“We’re home now. Come anytime. Make sure Claire is okay.”
“Thanks, Dad. We’ll be there within the hour.”
As I pushed the phone back into my pocket, Claire claimed my attention.
“And?”
She was sitting with her fingers holding on to her pants. A tiny streak of blood on her lower lip showed where her teeth were cutting into it.
“They’re fine.” It was all I had to say to change her facial expression one-hundred-and-eighty degrees. She laid down in the grass, stars reflecting in her eyes as she smiled.
“Ben’s injuries are minor. He might need to spend a day or two in bed to fully recover.”
I gave her the information she had probably been craving most. Why did it hurt so much that her smile widened just the tiniest bit?
“And the others?”
“Fine, too.”
“Did he tell you what happened?”
I tried to read behind those bluish eyes, but emotions were all I got. Relief, the same as mine, and a secret joy.
“Not the full story. They’ll share more when we return home.”
I let myself sink onto my side and rested my head in one hand as I studied her features, every freckle, the thin line of her eyebrows, her lashes…
“You are beautiful,” I said before I could remind myself that she might rather hear this from Ben.
She half-smiled, embarrassed, but there was also the embers in my chest that seemed to resonate in hers as well. Her eyes searched mine, asking a question I couldn’t read. I wasn’t strong enough to hold back now. I kissed her, gently, enjoying the warmth of her breath and the sound of her accelerating heart. I didn’t care for the moment what claim Ben had on Claire or that I even had a brother. Now that it was clear that he was going to live, I needed more than ever for Claire to remember how much I loved her.
As her fingers touched my chest, my skin tingled. She ran her hands all the way up from my ribs to my neck, kneading into my hair, and I inhaled her scent, hungry for her touch. Her light brightened with excitement, blinding me through closed eyelids, making it almost impossible to separate the hunger for her body from the hunger for her soul. As I pulled her closer by the waist, embers burning inside of me, my hand gradually made its way up her back, searching for the ends of the string on her soul while enjoying the silkiness of her skin.
“Claire,” I pulled away in frustration, not trusting myself to control my urges, warning her and asking her to forgive me at the same time by speaking nothing more than her name.
She looked up at me from the grass, rubbing her head as if she had hit it somewhere, and slowly comprehending what I had signaled her.
“I am sorry.” It was all I could get out while I was still struggling. But the longer I focused on her eyes, her emotions of confusion, and then compassion and understanding as she realized what was going on, the easier it was to detach from my desire to rip her soul from her.
“It’s okay,” she said and bit her lip again.
It wasn’t. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. I loved her, and I couldn’t commit to my love without endangering her every second she was close to me.
“I am in control.” I convinced myself that there was a way things would be able to go back to normal—like before my death. And as I looked at Claire, I saw it there in her eyes. This kiss might be all we’d have to remember. She understood that I wasn’t the same Adam, that I was thirsting for her soul, that I was dangerous—however much I loved her.
I wasn’t ready to consider the question if I would be enough for her if I couldn’t be close to her the way we both wanted. That I left to ponder for another day. For now, it had to be enough to entertain the possibility that I would have to let her go in order to protect her—not from our enemies this time, but from my own, demonic instincts.
“We should get back to my parents’ house,” I suggested, swallowing the pain that came with the prospect of giving her up.
23
Return
Claire nodded, not even trying to convince me to pick up where we had left off. The electricity between us had turned into sullen silence. She was brooding over something while I was still trying to acquaint myself with the new situation. And I needed to feed, or I would eventually lose control and finish Volpert’s plan.
A brush of warmth rolled off of Claire as she staggered to her feet. I didn’t react to the signs of affection in her emotions, or the brilliant sparkle of her soul as she enveloped herself in her feelings for me.
“Are you alright?” she asked when after a minute I was still on the ground, avoiding thinking of the mouthwatering energy she would provide if I only gave in to my urges. If I didn’t feed, she might not survive the flight back.
