I let my hands drop and said with authority. “Julius wants a family-night free from drama. If jerk-face can’t manage that, please ask him to leave.”
William dear stepped forward and placed his hand on S’bastard’s shoulder, because he was allowed to touch his boy. “My son will behave appropriately,” he said to assure me. But, how could he be so certain, since William dear rarely behaved appropriately, what with all his phases and stuff.
I nodded authoritatively and we all walked together toward the entrance. Julius looked defeated as he held open the door. He leaned over to whisper in my ear, “Is there a problem?”
“Yeah, your mom skipped her birth control pills twenty-three years ago,” I whispered back, causing him to smile.
We were seated in a corner; most likely the manager noticed the confrontation in the parking lot and wanted us out of the way of normal families. We sat in silence… well, they sat in silence, I had a full-on rock concert going on in my head. A waitress took our drink order as we studied the menus and imagined we were anywhere other than sitting together at a table.
Julius started the conversation first, proving he indeed had big balls. “Thank you for agreeing to come all this way. It means a lot to me.”
Hum… means not a thing to me.
“How is the house coming along?” Charlotte asked.
“We should be moved in by Spring,” Julius answered.
“I would love to help you decorate,” she offered, and my mind instantly pictured the humongous dinner table in their hotel-house. “It is important to look for classic pieces with clean lines.”
I had no idea what she was talking about, because I wanted a rain lamp and a luv sack. Luckily, I didn’t have to refuse her help because Julius handled it perfectly. “Tobi has her own ideas.”
“See, he has big balls… huge,” I yelled across the table as I looked toward S’bastard and pointed at Julius. “In your face.”
Charlotte gasped, William dear glared, S’bastard laughed loudly, and Julius tried to act embarrassed, but I noticed how his chest swelled a bit… man, I wish my chest could swell. Luckily, the drinks arrived at that moment, so everyone ignored the awkward reactions.
“Are you selling the boat?” William dear inquired, to either change the topic or get a good deal on a boat.
“No, I think it would be good to hang onto it for our kids to enjoy,” Julius stated, and took hold of my hand.
“You’re pregnant, I knew it,” S’bastard laughed. He was insinuating I had been a pregnant bride. I was far from a virginal bride, but I certainly wasn’t a pregnant bride. Mommy and daddy Carmichael both widened their eyes in shock.
“I’m not pregnant,” I announced, much to their relief. I noticed Julius eyes looked down at our intertwined hands, so I gave him a slight squeeze. “Yet,” I added, just to give him hope. I hadn’t stopped my birth control, but if he wanted to practice while my uterus was still under control, I would go along with it.
“You should wait at least a year,” Charlotte advised. “Just to… make sure.”
“Make sure of what?” I asked stupidly.
Everyone grew uncomfortable so S’bastard clued me in. “In case this doesn’t work out,” he said as he motioned at both me and Julius.
I looked at Julius and I swore I noticed his balls shrink inside his jeans. It angered me, because I wanted him to stand up to his brother, and because he had every right to brag instead of shrink.
“Do you have a mirror?” I asked with a serious tone, addressing S’bastard. My question caught him off guard and his brow furrowed. He nodded instead of replying vocally. “So, you look at your hair in a mirror and still think the look works for you?” It wasn’t like me to attack someone’s looks so obviously, but this rude manlet needed to be knocked down a peg or two.
S’bastard ran his fingers through the slicked back monstrosity and said, “The chicks love my hair.”
“Fowl should really stay away from oil, it doesn’t work well with their feathers,” I said honestly, feeling so socially responsible for caring about wildlife.
S’bastard gave me a hateful stare and then added, “I do just fine with the ladies.”
I shrugged and pointed out the obvious. “You brought a whore to our wedding. I don’t think it is ‘doing fine’ when you have to pay for an escort.”
He decided to go for a super low blow and smiled as he said, “Well, maybe I’ll invite you to his next wedding.”
