An Old Flame

by Raquel Belle

  Chapter Eight

  Stephanie

  I took a small breath of relief after my last student got picked up. All day I’d been a bundle of nerves, not to mention hair-brained. Thankfully the kids were young enough not to notice. I walked along the back wall of the classroom and closed the blinds. Then I cleaned up a few desks from the scraps of paper left over after their cut and paste map assignment.

  “Knock, knock,” Shane said from the open classroom door. He walked in. He wore a peach button-up shirt and light grey slacks. His hair was artfully mussed, and his five o’clock shadow was groomed to perfection.

  “Have you ever thought about modeling?” I asked.

  He snorted. “Have you?”

  I shrugged and started clearing off my desk, separating papers that I had to grade into my briefcase. “Nope.”

  “You never told me about what happened yesterday after school,” he said, and came to lean against my desk.

  I sighed heavily, ready to launch into the story, when another second grade teacher poked her head into the class. “Hi, you two.”

  “Mrs. Wheeler, how are you?” Shane asked, using his principal voice. Wheeler was one of his fan girls, even though she was happily married with two kids. Shane had a few groupies in the school, which were all teachers he tried his hardest to stay away from.

  “I’m alright. I was just coming to see if Ms. Renner had an extra staple remover? I lost mine and have to finish up some last minute stuff before I go,” she said with a chuckle.

  I reached into my top drawer and fished out the staple remover. She came in to take it from me. “Thanks,” she said. “So, what are you guys gabbing about? Any gossip?”

  I glanced at Shane briefly. He had his professional smile on, and I knew he was about to give her a pile of BS.

  “Actually, I was talking to Ms. Renner about a student’s newly diagnosed medical issue. It’s rather private,” Shane said politely, but the dismissal in his tone was unmistakable. I bit my lip to keep from smiling.

  “Oh, sure, sure. I’ll just get out of your hair. Thanks again, Ms. Renner!” She hurried out of the class room, and Shane walked behind her to shut the door. “Sometimes I want to bolt out of here at two-fifteen on the dot. I can’t stand half the people we work with, you know,” he said.

  I zipped up my briefcase and sat in my chair. Shane came back to the desk and perched on the edge. I shook my head. “You just have to remind people about how gay you are,” I said.

  Shane laughed. “They would still be in denial. Anyway, back to our discussion.”

  “We went for a coffee after some … debate,” I said. Shane quirked his eyebrow at me. I continued, “And, long story short, I agreed to have a casual dinner with him tonight.”

  Shane’s jaw dropped. “How did he get you to agree to that?”

  I threw my hands up, and they landed on the desk. “Endless pestering and pleading! It was driving me nuts,” I said, exasperated.

  Shane looked at me doubtfully. “Endless or not you, can still say ‘no’ and then file a restraining order,” he said.

  I chuckled, but he looked at me deadpan. “Well, I’m still thinking about cancelling with him. It’s just … it’s too hard to look at him. All of those memories are in his face,” I said.

  Shane pursed his lips as he studied me. “Are you sure there wasn’t more than the cheating incident that ended you guys?”

  “No, there’s something else, but he doesn’t know about it and…” I stood up and sighed. Yesterday I’d been about to tell him but I chickened out at the last minute. What was the right time? Should he even know? “Anyways, I have to go catch up on grading. I didn’t get much done last night. Leena came over,” I said.

  Shane’s eyes brightened. “Oh, I love her. We should all go for drinks again soon.”

  “Yeah, she’s obsessed with you. We have to,” I told him. Shane walked me out, and by the time I got to my car the nerves had returned. I called Leena on the hands-free kit before pulling out of the parking lot.

  “Oh my god, you would not believe the crazy day I had today. This creepy writer showed up at our offices with a cake, flowers, and a song to try and convince one of the other agents to represent his manuscript,” she said. “Then, when he was asked to leave, he wouldn’t! We had to call building security, and then the situation only escalated until we just had to call the cops on the guy! It was bizarre,” she said.

