“I thought we were friends.”
After draining her glass of water, she turned on the tap and got some more. All while he stood there and fumed.
When she turned his way again, her expression was distant. Almost like she was stuck talking to a stranger. “Calvin, you and I have a past. We’ve also had some good times together. But that night we spent together was a mistake. You caught me at a weak moment.”
“I didn’t force you to do anything, Lora.”
“I’m not saying you did. But I’m also not going to repeat it. Ever. I’m not like that anymore.”
“You were the other day.”
Looking incredulous, she said, “What do I have to say for you to understand how I’m feeling? I regret letting you in my house. I regret drinking with you. I regret smoking pot with you. I regret our argument. I regret that I wasn’t strong enough to stop you from hitting me.”
Needing to distance himself from her words, he leaned against the opposite row of cabinets. “You’re being dramatic.”
“Maybe I am. But what I am sayin’ is that you are toxic, Calvin Fisher. You’ve come back here after ten years. A whole decade. And you have nothing to show for yourself except some scars marking your body and an attitude that is selfish and mean.”
“I had to leave home at fourteen. Don’t you know how hard that was?”
“Boo. Hoo,” she taunted, sarcasm thick in her voice. “Like you’re the only person in Hart County who has had bad stuff happen to them.”
Memories that he fought so hard to forget bubbled up to the surface. Suddenly, he smelled the dirt and mildew in the house. Smelled the stale liquor, the unwashed dishes. The empty cabinets. Heard his father yelling at him. At all of them. “You don’t know what the inside of my house was like.”
“Sure I do. But even if I didn’t, I do know what your brother is like.”
“What is he like?” he asked harshly. “Perfect? Stuck-up? Far too full of himself?”
“Maybe he has moved on. Moved forward.”
Jealousy hit him hard. “Is that who you’re trying to impress, Lora? My older brother? Just like when we were in school and you used to sidle up next to him and try to get his attention?” Ignoring her look of embarrassment, he stood up, too. “Just to let you know, he ain’t never going to give a person like you the time of day. He’s got his eye on Waneta Cain, who’s so pure and sweet, it’s amazing she doesn’t melt when it rains.”
“You need to leave.”
“Oh, don’t act so hurt. You didn’t really think that a girl like you would ever be good enough for my high and mighty brother, did you? Mark Fisher would never want a girl like you. Especially not when he finds out everything you’ve done over the years.”
“I am not trying to snag your brother.”
“Oh, is it someone else, then? Someone good? Someone other people respect?”
He knew he’d hit the mark when she visibly flinched. “Get out of here, Calvin. Get out before I call the sheriff and tell him that I’m afraid of you.”
“Don’t worry. I’m leaving,” he said as he walked to her back door and yanked it open. “But I’m warning ya, Lora Weaver. If you start thinking that you can change, you’re in for a real surprise. People like you and me won’t ever change. And we’re never going to be good enough for the likes of Mark Fisher or Waneta Cain. To them, you and I are always going to be worthless. Trash.”
Pain filled her eyes. “That’s not true.”
“Of course it is. We might be older and we might even be smarter. But some things never change. Not for people like us,” he said quietly as he started walking.
He picked up his pace when he heard her cry. Knew he’d just hurt her badly.
If Calvin wasn’t feeling so much pain already, he knew he’d feel terrible.
But all he felt at the moment was numb.
CHAPTER 24
Tuesday, August 16
Only after Calvin disappeared from sight did Lora close the door. Then, because his words were still ringing in her ears, practically infecting her, she locked it and flipped the deadbolt for good measure.
She’d meant what she’d told him. He was toxic. His cruel comments and negative outlook infected her, made her doubt herself, made her doubt everything she tried to believe about herself.
Feeling sick, she downed another glass of water. One of her self-help books she’d been reading had advised doing that. Something about how water was cleansing. Lora wasn’t all that sure if it was cleansing her insides or not, but she figured it was worth a try.
After all, she had plenty of water from the tap on hand.
Once she was calmer, she put Calvin’s glass in the sink, then opened the two plastic sacks she’d set on the counter when she’d first seen Calvin in her kitchen.
One of the good things about working at Bill’s was the fact that servers often got to take home leftovers. Today, she’d brought home a carton of beef stew, some macaroni and cheese, and two slices of cherry pie.
After setting the cardboard containers in the refrigerator, she picked up a rag to clean up her counters. But they were as white and pristine as she’d left them that morning. She sighed in relief.
Another one of her books had suggested doing home improvements every time she had a craving for doing something that she shouldn’t. She’d taken that advice to heart. A year ago, she’d repainted the kitchen a pale turquoise. The cheery color had instantly made each day feel more optimistic.
After that, she’d bought some industrial-strength cleaner that Bill had recommended and scrubbed and scrubbed her countertops. Now they were a squeaky-clean white. It was silly, but she felt like they were a symbol for herself. Under all the grime and mistakes, there were some good things. She just had to work on uncovering them.
On her days off, she was tackling the tile in her bathroom. One day she hoped it would look as fresh as the countertops. She didn’t know if it was possible, but she was going to try.
If only she could make Calvin’s words vanish so easily!