That was it, the ever-elusive imaginary line in the sand, and S’bastard just sailed over it. Julius let go of my hand and pointed a finger at his brother. His voice was threatening as he spoke through his clenched jaw. “Don’t ever speak to Tobi in that manner. She is not a mistake or temporary. She is my soulmate and I thank God I found her.” I could vouch for that. He screamed out to deity often as he pounded on walls.
“Julius, calm down,” Charlotte insisted.
“Um… no,” I asserted, because I would let my husband beat the crap out of this punk if he wanted. Oh, wait, this is his brother, maybe I should try to calm things down.
I decided to take the high road, not a substance induced high, but a proverbial high. I looked at William dear, because he was the boss, I mean the father. “Julius wanted his family to see how happy we are. We are talking about having kids as we prepare to move into our forever home. Please be happy for him,” I begged.
Julius looked away, but I saw the tears in his eyes. He desperately wanted my words to be true and I decided a baby after Sara’s wedding was totally feasible; bring on baby Budge. S’bastard saw our marriage as a joke, but there was nothing funny about two previous wives cheating. Only time would prove to Julius I was in this for the good, the bad, and the ugly. And, S’bastard was absolutely the ugly.
Our food began to arrive, so we all concentrated on eating. Nobody spoke and it felt awkward to chew surrounded by silence. The forks and knives were clinking off the plates and I could literally hear Julius swallowing.
When they began clearing the dishes I was desperate to save the evening. I turned to Charlotte and asked hesitantly, “What suggestions do you have for our new home?” I purposefully used the word suggestions, because I could listen to what she suggested without committing to anything.
She smiled and seemed relieved someone broke the tension. Maybe that was why she dated Gordon, his old-age kept things calm in their hotel-house. “I guess you’ll need to consider children when you pick a style… perhaps mid-century modern?”
I had no idea what she meant, and she obviously knew it, because she pulled out her phone and googled some images. When she turned the screen for me to see I gasped loudly and rudely pulled it from her hand. I guess someone needed to do my mother’s job, too. I showed Julius an amazing chair that looked easily doable… or in other words, a Jen chair. It was sleek and reclined in several positions, but more importantly, it was orange.
“I want this chair,” I declared like a spoiled princess.
“Anything,” he grinned, spoiling me like a princess.
Charlotte stuck her nose into our business and said, “You would need to choose beige companion pieces if you go with such a blatant orange.” I wish she would keep her suggestions to herself. I mean, who asked… Oh, well, she suggested enough and should remain quiet now.
William dear spoke up at that point and offered, “Teens are harder on furniture than small children.”
I thought over my teen years and realized I would toss my bookbag on the table, collapse onto the sofa, plant my feet on anything close, and pig-out on Doritos and Cheetos. Yeah, orange furniture would be much better than beige. “Thank you, that’s a great point,” I said to William dear, causing him to nod in my general direction.
“How’s business?” William dear asked Julius.
“Great,” Julius responded with pride. “Patrons have continued to increase. I’ve found a less expensive supplier, so proceeds are up.”
“Julius sings there often,” I added.
I tried to encourage Julius to sing as much as possible at the club. If it was a busy night with a lot of singers, he wouldn’t take the stage, but on slow nights he often spent close to an hour singing his material. I loved to hear him sing, as he sat on the squiggle stage under the soft lights, using his deep voice to get my body all worked up.
His talent was spreading by word of mouth and the club became filled with female patrons all waiting for him to take the stage. I didn’t worry, they were all squares and Julius had no desire to return to that pain again.
“Dad’s expanding,” S’bastard interjected, so I snuck a peak at William dear’s body. I saw nothing different.
“Do you need more space?” Julius asked, and I prepared to pull the table toward us, but William dear shook his head back and forth.
“I’m remodeling the warehouse,” he stated. I nodded in understanding; with Amos gone he easily had more warehouse space. “Sabastian has some great ideas to streamline our shipping and increase production.”
