“Um, Kaillen?” Aidan points at a single-file line of pill bugs marching up and over a small rock before inching straight up into the air at a ninety-degree angle like they’re walking up a wall. They disappear about four feet up.
“How are they doing that?” Kaillen speaks from the corner of his mouth without moving his lips as if he doesn’t want to disturb the pill bugs.
“I don’t know, but check out the hoppers…”
They’re interrupted by a commotion near the fallen tree. Kaillen hauls Aidan to his feet.
The sleek-bodied dragonfly, Gliss, zips around the crowd, wobbling in the air. Lizzy closes her eyes, her hands flying to her head as if she’s hurt. “Something’s wrong!” she gasps. “Xander is wounded—and the sky—the sky is torn!”
“It’s torn here, too.” Aidan says.
Speak up Aidan! I want to shout, but instead I hold stock-still. Drake is only inches behind me.
“DO YOU DARE DEFY ME, DAUGHTER? WHERE ARE THE WEAPONS?” Waves of maniacal fury radiate from his body.
“I’m trying!” I whimper.
“Ian, Quince!” Kaillen’s voice carries clearly through the grove and through the crack in the sidewalk. “Aidan has discovered tears in the fabric of the sky in this Realm as well. The insects are leaving through them.”
Gliss takes a nosedive, recovering just before crashing into the dirt. She pulls up, hovering inches from Aidan’s head…
…oh WOW…
…Fireworks coruscate behind my eyelids and suddenly…
…I don’t need to watch through the crack in the sidewalk anymore. I’m connected with Aidan through the dragonflies.
I am one with Xander. The sulfur of a struck match burns my nostrils. My tongue recoils from the taste of smoldering tar. Just beneath my skin the torpid purples, browns, and yellows of an unhealed bruise stagnate my blood.
Xander is dying.
Tears well in my eyes. She’s fading fast.
On the surface of her pain I experience Aidan watching, waiting. I push my memory of us on the path sharing a bucket of raspberries, of the sweet grass field where he told me his dream. Of him strapped in his highchair as a toddler while I played airplane with his mashed peas, making the most absurd noises I could think of just to hear his giggles. I send him my determination, my self-believe: “Aidan. I have a plan.”
The connection severs. Xander is dead.
Aidan heard me. They know Xander can’t guide me back, but they also know I have a plan. Anticipation and faith surge through Ava’s ribbon. Courage comes from Aidan and Claire and just about every other elf and maiden assembled in the grove. I savor their support, letting it buoy me up.
“Don’t make me ask again, Emily. SUMMON THE WEAPONS.”
I cower under Drake’s ruinous stare, stalling. “I’m sorry,” I stammer. “I don’t know why it isn’t working.” I just need a little more time.
With every ounce of concentration I can muster I join my consciousness with the Third Eye. Shrinking down, I hover just outside the wall of lights at my center. With the smallest trickle of Intention I set the mass of lights spinning like a top, focusing my vision until it’s razor sharp, searching for two specific spheres—one Spark and one Flame. It takes only an instant now that I know what I’m looking for.
I pluck two glowing stars from the swirling galaxy and quickly float outward, back to the edges of my body.
Directing all my attention on my link with Jacob, I will the gifts to him. They speed along our bond for a moment before winking out of sight.
His ribbon vibrates.
“What was that? Emily? What did you just do?”
I almost smile at the surprise in his voice.
“I guess you got your Spark and Flame?”
“Yeah. I feel really strange.”
“It’s a little unsettling.”
“You think?”
“I’m sorry you don’t have time to ease into this, but you’re ready, Jacob.”
“What’s happening? Why are you doing this?”
“Don’t freak out, okay?”
“No, not okay! Emily?”
“Jacob. We aren’t safe. Drake isn’t who anyone thought he was. He had Gabe take you to the Doorway to make sure I do what he wants.”
“I’m a hostage?”
“Yes.”
“Where are you?”
“With Drake in the Third Realm. I’m his prisoner. But don’t worry. I have a plan.”
“No. No plans, Emily! Just do what he says so he’ll let you go.”
“It’s not that simple. Drake is our Father. He’ll hurt you to make me open the Doorway and then give him the weapons…”
“Just open it and give them to him!”
“It won’t be enough. He wants my power. And yours, and Aidan’s, and Claire’s. He won’t stop until he gets it. He wants to rule the First Realm and enslave the Fae. It won’t ever be enough. He won’t ever let us go.”
Jacob groans. “This is all my fault. I’ve been such an ass. I’m so sorry…”
“Shhhh. Listen. It isn’t and you aren’t. I have to stop Drake, alone. I can’t hide behind the weapons. I’m sending them somewhere safe”.
“Emily, if you’re going to fight him you need the weapons!”
“Don’t worry. I have something else.”
“No Emily! This is CRAZY…”
“Trust me, Jacob. Trust yourself. I do. If I don’t face Drake I’ll never be free.”
I drop all the ribbons and steady myself.
