“You ready?” Gabe asked, grinning his huge smile. “I’m right hungry.”
She nodded. “I’m ready.”
He put her light cape around her and opened the door. He ushered her through and then together, they went down the steps and headed for the big house.
“Honor?” he said as they approached the side door.
“Jah, Gabe?”
“Thank you for marrying me.”
She nodded, fighting tears. “Of course.”
“I love you.”
She stifled the urge to look quickly around to see if anyone had heard him. Spouting endearments like that was hardly common practice. But she managed to keep her gaze on him. His eyebrows raised in hopeful anticipation, and she took a big breath.
“I’m glad,” she responded, putting on a smile. Inwardly, she prayed fervently that soon she would be able to say it back and mean it.
Chapter Ten
Three weeks. Honor had been married to Gabe for three weeks. She was slowly adjusting to all the changes. And one of the biggest changes of all was happening that day. She had chosen to walk to her old home that morning. Gabe had offered to take her, but she’d turned him down. He was very busy these days in the fields, and besides, this was something she wanted to do alone.
The sun was warm on her kapp and she reveled in the songs of the birds flitting about her that spring day. Already, tender green leaves were bursting forth on trees, and the squirrel activity had risen until she saw the critters chasing one another at every corner.
This was it. The day her mother and father left Hollybrook for good. Her chest tightened when she thought on it, so she tried to fool herself. Tried to pretend that she was walking home for a nice visit. But when she turned into the drive and saw the large moving van by the porch, she couldn’t fool herself anymore.
The hired driver stood beside the truck, and she saw her dad on the porch. She didn’t see her mother.
“Honor!” Jerrod Kennel called out upon seeing her. “You made it in time.”
She hurried across the yard and climbed the porch steps. “Of course, I did. Where’s Mamm?”
He shook his head. “Inside. Making sure we haven’t forgotten anything.”
“I’ll go on in.”
“Tell her to hurry. We hired this truck and driver by the hour.” Her dad looked strangely animated. Honor had expected to see sadness, even regret, but neither were apparent. He looked fired up, ready for his new adventure.
The sight turned Honor’s stomach. Again, she wondered at how far off she’d judged the entire situation. But she needed to be glad for him … and for her mother. What was done was done.
She pushed through the screen door one last time. “Mamm?” she called.
“In here,” came her answer.
Honor went to the kitchen. Sandra was standing in the center of the room, motionless.
“Mamm?”
Her mother’s eyes filled with tears. “I wonder how many meals I’ve prepared in this kitchen,” she mused. “Thousands and thousands. Hundreds of thousands.”
Honor nodded.
“No one will ever cook in here again. No one will ever bake snickerdoodle cookies in here. No one will ever bake fat loaves of bread in here. No one will spill the milk or burn the roast or cut their finger in here again.”
She moved to the counter and ran her hands over the surface. “I have loved this kitchen with every fiber of my being. I have nourished you and your father and myself here. I have created meals that have sustained us through every day of our lives here.”
Her voice hitched, and she swallowed a sob. “I don’t know if I can bear to leave it.”
Honor stepped close to her mother and put her arm around her. “I’m so sorry, Mamm.”
Sandra sucked in a long breath. “I never expected it to hurt so much saying gut-bye to a kitchen. It’s silly. Foolish.” She squared her shoulders. “I imagine your dat is waiting for me.”
“Jah,” Honor whispered.
Sandra turned to face her full on. “I’ll miss you, child. We’ve not been apart except these last few weeks, and you’ve only been just down the road. Now… Now, we’ll be miles apart.”
“I’ll write you, Mamm. All the time.” Honor’s throat was closing, and she was barely able to speak.
Sandra grabbed her in a tight hug, pulling her close to her chest. Honor hadn’t realized how thin her mother had gotten. She felt almost brittle in Honor’s arms. And then her mother pulled away and smoothed down her apron.