With a glance around, I verified that the grass was lush. It was an unattractive thought to draw energy from plants, but it was better than killing Claire. I’d eaten a fish’s glimmering light. The step to flora was a minor one.
“I will be.” Reluctantly, I laced my hands on the grass, fingers searching for signs of energy in the green layer. “Step back, Claire. I don’t want to hurt you.” It would be safer for her if she wasn’t even around when I tried this way of absorbing energy for the first time, but as leaving her alone wasn’t an option, I’d have to take every other precaution I could.
With alarm showing in her eyes, Claire moved away from me. I would have liked her closer so I could protect her in case of an unexpected attack but I needed her far enough away that she was safe as I examined the grass beneath me. I closed my eyes and searched the ground for the edges of energy, but this was different from humans, even from fish. There were no strings I could hook my fingers into and no single ball of light I could draw from. Rather, it was an array of little shimmering dots which were distributed across the entire field. I could see them despite my closed eyes. Little seeds of energy growing in those blades of grass.
With a quiet sigh, I drew upon the dots. To my surprise, they slowly drifted toward me, collecting in the palms of my hands. It was a slow, painstaking process. It wasn't satisfying like feeding on a soul, where one pull was enough. As the radius extended and thin streaks of light trickled toward me, the smell of burnt grass rose from the ground. I glanced at the outer rims of my carbonized circle, noticed that I was getting dangerously close to Claire, and reined in my hunger. It was too dangerous to continue because I didn't know if I would be able to stop myself once I felt her energy on the grass. I might burn her with the blades beneath her feet.
Claire watched me with curious eyes as I sucked in the collected energy with my hands. It took a couple of seconds until warmth spread through my body and I felt replenished. It wasn’t like feeding on human souls, but it was better than nothing. For now, it was my safety net to get Claire home without losing control.
“What was that?” she asked, fascinated and concerned at the same time.
“I ate.” With a quick motion, I was on my feet, hiding my embarrassment behind confidence. “I am sorry if I scared you. This was the only way to make sure I won’t get tempted on the way home.”
She stared at me like I was an abomination. She tried to read details from my face, but I hid my darkness back in the depths of my demon being and opened my arms for her as I spread my wings.
“The others are waiting.”
She didn’t need to know how little the feeding on plant energy had relieved my hunger, or how scared I was of any unexpected movement she could make. Anything that would trigger my feelings for her to stir was dangerous.
She didn’t hesitate for a fraction of a second, but stepped into my embrace and wound one arm around my neck, smiling up at me expectantly.
“Ready?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be.”
As I scooped her up and took off toward the orange glow far beyond the fields, my wings obeyed more willingly than before. In my mind, I was already with my family, going through all the things I needed to clarify once I got home. What had happ
ened to Dad and why had Liz helped him? Since when did the rest of my family have wings? It was a welcome distraction from Claire’s energy, which was so strong, so present, even after I had supplemented on plants. I could have just teleported her home. Now that I knew where home was, it would have been easy, but I wasn’t ready to give up this moment I had alone with her. As soon as we got home, Jaden’s disapproving eyes would follow my every step, and Dad and Jenna would be doing everything they could to make me feel part of the family again. I wasn’t sure what to expect from Ben. I understood his critical view of me better now that I understood he was ready to die for Claire, just the same as I was. However deep his romantic feelings for her went, I yet had to find out. He hadn’t hesitated a second to throw himself in between Claire and Maureen’s deadly strike, and I was certain he wouldn’t hesitate to shield her from me—if necessary.
All the time I was flapping my wings, screening the ground and the sky for signs of demons, or curious human eyes, Claire didn’t speak. She had understood that my hunger for her soul wasn’t something to be taken lightly, and she was refraining from disturbing my focus. She didn't have to do much in order to mess with my concentration. Her presence alone, so close to my skin, was enough to make it difficult for me to think of anything but how much I desired her…for her soul or otherwise.
