“Oh,” Brynley stopped mid-step and put her arm out in front of Everley stopping her and causing Whitney to run into the back of Everley.
“What are you doing?” Whitney snapped.
“Did you see that?” Brynley nodded towards the bleachers.
“They are the only ones in the bleachers, I’m pretty sure everyone saw it,” Whitney said.
“She looks really upset,” Everley said.
“And he looks happy to console her,” Brynley said.
“And we look late for warm-ups. Move.” Whitney pushed past the girls and made a straight shot into the locker rooms, not allowing herself to look up at Leif and Eva again.
The first game of the day was rough. Whitney could not focus at all. She missed more shots than she’d missed in a game since sixth grade. She kept looking at Eva, all dolled up on the bench, or at Leif, still watching intensely from the stands. She was missing shots, making bad passes and misreading every move the other team made. At half-time she apologized, said she’d get it together, but it was too late. The game ended in a loss, which ended the girl’s tournament. Their coaches were beyond disappointed, so much so they didn’t even say much to the girls after the game. Whitney was disappointed too. She’d let a boy, a boy who didn’t even like her, who she didn’t have a chance with, get under her skin. She knew better than that! And now she’d have to deal with her dad. The thought made her cringe.
Whitney sat in the locker room long past the rest of her team. Honestly, her performance embarrassed her (as it should, her dad’s voice said in her head) and she didn’t want to talk to anyone. Eventually though, she threw her bag over her shoulder and entered the gym with her head down. After a few steps she raised it and froze. Leif sat on the bottom of the bleachers right on the edge, watching the next game. She started to turn around but he caught her.
“Whitney,” he said standing up and taking a few steps towards her. “Rough game.”
“Yeah. I was there,” she said. She didn’t mean to be snotty but it came out that way. She didn’t know why he was here. Where was Eva? She looked around at the parts of the gym and bleachers she could see, but nothing. Why was he talking to her? Was this a game? Was she a game to him?
“Yeah,” he said. He seemed taken aback by her attitude, but she didn’t care. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry for the way the tournament went for you.”
“It’s not your fault. I should have played better,” she said.
She played with her sweatshirt drawstrings wondering how she’d carried on a two hour conversation with this very same person just the night before.
“You played great, and I know it isn’t my fault, but a lot of it is Eva’s fault, and I get linked to her a lot so I feel…associated I guess.”
“I’m pretty sure you link yourself to her a lot.”
“It’s complicated…” he said. His eyes were soft and sad again. She wanted to sweep him into her arms and make him happy. The dream came back to her, followed quickly by the scene with Eva before the game, then the urge to punch him.
“I gotta go,” Whitney said. Leif was the reason she had just lost the whole tournament. Basketball was the one place she felt confident and somehow he’d ruined that. He needed to get away. She needed to get away.
On her way home coach Turner text everyone telling them they wouldn’t be practicing for the rest of break. Whitney was excited for the break from Eva, but she knew they needed the practice. She needed the practice.
By the time they got home Whitney felt a little better, until her dad called. She’d been waiting for it all day, but still seeing his name pop up on her screen sent a pulse of anxiety through her chest.
“Hey dad,” she said.
“Would you like to try and explain what the hell happened at this joke of a tournament you just returned from?” he said calmly. Whitney pinched her eyes closed; calm starts were never good.
“I don’t know dad, it was - ”
“Oh, don’t you try that with me! You do know, and if you don’t then what the hell have we been doing the past five years? You do know Whitney. You know exactly why you played like shit and I would like to know also.”
There it was, the anger and Whitney knew it was only the start.
“I let myself get distracted by outside issues and didn’t play to the best of my ability,” Whitney said.
“You didn’t play to the best of your ability three years ago. This was something else. You were honestly a joke out there,” he said.
“I know. It’s hard with these new girls and the new plays and new everything. I just don’t feel comfortable yet,” Whitney said. She curled herself up in her oversized chair underneath her favorite Minky and waited, knowing it was far from over.
