My brows rise. “You can’t—”
“I did!” he interrupts me sharply.
I sigh, feeling defeated. Can’t I choose how to live my life? “With all due respect, sir, you can’t control what I do.”
He actually smiles at me. “I’m trying to protect you.”
I snort. “You are just prolonging the inevitable. You think I’m going to work for a company that my ex owns?” I shake my head. “I’ll pass. And I doubt you guys keep it a gallery.”
He stands as if we’re done and buttons his suit jacket. “Give me a month.”
I stand as well and eye him skeptically. “A month to what?”
“To give you something better than what you have now,” he says with confidence. As if putting my future in his hands would be a smart move.
“I don’t know …”
“I’m a man with many connections,” he adds.
I square my shoulders. “I don’t need your connections,” I say sternly. “I was taught that you get what you work for.”
He nods. “And I respect that. You’ve worked hard to get where you are now. And believe me when I say that Lauren was impressed beyond words with your interview, and that you have major potential. So I’m asking you to give me one month.”
I run a hand through my hair and let out a long sigh. One more month in this town that just continues to swallow me up and spit me out? Another month with the man I love living above me and wishing I didn’t exist? To someone else, four weeks is nothing. To me, it’s thirty days in hell. But he’s right. He has connections, and no one tells him no. Finally, I nod. “One month.” I agree as if I had a choice when, in all honesty, we both know I didn’t.
I turn and walk back to my room to change my clothes. I have somewhere to be.
**
I take a deep breath as I approach the door of Bradley’s hotel room in Brooklyn. The long cab ride made me nauseous. I really regret selling my car. I’m pretty sure I won’t survive another month of these cab rides.
Closing my eyes, I let it out and lift my hand to knock on the white door. My eyes spring open when it’s opened before I even get the chance. My hand falls to my side when I see him standing there wearing a pitiful look on his handsome face. His brown hair is disheveled, and he has dark circles under his eyes.
He moves to the side and gestures for me to enter. “Please?” He says the single word softly, and it just reminds me that this isn’t going to end well.
I step into his hotel room and turn to face him as he shuts the door. I wanna get this over with and then go home, drink a bottle of wine, and pass the fuck out! “What was so important that I needed to come see you?” He opens his mouth, but I continue. “Or better yet, why are you still here, Bradley?” I’m mad at him. For doing this to me. To us. For ruining our friendship when he didn’t have to.
“I … uh, well … I needed …” He stops blabbering and just stares at me.
The silence in the small room makes me nervous and uncomfortable. “Spit it out, Bradley,” I growl.
I watch his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows and then he falls to one knee while pulling a small white box out of his jeans pocket.
I stumble back a step. “What the hell …?”
“Please marry me, Ash …”
“You can’t be serious!” I gasp.
“You can’t be this surprised, baby,” he says with a smile forming on his face.
The way he calls me baby makes my stomach turn. I open my mouth but then shut it—unable to form a word.
He slowly stands as his eyes drop to my stomach then meet mine. “After I left your apartment, I came back.”
“What? When?” I ask, trying to process everything.
He looks down at the open box sitting in his hand. “I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t walk away from you. Jaycent answered the door and wouldn’t let me in.”
I shake my head. He has to be lying, right? Jaycent never told me this. “He actually took up for Ryder. Said he just needed time.”
I wish that would have been the case.
“I’ve thought about it, and maybe he was right in a way. It’s you who just needed time.” I start shaking my head. “I told Jaycent I would propose.” What? “I told him that Ryder doesn’t deserve you. That I would never walk away from you like he did, and I’m a man of my word, Ash. Here I am, still fighting for you. Please, give me a chance.”
“A chance to what?” I can’t help but ask.
“To show you that I’m the one for you. And that I’m the one you love,” he says simply.
“All this time …” I can’t finish the words.
He gives me a big smile and takes a step toward me. “I’ve loved you all along, Ashlyn. How did you not see it?”