Julius nodded to his brother and said, “That’s great. Dad is lucky to have you.”
I snorted, and everyone looked at me. I had to deflect and couldn’t depend on my slutty sisters. I finally ran with, “Charlotte had him, not William dear.” It made it sound like I was insinuating Charlotte and S’bastard were intimate, so I needed to rephrase. “She gave birth to him. And with that name, I’m not sure Charlotte knows who the father is.” I mean, who would name their child S’bastard.
Julius put his arm around my shoulders and gave me a soft squeeze. I knew that move, my parents used it often to tell me to remain quiet. I was a grown woman and I could say anything I wanted, so I rolled my shoulder to make him move his arm.
“Sabastian is named after my Grandfather,” Charlotte said with attitude. “And Julius is named after Gaius Julius Caesar.”
My eyes shot open wide and I exclaimed, “Caesar was gay? No wonder he wore greenery in his hair. And, Brutus was totally homophobic, obviously.”
Julius’s arm moved toward my shoulder but stopped before letting it settle. He was a quick learner… aside from choosing women. I was so happy I had information to relay to Kev. I never payed attention to history in school, but little tidbits like this would have made the course so much easier. For a moment, I was thrilled I had agreed to this family dinner.
“Have you talked about names for your children?” Charlotte asked.
No longer thrilled.
Julius quickly placed his arm around me and literally covered my mouth with his hand. I would have bitten it, if I had predicted his sneaky move sooner. “This conversation is jumping way ahead. We are discussing children but haven’t planned anything yet.”
Was he crazy? We had a plan alright. We planned for me to get pregnant right after Sara’s wedding. We planned to have a circular crib. We had just decided on an orange chair, so our teens wouldn’t ruin the furniture with Cheeto stained fingers. And, we planned to name our baby Budge. Oh, now I see why Julius was skittish. I silently nodded in agreement, so Julius removed his hand.
“You’re gonna pay for that,” I whispered.
I decided right then and there all our children would be named various versions of Budge. We would have a Jitter, a Bounce, a Hyper, and even baby Manic. My planning stopped when I realized I would have to give birth to five children… and then keep track of them.
“Children are a big responsibility,” William dear said sternly. I think he was trying to warn me or something. Maybe my mother told them about cutting open my doll to see what made it cry. “Julius was a difficult child, very emotional,” he added. S’bastard laughed loudly.
I wanted to point out he was most likely crying over the parade of strangers his parents dated, but I kept my mouth shut. William dear wasn’t about to insult only one child, so he turned on his second son, too. “Sabastian never listened to anyone. I swear he spent his teens completely deaf.” This time Julius laughed. I was so grateful to be an only child.
“What kind of child were you?” Charlotte asked, the bitch.
“Um… I was okay. I mean, I wasn’t deaf, but I didn’t really listen. I was emotional, too,” I added to spare my husband. “Usually around my period.” I wanted William dear to realize all kids were pretty much the same, but Julius sighed loudly as his brother laughed again. I turned to my wonderful husband and said, “No, Julius, I wasn’t insinuating you were a wuss. I like how emotional you are. When I did that really nasty thing to you and you cried, it made me love you even more.”
Julius blushed, and I wanted to back pedal, but S’bastard looked totally jealous, so I only sidestepped and changed the subject. “Charlotte, how did the chair thing work out?”
She instantly stood and said, “This was nice, we must do it again sometime.” I guess the family dinner was over. I wasn’t sure how to interpret her reaction. Did it work out down-and-dirty, or did the chair tip and she suffered a concussion? William dear’s face remained stoic, so who knows.
We walked to the parking lot and waved enthusiastically as everyone drove away. Julius pulled me into his arms and smiled widely. “I love you,” he said softly.
“Enough to knock me up after Sara’s wedding?” I teased.