“Whitney, this world doesn’t wait for people to get comfortable. You don’t have time to make friends and study plays for months on end. You are, or WERE, a world-class basketball player and your mom moves you to the middle of nowhere to spare your feelings and this happens. Exactly as I said it would. Your chances of being anything are going down the tube and you are the only one who can MAYBE save them.”
Her dad paused but Whitney knew better than to talk.
“You haven’t played this horribly in….forever. I am not even going to state your tournament shooting average because I’m embarrassed for you. People in Oregon were concerned when you moved there. People were watching you, and you do this? Well don’t worry, they sure as hell aren’t watching you anymore!”
“I’m sorry dad,” Whitney said, wiping the tears from her cheek.
“You should be sorry Whitney. You should be really sorry. To me, to your mom, to your past coaches, to everyone who had to sit in there and watch you play like crap. You should be sorry.”
“I am. It won’t happen again. I’ll get it together,” she said.
“Whitney, I love you,” her dad said, “but this is not acceptable for you, it just isn’t.”
“I know,” she said.
“You better.”
And then he was gone.
Whitney sat her phone down in her lap and let the tears fall. She should be used to this by now. She’d been playing on competitive traveling teams for five years, and this had been the routine for all five years. Maybe it was because she wasn’t with him, or maybe it was because she’d gotten a break from it all fall, but for some reason it stung more than she remembered.
Chapter 7
By Friday afternoon Whitney couldn’t handle any more time spent being sad about her dad and Leif and life. She needed a friend who wouldn’t bring up basketball or Leif, so she text Jesse. She missed him, which she had tried not to admit to herself, but knew was true. After two hours of messages and snapchats, Whitney invited him over. Settling into the den to watch Friends on Netflix Whitney already felt calmer.
“K, so you said it was too long to text, so tell me what happened?” Jesse started as they snuggled into opposite ends of her big grey couch.
The pictures of her in Leif’s boxers had surfaced on Instagram the day before. Brynley found it rather hilarious, Whitney not so much. The pictures made it impossible for her to lie to Jesse, although she wished she could have.
“How did little ole you create such drama?” he asked.
“I have no idea. I just wanted to have fun and play basketball. Everyone said it was going to be awesome, but it wasn’t. It actually sucked,” Whitney said. Vocalizing it made the whole situation appear much more childish and embarrassing than before.
“So you are still pretending you don’t know why Eva hates you?” Jesse said.
Whitney searched for a reply. Thinking she had thought Leif could like her made her feel even more embarrassed and foolish. She played with the tassels at the end of the blanket laying across the couch covering them both. When she finally looked up at him he was staring back at her. His brown eyes were so big, and his lashes were the envy of every girl at school. His attractiveness flashed at her like a runway light.
“I don’t know,” she finally said and immediately looked away again.
“It’s okay if you like Leif,” Jesse said.
“Leif is with Eva,” Whitney said.
“Which is why Eva hates you.”
“This is a stupid conversation,” Whitney said.
“Not if you like Leif it isn’t,” Jesse said. He was staring at her again.
“I don’t like Leif,” Whitney said.
“Okay,” Jesse said.
A few minutes later Jesse spoke again.
“I think Leif likes you.”
“I think not,” Whitney said. “I think Leif likes Eva and this is a stupid conversation.
“Maybe. But maybe he also likes you,” Jesse said quietly. Whitney looked over at him for a minute before chucking a pillow at him. “Do you like Eva?” she said as it hit him in the side of the head.
“No. And I don’t like you anymore either.” He tossed the pillow back, hitting her square in the nose.
“Whatever! You love me,” Whitney said.
“You wish!” Jesse said.
“You wish!” Whitney threw the pillow again and tugged the blanket from Jesse’s lap.