My stomach knots at how wrong I have been all this time. “I … I love …” His smile widens, and I hate that what I’m about to say will destroy him once again. “I love Ryder,” I whisper.
The smile falls off his face, and he looks away from me, licking his lips. Then very slowly shuts the box. He gives me his back and runs a hand through his hair.
I take a step toward him as I say, “I’m sorry …”
“Sorry?” he snaps, spinning back around to face me.
I let out a sigh. “I am, Brad. I’m sorry I can’t love you like you love me,” I say truthfully. My throat tightening. “You were my best friend—”
He throws his head back and lets out a dry laugh, interrupting me. “You’re not even trying!” He growls. “Three years you’ve known me, Ash. You’ve known him for three weeks. And you choose him over me? Why? ‘Cause he has money?”
My lips thin. “It’s not about money!” I snap. “You know I don’t care about that shit!”
He holds his hands out wide to his side. “Apparently, I don’t know you at all,” he shouts. “I mean, I’ve stood by while you’ve whored around …” I gasp. “But to fall for one of the bastards …”
“Fuck you!” I shout and then ask him “What about the girl you were seeing when I got back from Panama City?” I had asked him this before he stormed out of my apartment, but he never answered.
“I made her up,” he says.
“What?” How many other things has he lied to me about?
“I did it to make you jealous, but it obviously didn’t work,” he snaps.
“I can’t believe you,” I say and start to storm toward the door.
He grabs the back of my arm and yanks me to a stop. “Let go, Brad!” I growl, looking up at him.
His dark brown eyes are narrowed and his jaw tight. “Where is he at, Ash?” he demands.
“That’s none of your business!” I snap, trying to remove my arm from his
grip. No luck.
He gives another rough laugh. “He never came back to you, did he?” I refuse to answer that. “Let me guess. He hasn’t even called or text you.” I close my lips tightly. His other hand comes up and grabs my other arm, holding me in place. “Men like him don’t fall in love with women like you.” His voice has softened, but he might as well have screamed it at the top of his lungs and slapped me across the face.
My shoulders slump, and my chest tightens at the truth in his words.
He lets go of my arms and cups my face. “Women like you are a dime a dozen to him.” He just twisted the knife in my chest. “But to me …” He sighs. “To me, you’re everything.”
CHAPTER THREE
RYDER
“I need you to send these over to Mr. Rollin,” I tell Kelly, handing her papers while standing in front of her desk.
“Yes, sir.” He takes them from me, nodding.
“And I need …”
“Mr. O’Kane?”
I turn to see my father’s new assistant, Jackie, approaching us. “Yes?” I ask, looking her up and down. She wears a white dress with a high neck and black belt that sits high on her waist. She’s the typical girl I would fuck. Her brown hair is up in a tight bun, and her plump lips are colored a pretty pin
k. It’s crazy that as I look at her right now, I feel nothing. All I think about is Ashlyn and how much I miss her.
She comes to a stop and bites her bottom lip nervously. “I needed to speak to your father, but he is out at the moment. May I speak to you please?” She looks over at Kelly for a quick second and then back at me. “Privately?”
“Of course.”
She enters my office, and I shut the door after her. “What is it that you need, Jackie?” I ask, going to sit behind my desk.
“I was going over Jessica’s monthly billing …” She opens the folder sitting in her lap. “And I have found a few things that don’t add up.”
I frown. “What doesn’t add up?”
“Mr. O’Kane … er, your father had me write out checks to ship off payments, and I can’t find one company in particular in the system.” She leans over my desk, handing me a few pieces of paper.
I take them, and my eyes scan over them. One of them is regarding Q’s, another is Hahn’s. Another one is a place called O’Kane Industries. I frown as I look over the payout. “This place doesn’t exist,” I say out loud.
“Not that I could find, sir.”
“I know it doesn’t,” I tell her. “Is there an account number?”
“No, sir. All I could find is a name.”
I nod, not bothering to look up at her. “Thank you, Jackie,” I say, dismissing her. What was Jessica up to?