When I descended above the Gallager estate, Jenna was waiting at the front door, scanning the sky for us. The streets around the estate were quiet, everyone safely tucked away under their blankets for a good night’s sleep, oblivious to the supernatural danger circling above them. They should be grateful I wasn’t hunting tonight. Hadn’t the girl, Emma, lived nearby? I had already killed someone in the neighborhood, I didn’t intend to repeat that. Now that I remembered who I used to be, my hunger for souls was becoming a stigma, a flaw I would despise myself for having for the rest of my life.
As I dove down, I checked one last time. The skies were clear.
“Come in,” Jenna greeted us as I set Claire down at the front door and made my wings disappear. “Are you sure nobody followed you?” She glanced up, double-checking.
“I am,” I confirmed and squeezed into the house while she made sure Claire was alright.
“Did he hurt you?” she asked as she closed the door behind us.
Claire didn’t speak, and I didn’t turn to see her reaction. Did it matter what she was gesturing Jenna? If she told the truth she would have to say that I’d been tempted to kill her, that I had fed on plants so I would be able to endure being so close to her as I flew her back. She would have to admit that I wasn’t safe. Not really. But knowing Claire, she would never speak those words to anyone.
Dad and Jaden were there as I entered the living room, both in perfect health, as were Jenna and Claire. We were all okay, all but Ben. I ground my teeth. Jaden didn’t acknowledge my return. All he saw was Claire, and he didn’t even bring up the patience to approach her at a human speed, like the rest of us did in non-life-threatening situations. He skipped right through the room, teleporting to her, and pulled her to his chest. Jealousy growled in my chest like a lazy lion, reminding me how easy it was for everyone else to be close to her.
Dad smiled and pulled me into a hug. Interestingly, his embrace didn’t push my hunger for his soul as much as what happened when I hugged Claire.
“Thank God, you’re safe,” he whispered.
I didn’t know if God had anything to do with it. Probably I didn’t fall into his domain of subjects to protect, now that I was a demon. Who knew if there was anyone who watched out for me, besides my family.
“I’ll get you a fresh shirt.” Jenna patted my shoulder before she disappeared upstairs.
I’d been right. They both were treating me as if nothing had ever happened.
While I was still trying to comprehend that I was back, and my parents were actually accepting me, welcoming me back home, Claire’s shaken voice caught my attention.
“Where’s Ben?” she asked Jaden, not intending to address the whole room, but in reality, the entire house had heard her quiet tone.
“He’s resting,” Jaden answered her, but his eyes were directed at me. I felt how he would rather I turned around and went back to where I had come from. To the pits of hell, if it was up to him. What I represented was a threat to his fosterling, and it was clear he remembered the threat he had expressed earlier.
I evaded his gaze and watched Claire instead. She was a bright star in the fire-lit living room but that wasn’t all. As I studied her face, how she looked up at Jaden, hoping to hear about Ben, I remembered how her lips had felt on mine. I didn't deserve her affections after all the things I’d done.
“What happened?” Jaden asked.
“What do you mean?”
“That,” Jaden nodded toward me and I felt caught. They all felt my emotions. All but Claire. And even she seemed to have developed a sixth sense when it came to reading me. Anyhow, she blushed, as she realized where my mind had gone.
“Is it that bad?” Jaden commented. For him it probably was. The fact that I was still in love with his fosterling put him in an impossible situation. If protecting her meant making sure she didn’t suffer, physically or mentally, then he’d have to deal with me somehow. He couldn’t just get rid of me like I felt he wanted.
“I’ll tell you later,” Claire saved us both from embarrassment. “So, what happened after Adam got me out of there?” she changed the subject. “Is Volpert gone for good?”