“Enough foolishness,” she said, sniffing. “Let’s go, daughter.”
Honor walked with her mother out of the house.
* * *
“You all right?” Gabe asked Honor that evening after they returned from eating supper at the big house.
“Jah,” Honor said, blinking hard to dry her eyes. She’d been weepy since her parents had left earlier that day.
“I reckon you were sad to say gut-bye to your folks.”
“I was, but I’m all right. Dat was excited to go…”
“Come here, wife,” Gabe said, opening his arms.
Honor hesitated only a moment before walking into his embrace. He held her close to his chest and kissed the top of her head. “We can visit them as soon as harvest is over.”
As soon as harvest was over? Why, that would be at least six months from now, Honor thought.
“And we can spend Christmas with them, if you want,” he went on.
Honor drew back and looked up into his face. “Could we?”
“We could.”
She put her cheek against his chest again, letting him hold her for a long time.
* * *
Honor’s day fell into a routine. She spent a lot of time at the big house, helping her mother-in-law in the kitchen and outside in the garden. She also spent a lot of time knitting. In truth, she’d never liked knitting much, but she found that now, it gave her a sense of accomplishment to complete a scarf or slippers or mittens—even though the weather was getting warmer by the day and such things wouldn’t be used for months.
Gabe was working hard in the fields with his dad and his brothers. He came in at noon and dinnertime, dusty and exhausted. But he was happy, that was clear. He grinned at Honor all the time, and found any excuse to touch her, either by brushing against her in passing or grabbing her hand for silent prayer.
Honor was growing used to his touch, and she found herself not minding his frequent hugs. But the excitement for her husband, the yearning for his constant presence, that wasn’t there no matter how she tried. Gabe didn’t seem to notice anything amiss, though, and she was grateful for that. At times, she felt her mother-in-law studying her, and Honor wondered whether the woman knew that she wasn’t madly in love with her son. But of course, no word about it was ever spoken, nor likely would ever be spoken.
So, the days passed. Two months had gone by since Honor’s parents had left. The spring flowers had pushed their way through the soil, greeting the clear skies with beautiful blooms. The garden was hoed and planted and the field work was increasing every day. Honor was homesick. Not for Hollybrook, of course—she’d paid a high price to stay there. No. She was homesick for her parents, for the life she’d had with them.
One afternoon, she approached Gabe before he headed back out to the fields.
“Gabe, I think I’ll take the pony cart to the Feed & Supply. Do you think your folks will mind?”
He stood at the doorway. “Nee, they won’t mind. I’ll hitch it up for you. You should ask Mamm to go with you.”
“That’s all right,” Honor protested—too quickly. She swallowed and smiled. “I’m sure she’s busy. I’ll go alone, and I can hitch up the cart by myself. Aspen and I are gut friends by now.”
“All right,” he said slowly. “Why are you going?”
Honor fidgeted with the seam of her apron. “I need some spices. I won’t be long.”
“Have a gut trip,” Gabe said. He put his straw h
at on. “I need to be getting back out there.”
“Of course. I’ll see you at suppertime.”
He leaned toward her, kissed her, and then he was gone. She paused against the open door, feeling the soft breeze coming into the daadi haus. She probably should have just told Gabe her true feelings. That she was feeling sad and wanted to go by her old home.
But she hadn’t told him. She rarely told him anything personal, and sometimes, she ached with loneliness. She missed her mother. And she missed her cousin Willa. Not that Willa was gone. But these days, Willa was so consumed with her love for Collin that Honor found it difficult to be with her. It hurt watching someone so in love.
Honor shivered and then went to grab her purse from the table. She could stop at the Feed & Supply on the way back from her parents’ farm. Only it wasn’t her parents’ farm anymore, was it? She frowned at herself and went out to hitch Aspen to the cart.
