by Ian Tremblay
Although each one of her sisters pleaded and insisted that she come and stay with them, Linda checked into the best hotel in town. She spent the days after her mother's death visiting with her sisters and helping them organize the funeral and burial. They reconnected with each other and renewed their sisterly bonds. She got to know their children and husbands and Derek and his wife and kids. It felt good to be close to all of them again, better than Linda had envisioned, and she felt warm and comfortable to be with and about them. Being with them reconnected her with her mother and all that she had been and all she had sacrificed for them.
They all met at Veronica's house after the funeral. The three girls sat at her kitchen table in front of cookies and coffee.
"It's so good to have you here, Linda; we've missed you so much, you know." Dawn placed her hand on Linda's, who kept wiping her tears under her veil with a tissue. It was useless; the tears just kept coming.
"I just wish I had come sooner. Why didn't she tell me she was sick? I would have come, spent some time with her. I could have brought her on a trip-I don't know anything."
"She didn't want you to worry about her, Linda. Plus, she respected your decision to be away. She always defended you on that, always." Dawn's soft voice was soothing. Linda looked toward her.
"Really?"
"Yes, Linda," Veronica added. "She always said it was important for you and that you were doing what you had to do and that eventually you would come back here to us, because we were your family and you loved us all very much." Veronica became choked up with emotion, and she buried her face into a bundle of already soaked tissues. Tears were running freely down her face.
"That sounds so much like Mom. God I miss her," Linda broke down again, sobbing loudly. The crying of her two sisters was too much for Dawn, who broke out into tears too. The three sisters held hands tightly across the table, each trying to console the other and gripping with the most difficult of all pains in the world, the pain of losing one's mother. No matter how young or how old one is, it is the worst pain that exists and reaches far deeper into the very fiber of one's being than one can ever imagine or anticipate. The connection with our entry into the world has been broken and severed forever, creating a deep and vicious open wound that cannot, even by time, be healed. It weighs thus upon our hearts and souls for the remainder of our lives and is the confirmation of our own finiteness.
But pain, even the most unbearable, eventually passes; life must and will continue to claim its preponderance over the living and the ceaseless clamor that is our lives. The intricacies and complexities of day-to-day living eventually retake their hold on everything, imposing a chronology and a pace that one may not choose to deviate or stray from. In the end, it is these imperatives that ultimately bury the dead.
A week after Linda's mother's funeral, Charles came to check in on Linda at 9:30 a.m., as he did every morning. He knocked lightly on the door.
"Come in," Linda said behind the closed door. He let himself in.
"Good morning, miss, how are you today?" He walked up to where Linda was sitting in the living room of the suite. She was dressed in black from head to foot, as she had been since her mother's death.
"I'm fine, Charles, thank you. Please, won't you sit down?" Linda motioned to a sofa in front of her. Charles hesitated; he never sat down with her when he came to check in with her in the morning.
"Please," Linda insisted, pointing toward the sofa. He sat down.
"I have a favor to ask you, Charles." Linda's words hung in the air for a second or two. Charles knew that something unusual was afoot; it was not in Linda's habit to ask him for favors.
"A favor, miss? Well, okay, and what may that favor be?"
"Well, I want you to go back to the city and find a friend of mine and give her this." Linda picked up an envelope from the coffee table beside her; it was a large padded envelope that was filled to capacity. On the envelope in bold letters was written, "Janice" and the address of St. Mary's Mission. Charles looked at the envelope and gently put it down on the sofa beside him. He remained silent, looking intently in her direction.
"Now this friend of mine, she's a very special friend, Charles. That's because Janice, that's her name, my friend, as you can see on the envelope. Well anyway, Janice, she's a homeless person," Linda paused, unsure as to how to continue and obviously uneasy with the situation. Charles looked at her knowingly and cleared his throat.
"May I speak freely, miss?" Linda looked toward him inquisitively.
"Yes, of course, Charles, please do."
"The truth is, miss, I know all about Janice, and I know exactly where to find her. As a matter of fact, I know all your special friends Miss, Janice, Red, and all the other ones. I know that you help these people a lot, and I admire you for that."
"You do?" Linda's was stunned by the revelation.
"Yes, miss, I do. Allow me to explain. You see, I consider it my duty to be aware of everything that concerns you, if I am to do my job properly, that is. To be truthful, though, I found out about what you were doing by accident. I saw you one day in your homeless outfit." Linda was shocked; the thought of Charles seeing her unveiled and in a homeless outfit was not an idea that she found pleasant. "Anyway, I followed you that day, and I've done so ever since-for years, as a matter of fact. I've never told you because I wanted to respect your privacy. You had your reasons for not telling me about this, and it was not for me to ask."
"Charles, you've rendered me speechless. I am amazed that you've known about this for years and have never said a word to me."
"Well, to be honest, miss, this knowledge has been burning me up for some time now. I've been itching to discuss this matter with you, you know, for security reasons and all that. I must tell you that I find you to be a very courageous person, miss, a lot more than most men I know." There was an uncomfortable silence as Linda reflected on what he had just told her.
