by Gypsy Reed
He was never alone, Garrett and I were out-numbered. Deep down Shayne was a psychopath or a sociopath. Insane narcissist, I knew where he inherited the latter trait from; the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I’m guilty of it myself, that’s hard to admit. Knowing that there are a hundred miles and a federal penitentiary’s walls between our father and us should bring a measure of comfort or safety. Like hell, you don’t get to be Nathaniel Hastings without cutting some corners, and by that I mean throats. That government facility he was in upstate only protected him. Shayne took him down, but I kicked him in the nuts. I wondered if it surprised him what I did, because I learned it from him. People will do terrible things in pursuit of riches.
“Was it entirely about the money?” I asked, trying to buy time to figure a way out. I was under no illusions why he was here. To finish what he’d started over a year ago. I thought he’d only wanted to destroy father, I was wrong. So wrong, it cost me everything. Sara.
“That was just the icing. Sara was the cake. She crumbled like one. What we did to her that night was better than my fantasies, it still makes me hard thinking of it.”
Garrett held me back, Shayne had a gun, so did his men. I will kill him, rip him apart for what he did to my wife.
“The best part of all this is that she kept trying to protect you. She bought all your bullshit and never suspected the truth about her very own husband. I didn’t think she would live. That was not part of my plan. But this is even better, you see she won’t even know to be afraid of me, and I’ll get to enjoy toying with her again. She really is sweet, I am seeing what all the fuss is about with her. Do you think it’s only Hastings men that fall under her spell? Because our cousin here has been harboring a serious hard-on for Sara for years. So tell me, Alex, how tight is that pussy? I guess I really should find out before she drops that kid of yours.”
Garrett pulled out his own gun and aimed it at me. I blinked, and fury shook me to my bones.
NO. No fucking way.
He moved to stand next to my half brother. A stoic look on his face.
Shayne looked so smug, “He’s getting it now, Garrett. This is such a rush! I knew it would be. Almost better than smashing that perfect face in.”
“You weren’t supposed to hurt Sara like that, Shayne,” Garrett said calmly. Then he turned his gun, bringing his aim level with Shayne’s temple, and squeezed the trigger. The sound was deafening. My ears rang. My brother didn’t even notice his brains exiting his skull. I saw no one go from alive to dead so quickly, less than a second. The light left his eyes before his body hit the floor. Shayne’s men did nothing, standing steadfast and ready. Father did this, it was on Garrett’s face, that’s when I knew. A second is everything and nothing. I didn’t have many more.
“Garrett...” I began, trying to absorb everything, it felt like I was in quicksand. Falling or sinking, fast and slow all at once. Every puzzle piece clicked into place. I deserved this, all of it, for my part. For what I did to Sara. I looked at my cousin, who I had grown up with, in his lecherous eyes.
Garrett aimed the gun at my head, “For him, it was about the money, and hurting you.” He shrugged, “For me, it was always about her. You’ve spent your whole life blind, Alex. See this.” Garrett squeezed the...
Sara
Before…
THIS IS NOT MY BEDROOM, although this is my home. Alex and I made it ours several years ago. It was too big then for the two of us, but we planned on having many babies. It’s larger now that he sleeps in our master bedroom, and I sleep in one of the guest rooms at the end of the hall. There are over eight thousand square feet of emptiness, with the most elegant furnishings and art money can buy.
For all outward appearances, we are still a happily successful married couple, but it’s not real anymore. Reality is now something much darker.
Alex hasn’t touched me in anything but disgust in weeks. You would have to know him to know how far removed that is from the man, the husband he used to be. We haven’t had sex in months. I think the very idea of that prospect now makes him physically ill. He doesn’t even look at me the way he used to, mostly he tries not to look at me at all. Avoidance works well, it’s a great companion for denial.
He won’t divorce me, because I did not break our prenup. He would have to part with half of his businesses, plus it would mar the prestigious family name, Hastings. Avoiding a scandal is paramount. He might kill me though, I wonder at what point he might consider that idea has merit. I would too if I were in his shoes, betrayed by the one person I loved most in the world, that I trusted utmost, who knew my secrets. No, that’s a lie, I would never ever hurt Alex, not even when he hurts me now, because if he knew the truth, he wouldn’t.
I didn’t betray him; I don’t have a bone in my body capable of doing anything but loving Alex, I always have. But I will keep this secret, because if I don’t, Alex will die, I could not bear that. He can never know the truth of who betrayed him, he can never know I didn’t. I’m caught in a deadly game, it will cost me a lot, it already has. It cost me the love and devotion of my husband, it cost me the safety Alex afforded me because he loved me. Now I’m protected by the man who’s destroyed my marriage, my life. I don’t trust him, but I know if I play along, he won’t hurt Alex, so I will. What choice do I have?
It’s so wrong, all of this, being in this bedroom, I have some things in here, but most of them have been boxed then moved into storage. When I said Alex had hurt me, it was with words, looks, his general distrust. He grabbed me, that was the last time he touched me, the way he looked at me though hurt more.