Chapter Eleven
Honor was on her way, holding the reins loosely as Aspen clip-clopped his way down the road. There weren’t many people about; in fact, she saw no other buggies on the road. An occasional Englisch car sped by and she gripped the reins tighter, making sure Aspen didn’t spook. But the horse was unperturbed by the cars, maintaining his even trot down the road.
She turned at the intersection and heading directly north toward her old home. She hadn’t gone by for two weeks or so, and she felt the need to see it again and breathe in its familiarity. Before she drew close, she heard the noise. Heard the hammering and the loud sound of wood being slammed against the ground. She slowed to a stop at her driveway and yanked up on the reins.
It had started. The demolition. She pressed her hand to her mouth and watched in horrified fascination. The barn had been leveled, and the house was well on its way to becoming a heap of broken and splintered lumber. Huge machinery was scattered around the yard, and workers crawled over the wreckage.
And then she saw it … the beautiful maple tree that had held her tire swing for years. She sucked in her breath. Why had they destroyed the tree? Couldn’t they build their condominiums around it? The poor thing lay on its side, half cut up. Some of the branches stuck up at odd angles; others were strewn about, lying limply on the ground. Her heart wrenched, and hot tears filled her eyes.
She couldn’t bear it. Couldn’t bear to see her family’s home destroyed. Soon it would be as if it hadn’t ever been there at all. She snapped the reins and Aspen took off, the cart lurching into movement. Everything was a blur around her as her tears fell.
Ach, Mamm. Dat. It’s gone. Our home is gone.
She snapped the reins again, and Aspen sped up. The warm spring sun still shone down on her, but she didn’t feel it. Nor did she hear the birds tweeting and singing as they busied themselves making their nests.
Gone. Gone.
With every turn of the wheels, the word hammered through her mind and heart. She should have expected it. Should have known it wouldn’t be long before the wrecking balls came in. But oh, the reality of it was so much harsher than she had imagined. She bit her bottom lip, angry with herself for not being prepared for the sight. She couldn’t go back. Ever. She couldn’t bear it.
She pulled back slightly on the reins, feeling sorry for Aspen. He wasn’t used to going at this clip, but he balked at her, not wanting to slow down. She gave him his head, and they reached home sooner than she would have liked. She didn’t dare let the Chupp family see her weeping. How would she explain that?
But Gabe was by the barn door, and there was no avoiding him. She ducked her head, pretending to be fussing with something at her feet. And then she remembered. She hadn’t even gone to the Feed & Supply.
“You’re back sooner than I expected,” Gabe said in greeting. “Did you—” He stopped. “Honor, are you all right? What’s happened?”
He was by her side in an instant. She blew out her breath and handed him the reins. “I-I went by our farm…”
“Your old place?”
She nodded, miserable. “Jah. The barn is gone. The house is almost gone.” Her voice stumbled.
“Ah, Honor,” he said, full of compassion. He put his arm around her and gently helped her from the cart. “I’m right sorry. But you knew it was coming, ain’t so?”
She swallowed, feeling defensive. “Of course, I knew it was coming! But knowing and seeing are two different things!”
His eyes widened. He opened his mouth to speak and then shut it again.
“I’m sorry,” she murmured. “You’re right. I knew… I knew it was coming.”
He shook his head. “I’m sorry. I never meant…” He stopped again, seemingly at a loss for words.
“Will you unhitch Aspen?” she asked. “I want to go to the daadi haus.”
“Of course.” He dropped his arm from her shoulders. “I’ll unhitch him.”
“Th-thank you,” she stammered and hurried across the yard.
Inside the daadi haus, she sank onto the davenport. Gabe was right. She’d known. So why was she reacting as if she hadn’t expected it to happen? She wondered what her mother would think. Why, the sight of it would have crushed her. How was her mother doing, anyway?
Honor had received a couple of letters from her, but they’d seemed stilted. Honor was used to talking with her mother face-to-face. Maybe she could phone her from the shanty. But she had no idea what phone her mother could use. Honor’s clenched hands tightened in her lap. She wanted to go. Wanted to go see her mother and father. See where they lived with her own two eyes.
