CHAPTER IX
"Well, the worst of it is over," said Bunker cheerfully.
The Baron groaned. "Ze vorst is only jost beginning to gommence."
They were sitting over a crackling fire of logs in the sitting-room ofthe suite which their host had reserved for his honored visitors. Howmany heirlooms and dusky portraits the romantic thoughtfulness of theladies had managed to crowd into this apartment for the occasion werehard to compute; enough, certainly, one would think, to inspire the mostsluggish-blooded Tulliwuddle with a martial exultation. Instead, thechieftain groaned again.
"Tell zem I am ill. I cannot gom to dinner. To-morrow I shall takeze train back to London. Himmel! Vy vas I fool enof to act sochdishonorable lies! I deceive all these kind peoples!"
"It isn't that which worries me," said Bunker imperturbably. "I am onlyafraid that if you display this spirit you won't deceive them."
"I do not vish to," said the Baron sulkily.
It required half an hour of the Count's most artful blandishments topersuade him that duty, honor, and prudence all summoned him to thefeast. This being accomplished, he next endeavored to convince him thathe would feel more comfortable in the airy freedom of the Tulliwuddletartan. But here the Baron was obdurate. Now that the kilt lay ready tohis hand he could not be persuaded even to look at it. In gloomy silencehe donned his conventional evening dress and announced, last thingbefore they left their room--
"Bonker, say no more! To-morrow morning I depart!"
Their hostess had explained that a merely informal dinner awaited them,since his lordship (she observed) would no doubt prefer a quiet eveningafter his long journey. But Mrs. Gallosh was one of those good ladieswho are fond of asking their friends to take "pot luck," and thenproviding them with fourteen courses; or suggesting a "quiet littleevening together," when they have previously removed the drawing-roomcarpet. It is an affectation of modesty apt to disconcert the retiringguest who takes them at their word. In the drawing-room of Mrs. Galloshthe startled Baron found assembled--firstly, the Gallosh family,consisting of all those whose acquaintance we have already made, and inaddition two stalwart school-boy sons; secondly, their house-party, whocomprised a Mr. and Mrs. Rentoul, from the same metropolis of commerceas Mr. Gallosh, and a hatchet-faced young man with glasses, answering tothe name of Mr. Cromarty-Gow; and, finally, one or two neighbors. Theselast included Mr. M'Fadyen, the large factor; the Established Church,U.F., Wee Free, Episcopalian, and Original Secession ministers, all ofwhom, together with their kirks, flourished within a four-mile radius ofthe Castle; the wives to three of the above; three young men and theirtutor, being some portion of a reading-party in the village; and Mrs.Cameron-Campbell and her five daughters, from a neighboring dower-houseupon the loch.
It was fortunate that all these people were prepared to be impressedwith Lord Tulliwuddle, whatever he should say or do; and further, thatthe unique position of such a famous hereditary magnate even led themto anticipate some marked deviation from the ordinary canons of conduct.Otherwise, the gloomy brows; the stare, apparently haughty, in realityalarmed; the strange accent and the brief responses of the chief guest,might have caused an unfavorable opinion of his character.
As it was, his aloofness, however natural, would probably have proveddepressing had it not been for the gay charm and agreeable condescensionof the other nobleman. Seldom had more rested upon that adventurer'sshoulders, and never had he acquitted himself with greater credit. Itwas with considerable secret concern that he found himself placed atthe opposite end of the table from his friend, but his tongue rattled asgaily and his smiles came as readily as ever. With Mrs. Cameron-Campbellon one side, and a minister's lady upon the other, his host two placesdistant, and a considerable audience of silent eaters within earshot,he successfully managed to divert the attention of quite half the tablefrom the chieftain's moody humor.
"I always feel at home with a Scotsman," he discoursed genially."His imagination is so quick, his intellect so clear, his honesty soremarkable, and" (with an irresistible glance at the minister's lady)"his wife so charming."
"Ha, ha!" laughed Mr. Gallosh, who was mellowing rapidly under theinfluence of his own champagne. "I'm verra glad to see you know goodfolks when you meet them. What do you think now of the English?"
Having previously assured himself that his audience was neat Scotch, thepolished Austrian unblushingly replied--
"The Englishman, I have observed, has a slightly slower imagination, adenser intelligence, and is less conspicuous for perfect honesty. Hiswomankind also have less of that nameless grace and ethereal beautywhich distinguish their Scottish sisters."
It is needless to say that a more popular visitor never was seen thanthis discriminating foreigner, and if his ambitions had not risen abovea merely personal triumph, he would have been in the highest state ofsatisfaction. But with a disinterested eye he every now and thensought the farther end of the table, where, between his hostess and hercharming eldest daughter, and facing his factor, the Baron had to endurehis ordeal unsupported.
"I wonder how the devil he's getting on!" he more than once said tohimself.
For better or for worse, as the dinner advanced, he began to hear theCourt accent more frequently, till his curiosity became extreme.