Still feeling off-kilter, she walked to the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror. Looked at her skin—she still had lines around her lips from smoking for all those years, a scar on her arm from the car accident she’d been in.
The shadows under her eyes.
Even though she was in a new dress and her hair was shiny and clean, she still had a long way to go to be untarnished.
Maybe Calvin was right. Maybe she was an idiot, forever thinking she could change and that someone good and decent would think she was that way, too.
But just as she was about to turn away, she noticed something else. Her eyes were brighter. Her body was okay, too. She wasn’t skinny and malnourished anymore. She looked healthy. Normal.
Why, if she didn’t tell someone about all the things she’d done, they would probably never even guess.
She was better.
The phone rang. Running to her purse, she dug it out. Staring at the screen, she considered ignoring the call. What did the sheriff’s office want from her now?
However, if she ignored it, then they would probably come find her again. She couldn’t deal with another house call from them.
“Hello?” she said at last.
“Lora!” an unexpected voice said. “I was about to hang up. This is Eddie Beck. I’m glad you answered.”
He was glad? She had no idea how to respond to that. “Hi, Deputy Beck,” she said at last. “I, uh, was washing my hands. It took me a minute to grab the phone.”
“Nothing to apologize for. And listen, I thought we had made it to first names by now. Haven’t we?”
“Well, um . . .”
“My name is Eddie.”
Oh, she knew. Now he was making her flustered. “I remembered.” When he said nothing, she mumbled, “I mean, yes, we did make it to first names. Hello, Eddie.” Great. Now she sounded like she was back in eighth grade. Her voice was sharp and she was fumbling over every word. “Um . . . did you need something?�
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“I did.” He paused, then blurted, “Sorry for the late notice, but is there any chance you are free right now?”
She gripped her cell phone a little tighter as despair settled into the pit of her stomach. What had happened now?
More importantly, why did the deputy think she had something to do with it?
Unless . . . it had something to do with Calvin? A handful of worse-case scenarios came to mind. Maybe he was watching her house? Maybe the deputy had just seen him leaving?
“Why? What’s happened?”
“Nothing.” He sounded taken aback.
“I don’t understand, then.”
“Well, you see, I’ve got the rest of the afternoon off. And, well, I don’t know if you noticed, but for once it’s not a hundred percent humidity. It’s actually kind of bearable outside. Almost pleasant.”
“It is nice.”
“So, I wondered if you would like to go to Nolin Lake with me? There are some nice walking trails along the lake, and a great place for fried fish and burgers.”
Her toes curled against the floor as the reason for his call sunk in. Deputy Eddie Beck wasn’t calling to question her. Or to let her know that he saw Calvin walking out of her house.
He wasn’t calling her for a business reason at all. No, it was personal.
Just to make sure she wasn’t misunderstanding, she said tentatively, “Eddie, are you asking me out?”
He chuckled. “I guess I am, though I must be doing a really bad job of it if you have to ask.”
“No, it is good. I was just surprised.” She covered her phone with her palm and cleared her throat. Her voice sounded off. Hoarse.
“Surprised in a good way? Or bad?”
“In a good way,” she replied, chuckling. “The best way.”
“So is that a yes?” His voice was warm. Hopeful. “May I come pick you up in about a half hour? I promise, I’ll be in my truck, not a police cruiser.”
Feeling like she was in a daze, she nodded. Then remembered he was still waiting on the other end of the line. “Yes. A half hour is fine. I’ll be ready. Danke.” She shook her head. “I mean, thank you for the invitation.”
“You’re welcome, Lora. See you soon.”
Only when she clicked off did she realize that Eddie had answered her in Pennsylvania Dutch, because she’d accepted in Deutsch!
Pressing her hands to her cheeks, she chuckled again.
And realized that Calvin couldn’t have been more wrong. She could change. She could be more than she’d thought. She was worth it.
Even to people like Eddie Beck.
LORA WAS STILL feeling a lovely glow four hours later. She and Eddie had had a wonderful time. They’d walked along the shores of Nolin Lake, talking about sports, Eddie’s basset hound, and her latest home improvement project.
They’d had fish-and-chips in a cute restaurant next to the docks. Then he’d kissed her on the cheek at her front door and waited until she got safely inside before going back to his vehicle. Just like a character in one of those romantic comedy movies she liked so much.
After she’d closed the door, Lora turned on the small light in the hall and then peeked out the window while he started his car and pulled away. For the first time in her life—that she could remember anyway—she felt content.
She felt normal and cared for and almost hopeful about the future.
“You have no shame, do you?”
Stifling a scream, Lora whirled around. When she saw him standing in the doorway of her kitchen, pure panic set in. “What are you doing here?”
“Not a lot. Only waiting. Waiting almost an hour.” Even in the dim light, his expression looked full of disdain. “You should have been home, Lora.”
“You need to leave,” she said in a firm tone. “You can’t just come in here and wait for me.”
“I need to talk to you. But it’s obvious that talking ain’t going to help you change your ways, is it?”
She was shaking now. Ruthlessly, she fisted her hands, hoping the slight pinch of her nails digging into her palms would give her the control she needed to have.