  “Holy shit,” I said. I stopped at a red light.

  “To say the least,” she sighed heavily. “Anyways, what’s up with you? Are you still going on that ‘casual’ dinner with Mark tonight?” Leena asked, there was a note of incredulity in her tone. She didn’t like that I was entertaining Mark. After all, she was the one who knew about the miscarriage and helped me pick up the pieces after Mark and I ended … and I’d been a mess.

  I sighed. “I’m thinking about cancelling. I don’t know …” There was a pause, and I could practically see the look Leena had on her face.

  “Well you know my opinion—I think you should keep away from him forever and ever. But it’s your life … so what are the pros and cons?”

  My heart warmed. “You know I love you, right?”

  She laughed. “I love you, too, now focus. Pros?” The light turned green, but afternoon traffic set in, and I couldn’t budge. The intersection was at a full stop.

  “It would open the way for me to forgive him, I guess. He said he wanted to prove himself,” I said.

  “So, you want a relationship with him again?” Leena asked, shocked.

  “I don’t know, Leena. I don’t …” I sighed.

  She was quiet for a few seconds. “Cons?” she asked.

  “I could get hurt again,” I said.

  “Yeah …,” Leena said. Traffic finally started to flow again. “Are you going to tell him about the miscarriage?” I took a deep breath and shrugged even though she couldn’t see it.

  “Eventually.”

  ***

  I paced by the front door of my apartment. I was supposed to meet Mark at a popular restaurant in Queen Anne in half an hour. But I couldn’t make myself open the door to head to the garage. My phone buzzed in my purse, so I took it out and saw a text from him:

  See u soon?

  I took a deep breath and texted him back before I could chicken out. As soon as my yes went through, I stepped into the hallway and locked the door then continued to the garage without thinking. That was how I made it to the restaurant, with my mind blank.

  Mark was standing outside the restaurant as families and couples flowed in and out around him. He wore jeans and a plain white sweater. His hair wasn’t gelled, so it hung in his face, and he kept running his fingers through it, as he scanned the sidewalk for me. I took a breath and hurried across the parking lot. He spotted me as soon as I stepped on the sidewalk. His smile was huge. As if I’d made his whole year by just showing up. My chest warmed, and my cheeks flushed unexpectedly.

  “Steph, hey!” he said and made to hug me when I walked up to him. I awkwardly patted his back, and he squeezed my shoulder. He still used the same Calvin Klein cologne, and the scent wrapped around me for a moment. The warmth that had filled my chest travelled downward. I stepped away from him to take a breath and get myself under control. Sheesh, one would think I hadn’t been on a date or around a man in years with the way I reacted to him.

  “How are you?” I asked. Mark held the restaurant doors open for me, and we stepped inside. He kept close to me, as we walked to the host’s podium.

  “Good, had a long day though. How about you?” Mark asked. I nodded, we reached the podium, and the host looked at me expectantly, with a polite smile on his face.

  “Party of two?” he asked.

  “Yeah, anything you have is fine,” I said. I gave him my name and he told me that it’d be a few minutes, Mark and I stood to the side to wait. “Um, yeah my day was fine. Can’t complain,” I said awkwardly. A large dinner party came through the doors, for
cing Mark and I to step closer to each other. I looked down, we were a breath apart.

  “Tell me about your class—is teaching everything you thought it would be?” Mark looked down at me, his green eyes searched mine expectantly.

  “Um, yeah it is and more. I never expected to love my class so much, but every year I get attached to all of my kids. I think it’s the second grade, though. They’re just so cute and sweet at that age … for the most part,” I said.

  Mark smiled at me, and it was intimate, as if we were the only two people in the crowded restaurant. For a second, his eyes brightened with more than friendliness, and he swayed towards me by the barest centimeter. I held my breath and quickly turned my head before anything could happen, before I could fall under the gorgeous idiot’s spell.

  “Steph, party of two!”