“I can’t wait to see you pregnant,” he said, trying to be romantic, but the visual in my head was not appealing in any way. My body resembled the blueberry girl from Willie Wonka and I worried about exploding all over the walls of my new house when Julius tried to squeeze me.
I suddenly had an overwhelming craving for Chocolate.
Chapter 15
The night before we left for Georgia to attend Travis and Sara’s wedding, Julius was acting strange. I wondered if he enjoyed his own weddings, but other people’s weddings bugged him for some reason. I felt that was narrow-minded of him and worried about having to plan vow renewals just to keep him happy.
“Are you okay? You’ve been quiet all day,” I asked, as we laid in bed. He turned onto his side and stared directly into my eyes. He was so easy to read, and I could tell something had him very confused. “You can tell me, maybe I can help you decide something.”
He swallowed and said in just a whisper, “I’ve been asked to keep something from you and I don’t think it’s right.”
Oh, heck no, if he had something I wanted it was most likely squiggle shaped. I realize I gave away the pen, and totally kept that from him, but this was different. He was married to a whore at the time, not me. I tried to remain calm and said, “We’re married, you shouldn’t keep things from me.” I held out my hand to demand whatever it was he was hanging onto.
“You’re right,” he said firmly, but he didn’t move to retrieve anything. “Your mother is having her campaign launch party at the club.”
I didn’t say anything because my hand was still waiting for some squiggly surprise. I had no idea what a campaign launch party consisted of, because she had never had one before. What in the world would she want to launch and why did she need a campaign for it?
“If you don’t want to come that is fine, but it should be your decision,” he said softly.
“I don’t get it,” I confessed.
“Your mother’s campaign for the next election thinks it is best to use my family connections to help your mother,” he added, but that didn’t explain anything.
“How would it help?” I asked, completely lost.
“My father owns a successful corporation and, well… my family wealth.”
I stared in confusion… which was basically my typical stare. What did my mother’s job in such a small town have to do with Julius’s family? I was trying to figure things out in my mind when Julius put his arm around me lovingly. I focused on him and he mouthed the words, “I’m so proud of you.”
I smiled, unsure why he would be proud, but happy none the less of his pride. It was then he made me understand what had him so worried and upset. “Tobi, your mother has campaign celebrations often. I guess you’ve never been invited to
one.”
Wait… what? My mother, the mayor, who works for all the citizens excluded her own daughter from celebrations? I can honestly say I probably would have chosen not to attend because politicians are the squarest of all squares. Julius ran his finger down my cheek and made me a pretty good offer. Not an offer that would lead to wall pounding, but an offer that would allow me to make the final decision regarding my mother’s celebration. “If you don’t want her using the club, I’ll cancel the event.”
I thought about it, wondering if I could make it conditional and exactly what conditions I would add. I smiled widely at my wonderful husband and said, “She can have it on one condition.”
He smiled in return and then cautiously asked, “What condition?”
“You have to sing.” I thought I was making a hard bargain. If she wanted to be the popular mayor she would have to gain her popularity off my hot husband.
“I already agreed to sing,” he informed me, ruining my bargaining chip. “How about I insist you get to make a speech?”
I sat up quickly as my mind began to spin. I could give a speech about anything I wanted. I could talk about a law to forbid whores from visiting their hometowns. I could tell everyone how stupid Amos Dunn is and how they need a special officer to protect the citizens from their own protector. Maybe I could get my driver’s education teacher fired for insisting they install harness seatbelts in the back seat of the training cars when it came to my turn.
“Tobi, you would have to give a supportive speech,” he said to ruin my spinning.
I laid back down and said with a sigh, “Never mind. I’ll come, but I won’t give a speech.”
The following morning, we met Claire, Amos, and ugly Amy at the airport. I had never been to the South and after meeting the Stovalls, I was a bit afraid to show my squiggly Northern butt in Atlanta. I worried about needing a corset and being forced into a ball gown. I played with ugly Amy on the flight, dang if she wasn’t getting cute, and I didn’t have the urge to cut her open once.
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