I adore Alex, I would do anything for him. For more than half our married life, I’d tried to give him children. That level of failure, the crushing disappointment it involves, nearly broke me, but not our marriage. Alex said to hell with it. Maybe we weren’t meant to have children, and it was okay if it were always just the two of us.
I used to wear sexy, flirty negligees for Alex every night. Mostly now I slept in his college sweatshirt, it was too big, but it kept me warm since I slept alone, it didn’t smell like Alex anymore; I wish it still did. I had confiscated it years ago.
It was impossible not to feel lonely in my home now, with Alex so far away from me in every conceivable way, all those empty rooms. My eyes burned a little as I walked past them to retrieve my purse from the foyer. I needed the prescription I had refilled today, I couldn’t sleep without those pills. The guilt weighed me down 24/7.
I stepped into the huge kitchen where dinner waited in the warmer, our housekeeper Francesca cooked for us except on weekends. Only one plate Alex had already eaten, I never had an appetite anymore. I tossed it in the sink, then returned to the bedroom I slept in.
After brushing my teeth, I climbed into bed. The bottle of pills taunted me. It was still early, and if I took one now, I would wake when Alex got up to leave for the day. I would take a pass on that; though at one time I had always wanted to be there in the morning with him. Often, we would make love, have breakfast, I would kiss him before he left, so cliché. I missed that so much now.
I hated the pills, but I kept looking at them. I didn’t want the thoughts I had as I tried to read. I never thought I was a coward, but the idea was there again. The depression had deeply rooted itself in my psyche. It was time to address the elephant in the room. Dying all at once is better than dying by inches. Isn’t it? How much can a woman take? I thought of my mom, how at the end she would have given anything for just one more day? She wasn’t so much afraid as pissed. How could I think of cheating my future? Even if it was agony for a bit longer, it was still mine. I would not get another. I flushed the pills, apologized to my mother’s memory and committed myself to insomnia.
I jumped when I saw Alex just inside the door. His dress shirt was untucked, open slightly, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, his hair, chestnut, looked like he had run his hands through it a few times.
His voice was gruff hoarse like when he drank scotch “Sar
a, I need to remind you of that benefit with the governor, it's tomorrow night. You have a suitable gown?”
I had forgotten it, but I had so many gowns, it was no problem, most I had not worn even if they were dated. “Yes. I promise I’ll be ready on time.”
He glared at me; I knew what he was thinking, my promises meant shit to him now. At one time they were everything. He took in my shirt, his old shirt with a grimace, “You don’t get to wear that anymore, Sara. Take it off and give it to me.”
“You gave it to me, you can’t ask for it back now?” I defied him.
He came up close, looked down at me harshly “Take that fucking shirt off right now!” This was a new level of angry for Alex. I was just getting used to this Alex. This was not the man I married.
Did that mean this shirt still mattered to him, that I did? I was naked under it, but I hefted its bulkiness off me then handed it to him.
His gaze was angry, but it slipped lower, taking in my thinner body. When the man you love so profoundly you married him, hates you, it kills your appetite for many things.
His eyes widened as I covered all the parts he knew intimately with my arms and hands. “Please go now.”
I didn’t really look at myself in the mirror anymore except to put my long hair up then do the cursory fundamentals for work. I had let a lot of things lapse, all except for my self-pity.
I didn’t even know who Sara Hastings was anymore.
He looked even angrier at me “You look like a corpse, you are skin and bones. Why are you doing this?”
If I let him understand he would die, I couldn’t let him know. “Why do you even care Alexander?”
He seethed ripping that shirt in his hands “You’re right I don’t care!”
He slammed the door shut loudly. When I thought my heart couldn’t break any more, it did. He wrecked my nerves. I needed a drink, so I put on a robe to go downstairs to fetch a bottle of wine.
The door slammed open, cracking the drywall. I startled until I saw it was Alex. I relaxed a moment only; it was all he afforded me.
It was like a hurricane entered the room; I went face down onto the bed, then heard his belt unbuckle. No, not like this. He hadn’t touched me in so long. This isn’t happening. How can the man I married be capable of this? He promised he would never hurt me.
“Please don’t hurt me, Xander,” I begged as he pushed my legs apart.
“I should have told you that.” His voice and hands callous, I couldn’t distinguish which of them was more bruising. “Can’t get wet for me now huh?” he spat in his hand then smeared it over me.
“I loved you... trusted you, Sara, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. How could you do this to my family?” he said against my face, using his hand on me in a way that echoed our former level of intimacy. Who knows a wife’s body better than her husband?
A sob left me, I would never betray you, I wish you felt the same, oh god I’ve lost everything. My thoughts spiraled. My body is betraying me the same as Alex. His cock filled a constant ache his absence had created in my core while simultaneously rending my heart to shreds. He was rough, bruising and cruel, but that wasn’t the worst part. Amidst all the sorrow and disbelief racking my mind and body, I came.
