“It’s time to go.” She said simply.
“Go where?” he asked, looking up at her.
“Back to New York.” Her answer was quiet. “We can’t stay here, not like this. It’s much too difficult. We need the distraction of our daily lives. We need other things that we can do to keep ourselves focused on the goal here. I didn’t marry you so that we could fail at this job before we even got started with it. You have an inheritance to get, and I have a divorce to reach. We can’t let anything get in the way of that.”
He felt his stomach tighten at her words. “No, of course not.” He replied evenly. “I’ll arrange for us to go back as soon as you want to leave, if you’re sure.”
“Today, please.” She told him, gazing down into her untouched coffee. She had thought about it long and hard the night before, and there was no other way. The trip had to end. It had to be cut short, and they had to get back to reality before paradise made them forget everything but their daydreams.
She took her coffee into a study and sat there with it and a book, hoping that the distance between the two of them would cool their growing desires.
Ryder watched her go and said nothing. He knew that she was probably right, but it was discouraging, and he felt as if he was at an impasse, uncertain of what to do. He had tried to talk himself out of wanting her, but the more he even considered it, the more it seemed to build his need for her. He looked at the empty doorway that she had walked out of and considered what she was saying and doing. He thought that perhaps she might be right, and they should spend a little time apart.
He gave it some thought and then poked his head into the study where she was. “I checked the flights, we can leave in the morning. There’s not another plane out of her before then. I’m going to go for a drive, you’re welcome to come along, if you’d like to.”
She looked up from her book at him and gave him a half smile. “No thank you, I’m alright here.”
With another silent nod to her, he pursed his lips and turned, leaving the house. As he drove away alone, the island air rushing all around him, he wished adamantly that it would take every thought of her with it for a while and leave him in some kind of peace.
He spent the day out driving and stopping here and there along the coastal road and in a couple of villages. He didn’t realize until later in the day that he was revisiting the places they had gone together and it bothered him and made him ache a little as though he was missing her.
Regina tried her best to read in the study, and she couldn’t concentrate on the book. She moved to the sitting room and tried to settle in there, but it didn’t help. After three more failed rooms, she tried reading on the beach and walking on the beach, but nothing could push him entirely from her mind.
By afternoon she had given up and she stretched out in a hammock strung up between two palm trees on the beach, and fell asleep, though that didn’t help either. She dreamed of him, and woke to find herself alone and feeling as if something was missing that should be there.
Taking another tack, she left the hammock and went for a swim in the sea just off of the beach. There was some peace to be found there among all the sea creatures and the silence in the water, and she spent most of the rest of her afternoon there, coming back only when the light began to fade. She showered and went into the kitchen where Ryder was cooking dinner for them. She was thinking of helping him, but he was already done with it.
They spent a quiet evening on the patio, talking about their travel in the morning and what they would be doing when they got back to New York. They spoke a little about the vacation they had shared, both of them careful not to bring up the heated moments while smiling about the fun that they had had together.
She did the dishes and they bid each other goodnight, him going to the patio again to enjoy the night air, and her going to her room. She was sad that they were leaving, especially that they were leaving early, but she had been right, it was going to take some work for them to make their business arrangement marriage work, and intimacy could not be a part of it.
Another night of restless sleep passed, and she woke tired and disappointed. She didn’t say much as they ate a light breakfast and headed for the airport. Each of them slept on the plane back to New York, and when they arrived, she felt exhausted.
The limousine picked them up from the airport and drove them both back out to Carrington Manor, and it wasn’t until she walked in the door of the house that reality hit her like a brick wall. She may have been able to have her own room and her own bed on their honeymoon, but they were back at his family’s residence, and it had failed to occur to her at all that she was going to be staying in his wing of the house, in his room, and more than that, in his own bed.
There was no way that she could sleep in another bed; the help would notice immediately and there was no other option. Not if she was going to pull off the lie of their marriage successfully. Not if she was going to make everyone in the family believe that she had married Ryder Carrington for love. She was going to have to sleep beside him in his bed the whole time that she was there. There was just no way around it.
She stood at the doorway to his bedroom after having followed him down the hallway, and stared at his massive bed. She stared at the old dark mahogany wood that was polished to perfection and formed a four-poster bed that rested on a slightly raised platform, one step up off of the floor. She stared at the mound of pillows set all along the headboard, and the beautiful wooden bench at the end of the bed at the footboard. She couldn’t breathe. All she could do was stare.
“I have to sleep with you every night…” She whispered, trailing off.
He had walked in ahead of her and turned to look back at her as he stood there. “Yes, I guess… if we expect anyone to believe us, you’ll have to.” He had been looking forward to it with longing for weeks, but now that they stood there together in his room, after the awkward shift of reality on the island, he felt ill about it.