"Well anyway, miss, I'm glad that this is out in the open now. I was afraid just then that you would invent a story to get me to bring this money to Janice. I would have been terribly embarrassed that you would have had to lie to me, miss, and I do hope this will not affect our relationship in any way." Linda's silence was beginning to worry him. She lifted her head, snapping out of her reverie.
"No, Charles, no, of course not, I'm just surprised, that's all. I don't know what to say."
He rose. "Well, miss, maybe there's nothing else to say. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go find Janice."
"Yes, Charles, please do, and Charles?"
"Yes."
"Make sure you give that envelope to the nuns. They'll give the money to Janice a little at a time and buy her the things she needs."
"Of course, miss. Is there anything else?"
"No, Charles, nothing else." He turned toward the door. "Charles," she called out after him and he turned around. "Thank you, Charles. Thank you for everything you are and for everything you've done for me." A large smile broke out on his face.
"You're welcome, miss. I'm glad to be of service."
"Drive safely now."
"I will, miss, and I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yes, Charles, see you tomorrow."
Linda spent the rest of the day in her suite immersed in a profound reflection about something that she had been pondering for some time. She had been weighing its pros and its cons ever since her mother's funeral and burial. At the end of the day, her mind was made up. She had decided that her years of wanderings were over and that she would move back to her hometown to live. She wanted to be close to the people she loved and to build a new life for herself.
Charles came to see her in the morning. He had returned late the night before.
"Good morning, miss."
"Good morning, Charles." He walked up to where she was sitting.
"So, tell me, how was Janice?"
"She was fine. A bit on her guard when I approached her, but when I mentioned that I was coming on your behalf, she relaxed a littl
e. We fed the pigeons together, and she asked me a lot of questions about you and where you were. She seemed genuinely concerned, you know, as a friend would. Anyway, I walked with her to the Mission, and I gave the envelope to the nuns, as you instructed. Considering the amount of money there was in that envelope, I guess we can say that things are looking up for Janice." He smiled, pointing his eyes upward. Linda laughed at his allusion to Janice's particular way of walking.
"I guess we can say that, Charles, and thank you for taking care of that for me. I really appreciate it."
"My pleasure, miss."
"Would you please sit down, Charles? I've been thinking a lot lately, and I would like to discuss something with you."
"Of course, miss." He sat down facing her, and she put the cup of coffee she had been holding down on a small table beside her and leaned back in her chair.
"Well, here it is, Charles. I've decided to come back here to live; you know, permanently. I will be looking for a piece of land so I can build a comfortable home for myself. I want to be close to my family, my sisters and brother, and of course, my mother." She choked up, her voice loaded with emotion. The very mention of her mother did that to her. She turned and stared out the window for a moment and then back to Charles. "I'm sorry, Charles. Anyway, I've had enough of the road and the wandering about, and I want to settle down." Charles cleared his throat.
"I think that's an excellent idea, miss. Now tell me, does this plan include that I remain in your service?" The question caught Linda off guard.
"But of course, Charles. My God, what are you saying? I cannot envision life without you, Charles. You have become a dear friend, and I consider you part of my family." Linda was a little panic stricken. The very thought of Charles not being around disturbed her profoundly. "You're part of my life, Charles, and I just don't know what I'd do without you." Her voice had trickled to a whisper, and her breath had become short.
"Thank you, miss, thank you very much. That is the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me. On my part, I can say that I am proud and happy to be in your service and that I have grown quite fond of you over the years. I cannot imagine working for anyone else, and that will hold for as long as you will have me around. I just hope I can continue to live up to the trust and faith that you to put in me."
"I know you will, Charles. I don't have a single doubt about that."
"Well, thank you again then, Miss."
"You're welcome, Charles. You're very welcome."
There was a moment of silence as both of them reflected on what had just been said; it was the first time in all those years they had been together that Linda had so clearly expressed her feelings about him. For some reason she had always kept that to herself, afraid that one day he would get tired of her and go work for somebody else. She had concluded that if she kept her feelings buried deep inside her, it would have made things less painful if he had decided to leave her service.
She cleared her throat.
"Well, now that we've cleared that up, what I wanted to ask you, Charles, was that I hope you won't find this little town too confining or too boring?"
"Of course I will, miss, but we have to go to the city soon for your operation and I'm sure there will be other occasions. Charles was referring to Linda's last of a series of operations she had had over the years and that had straightened out her mouth and that would make her face less horrific to look at. "Bottom line miss, I'm where you are and at your service." Charles spoke with firmness and certainty. Linda was reassured; she had been very concerned about him leaving.
"Thank you, Charles; it makes me very happy to hear you say that." She stretched out her hand, and he took it. They shook hands and smiled to each other. In all those years, it was only the second time they had shaken hands.
"Me too, miss. It makes me very happy too." He let go of her hand and stood up.
"So tell me, miss, when do we start looking for this place to build this home of yours?"
"Tomorrow, Charles. Does tomorrow work for you?"
"Tomorrow works fine for me, miss. Shall we say ten o'clock?"
