by Ally Hayes
WHITE LIES and PROMISES
by ALLY HAYES
WHITE LIES AND PROMISES
By Ally Hayes
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White Lies and Promised by Ally Hayes
Copyright © 2017 by Ally Hayes
Photography and Cover design by Ashley Byland of Redbird Designs
Edited by Brandi Salazar.
WHITE LIES AND PROMISES is a work of fiction. All names, characters, places and events portrayed in this book either are from the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, establishments, events, or location is purely coincidental and not intended by the author. Please do not take offence to the content, as it is FICTION.
Trademarks: This book identifies product names and services known to be trademarks, registered trademarks, or service marks of their respective holders. The author acknowledges the trademark status in this work of fiction. The publications and use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.
As always, in memory of Mum.
Acknowledgements
Thanks to all who pushed me to publish Matt and Jackie’s story over the years. The encouragement was both necessary and appreciated. Without friends and family to give me confidence, White Lies and Promises would still be a draft on a thumb drive.
Brandi Salazar worked her editing magic to clean up my manuscript, and Ashley Byland made it sparkle with her beautiful cover design. Thank you both.
Above all, thanks to you the reader.
PART ONE
Prologue
Matt and Jackie
They had their mothers to thank. Or blame.
Matt Foster and Jackie Hamilton were introduced in a hand-me-down wooden playpen. Matt’s mother, Ann, and Jackie’s mother, Patty, sat nearby at Ann’s kitchen table drinking instant coffee and awkwardly attempting a conversation. Upon being deposited in the toddler prison, Matt screamed at the intruder forced upon him. He soon realized he could make Jackie giggle by poking her, and the tactic quieted him down. Jackie learned taking Matt’s truck or bear would initially make him mad, but he’d turn nice in order to retrieve his possessions.
“They are playing so nicely together!” Ann said to Patty while wondering how she ever talked to such a dull woman. Patty still looked the same as she had in her office days, with her ramrod back and sensible pale, mid-length hairstyle—or lack thereof, thought Ann. Unconsciously, though, she sat up straighter and touched her own unruly dark curls.
“Yes, isn’t that great?” Patty turned and wagged her fingers at the toddlers. “Be a good girl, Jacqueline, and share with Matthew.” Patty turned her attention back to Ann, trying to recall if she’d always been such a nutcase.
Patty looked around at the clutter-filled house. Dishes on the counter, toys strewn over the floor. She tried to ignore the fact that her coffee mug stuck to the surface of the table with each return. Ann didn’t seem to notice the sound it made as Patty lifted it tentatively to her lips. Life will never get this out of control, Patty silently promised herself.
“This is so fun, catching up and everything,” Ann said through a forced smile while tightly gripping her empty mug. “We’ll have to do this again.” She hoped Patty would quickly come up with something juicy to share or offer to leave. She had better things to do than try to rekindle a friendship that they had clearly both outgrown.
“Yes, I agree. I’m sorry we’ll have to cut it short today, though. Jacqueline really has to go down for a nap.” Patty looked at her watch for effect and then over to the kids. It was obvious Jackie was having fun and wasn’t tired. In truth, she had given up her morning nap months ago and would not be ready for any sort of rest until at least two in the afternoon.
“Oh, that’s okay, the twins will be home from nursery school soon and then all hell will break loose anyway.” Ann was relieved. She got up from her chair and tugged down her sweater, which now seemed too tight upon being with Patty whose slender build and height had always made her feel frumpy.
They claimed they would keep in touch and then said their goodbyes easily. Upon request, the babies dutifully waved “bye-bye” from their mothers’ arms. After the door closed, Matt began to throw a fit, kicking at his toys until he found his thumb and blanket. Jackie’s screams began as her mom backed out of the Foster’s driveway. Her wails continued for the duration of the drive home. These would not be the last tears shed over each other.
Chapter One
The Hamiltons
Patty and Robert prided themselves on staying in the city, while most of their colleagues and neighbors made the flight for the suburbs upon the arrival of their first child. The Hamiltons believed they were providing their daughter with culture that could not be found in the newly established developments to the south and west. The cookie-cutter houses and station wagons were just not their style, and so Jackie’s early years were spent in the brownstone her father had first rented then bought well before she came into their lives.
Robert’s life was full of work, travel, lunches, dinners, racquetball, and fatherhood. Patty’s life was full, too, for a while. With each miscarriage and passing of childless years, she remained working as a senior secretary and even contemplated law school. When the adoption agency called with the news that would change her life, she gave notice to a very understanding boss who wished her well and assured her she would always be welcome back if she so chose. She was thrilled to change poopy diapers, wake up at all hours to rock, hush, and feed. She never complained about spit-up, fevers, or teething trouble. As Jackie got older, they joined music and art classes at the museums and schools so readily available in the city. Patty found her days filled and was confident they had made all the right choices.