“I wish I could have done that when you fucked me, Sara.” He grunted, his weight pinning me down, his breath smelling like a rich single malt.
His final thrusts were the death blows for us. We had been ending for some time. It was too late now to confess; the damage was done to us; I was complicit in bringing it about even if I did it to save his life. I would still protect him because even though we had been killing our love for quite a while; mine wasn’t dead yet. I couldn’t stay for him to hurt me again. I curled into a ball on the bed as he stumbled out.
ON MY LUNCH BREAK, I had my gown fitted to my new thinner body. I got ready at my office, then waited for Alex to pick me up in the limo. I felt odd in the beaded gown, my hairdresser had done my hair wild in curls, she said it complimented the dress, but I thought it was too much. I was going to stand out; I didn’t want that.
The dress I felt stitched in to fit my body like a glove. If not for the flared length from the knee down, I could not walk at all. The designer heels did not help with that. I had lost all this last year. I used to be good at this, but now all I felt was insecurity. Alex and all the people his family hob-knobbed with would see through my charade.
I jumped when my office door opened, Alex was in his custom-made tux. He hurriedly led me outside to the limo. I stumbled as I made it onto the sidewalk. He turned to look at me “Sara, I don’t know what’s going on inside your head but we’re expected at this benefit. You owe me.”
I sank into the limo’s leather seats, maybe I did. I owed Alex this; I tried very hard not to think about last night, how it almost erased all the love that happened before it. Alex forced himself on me. I never knew he had it in him. But in fairness, I never knew what I was capable of either. I think the lengths we will go to in desperation are the most important measure of who we are.
My throat hurt on a huge lump. Alex could, no would hurt me again. I didn’t even know if he remembered the night before. I would never let myself forget it.
Being with him was like being utterly alone. He was right next to me, but he wasn’t. I glanced over at him, took in his firm, handsome profile, his wavy hair, cut shorter now, for tonight. His tan skin, strong chin, he was a foot taller than me but not in the heels I had on.
He acted like he hated being this close to me. Death by inches. This was the hardest, living with him, seeing him all the time. He was always there in our house. Everything I was revolved around him, and the life we no longer shared.
Alex’s steady hand was at my back as we entered the party. I schmoozed, did my part. We met up with all his family’s business colleagues and friends, all the right people, the ones with power, influence, but most importantly money.
Alex steered me away to the mayor who stood alongside the governor. They were both older men, their tongues nearly lolling out at me as they stared. Lecherous bastards that they were.
Alex kept his hands on me the whole time, like old times, like a possession. I knew it wasn’t real. But for the briefest of moments, I loved the lie.
Midway through the night, I sipped a martini, he drank a scotch, when he looked at me, “I’m sorry Sara. I’m sorry I hurt you last night.” he told me.
“I need to tell you something,” I’m leaving, what other choice do I have now? Alex had taken it away from me. A human heart can only take so much. Mine… battered beyond recognition now.
Something distracted him “We’ll talk later?” he dismissed me so easily, then disappeared down one corridor.
He cast me off so quickly; it made me question more than I had before, about us and the situation we found ourselves in. It made me angry, how unimportant I’d become for my husband.
I made my way tipsily down that corridor. Then I heard a noise that drew my attention and followed it. I pushed open the door then saw a blonde bent over a sink, hands against the mirror getting fucked hard by my husband.
I had never strayed, never even imagined cheating on Alex. But he didn’t have that problem, obviously. But it tempered all this knowing that he didn’t know the truth, I had to keep him in the dark. As the door closed, I heard her say ‘who was that?’
As I made my way back down that long corridor, I called Thomas, my lawyer, and told him to proceed with the divorce. Alex wasn’t the only party who could instigate one. It was time to cut my losses after all my losses had been cutting me to shreds for almost a year. No more.
Hands pulled me out of the hallway into a room, the door slammed shut. He slammed me against the wall, “Get your shit together, Sara. I need you to continue playing your part.”
It was Shayne. I found the breath that he had knocked out of me. “I am.” I lied, unconvincingly.
His hand wrapped around my throat then squeezed hard, cutting of
f my air supply.
“Don’t be stupid Sara, Alex has been fucking her for over a year. I have pictures to confirm it. You will do what I told you or else.”
I looked into eyes that hated me, hated Alex too. He was family. Shayne was deadly, got away with murder, had shown me when he told me what I was to do for him. He threatened to kill Alex, after seeing him murder so casually like it mattered nothing to him, I knew it was no blind threat. Shayne Hastings would kill his own blood without a second thought.
Anger and betrayal, still fresh, flooded my being, I grabbed his hand around my throat, tired of the games that cost me my life, “Kill me, Shayne. You fucking coward.” I spit in his face.
He smiled, “I’ll show you what a coward I am, sweet Sara.” Shayne was unflinchingly evil.