ASHLYN
Saturday morning I was up early to go to work. The fact we had a private showing in two weeks meant we were all hands on deck. Even today.
I am regretting every decision I have ever made in life. Once again, I got no sleep last night. I stayed up staring at my ceiling while Harry lay on my chest, purring loudly. I couldn’t get the look of Bradley’s face out of my mind. He literally looked broken when I walked out on him after he told me how he felt. I couldn’t return the feelings, and there was no reason to egg him on.
I laid in bed all night and thought about the words he said about Ryder, and he was right. He would never love me like I could love him. But that didn’t mean I would settle for Bradley. I’ve never loved Bradley like that. I’ve never seen a future with the two of us that involved marriage and kids. And that wouldn’t be fair to him if I told him yes. He deserves someone who loves him just as much as he would them.
I stand in the kitchen of our apartment, trying to make breakfast but failing. Like everything else in my life.
I pour the pancake batter onto the burner as my phone dings. I pick it up in hopes that it’s Ryder. Even though I know he’s not gonna call.
“Son of a bitch.” I hiss when I see that my pancakes are burned along with my bacon. I peel them off the burner and place them on a plate. And I cringe at the burning smell.
“Everything okay?” I hear Jaycent ask, entering the kitchen.
I toss the spatula onto the countertop and place my hands on either side of the counter, hanging my head. “Yeah,” I say, lying. “I’m sorry if I woke you.”
“I needed to get up anyway,” he tells me. “Can I help you with something?”
I lift my head up and look back at him. And I hate that there are tears in my eyes. Why do I keep crying? This isn’t me. I look away from him and shake my head.
“I, uh, will leave you alone …” He trails off.
“Thank you,” I say, turning around to look at him.
“For what?” he asks, frowning.
I look down at the floor. “I went and saw Bradley last night.”
He closes his eyes and sighs. “I guess it went badly?” he asks, looking back up at me.
“As well as I had expected.” I lick my lips. “He proposed.”
His brows shoot up, and he looks down at my ring finger. “And?”
“I said no.” I sigh. “He told me that he had knocked on the door to talk to me again, and you answered and wouldn’t let him in.” I’m not mad at him for not telling me. I understand why he kept it a secret. He’s on Ryder’s side.
“He wanted to see you. But I wouldn’t let him. I’m sorry for stepping in, but you were so upset—”
“Thank you,” I say, interrupting him. “He said you took up for Ryder. That you told him to leave, and that Ryder just needed time.” He nods. “And he said that after he thought about what you had said, that maybe I just needed time as well.” I shake my head. “I didn’t. Ryder and I may have broken up, but I never loved Bradley the way he loved me. And marrying him isn’t the answer to my problems.”
“Have you spoken to Ryder?” he asks.
I look down at my hands. “I did. Once. But he never said a word or called me back.”
“What are you guys doing?” Becca asks as she enters the kitchen dressed in her robe.
“I’m burning shit,” I answer and then laugh at myself ‘cause at this point, what else is there for me to do? I pick up the pan of bacon and place it in the sink.
“I’m running late to work. I’ll just grab something on the way,” I say.
Becca runs a hand through her tangled brown hair. “What do you wanna do tonight after you get off work?”
I pause on my way to the door. I look from Jaycent to Becca. “No offense, but I really just wanna be alone.” She frowns at me. “I just need some time to figure out …” I pause and sigh heavily. “I just wanna be alone,” I repeat, hoping I could just go back to bed and then turn and walk out the front door.
CHAPTER FOUR
RYDER
The beautiful blond I just met hours ago on the beach moans as I roll her onto her back, and my hands tangle in her blond hair. “Hope you don’t mind. I like to be in charge,” I say roughly.
Her wet lips part, swollen from our kiss moments ago. Her eyes heavy from her recent orgasm. She arches a dark brow and gives me a weak smile. Her hands come up to my chest, and she tries to push me over onto my back, but she is unsuccessful. “Then take charge.” There’s a challenge in her beautiful blue eyes, and I like it.