“You are such a blanket hog!” Jesse yelled as he ripped it back to his side and wrapped it under his legs. Whitney crawled across the couch and wiggled underneath the best she could, as Jesse fought to keep it from her. They were both a mess of laughter and squeals. Finally Whitney got under the blanket and tucked the end of it securely under her butt. She let herself collapse into Jesse, letting out the last few giggles. She realized first how good it felt to laugh like that, then that she couldn’t remember the last time she laughed like that, and finally, how she was in essence now cuddling with Jesse. Her first instinct was to pull away before he got the wrong impression. Then she realized he was warm and comforting and smelled perfectly of laundry detergent and cedar and, most shockingly it dawned on her that she didn’t want to pull away at all. She looked up at him and he smiled. They were so close they could have kissed, but she was definitely not ready for so she smiled quickly before turning back towards the TV. Jesse put his arm around her and she let him. With her head resting on his chest her mind ran a mile a minute. She didn’t know what to do in any context right now. Her arm was awkwardly at her side. She wanted to pull it up and rest it on his leg. That would be much more comfortable. Or would it. Would her hand, resting on his faded jeans, be more comfortable or way more uncomfortable? Part of her wanted to reach up her other hand and hold his as it draped across her shoulder, just like Eva and Leif had done in the bleachers before the final game. The thought of Leif made her question everything even more. She now clearly saw the Leif mess for what it was: nothing. So maybe she should give Jesse a chance. Maybe if she was with him, the whole Leif thing would go away.
Her mind ran for a whole episode of friends. She kept her right arm awkwardly below her body and her left one at her side. Neither one of them spoke for the whole episode. They didn’t move to check their phones when notifications came through, didn’t re-adjust to fix a cramp. They stayed perfectly still not wanting to ruin whatever this was. When the episode ended, Whitney gave into her bladder, pulled herself away from Jesse’s side and headed to the bathroom.
Returning, she sat down in her original spot and immediately felt awkward. The next episode had started and she stared at it blankly. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Jesse doing the same. She checked her phone.
Um…what’s going on? was the message she found from Brynley.
With what? she text back.
Dude. Social media. Eva is bitching about being all sad. Did her and Leif break up?
Don’t they break up like daily? Whitney text back. She didn’t care, or at least she didn’t want to care. She glanced over at Jesse. He was on his phone too.
Yeah, but this seems legit.
Text Ivy. See if she knows. Whitney suggested.
I did. She isn’t replying.
What have you been up to today? Brynley typed.
Jesse came over. We are watching friends. She said and waited for the freak out.
AHHH! So you don’t care about Leif?!?!? Did you and Jesse do anything?
I didn’t care about Leif to start, and no. Whitney said smiling as she typed.
“What are you up to over there?” Jesse asked, seeing her grin.
“Just talking to Brynley. She’s so dumb.” Whitney said.
“What’s Brynley up to?” Jesse asked staring at his own phone.
Whitney looked over at him, “Like you don’t know? You aren’t talking to James right now?”
“Well I am, but we aren’t talking about Brynley,” he said.
You guys are cuddling? came the text from Brynley.
“No. You’re talking about me,” Whitney said.
“Why does he have to tell Brynley everything!?!”
“Why do you tell him everything?” Whitney asked under her breath.
It wasn’t a big deal. I’m not sure how it even happened and I don’t think it means anything. Whitney text back.
I’m pretty sure Jesse thinks it means something. Brynley text back. Whitney felt her chest tighten. She wasn’t ready to say it didn’t mean anything, but she didn’t want Jesse saying it did.
Just date him. You guys are perfect together. Brynley text.
STOP! was all Whitney text back.
She was fine, here in this room with him. She was more than fine. She liked him here. She liked cuddling with him. She could even see herself kissing him, if he wanted to. But she couldn’t see them together in the world, walking the halls as boyfriend and girlfriend, passing Leif with her hand in Jesse’s. But maybe then Leif would feel jealous and he’d realize how amazing she was and pick her. But she couldn’t see herself in the real world with Leif either. That actually seemed weirder than being with Jesse. So maybe being with Jesse wasn’t so weird. But it was.