“We can’t tell for sure. All four of us hit him, definitely. All four hits combined should have been critical, but before I had a chance to verify if he was dead, Maureen showed up,” Jaden informed us. “She must have hidden invisibly in the trees. She aimed at you when Adam didn’t strike immediately. Volpert must have brought her as a backup.”
“I thought the same thing,” I agreed, glad that despite his resentment for my demon nature, he was professional enough to still work together. We had the same goal of keeping Claire safe. I knew that my share in the process might be to sacrifice our relationship, but I wasn’t ready to think about it. Not yet. “After all the times I’ve been too weak to kill Claire—I am sorry Claire, but that was my assignment when I was with the demons—” she gave me a wry smile and bit her lip as I apologized, “—he must have lost trust in me.”
“If it hadn’t been for Ben... He threw himself between you and Maureen. Her attack hit him.” The look on Jaden’s face was another artifact of how dangerous this entire situation had become. He was right. Even if he was the one who had supported the plan to deceive Volpert to begin with, if I had never suggested it, Claire would have never been within Maureen’s reach. And Ben would have never had to make up his mind about whether he was willing to sacrifice himself in order to save her.
“He will be alright?” Claire asked, a bundle of guilt next to Jaden.
“Yes,” Dad reassured her. I believed him—or at least, I used to. He had deceived me all my life about who he really was—an angel. They all had. Even Ben.
“A few days of rest,” Jaden added. “It’s a wound inflicted by a demon—it can’t be sealed as easily as normal wounds.” He glanced at me as if it was my fault demonic wounds were difficult to heal before he looked back at Claire with a serious face. “Ben was extremely lucky.”
“I’d like to see him,” Claire demanded, then reined in her outburst of emotion and looked at me sheepishly, “—to say thank you, I mean.”
“I’ll let you know when he’s awake.” Dad smiled at her and then at me. “I am glad you both are safe.”
He was right. It was all that mattered. We were all safe. Volpert was supposedly gone, and it would take them some time to regroup.
“Adam saved me,” Claire said and glanced at me, admiration shimmering in her eyes.
She was giving me too much credit. Ben had saved her. Dad and Jenna had. I had simply panicked and flown her out of the graveyard. The tiny shake of Jaden’s head was one-hundred percent justified.
“You should rest,” he suggested and stroked Claire’s hair.
Jenna faded back into the room. “Your bed is still made.” She was holding a white shirt in her hand, which she held out to me with a smile. “Yours, too, Adam.”
It felt as if someone had turned a spotlight on me. Jenna and Dad were looking at me with hopeful eyes, Claire held her breath while Jaden seemed to be going through various scenarios of precautions for her safety if I stayed. I hadn’t even thought about what I would do if we were victorious, so my mind wasn’t made up about where I was going to stay. It might be safer if I didn’t stay here. Now that I had betrayed Volpert, I was as much top of the clan’s list as Claire and Sophie, and I didn’t want to lead them to my angel family.
“That is, if you want to stay—” Jenna added, concern creasing her forehead.
The truth was, it didn’t matter what I wanted. I had already caused them so much pain and worry. Especially Claire. If she wanted me to stay, I would. Whether I would be able to be with her the way she wanted me to, or not, I would make sure I would never disappear from her life again.
“Stay,” she whispered as if she had read my mind. And I gave her the smile she was craving, shoving my own worries to the bottom of my being for now.
“I don’t have anywhere else to be.”
Bliss sprang onto my father’s face as he hugged me again and Jenna wrapped her arms around both of us. Claire, whose features I was studying over their shoulders, remained composed, not showing the reaction I had expected, the joy, the relief, or the uncontrolled desire she had felt earlier. She was silently observing us, entertaining some fantasy of her own that she would love to see come true. It was there in her eyes, a longing for something, the harmony in the picture, maybe the sense of a whole family she didn’t have any longer. Whatever it was, it remained concealed behind her bluish eyes and the glimmer of her soul.
“Good night,” she turned and left, with little more than a tired smile.
Fire Page 29