She bites her bottom lip while scraping her nails down my chest, and my muscles tighten as I let out a moan of pain. I let go of her hair, grab her hands, and pin them down on the sides of her head. “Hope you’re not fragile.” My hard cock rests against her wet pussy. I can feel the heat as her legs wrap around my hips.
She smiles as her eyes light up. She lifts her chin while her hips meet mine ready for more than my mouth. I haven’t fucked her yet. Not with my cock anyway but her sweet taste is still on my tongue. “Try to break me. I dare you,” she taunts.
Challenge accepted.
My body jerks, and I snap my head up in surprise. A piece of paper falls from my face, and I look down at it to see the fax paper is wet. I shake my head as I reach up and wipe the drool from my chin.
I blink a few times and then rub my heavy eyes. My shoulders fall when I realize I’m sitting in my dark office and not lying in bed with Ashlyn. It was just a memory. One of our first memories together. Running a hand down my unshaven face, I sigh. She keeps playing in my mind. I’m unable to escape her, no matter what I do. She’s there. Like a ghost haunting me. It’s not only disturbing but also painful.
I catch sight of the Knicks tickets she got me for next season lying on the corner of my desk, and I toss them into my desk drawer. I didn’t have the heart to tell her I have a fucking suite. But I would have much rather gone with her and sat in these seats.
I place my elbows on my desk, and my head falls to my hands. A knock sounds on my door, and I ignore it. I just wanna be left alone. In silence and in darkness. I’ve officially become a hermit. Thankfully, I have a full bath in my office. Otherwise, I’d have to have Kelly hose me down out in the alley behind the building.
My unlucky streak continues as I hear the knob twist followed by the door opening. I should have locked it. “Ryder.”
I groan as I hear my father’s voice. “I’m busy, Dad,” I tell him, refusing to pull my hands from my face. Why won’t people just leave me alone?
I hear hi
m flip the light switch, and I finally lift my head and squint at the harsh light as I try to look at him. He stands in my office, the door now shutting behind him. He unbuttons his black Armani suit jacket and pushes it back as he places his hands on his hips. His green eyes look over the place I’ve been calling home for the past week now. A black blanket lies wadded on my leather couch. Some of my most expensive suit jackets cover the floor, and my slacks are thrown over my chairs.
“You’re living here,” he states. I don’t respond, and his eyes finally land on mine. “Why are you living here?”
“There’s work that needs to be done,” I say, placing my hands out as if I’m actually getting shit done. Trying to convince him that I’m not throwing my life away because of a woman.
“In the dark?” he questions, eyeing me skeptically.
He huffs when I don’t respond and then walks past my desk to the thick black curtains behind me. He yanks them open, and I blink as the morning sun lights up my office. I’ve kept them closed because, as fate would have it, a Romeo and Juliet billboard for the play that is showcasing here in a week is right across the street from my office. It’s about the size of a semi-truck. I think the universe is trying to kill me. “Dad, I had those closed for a reason,” I growl.
He comes to walk around my desk and picks up my slacks hanging over my
chair. He tosses them on the floor beside my button up shirts before he sits down. “You have to go home.” I shake my head in refusal. “You’re avoiding her.” I slam my hand down on the desk. “Of course, I’m avoiding her.” My heart starts pounding in my chest. “How can I go back there when I could run into her?” I ask in defeat as I hang my head again. “I’ve gotta move.”
“Wow,” he says dryly.
I look up at him through my lashes and snap, “Wow what?”
“I thought I’d never see the day.” He shakes his head in disappointment.
“And which day would that be?” I growl. My jaw tightens. As if I really wanna hear what he has to say.
He leans forward in his seat, his elbows resting on his knees. “The day that Ryder O’Kane gave up on something.” “Don’t give me that shit. It’s too early, Dad.” I snort, trying to avoid this conversation.
Selfless (Selfish Series Book 3) Page 4