Whitney kept to her side of the couch the rest of the night. Jesse apologized for telling James about stuff, and Whitney had blown it off like it wasn’t a big deal, but he was still acting weird. When 9:45 rolled around they moved out to the front porch to wait for Jesse’s mom to pick him up. Whitney sat on the bright red porch swing at the end of the porch and stared into the dark field beyond her house.
“What do you want?” Jesse asked.
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know. I mean what will make you happy? What do you want?” he said.
“I don’t know,” Whitney began, she felt like any answer except the one she wasn’t ready to give, was the wrong answer. “I want to be friends with you, and hang out with you. You make me happy.”
“Friends,” Jesse said, leaving Whitney trying to decipher if it was a question or a statement long after he left.
Whitney remained on the swing for a bit. She pulled the blanket around herself and in the low yellow glow of the porch light. She pulled out her phone and text Brynley.
Did you hear from Ivy? she asked.
Yeah. She said it was a normal fight. They broke up, but she said they will probably be back together by Monday.
Whitney wanted to throw her phone. She grit her teeth and fought back tears. Leif, her dad, Jesse, Leif; they all knew just how to wedge themselves into her heart, then disappearing leaving the hole to bleed uncontrollably.
Want to know what they were fighting about though? Brynley asked.
What? Whitney said.
You.
Shut-up! Whitney text back.
I’m serious. She text and then she sent the screenshot of Ivy’s text to her. Whitney read it three times before believing it.
Ivy- Eva thinks he likes Whitney. I guess she heard he was with Whitney for like hours one night of the tournament and they were making out on the beach. (Did that happen?) It was the night after she knocked that girl down so she was yelling about how rude it was of him to not check on her, but now she knew why he hadn’t. He kept saying it wasn’t true and h
e didn’t like Whitney like that, but she was not having it.
Did you tell her it wasn’t true? Whitney asked.
I told her you guys were hanging out together, alone, for hours but that you said nothing happened. Brynley said.
She probably doesn’t believe you…. Whitney said.
She text Ivy herself. Nothing happened with Leif and I. Like ever.
Yeah, that’s what Brynley said. Eva thinks it did though and Jasmine kinda does too. She said.
Why would she even be threatened by ME? Whitney text back. This was a mess. If Jasmine and Eva both thought something happened than Ivy was going to side with them and soon everyone would hate her.
Leif actually talks about you a lot. He asks me about you and was defending you to my parents when they were talking about what happened at the tournament. Ivy typed.
Stop! He doesn’t like me like that. Maybe as a friend, but even then I’m your friend. He probably sees me like he sees Everley. Whitney text.
It’s different. He’s known Everley forever. He doesn’t see you as a little girl like he sees Everley. I don’t know. Eva always wins him back so I’m sure that will happen. But she still hates you, fyi.
Whitney’s mind turned with the developments. All night she’d felt ridiculous for thinking Leif would like her, yet now maybe he kind of did. But she still couldn’t imagine him picking her, being with her, wanting her. Then there was Jesse; part of her wished he was back beside her being all cute and sweet, yet she’d ruined things with him too. Unable to fathom a way out of the mess, Whitney climbed into bed and gave into sleep.
Chapter 8
With the return to school came the meshing of yearbook. The editors assigned sections on the first day back and the new students went to work on their topics. Whitney entered class like a scared puppy. Leif, Chris, Beth, Eva and Jasmine hovered in a corner like a gang in a dark alley, this was a nightmare. To increase the horror, Eva hung all over Leif obviously making a statement about their revived relationship status. Statement received, Whitney wanted to shout after five minutes of the nauseating display.
Being Whitney (Book one of the Being Series): A Young Adult Novel Page 12