Drake stands directly between me and Toad, enraged. I look past his shoulder.
Toad’s mouth gapes wide, thick strings of saliva flapping behind him in the wind.
It’s frigid cold now. My bare shoulders shiver against the onslaught of descending endless night. But Blaze thrums in my wings, pouring white-hot power into my bloodstream. The medallion around my neck pulses with elemental energy, begging to be used.
The brand around my upper arm flares bright like a beacon before transforming into the gauntlet and fitting itself snugly around my wrist, spikes extending between my fingers.
I’m ready.
For a moment, I rest in the warmth of my calm. Heat and raw energy radiate from my center, pushing the frozen wind away from my skin for just a little longer, the maelstrom a distant rush. The skirt of my shimmering gown relaxes, falling gracefully around my legs. I blink slowly, relishing this peace before the real storm is unleashed. I look up at the tortured sky. Fear and dark Night poise to strike.
But I See something else too—Ian and Quince, awe on their faces, looking down at me from a tear in the branches of the Tree as if I’m some amazing mythical creature. They seem confused and maybe a little lost, but when I meet Quince’s eyes we share a look: Hope.
I lift my chin, gathering that hope and placing it in my heart.
I’m afraid. If this doesn’t work, I don’t know that I’ll ever find my way back. But I have to try. For them. For me.
I summon the shield and dagger.
“I see you’ve managed to find your senses and my weapons, Daughter. That is good.”
Elemental energy pours in through all three weapons.
“You may stop, Dear One. That’s enough. Give me the weapons and we’ll go meet Gabe and Jacob at the Doorway. I’m sure they’re both anxious to see you. We have work to do.”
I don’t stop. Energy rushes through my pores. I draw power from my wings, pulling pulling pulling until they start to wither, until I’m laid almost bare.
Like an artisan working at a loom I weave strands of Blaze and Intend the weapons away from me.
“Remember, Jacob, don’t freak out.”
Drake’s screamed profanities lance through my calm as all three weapons wink out of existence.
The last thi
ng I hear before I lose contact with Jacob is his stunned curse, “What the fu…?”
“DAUGHTER…” Drake’s shout trembles with fury. And panic.
“Did it make you feel more like a man to dominate a little girl, Dad?”
My question is quiet, but he staggers back, a welt rising across his cheekbone.
“You were my hero, my guardian, my first crush.”
Cruel lacerations spread up his arms, opening his neck. The front of his shirt sticks wetly to his chest. He looks down. A pained, disbelieving grunt is forced from his lungs.
“I was confused and scared,” I step toward him. “You said you loved me. I couldn’t understand the things that I was feeling, what was happening to my body. But I wanted to be a good girl. I wanted to please you.”
He doubles over, gasping for air.
“Emily…” he groans. His aura wavers, folding in on itself as he sinks to his knees.
“You said I was special. You said I was different from anyone else. You said it was because I was so soft, so young, so smart. You said I made you feel better than anyone else, that you couldn’t help yourself, that it was my fault.”
“Stop Emily, please! Help me,” he moans.
“It wasn’t my fault.”
“No, no, it was mine! I’m so sorry. I was sick. I hurt you. I’m going to make it right, I promise. I’ve changed. Please Emily, stop. You’re hurting me.” Blood slides from his ears. Bubbles form at the corners of his mouth.
“Dad?” No. What have I done? I didn’t mean to…
I rush to his side.
His aura ripples with menace. He grabs my wrist and straightens, towering over me. The blood vanishes, gashes stitching themselves together.
“Oh, Emily.” His lips twist in a mocking sneer. “You’ve been through so much, haven’t you? Are you still taking the medicine the psychiatrist prescribed? I think it’s time we got you in for counseling. You’re having those delusions again, aren’t you? I thought you’d have outgrown your ludicrous fantasies by now.”
My Third Eye snaps shut. Blaze and Keen snuff out. With no buffer to protect me, the maelstrom envelops me from every direction, threatening to shred my soul.
“I can take the weapons from any of my children, Emily. I believe Jacob has them now, is that right?”
“I’m not letting you anywhere near him,” I scream.
His laugh booms louder than the howling wind. “I’m their father. Jacob chose to go with Gabe, remember? I hear that you’ve been stealing pills and telling stories. Do you really think anyone will believe your word over mine?”
“It doesn’t matter. I believe me. And I’ll keep talking until someone listens.”
“Who will you tell? You’re stuck here.”
“Look around you, Dad. This place is being torn apart. It’s unraveling as we speak. All I have to do is open one Path to return to the Second Realm.”
His aura ripples with doubt as he casts his eyes around.
All of the sudden what Ava said clicks: Drake’s Blaze binds the Doorway. He doesn’t have a Third Eye because his Inner Eye is useless. That’s why he can’t See Toad or the tears.
But he knows I’m telling the truth.
“There are literally infinite possibilities, Emily. Do you really trust yourself to choose the right one? Let’s be honest, you were never very good at making decisions on your own.”