  Thankfully we were called and walked to an intimate table on the patio. It wasn’t raining outside, and the heat lamps made the patio feel nice and cozy. I glanced around at the other tables. They were all small-sized for couples. The ambiance was entirely romantic. So much for casual. I should’ve asked to be seated at the bar.

  “I always imagined second graders to be wild little maniacs,” Mark said and chuckled.

  I shrugged. “Well I guess all the Norman Port kids are just extremely well-behaved. I’ve only had one tough kid, and that was like two years ago. His name was Spencer, and he had been the definition of wild-child,” I said, laughing to myself. “All Spencer wanted to do was play around with the other kids twenty-four seven.”

  “That must’ve been a challenge,” Mark said. A server stopped by our table to pour water for us and drop off a basket of bread. She told us to take our time with the menus and hurried off to another table in the section.

  “It taught me how to work closely with parents in order to figure out how to best serve the kids though, so for that I’m grateful to little Spencer,” I said.

  Mark gave me that intimate smile again. “You haven’t changed,” he said fondly.

  I shrugged and reached for a piece of rye bread. “How about you? What’s it like to have all your dreams come true?” I asked. Mark’s smile turned wry, and he tilted his head to the side. His hair fell with the movement, and he ran his fingers through it.

  “Not all my dreams have come true yet,” he said.

  I rolled my eyes but couldn’t help my smile. “You’re still corny as hell.”

  Mark laughed. “I can’t help it. It’s just how I phrase things, I guess.” He shrugged. “But um … it’s been a ride with the company. From that first check …” he trailed off, his expression shuttered for a moment, and I knew he was thinking about the day he lost me. I shifted in my seat and took a sip of water. “How’s old Joe doing?” he asked, suddenly changing the subject.

  “Pop’s alright. He’s coming to visit in a couple of days, actually. He’s the same grumpy old man he’s always been,” I said, smiling proudly. “What about your parents?”

  “They’ve been on a string of cruises for the past six months, so I have no real idea. But from the occasional Skype calls and texts, they seem to be having a blast in retirement,” he said, and then he took a drink of water. I wished Joe would go on cruises, but all he cared about was fishing and football. My dad was honestly the ultimate man’s man.

  “What if they get back and come out to you as swingers?” I joked.

  Mark almost spat out his water, and then he cracked up. “I wouldn’t put it past them,” he said, still laughing. I was glad he still had the same sense of humor. The rest of dinner went smoothly, even though I was guarded. We caught up like old friends would, and the vibe was nice, honestly.

  Mark walked me to my car when we were finished. He looked over at me. “I had a great time. We should make this a regular thing,” he said quickly. I put my hand on the car door and nodded slowly.

  “Um, yeah just text me, or call,” I offered, not wanting to make definite plans. Mark searched my face for a moment, and the air between us changed. I licked my lips involuntarily—not thinking about the implications—and surely enough he read that as a signal. Mark leaned towards me and brushed his lips against mine in the lightest of kisses. My senses lit up, as if a switch that only Mark knew where to find, had been turned on after a long time of dormancy.

  Against my better judgment, I leaned into his warmth. He put his hands on my waist and deepened the kiss. His lips moved against mine with a familiar fervor. I knew things would only escalate between us even if we were in the middle of a parking lot. I pushed against his chest and stepped back against the car.

  “Um … I didn’t—” I paused and blinked rapidly to try and clear my head.

  “Shit, I’m sorry. I jumped the gun, didn’t I?” Mark said. I nodded sheepishly, knowing full and well that I had kissed him back. “I’m sorry, did the night get messed up?” he asked, genuinely distressed.

  I put my hand on his arm to try and calm him down. “It’s alright,” I said. “Once for old times sake,” I added. Mark’s expression was serious, and I couldn’t read what he was thinking. I didn’t even know what to think of that.

  “Old times …” he mused. Before we could tumble down into that conversation, I opened the car door and got in.