Kindergarten presented a dilemma for the Hamiltons. The city offered many options from public to private, Montessori to parochial, half day to full day. They visited classrooms, attended interviews, filled out forms, and made endless phone calls.
Patty was baffled. It seemed everyone at the park had strong opinions about where they were sending or “enrolling,” as these yuppies referred to the process of sending their five year olds to learn the alphabet. To Patty, everyone seemed to have valid reasons, and she just couldn’t decide.
Luckily, Robert formed a strong opinion of his own, and thus, Jacqueline Hamilton was enrolled at the International Academy of Education for five semi-full days to learn not only her own alphabet but the letters and characters of the Chinese, French, and Italian’s as well. Jackie would be in school or “at the Academy” from nine o’clock to two in the afternoon each weekday and one Saturday a month for an enrichment program that would complement the unit they were working on in class. While Robert was thrilled his daughter and his check were accepted, Patty secretly wished she were going half days to the Montessori school with its spacious playroom and ample “exploring time” policy.
In her stiff jumper and new backpack, Jackie happily skipped down the sidewalk with her father to the Academy. Robert would take her to school each morning, as it was on the way to his office. Patty would pick her up at two, except on Wednesdays when she would stay for piano lessons until
three-thirty. It was a new routine for all three Hamiltons.
The first week everyone was thrilled with the situation. Robert raved at the wonderful dinners and marveled at how clean the house appeared. Patty was glad they were all happy. By the second week, Patty had organized all the tiny closets, given old clothes to Goodwill, and even sewn buttons on the pile of clothes to be mended that pre-dated Jackie. The third week was when she realized she had nothing to do for hours each day.
She called her old friend who she knew to be a stay-at-home mom, thinking she could possibly be a source of comfort and ideas.
“Oh, hang on. Don’t put that in your mouth! Hello?”
“Michelle? Hi, it’s Patty. Did I catch you at a bad time?”
“Ha, there’s never a good time anymore! Anyway, what’s up? How’s Jackie? She must be huge by now.” Michelle still sounded distracted, like she was dressing one of her kids or herself.
“Yes, she started kindergarten a few weeks ago—she loves it. How about you, how are things?” Patty asked the vague question as she could not recall her kids’ ages.
“Crazy. Mike is in school all day, and Danny does mornings which is great, but I’ve got Molly here in the terrible twos to keep me on my toes. I’ve got to make twenty-four cupcakes for Danny’s class tomorrow and then figure out how I’m going to get out of chaperoning Mike’s field trip on Friday.”
“Gee, Michelle, I wish I could help out. It’s too bad we’re so far away.”
Patty really did want to be able to help her old friend, but it was at least a forty-five minute drive to the suburb Michelle and her family had moved to when Danny was born. She missed her since the move, and they never made the effort to get together anymore.
It seemed the husbands had more to do with the separation than the distance. Michelle’s husband was a good guy, but Robert found him impossible to talk with because he was limited to the subject of sports. While Robert enjoyed and supported all the major teams for their city, he wasn’t up on all the news and statistics, and Michelle’s husband, Gregg, always chided him for his lack of knowledge. Robert would confess to Patty that sports were the only topic Gregg possessed any knowledge of, and if he challenged him to speak of world events or politics, it would be a different story. Robert had enough of putting up with the frustrating dinners with them and began to make excuses to avoid any further get-togethers. Not wanting to upset Robert, Patty acquiesced. As a result, she now felt like the one with little to offer as she listened to Michelle’s litany of things to do that day.
“Oh, Molly has dance in less than an hour now, and I’ve got to pick up Danny from pre-school, so I’ve really got to run. You’re so lucky you have just the one—and she’s gone until the afternoon!” Michelle sounded envious.
Patty hung up, looked around at the already tidied kitchen, then dared to turn her eyes to the clock on the wall. Ten-thirty. Four hours alone. There were women who would kill for this time alone, she realized. It just wasn’t her reality; she was anxious with nothing to do. She told herself she should take advantage of the time and laughed at herself when she thought of how idiotic it would seem to anyone else. She picked up the phone again.
“I’ve only got a minute. Is anything wrong?” Robert greeted her after his secretary screened the call, advising him Patty was on the line.
“No, everything is fine. I was just wondering if you’d like to meet for lunch, you know, like we used to.” She tried to sound cheerful, but still feared her proposal sounded like she felt: pathetic.
“I’d love to, I really would, but I have a deposition at one o’clock. Actually, I’m preparing for it right now. Can I call you later?”
“Of course, don’t worry about it. It was just a thought.”
After a turkey sandwich while trying to decipher a soap opera she had never seen before, followed by a leisurely stroll through the famers’ market, Patty wandered her way over to Jackie’s school at one-thirty. The first batch of other mothers and nannies arrived after one forty-five. A woman who she knew to be named Janice stood there, wearing a business suit Patty admired. She smiled at her, hoping they could connect, and tried to think of something interesting to say. Janice spoke first.