She jumped off the davenport and ran outside, the screen door banging behind her.
“Gabe?” she called.
He popped his head out from the barn. “What is it?”
“Can I go? Can I go and visit my parents in Baker’s Corner?”
His brow furrowed. “Now? I told you we would go once harvest is over.”
“But that’s months away. Please, Gabe. Can I go?” The fact that she was begging shot through her with discomfort. She wasn’t used to begging for what she wanted, and she didn’t like it.
Gabe studied her. “Will it make you happy?”
His question hovered between them. Did he know? Did he know she wasn’t happy? That being married to him didn’t make her happy? She drew in a long breath. She was shaking inside. Deep inside, shaking.
“I’d like to see them,” she answered, choosing her words carefully.
He continued to study her, and then with a sigh, he nodded. “If it’ll make you happy, then go. I’ll make arrangements for a van to take you tomorrow. Is that soon enough?”
Without thinking, she ran to him and hugged him. “Thank you, Gabe. Thank you.”
He seemed caught off guard and his balance wavered, but he steadied himself. “You’re welcome.”
When she let go of him, he touched her cheek. “I want you to be happy, Honor.”
Tears burned in her eyes. “I know you do, Gabe. I want the same for you, too, you know.”
He nodded, but when he didn’t look convinced, guilt surged through her. She stood for a moment more, and they stared at each other. Finally, with a sigh, she turned and walked back to the daadi haus.
* * *
“I don’t know why she has to go so soon,” Tessie Chupp complained, looking at Gabe. “Her folks haven’t even been gone a month. Is she going to be traipsing off every few weeks?”
Gabe groaned softly. “Mamm, she misses her folks. And nee, she ain’t going to be leaving every few weeks.”
Tessie pursed her lips. “Seems awful strange that a new bride would be leaving her husband so soon.”
“She ain’t leaving me,” Gabe said, trying to be patient.
“Why? You goin’ with her?”
“Nee.”
“Then, she’s leaving you.” Tessie shook out the dish towel and hung it on the hook at the side of the counter. Then she turned to scrutinize her son. “How’s it going out there?”
Gabe groaned again. “By out ther
e, do you mean the daadi haus?”
“What else would I mean?”
“I think you’re asking about my marriage, ain’t so?”
Tessie got a guilty look on her face, but she didn’t back down. Gabe was surprised. This wasn’t something that was normally discussed, and it surely wasn’t something a mother talked about with her son. But the fact that she asked, pricked at Gabe. He’d noticed the looks of sadness that came over Honor’s face with some regularity. Had his mother noticed, too?
He prayed that the trip to see her mother would ease whatever it was that was bothering Honor. He’d tried to discover what it was. He’d asked her more than once. But Honor didn’t seem inclined to tell him anything. I’m fine, was what she always said. But the day before, when she’d come back with the pony cart, she couldn’t get by with I’m fine. Her face had been swollen with tears, and he would have to have been blind not to see them.
“Well?” Tessie questioned.
Gabe gave a start, pulling his attention back to his mother. “Everything’s fine,” he said and inwardly cringed.
Tessie harrumphed, but let it go, asking instead, “What time does the van get here this morning?”
“At ten.” Gabe glanced at the clock above the cook stove. “It’s almost time. I need to go.”
He didn’t wait for an answer; he just quickly slipped out of the kitchen and through the wash room and out the side door. He hustled back to the daadi haus to find Honor on the porch with her suitcase.
“You all ready?” he asked.
She nodded.
“Three days, right?” he asked.
“That’s what we agreed,” she said softly.
“I’ll miss you,” he said, hearing the tremor in his voice. He cringed, hating how desperate he sounded. He wished she would throw herself in his arms—wished she would give some indication that she’d miss him, too. Anything. He’d take anything…
Honor's Wedding (Hollybrook Amish Romance) Page 5