  “We’ll talk soon,” I told him. Mark waved and stepped away from the car, as I backed out of the space and pulled away. My heart was pounding, and the muscles deep inside my belly were quite warm. What’s worse is that my head was a jumble of confusion. It was clear that on a physical level I wanted him. He was familiar to me, and while we were in college, our chemistry had been ridiculous. But the specter of what he did still hung over me, as did the specter of what we could’ve had together. And he knew nothing about that.

  Chapter Nine

  Mark

  I watched her go, hoping that she had told the truth, and that I hadn’t actually ruined things. It was such a bone-headed move. I should’ve known better than to kiss her, but I was sure that she kissed me back. She had leaned in. When her car turned onto the main road, I walked to mine and got in. Her lips were softer than I remembered, and her hips were still round, and if we hadn’t been in public I know the kiss would’ve escalated.

  I intended to drive home, but Jimmy called, and I knew he’d want to hang out even before I answered. “Yo,” I said.

  “Where you at?” Jimmy said playfully. His voice was loud coming through the car speakers, so I turned the volume down.

  “I’m on the road, headed home. Why, what’s up?”

  “Come out for drinks. Neil and I are over by Pike,” he said. I told him I was on the way and made a U-turn. I already knew what bar they were at. It was a popular cigar bar that was a favorite of ours.

  When I got there, as always, I took in the old-world gentleman-like feel of the place. It was set up like a bar, only with a cigar shop in the back. There were a few lounges tucked into alcoves along the perimeter of the main floor. And there were a bunch of tables. I spotted Neil and Jimmy in an alcove on the right. I joined them.

  “Look who showed up!” Neil said loudly. He stood and clapped my shoulder in a one-armed embrace. He smelled like booze and cigar smoke, but instead of sedated, he looked wired.

  “How long have you guys been here? Anything going on?” I asked and sat down next to Jimmy. We bumped fists, and he offered me a cigar. I took it and grabbed the torch from the center table to light it.

  “We’ve been here a couple hours now,” Neil said. His platinum blonde hair was loose and hung into his pale eyes and around his neck. His pupils were dilated.

  “Think you should slow down on the drinks?” I asked. Neil waved his hand at me and picked up his squat glass. It had a dark brown liquid inside. Knowing him, he was going hard on the bourbon.

  “We’re just decompressing, what with the VPN launch coming up,” Jimmy explained.

  I snorted. “I don’t know why you guys are stressed. Sure there’s competition, but our VPN actually works. I’ve been using it across de
vices since the beta was released,” I said.

  Neil sighed. “I’m not worried about it working. What if people don’t motherfucking buy it because it’s so motherfucking expensive?” he asked, his words slurred together on a stream. Jimmy snickered at him, and I bit my cheek to keep from laughing in his face.

  “Of the VPN programs that actually work, ours is the most reasonably priced,” I said. “Like I said, it’s no worry.” I puffed on my cigar, enjoying the nutty and vaguely chocolate notes of the tobacco. “I’m gonna get a drink.” I walked to the bar to order a cognac and returned to the lounge where the guys were arguing over some foreign film’s deeper meaning. I listened to them for about five minutes before cutting in to play referee. “My ears are starting to bleed guys,” I said.

  “What else is there to talk about? How’d everything go with Steph, man?” Jimmy asked. I blinked at him for a second, wanting to have kept that between us, but he was starting to get just as soused as Neil was.

  “Steph?” Neil said. I rolled my eyes and sat back with my glass. “Wait, wait, wait … the Stephanie?” Neil asked. “The one from college who you were going to marry?” I nodded. He shook his head. “Holy shit! Did she call you or something?”

  “No, we uh, we ran into each other,” I said and took a sip from my glass, followed by a few puffs from the cigar.

  “What, did she initiate picking up where you guys left off or what?” Neil asked.

  I shrugged. “She didn’t. She hated me when she saw me,” I said. “Because of how we ended. Remember, I kissed someone else?” I wondered if Neil even remembered.

  “Hey, hey, it’s within your right as a human being to taste other things and see what else is out there. Especially before you sign your life away to someone,” he said. “It was the prime of our lives anyway, I never understood why you wanted to tie yourself down right out of the gate like that,” he said.