“It’s Patty, right? You’re Jacqueline’s mother, that cute Chinese girl in kindergarten?”
“She’s Asian, actually.”
“Oh, well. Anyway, I thought your daughter had lessons on Wednesdays?”
“Oh my goodness, she does!” Patty blushed as she realized her embarrassing mistake—apparently something this put-together woman had no difficulty figuring out.
“Wow, wish I could get to two in the afternoon not knowing what day it is. I’m picking up Preston to take him over to the sitter now; this is how I spend my lunch break,” Janice-the-professional explained with an air of annoyance.
“Oh, where do you work?” Patty blurted out so quickly she forgot to sound like the grown-up she was.
“I have my own consulting firm. Oh, here he comes. I’ll see you later.” Janice, her pantsuit, and son were off in a flash.
As soon as Janice was out of sight, Patty dashed around the block hoping no one else would notice her blunder. With a safe distance between her and the academy, she broke down wondering what she would do until three-thirty.
She knew what she wanted to do; she also knew how Robert felt about it.
Staying at home was a privilege; she should be grateful to have a husband with a career to support her. Before Jacqueline came along, they had discussed the situation, and it sounded ideal in the abstract. Since that time, Patty had envisioned herself at home with three kids, then as she aged and continued to work and return home dejected from each doctor’s appointment she scaled it back to two. Soon she wished, hoped, and prayed for just one as they placed their fate in the hands of three different adoption agencies. When Jackie became theirs, she notified her boss, and the subject of her working never came up between her and Robert again. But recently she had been recalling the “open door” clause she was given at her hasty departure. Maybe it was time to revisit the issue.
“Honey, this is terrific!” Robert exclaimed while nodding his head and pointing at his plate of Chicken Marsala that evening.
“Thank you. I’m glad you all like it.”
“Yes, Mommy, it’s yummy.”
“Jackie, aren’t we lucky to have a mommy who stays home to take such good care of us hard workers?”
“Yes, Daddy.” Jackie had already become Robert’s “yes man.” She knew how to play right into his hands and wrap him around her little finger as well.
“Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that later, staying home that is.” Patty’s earlier embarrassment now fueled her courage.
Robert gave her a look across the table that Patty interpreted as “not in front of our daughter.” Overprotective to a fault, he clearly wanted only the very best for his daughter, and therefore they had to be the best parents she could possibly have. To Robert that meant Patty should remain home full time and give her undivided attention to the careers of her husband and daughter. To an extent, Patty felt that way, too, and was never one to rock the boat. She operated under a sense that Jackie had been given to her and therefore could be taken from her if everything was not perfect. So she went along with the perfect parent routine for Robert, Jackie, and everyone else but herself.
After a bath, stories, and a tuck-in, Robert joined Patty in the small den where she was watching L.A. Law.
“So, what did you want to talk about?” Robert asked with an exasperated air.
“Well, it’s just that maybe now that Jacqueline is in school, and well, let’s face it, we probably will not be having any other children… I was thinking of—at least looking into—going back to work.” She was having a hard time making eye contact once the words were out.
“You can’t be serious. Do you know how many women would kill to be in your position? We’re comfortable enough for you to be able to stay home, shop, cook, do what
ever you want.”
“It’s not that I don’t appreciate it, I just thought maybe I could use a change of pace. I like feeling useful.”
“Working isn’t easy when you have a family. Believe me. Remember, working at a law firm is really nothing like what you’re watching here. Not one bit! You’re just caught up in all that glitz of these shows.”
With that, Robert turned his attention to the newspaper Patty had previously placed on his chair. Realizing that the discussion was over, she decided she might as well see what Roz was up to that night and turned up the volume. Sure, working at Gallagher and Cambria and then Schwartz and Associates had been nothing like L.A. Law, but in terms of self-worth, it beat showing up hours too early to pick up a five year old that was much busier than she.
In the wake of the discussion, or lack thereof, Patty knew she could not broach the subject anytime soon and began searching for things to do—hobbies to fill her days. First, she tried aerobics which was great for the one hour, three times a week it had consumed. Then she moved on to classes in ceramics and knitting. Nothing filled the void because she didn’t want to be good at any of them. They were mindless diversions and she knew it.
One Wednesday, while brushing her teeth meticulously, Patty noticed a corner of the vinyl wallpaper in the bathroom was beginning to peel. The upturned corner beckoned her to pull. After rinsing and replacing her toothbrush in its assigned spot, she reached over tentatively and tugged just a bit. She hesitated, knowing if she went any further she would have a major project on her hands that once started would have to be finished. A knowing smile spread across her face as she slowly but deliberately pulled at the tab until the west wall was free of the paper that had been glued to it for fifteen years. By noon, most of the bathroom was bare, all the toiletries and towels in a basket out in the hall. She put on her coat and set off down the street to the hardware store. She was whistling.