He had no idea how he was going to lay beside her night after night and feel her warmth and her beautiful form next to him, so close to him, and not reach out to touch her, not pull her to him and make love with her as he wanted so desperately to do. He had enough trouble sleeping at the house on the island, wishing he was in her room every night, longing for her, but now she would be right beside him, and further away than she had ever been.
It pained him and he looked away from her and walked to his private bathroom. “I’ve had the staff clear space in here for you, so you’ll have room for your things in the bathroom and the closet.” He was trying to keep it nonchalant, and it didn’t feel at all like it was working.
One of the staff came to the door and knocked, smiling widely at them both. He was bringing their luggage to them. Ryder and Regina both smiled back and thanked him. He left.
Regina walked over to a beautiful bouquet of flowers on a table where a card and a box of fine chocolates was waiting for them, along with a basket of fresh fruit. The card read “Welcome home” and it was signed by all the members of the Carrington family.
“They really believe it.” She looked from the card up to Ryder who walked over to her and stood beside her at the table.
“Good.” He replied evenly. “That’s just what we wanted, isn’t it?” He turned from her and went into the closet to change his clothes and she showered and put on the most modest nightgown she had, which wasn’t too terribly modest. It was white satin and reached to her mid-thighs, with thin straps over her shoulders and a V neck that did little to cover the swell of her breasts, and a low-cut back that went nearly to her waist. It was perfect when she was living alone, but in the light of the changes between them, she realized that she was going to have to go shopping for nightgowns the next day.
She walked out of the bathroom with her hair loose and brushed to one side, her form filling the satin that almost clung to it, and she nearly walked into Ryder. He stopped where he was as his gaze locked on her, and he lost his train
of thought as he watched her walk to the bed.
She looked up at him and bit at her lower lip, and everything in him tightened. “Is there a side that you prefer to sleep on?”
He pointed to the side opposite her. “I usually wind up on that side.” He realized that he would no longer be sleeping like a starfish in his bed, which made no difference, because he would no longer be sleeping period, unless he was very lucky.
“Thanks.” She said with an attempt at a half smile, pulling the thin cover back and sliding down into the sheets. They were the smoothest, silkiest feeling sheets she had ever been in, and she closed her eyes as she leaned back into the thick soft pillows. His bed was easily the most comfortable she had ever been in, and she was grateful for that at least, because she knew it would be incredibly uncomfortable trying to sleep beside him each night while she was there. She had no idea how she was going to do it, but she promised herself that she would.
Ryder did not go to bed with her right away. He wandered into the kitchen and made a simple meal of scrambled eggs. He took a walk along the beach a short way, and he tried to convince himself that it could work, that it was all going to work out. He went in late, slipping silently into his room. She had left the little light at his side of the bed on so that he could find his way.
He stood in the middle of the floor, looking at her form beneath the thin covers, and he watched her sleeping for a while. He thought about everything they were going through, wanting her, not being able to have her, and needing to get his inheritance more than anything else. That was the key goal; get his inheritance, and though he had believed he could have her along the way, it was clear that that wasn’t going to happen. He was going to have to come to terms with it.
Sighing, he climbed into bed beside her and switched off the light. She didn’t stir. He lay with his back to her, feeling the warmth from her reaching him, and wondering if she was struggling at all with wanting him the way that he wanted her. There was no secret when he kissed her that she felt just as much desire and passion as he did, but she stopped it; each time she stopped it, and he had no idea how she was able to do it, but he had to find out. He had to find a way, some way, his own way to repress the urges he felt for her and see the marriage through to the end. Hours passed, and finally his exhaustion took over, and he fell asleep.
***
They were there in the house together a week, holding hands around the family, kissing one another’s cheeks around the family, sharing smiles and conversation as if everything about them was newly wedded bliss, but when no one else was around, they did not speak much, they did not spend time together, and they slept every night with their backs to each other, both of them struggling to sleep, both of them miserable. It was a costly charade, hurting and tiring them both out.
One week after they had returned from their island paradise honeymoon, Carter found Regina in the library, sitting on a lounge and reading a book. He asked her to speak with him in his study. She agreed, her heart pounding and her mind a whirl of questions and fears. Lying to anyone was difficult for her, but lying to her new family while she lived among them in their own home was becoming almost more than she could bear. Tremendous guilt hung on her like chains, bound with regret.
When they were both in his study, he closed the door and went to her, sitting opposite her on the two sofas that faced each other off to one side of the room.
“I’ve been watching you since you returned.” He began, eyeing her curiously. “It seems like you must have had a good honeymoon.”
She made herself smile and nod as her heart pounded faster. “Of course, it was incredible. I’ve never been to a more beautiful place. Thank you for letting us use your home on the island. It was paradise.”