"Ten o'clock is fine, Charles. I'll be expecting you."
"Okay, miss. So if there's nothing else, I wish you a very pleasant day."
"You too, Charles, have a good day now and once again, thank you."
Linda bought a magnificent piece of land on top of the hill that overlooked the town and the countryside. The view was breathtaking from all angles. On it she had a large, elegant home built. She had it equipped with every modern amenity-indoor and outdoor pools, a Jacuzzi, a sauna, and an entertainment center. She decorated and furnished the place with taste and elegance. Charles acted as her official decorating adviser, accompanying her on every shopping run. The merchants and shopkeepers of the area were very intrigued by this veiled woman dressed in black who walked with a cane and was always accompanied by a tall, impeccably dressed British gentleman. Of course, the fact that they scurried about in a large foreign limo did not help to keep a low profile. Linda and Charles understood that they were a lot for the locals to assimilate and they were careful to be polite and respectful with them at all times.
It took a little over a year for the seventeen-room house to be ready and for Linda and Charles to move in. They both were happy to finally leave the hotel. Charles had his own quarters on the ground floor, and Linda had most of the upstairs. Her room was enormous and was dominated by a king-size bed. There was a very large balcony with an incredible view of the countryside and the mountains at a distance. Linda had hired a live-in housekeeper whose name was Lucille Culiver. Charles had helped Linda find her through one of the agencies that he knew who recommended only top-notch people. Miss Culiver arrived at noon three days after they had moved in. Everything in the house was new and squeaky clean. Linda, dressed in black and veiled, opened the door for her herself.
Lucille Culiver was a tall, thin woman of about forty who stood firm and upright. She was dressed in a conservative fashion and wore no makeup. Linda had seen her picture on her resume and had imagined her shorter and thicker. Even though she dressed down and wore no makeup, Lucille Culiver could not hide the fact that she was a good-looking woman; her features were long and fine, and her thick black hair was tied on her head in a neat bundle and contrasted sharply with the impeccable whiteness of her skin. Her large, round eyes were pale blue, and they had a vivacity and an alertness about them similar to those of a bird of prey.
"Hello, I'm Lucille Culiver." She extended her hand in Linda's direction; her voice was clear and firm in an authoritative kind of way.
"Oh, hi, I'm Linda Staunton." Linda shook her hand. "Please, won't you come in, Miss Culiver?" Linda stepped aside to let her in; she walked in, looking around and up to the ceilings, taking a rapid visual inventory of the place. Lucille Culiver walked in a very upright manner, emanating strength and determination. She turned and looked toward Linda, waiting for instructions as to what was next. Linda pointed toward the living room, where she had planned that they would sit down for their inaugural chat.
The two women sat facing each other. Linda was nervous; they had only talked on the phone twice, and those conversations had been brief and professional. Linda had gone through the whole selection process with Charles. They had passed a number of candidates, and they had finally selected Lucille Culiver. They had checked her references out thoroughly, and Linda had sent her a proposition, conditional to a three-month try out period. When they had spoken on the phone, Linda had described in detail her physical condition and her special needs. Lucille Culiver had not been intimidated by that. She had liked Linda on the phone and had felt good about her. She had wanted to find an unmarried or widowed female employer who lived in the country, and Linda was exactly what she was looking for, so she had accepted the position.
Linda twitched uncomfortably in her sofa.
"Would you like some tea, Miss Culiver?"
"No thank you, Miss Staunton, I'm fine, but please, call me Luci
lle."
"Very well then, so tell me, Lucille, how was your trip?"
"It was fine, thank you." Lucille Culiver sat upright and was very poised.
"So I see you've just moved in, Miss Staunton." She looked around in a long circular motion.
"Yes, three days ago, actually, a lot of things are not unpacked yet. We're just getting settled in." The other woman's head turned and gave Linda a look. It was only for a split second, but there was fierceness and sharpness in her look. The "we" Linda had used had disturbed her. There had been no "we" in their conversations. Linda caught the vibe.
"I was talking about Charles, Lucille. Charles is my chauffeur. He has been my chauffeur for many years now, and his quarters are on the east side." Linda pointed to her left. "Yours are on the opposite side of the house, adjoining the kitchen. I will introduce you to him when he gets back from town."
"Yes, of course, fine," was her laconic reply, and she seemed to relax a little.
"So you've been in personal services for a long time I understand, Miss Culiver. I mean Lucille."
"Yes, Miss Staunton, I have been in personal services all of my life-as a matter of fact, since I was eighteen, actually. I love it; it's the only job I've ever known and the only one that I wish to know."
"Fine then, so, Lucille, you understand that my physical condition is very different from most people, and as you can see, I am veiled, and I always am in presence of other people. I also dress so as to hide some very ugly scars and the fact that I'm missing a leg and an arm. I think you got the idea over the phone; anyway, it is of the utmost importance to me that my intimacy and privacy be preserved. I am shy about people, and I will be counting on you a lot for that, you know?"
"Of course, Miss Staunton, I fully understand the situation, and I can assure you that I will make this my mission for as long as I am at your service."