He noticed. A triumphant gleam entered his expression. He was glad she was afraid.
“It’s been you, hasn’t it?” she whispered. “You are the man who attacked Amy Miller.”
“Amy wasn’t behaving right. She was lying to her parents. Dishonoring her family.”
“You wore a mask with her.” Her voice was trembling. To her amazement, she realized that there was still a small part of her that was waiting for him to deny her allegations. To tell her that it hadn’t been him at all.
But instead, his voice turned hoarse. “I had no choice. She would’ve been able to identify me.”
His voice was calm and even. As if they were talking about the menu at Bill’s. As if he was in complete control of himself.
But she recognized that look in his eyes. It was the same one that had appeared in some of the men’s faces when she’d walked into homeless shelters late at night. Whether it was from drugs, alcohol, or derived from pure anger and hate, she knew it was going to only bring her pain.
Especially since she was afraid he had a very good reason for not wearing a mask. He didn’t plan for her to be alive to identify him one day.
She stepped back toward the door.
“Don’t,” he barked.
But Lora knew better than to believe that obeying him was going to help her. She stepped backward again. Then, turned and ran to the door and pulled open the handle. She had to get away from him.
Just as she stepped through the threshold, he grabbed her shoulders and threw her down to the ground. She screamed as her head hit the hard linoleum floor while her shoulders grazed the inside of the doorframe.
“You won’t ever learn, will you, Lora?” he asked as he pulled her inside.
She fought. Kicking and twisting, she screamed again as her back slid along the cool floor. Screamed as loud as she could, for once thankful that she didn’t live on an acre of property on the outskirts of town. Surely, someone would hear her.
“Nee!” With a grunt, he hit her hard. Hit her mouth.
She tasted blood as her lips tore against her teeth. Pain ebbed from the cut, radiated through her head, making her feel disoriented. But still she fought back. With as much power as she could, she pushed at his shoulders.
He grunted before hitting her again. This time harder. Spots filled her vision, and she knew she was about to black out. But she’d been through far too much to simply give up. Since her body was weakening, she had to use the only thing left to her.
Her voice.
“You can’t keep hurting women like this. You are going to be discovered. Then punished.”
“By whom? Your police officer?” His voice was filled with sarcasm as he shifted to slam the door shut.
Effectively ending her effort to get away.
Dark acceptance filled her. She wasn’t going to be able to run away. Or fight back. Or stop whatever he was about to do. Her body was hurting too much, her head was pounding too hard.
Therefore she glared at her attacker, letting all the disdain she felt for him seep into her expression. “You aren’t going to get anything right, are you?” she whispered. “Eddie Beck ain’t a policeman. He’s a sheriff’s deputy. And oh, yes, he will punish you for this. Of that I have no doubt.”
Then all her words left as he grabbed her shoulders, shook her hard, then hit her again. And several more times after that.
CHAPTER 25
Wednesday, August 17
Mark, you don’t need to start walking me to work. I’ll be fine,” Waneta said as they started down her driveway.
“Like I told you the other day, you mean something to me. Something important. I’m not going to take a risk with your safety.”
Her heart melted. Mark made her feel feminine and protected. She knew she shouldn’t yearn for such things, that she should want to feel independent and self-assured, but
the last year had taken its toll. She’d been spending her life on autopilot, dutifully going from her duties at work to tackling her chores at home.
She’d known she’d been tired. She’d known she’d been emotionally exhausted, but she hadn’t realized how drained she’d been. Mark’s attentions and protective nature made her feel a little weak. More than a little warm and mushy inside.
She wasn’t sure why God had decided that now was their time together, but she couldn’t deny that His timing had been impeccable. Just when she’d needed someone the most, Mark had arrived in her life.
But that didn’t mean she wanted to take advantage of his goodness.
“I could have ridden my bike, you know. If I thought I was in danger, I could simply pedal faster.”
“You think a blue bicycle with a brown wicker basket is going to save you from someone trying to do you harm?”
“Maybe. Especially since I don’t think I’m going to come to any harm.”
“Since I don’t want to hurt your feelings, I won’t mention Amy Miller, then.”
“Well, that’s a sneaky way of adding your two cents,” she said, though his comment had hit its mark. She was still shaken up by Amy’s attack.
“I’m going to do whatever I can to make you take your safety seriously,” he said as he moved her closer to the side of the road as a vehicle approached. “You mean too much to me to keep my feelings to myself.”
As it slowed and veered around them, Waneta noticed that the driver had waved at them as he passed. No doubt he was thinking they were a sweet Amish couple walking together.
And maybe that’s what they were. She had on a light-green dress with short sleeves, a white kapp, and rubber flip-flops. Next to her, Mark was in brighter colors, wearing a short-sleeved bright-blue shirt and black pants, set off by his straw hat. He was also carrying her lunch cooler.
“I feel a little like we’re on our way to school and you’re carrying my lunch,” she teased.
“We’re pretty close to that.” Smiling, he said, “But that would have been nice, don’t you think?”
“If we were younger and still in school?”
“If we could go back in time and take advantage of the opportunities the Lord gave us. If I had been smarter, I could have courted you then. It would have saved me a lot of trouble.”
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