"His lordship seems in better spirits," remarked Mr. Gallosh.
"I hope to Heaven he may be!" was the fervent thought of Count Bunker.
At that moment the point was settled. With his old roar of exuberantgusto the Baron announced, in a voice that drowned even the fiveministers--
"Ach, yes, I vill toss ze caber to-morrow! I vill toss him--so high!"(his napkin flapped upwards). "How long shall he be? So tall as mycastle: Mees Gallosh, you shall help me? Ach, yes! Mit hands so fair zecaber vill spring like zis!"
His pudding-spoon, in vivid illustration, skipped across the table andstruck his factor smartly on the shirt-front.
"Sare, I beg your pardon," he beamed with a graciousness that charmedMrs. Gallosh even more than his spirited conversation--"Ach, do notreturn it, please! It is from my castle silver--keep it in memory of zishappy night!"
The royal generosity of this act almost reconciled Mrs. Gallosh to theloss of one of her own silver spoons.
"Saved!" sighed Bunker, draining his glass with a relish he had not feltin any item of the feast hitherto.
Now that the Baron's courage had returned, no heraldic lion ever prancedmore bravely. His laughter, his jests, his compliments were showeredupon the delighted diners. Mr. Gallosh and he drank healths down thewhole length of the table "mit no tap-heels!" at least four times.He peeled an orange for Miss Gallosh, and cut the skin into the mostdiverting figures, pressing her hand tenderly as he presented herwith these works of art. He inquired of Mrs. Gallosh the names of theclergymen, and, shouting something distantly resembling these, toastedthem each and all with what he conceived to be appropriate comments.Finally he rose to his feet, and, to the surprise and delight of all,delivered the speech they had been disappointed of earlier in the day.
"Goot Mr. Gallosh, fair Mrs. Gallosh, divine Mees Gallosh, and allze ladies and gentlemans, how sorry I vas I could not make my speechbefore, I cannot eggspress. I had a headache, and vas not vell vithin.Ach, soch zings vill happen in a new climate. Bot now I am inspired totell you I loff you all! I zank you eggstremely! How can I returnzis hospitality? I vill tell you! You must all go to Bavaria and staymit----"
"Tulliwuddle! Tulliwuddle!" shouted Bunker frantically, to the greatamazement of the company. "Allow me to invite the company myself to staywith me in Bavaria!"
The Baron turned crimson, as he realized the abyss of error into whichhe had so nearly plunged. Adroitly the Count covered his confusion witha fit of laughter so ingeniously hearty that in a moment he had joinedin it too.
"Ha, ha, ha!" he shouted. "Zat was a leetle joke at my friend'seggspense. It is here, in my castle, you shall visit me; some day verysoon I shall live in him. Meanvile, dear Mrs. Gallosh, gonsider it yourhome! Fo
r me you make it heaven, and I cannot ask more zan zat! Now letus gom and have some fon!"
A salvo of applause greeted this conclusion. At the Baron's impetuousrequest the cigars were brought into the hall, and ladies and gentlemenall trooped out together.
"I cannot vait till I have seen Miss Gallosh dance ze Highland reel," heexplained to her gratified mother; "she has promised me."
"But you must dance too, Lord Tulliwuddle," said ravishing Miss Gallosh."You know you said you would."
"A promise to a lady is a law," replied the Baron gallantly, adding in alower tone, "especially to so fair a lady!"
"It's a pity his lordship hadn't on his kilt," put in Mr. Galloshgenially.
"By ze Gad, I vill put him on! Hoch! Ve vill have some fon!"
The Baron rushed from the hall, followed in a moment by his noblefriend. Bunker found him already wrapping many yards of tartan about hiswaist.
"But, my dear fellow, you must take off your trousers," he expostulated.
Despite his glee, the Baron answered with something of the Blitzenbergdignity--
"Ze bare leg I cannot show to-night--not to dance mit ze young ladies.Ven I have practised, perhaps; but not now, Bonker."
Accordingly the portraits of four centuries of Tulliwuddles beheldtheir representative appear in the very castle of Hechnahoul with histrouser-legs capering beneath an ill-hung petticoat of tartan. And, tomake matters worse in their canvas eyes, his own shameless laugh rangloudest in the mirth that greeted his entrance.
"Ze garb of Gaul!" he announced, shaking with hilarity. "Gom, Bonker,dance mit me ze Highland fling!"
The first night of Lord Tulliwuddle's visit to his ancestral halls isstill remembered among his native hills. The Count also, his mind nowrapturously at ease, performed prodigies. They danced together what theywere pleased to call the latest thing in London, sang a duet, waltzedwith the younger ladies, till hardly a head was left unturned, and,in short, sent away the ministers and their ladies, the five MissCameron-Campbells, the reading-party, and particularly the factor, witha new conception of a Highland chief. As for the house-party, they feltthat they were fortunate beyond the lot of most ordinary mortals.
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