She meant it. It had been heaven, and it would only have been more perfect if she could have made love with Ryder countless times without any worry of repercussion later. Carter continued to watch her, and he nodded finally.
“Good, that’s good. I’m glad to hear it. I’m glad that you both made good use of it; that’s why we have it, so that the family can enjoy it.” He kept his eyes on her and breathed in deeply. She could see that there was much on his mind, though she had no idea what it might be, and fear began to grip her that he might know their secret. It was possible that he might have found out some way or another that they were scamming him so Ryder could get his inheritance.
“As you are now a part of this family, I feel that there’s something you should know, and I feel certain that I would be the only one to tell you about it. You see, Ryder has always been reckless. Well, I say always, but what I mean is that he has been wild, but more reckless since his mother’s death. Her death was a tragic and unfortunate event. An accident that Ryder blames me for entirely. I feel that you should know what happened, as I believe it will be of some help to you in your new life.
It’s never easy to go into a situation as a newcomer when there is a great deal of history already going on. Consider this a primer, I suppose.” He sighed and stood up, walking around the room a few paces before sliding his hands into his suit pants pockets and turning to look at Regina.
She felt her heart still racing, though it had slowed somewhat. Curiosity began to replace the fear she felt. He spoke in a level tone, and she could see that years of emotion were just beneath the surface of his face, especially in his eyes.
“It was our anniversary weekend. We had planned that I would be home with her to celebrate. Friday evening, and I had come home from the office… but during dinner I got a call. A business call. She pleaded with me not to take it, but I did. There was a meeting I’d been after for months, and the man I was meeting with had been passing through New York on his way to fly to London, but there was a terrible storm, and his flight had been cancelled.
He was able to meet with me, and as there would not be another chance for the foreseeable future, I told her that I would go into the city to meet with him, stay the night at our condo there, and come back on Saturday morning.” He swallowed hard and his voice grew thin as his throat seemed to tighten. He turned away from Regina for a moment and she saw him pull a cloth handkerchief from his pocket and dab at his face. He tucked the handkerchief away and cleared his throat, taking another breath before he turned back to look at her again.
She sat frozen on the sofa, watching him and listening, every part of her body tense. He took a breath and continued.
“She decided that she wanted to be with me instead of waiting for me at home, she thought it would be nice if we spent the anniversary weekend in the city, and she told the children that. They told her not to go… there was still a storm, and it was still bad. Our driver had taken me, so there was no one to drive her to the city but herself. She kissed them all goodbye and said she’d see them on Sunday night. She got into her car and drove herself toward the city…” He trailed off a moment and closed his eyes, breathing in thickly and struggling to calm his emotion.
It touched Regina’s heart that after so many years he was still hurting about it, just as if it had happened a month before. She saw deep love in Carter’s eyes, and she felt that she was betraying that kind of love by even sitting in the same room with him, living her lie under his roof and to his face.
“The weather was too bad. She lost control of her vehicle and went off of a bridge. She died.” Carter paused again, turning away from Regina and taking a long moment before he turned to face her again. He walked a few steps more and stopped, shaking his head. “Ryder was furious with me. He blamed me, saying that if I hadn’t put my business before my family and my marriage, that we would all have been home that night. We all would have been safe, and she would not have died.”
Regina felt as if her heart had broken right in two at the words Carter spoke. It suddenly became crystal clear to her why Ryder hated his father so much, and why he was so sure that Carter hated his family and loved his money and his business. It was a horrible tragedy with no real blame, but it happened unneces
sarily, and that was the worst of it.
Carter was quiet again for a long moment and then walked over to the large window behind his desk, looking out onto the grounds behind the house. “Pierce buried himself in his work and has done his best to ignore the pain. Cami and Lucas just… dealt with it. They forgave me. They said it was an accident and that it wasn’t my fault.
Ryder, well… he could only find rage as a means to express his pain, and it has only grown stronger with contempt over the years. He does all that he can to defy me, to hurt me, and to try to get back at me for what he thinks that I did to him, his siblings, and his mother.” He shook his head and lifted his hand to his face, holding it over his eyes for a long moment.
When he let his hand fall and returned his gaze to Regina, she folded her hands together and gazed back at him with eyes that reflected the pain she saw in him. “Why are you telling me all of this?” she asked in a quiet voice. “It seems so… so personal. Why trust me with it?”
Carter sighed and walked toward her, sitting on the sofa opposite her once more. “Regina,” his voice leveled out again and became kind, “I meant what I said to you at the wedding. You are a Carrington now, no matter how it happened, and that makes you a daughter of mine. I want you to be a strong member of this family, because family is our greatest asset, and you are a part of that now.”
The Billionaire's Secretly Fake Bride (MANHATTAN BACHELORS Book 3) Page 20
