside and I seriously hoped that I could keep it under control.
Emily’s face was serious and immediately curious as she opened the door and ushered me inside. The interior was just as I should have expected from Emily. It was decorated in bright and sunny colors.
“Would you like anything to drink?” Emily asked, her voice unsure of how exactly to react to my strange phone call. I had not left her any option when I called her, I had demanded that we needed to talk and it had to be now.
“No,” I said as I pursed my lips together, keeping back the bile that threatened to come up my throat.
Emily nodded and indicated a well worn but still in good shape sofa. Debating whether or not I would be able to say everything better sitting or standing, I hesitated by the door.
“What happened?” Emily demanded, her voice sounding almost impatient. “You seem dazed and confused and you’re as twitchy as a horse on Speed.” As she said this, I realized I had been shuffling from side to side on her front rug, my fingers twisting around each other nervously. I stopped immediately, closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I slowly counted backward from fifteen in my head. When I opened my eyes again Emily was staring at me from her place on the couch with concern and confusion in her eyes.
“Cole looks familiar to you doesn’t he?” I finally said as I slipped my shoes off and joined her on the couch.
Emily looked confused for a moment but her expression changed to thoughtful after a moment. “That’s what I thought when I first saw him. He did seem really familiar and it was weird because he doesn’t exactly have a face you could forget,” Emily said with a slight smile.
“But he does look familiar to you?” I asked again, my voice slightly more demanding.
“Ya, I suppose he does,” she answered, her expression furrowed as if trying to dig up some old
memory.
“What about his eyes?” I pressed. “How do you feel when you look into his eyes?”
Emily must have been on that train of thought because she didn’t look at me like I was crazy when I asked my seemingly bizarre question. “They’re… intriguing. They kind of…draw you in. But,” she paused for a long while, her eyes closed as if trying to recall exactly how she felt.
“He makes me afraid when he looks at me with those eyes.
Like I don’t want him to look at me, as if I feel something bad is going to come soon.”
At this she opened her eyes, confusion evident in them. “There’s something wrong with Cole, isn’t there?” I nodded. “I was at his house this morning. He didn’t know I was there. I saw something on the back of his neck.
A shadowed brand.”
Emily’s face became frozen as her mouth hung open just slightly. Her expression became pale as the blood drained from her face and I saw realization slowly slip into her eyes.
“Cole’s the leader of the condemned,” I whispered.
My voice seemed suddenly unwilling to work and I could hardly find the will to make it. “When I called you the other day and asked if they could escape, I had found a feather just outside my bedroom window. It had a certain metallic glint in it.
“A few weeks ago, in my nightmares, the leader of the condemned suddenly was gone and replaced by another member of the council. The same time Cole showed up.” I shook my head as I said this. I had been so stupid before.
How could I not have seen this? It was so obvious.
Emily remained frozen for several long minutes and I was in no hurry to say everything else I needed to.
“Jessica,” she finally managed to whisper. “You’ve been so sick lately. We don’t get sick. Has Cole got something to with that?”
I could feel what little color was left in my face drain at her words. “I don’t know,” I breathed, fighting back tears that wanted to betray me. “I don’t know what’s going on at all anymore. Why I’ve been sick. What Cole wants.
“He was the one who told Sal to take those pills. She remembered today. Then he went after her again in the hospital but she put up such a fuss he must not have been able to finish her off. I…I found a feather in her room but didn’t realize what it was then.
“Cole tried to kill Sal,” I choked as the tears started to spill over. “And I’m sure it had something to do with me. I don’t see how it could not have.”
Neither of us said anything for a good long while as the horror of what was happening sank in further and further.
Chills spread through my body and I had to try hard to not let my body shake violently.
Emily cleared her throat and sat up a little straighter.
When I looked up at her she was staring at the floor, looking very determined that her eyes would stay glued there.
“Last year I had a realization. Maybe not a realization, that’s not the right word. I developed a theory. If I could guarantee where I would be placed come my own judgment day then perhaps I no longer would be able to stand trial for all the others. That if I were no longer a neutral proxy I might be able to make it stop.
“It seemed so simple. It takes a lifetime of good living to not be condemned but it seemed there was one act, that if you committed this one action, you were guaranteed to be branded.
“I heard through an extended family member that my stepfather had slipped back into his old ways. He was abusing my two little sisters the same way he had abused me for years. It made me sick and perhaps a bit crazy but I suddenly knew exactly what I was going to do. I was living in Oregon at the time and I drove all through the night back to Texas.
“I was so enraged and out of my mind it is amazing that I didn’t get caught, that I managed to plan it out so carefully and flawlessly. Every detail fell into place perfectly when so much could have gone wrong. It wasn’t like I really knew what I was doing. The cops never were able to even begin to guess who the murderer might be.” My heart seemed to have stopped beating as the realization of what she had done sank in.
“I got back home the next morning and I was so tired and probably more than a little in shock over what I had just done. I fell asleep as soon as I walked in the door. But there weren’t any nightmares then. There weren’t any more nightmares ever after that. My theory had been correct. In guaranteeing that I condemned myself I had stopped the nightmares and the brandings.”
I didn’t realize there were tears running down my cheeks until Emily lifted a shaky hand to wipe them away.
She had tears of her own rolling down her face.
“You see why I couldn’t tell you?” she whispered, her eyes full of shame. “I couldn’t let you even consider doing that to yourself. I can live with myself, knowing what I have done, because it saved my sisters. But I can’t let you do that to yourself. I couldn’t live with myself if you went and did something like that because I was the one who told you how.”
I couldn’t make my head fully wrap around this information. Around the fact that, despite how complicated things had gotten lately, the woman who was becoming one of my very best friends, was already condemned. Come her judgment day, her neck would be branded, her eyes would turn black and she would be pulled down i
nto the fiery depths of the cylinder. She would become one of the angels who laughed dementedly at me from the walls.
“No,” I whispered as my eyes grew wide with this thought. “No! It can’t be too late! You…you could change that,” my voice grew soft with this last sentence and trailed off. We both knew the likelihood of her being able to override what she had done. I could not recall anyone who had committed a murder not being branded.
Emily pursed her lips in a tight line and tried to smile unsuccessfully. She shook her head as she leaned forward and put her arms around me. “It’s okay,” she whispered into my hair as I started to sob into her shoulder. “I knew what I was doing. There’s no going back now and I will live with the consequences of what I did. Right now I… I just have to enjoy the rest of my life. Thank goodness I’m still young, right?” she tried to say with a slight laugh which just sent more sobs escaping up my throat.
It took me a long time before the tears ran out and my face hurt so badly I did not think I could cry any longer.
When I finally seemed to find my head again, it felt numb and I knew I could not take any more. I couldn’t handle any more of the impossible today.
I had made two calls at the institute. The first had been to Emily and the second had been to Alex. He had told me that Rod wanted to go camping somewhere right along the Canadian border. He sounded ridiculously guilty about even bringing the possibility up and told me that if I needed him to come home he would do so immediately. Of course I told him he should go and was actually a bit relieved he would be gone. I wasn’t sure if I could keep my composure and the façade that nothing was wrong around him. He had a way of getting under my skin too easily.
But even though I was glad Alex would be gone, that did not mean I necessarily wanted to be alone. Thankfully I did not even have to ask Emily if I could stay with her. She offered me her couch for as long as I needed it.