“There isn’t only one right choice. I choose all of them, every memory, every emotion, every experience, every mistake, every dream, every fantasy. They’re all part of me, even the ones that are unpleasant or uncomfortable, and no one can take them away from me.”
I reach up, placing chilled fingers into the holes twinkling like diamond stars along the unraveling seams of the sky. I gather the silky edges in my hands, pulling them down around me as I would a cloak, wrapping myself in the very fabric Drake used to conceal his hiding place.
Now he is vulnerable and exposed.
Drake’s howl of impotent rage encircles me. He lashes out in fury. A bolt of pure hatred shoots from his hands.
I feel the impact before it arrives. I have just enough time to pull my wings in close and cover my head in Night before my world goes black.
Thirty-Eight
“Emily, can you hear me?”
“Open your eyes, Sweetheart, or squeeze my hand if you can hear my voice.”
“She had a pill bottle in her hand. How many did she take? Do we know how many there were? How many are left?”
“As far as I can tell she didn’t take any, there’s still seven or eight in the bottle.”
“Then what could have happened?”
The voices of the people I love are distant, the pressure of their fingers, too. I want to shout to Aidan and Claire and Jacob. I want them to know I didn’t leave them on purpose.
But my mouth is glued shut, my jaw set in plaster.
It will loosen. Too soon.
It’s weird how much it hurts, knowing that it wasn’t real.
I know it will take a long time to sort through reality and fantasy, but right now it’s enough to have this moment of awareness: I created my own version of Oz and populated it with the people most important to me. Even my egos became characters in my fairytale.
What if this awareness doesn’t last?
I lie here just beneath the surface of consciousness, grieving the loss of my innocence. There are no enchanted weapons. The weapons were my brothers and sister. Nancy and Lady Quince aren’t two different people. Mom isn’t a fairytale princess. Kaillen probably still thinks I’m an immature brat, while the guy who actually likes me might have even more issues than I do.
A heavy weight sits on my chest. I want to sink further down from the surface. There is no White Faerie who revealed all my secrets. I’m still going to have to tell everyone that we can’t go home with Dad because he molested me when I was seven. That I’m pretty sure he abused Aidan, too. That I’m terrified he’ll hurt Claire.
But the despair and confusion locked up inside me are gone. I’m not conflicted anymore. I’m learning who I am, and Mom is right. My strengths do define me and will help me tell my story.
A peaceful glow dissolves the pressure on my chest. Irresistible warmth enfolds me in her arms. I let go, knowing I will wake with the strength to confront my demons, no matter how long it takes or where the journey leads me. As I drift off the loving voices hover around me, keeping me safe.
Epilogue
“How much do you think she’ll remember?” the man asks in his gruff voice.
“I don’t know. She’s been through so much,” the woman replies. “How can we keep doing this to her?”
“She is strong. Stronger than any of us realized. When she pulled down the sky of the Third Realm she didn’t just break the Seal, she obliterated the entire Doorway. Drake has disappeared, but so have Gabe and the Halflings. They took Jacob with them.”
THE END
Dear Reader,
Like all fiction, this tale is a combination of imagination and experience. In weaving the two together to write RIVEN, I did hijack the names and personalities of my children and a few close friends, with their permission. And yes, Emma’s voice is very similar to my own voice, (how could it not be?) though she is vastly more patient and far (FAR) less obnoxious than I am in real life. Also, my maiden name is actually Alvey and it really does mean Elf Warrior, (how cool is that??).
Emily’s story, while fictional, is sadly one that is all too familiar. Statistics show that you, or someone you know, has been affected by some form of childhood abuse. Many victims cope with abuse by escaping through fantasy, which is why I chose to include fantastical elements in this novel about true things.
I have had the distinct honor of being an Outcry Witness for half a dozen people. Six adult men and women shared their story of abuse wit
h me, for the first time ever, decades after it took place. I did not seek out these confidences, but keeping them is a trust I hold sacred. Their stories inspired me to research and write my debut novel.
The message of RIVEN is empowerment and the integration of all our many parts through self-acceptance, self-mercy, self-love, and self-trust. Instead of hiding and burying parts of ourselves that have been wounded, we can come to celebrate every single inch of our beauty and Magic. This is when we transform from Survivors to Thrivers.
If you, or someone you know is struggling as a victim or adult survivor of childhood abuse, I urge you to seek help. Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-422-4453 is open 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Adult survivors can find resources at www.ascasupport.org.
Thank you so much for spending time with Emma and her siblings in RIVEN. Our lives are adventures... part psychological thriller, part romance, part comedy, part mystery, part tragedy... and if you’re at all like me, you might be convinced you have magical wings lying just beneath the surface waiting to unfurl. I’m endlessly excited to share more with you in SECRET KEEPER and PRIMED.
Xo,
Jane
Riven: Young Adult Fantasy Novel (My Myth Trilogy Book 1) Page 25
