by K. L. Slater
Twenty-Five
When I came out of the cloakroom, I walked slowly down the hall, listening to the hum of voices in the open-plan kitchen. This had to be the most unlikely of nightmare gatherings, and at the centre of it all, Bridget’s laughter. She seemed to relish holding court.
I passed the bottom of the stairs and glanced up, my eyes led by the silver-grey carpet and stylish glass banister. I stood very still, the breath catching in my throat. The wall of the staircase was covered, floor to ceiling, with photographs of Jesse.
I climbed up a couple of steps and peered closer.
‘Ah, I see you’ve found my memory wall.’
I jumped, and turned to see Bridget standing at the bottom of the stairs looking up, her hands on her hips as if she was ready for a challenge.
‘There are … so many of them,’ I said lightly.
‘You must have as many of Tom, I’m sure,’ she said nonchalantly. ‘Framed and hung around the house, no doubt.’
‘Yes, of course,’ I said carefully, and then grabbed the opportunity. ‘Have you got a photo album of the wedding? I saw the picture in the hallway, but—’
‘All in good time.’ She smiled. ‘We’re getting the shots sorted, but don’t worry, you’ll see them soon enough.’
I nodded, feeling a pang for the dream wedding I’d once visualised for my son, a dream that had now turned to dust. I regarded the stairwell again. It was less of a memory wall and more of a shrine to Jesse.
Bridget said something, but I didn’t quite catch what it was, because at that exact moment I realised that Tom had been cut out of many of the photographs. I had some of them in my own collection, so I knew they had originally featured both boys.
‘I have lots of these photos at home,’ I said, looking at her pointedly. ‘And Jesse is still present in all of mine.’
She smiled. ‘How noble of you, Jill. But then Jesse didn’t do anything wrong.’
‘Seems strange that you couldn’t stand to see Tom in the photographs, and yet you’ve married him,’ I said, trying to match her boldness. ‘I can’t help thinking how conflicting that is.’ How screwed up was what I really meant.
But Bridget wasn’t fazed. ‘Not really,’ she said, placing one foot on the bottom step. I saw she’d removed her skyscraper heels. ‘I trimmed the photographs when Jesse died. I found it difficult to cope with seeing Tom on there, plus I wanted a wall of pictures of only my son. That’s all it was.’
‘But now you can stand seeing Tom. You’ve recovered sufficiently to marry him!’
I knew I was pushing it, but felt unable to stop. None of this added up.
‘Tom completely understands my thinking.’
‘I see.’ I stepped down. She didn’t budge, so I hovered close to her on the first step.
‘Good. I’m so glad you see.’ She dropped her voice so low I had to strain to hear. ‘Maybe you’ve forgotten how well I know you, Jill. You’re a control freak at heart, but you need to understand that you’re not in control of Tom any more. You’ll have to learn to deal with that.’
‘Tom is his own person,’ I said, choked. ‘He doesn’t need you running his life either.’
‘We’ll see about that,’ she hissed.
I felt suddenly winded. I folded my arms, hugged my hands close to me.
‘I’ll always be his mother,’ I said. ‘I’ll be here long after you’re sick of him, because you forget I know you too, Bridget.’ I paused to take a breath. ‘I know how you lose interest in things very quickly, how you’re fond of idealising but struggle with the reality of situations. Just like your son.’
It was satisfying to see the false mocking smile instantly melt away.
‘Don’t you dare drag Jesse into this.’ I glimpsed bared teeth through her painted lips, her eyes flashing with quiet fury. ‘I can make your life a misery, remember that. We can be civil to each other for Tom’s sake or you can make an enemy of me, Jill. It’s your decision.’
‘Hey! What’re my two favourite girls talking about?’ Tom walked casually down the hallway looking handsome and relaxed.
‘Oh, we were reminiscing about the old days, darling.’ Bridget moved away from the bottom of the stairs so that finally I was able to step down. She kissed him on the lips and pointed to the photographs. ‘Your mum was admiring Jesse’s memory wall.’
I watched his reaction carefully.
‘She’s done a fantastic job with it, hasn’t she, Mum?’
‘There are so many photographs,’ I said simply.
‘Yeah, and lots of great memories on here for me too.’ He glanced at the wall and then lowered his eyes. ‘I loved him like a brother. Miss him every day.’
Bridget grasped his hand and jiggled it. ‘Come on. You know Jesse wouldn’t have wanted us all moping around. Let’s go and get our drinks. Dinner will be nearly ready to serve.’
And in a jiffy they were both headed back to the kitchen and I was alone in the hallway again. Tempted as I was to creep upstairs and have a bit of a snoop, I decided I’d wait until Tom offered to show me around. It would probably only end up making me feel sick, imagining my beautiful boy here with her.
I walked slowly towards the kitchen. Movement to my right caught my eye. It was Ellis, sitting alone in a comfortable snug lit with lamps. His gaming device was on, the glare of the screen lighting up the room, but he wasn’t playing on it; he was staring vacantly ahead, looking lost. Even though he’d never met his father, his grandmother marrying the man who’d gone to prison for Jesse’s death must be incredibly difficult for him to fathom.
‘Hello, Ellis,’ I said, hovering in the doorway. ‘I’m glad we got to meet at last tonight.’
‘Hi,’ he mumbled, and snatched up his device. I wondered what was going through his head – the fact that I was the mother of the man who killed his dad? Probably.
I took a few steps inside the room, and he looked so alarmed, I stood still.
‘It’s OK, I’m going through to the kitchen in a moment. I wanted to say that I know all this must be very difficult for you, Ellis. I understand that, and if—’
‘It’s not difficult, it’s unbearable.’ I turned to see Coral behind me. ‘For us both, if you must know.’ I stepped back and she came properly into the room, pushing the door almost closed. ‘I know you don’t like her. I can tell. We feel trapped. She controls our lives, and Ellis … well, he says he hates Tom because of what happened.’ She hesitated. ‘Sorry to have to say that to you, Jill. But Bridget is forcing Ellis to spend time with him, and it’s not fair.’ She peered through the gap in the door nervously, her eyes wide. ‘Please don’t say anything to her. Not tonight when she’s on a high. She’d never forgive me, and she’s already threatening to withdraw my rent support.’
‘I won’t say a word.’ I touched her arm. ‘Look, I don’t approve of this marriage any more than you do, Coral. And I completely understand that it must be incredibly hard for Ellis and for you to see Tom at such close quarters.’
Ellis sat very still, his eyes downcast, his face red.
I decided to say what I was thinking. ‘If you ever want to talk, you only have to say. I’m happy to meet and …’
She looked at me so strangely, the words died in my throat.
‘Thank you for that, but I don’t think it will work. None of this is your fault, I know that. In fact, I feel very sorry for you.’
‘Don’t feel sorry for me,’ I said, far more blithely than I felt. ‘I’ll get through this like I’ve managed to get through everything else in life. Bridget doesn’t scare me one bit.’
‘Well, maybe she ought to.’
I frowned. ‘What do you mean by that?’
‘Nothing.’ She turned away from me slightly.
‘Coral, if there’s something I need to know, please tell me. I’m as concerned about this sham marriage as you are.’
She looked at me as if she pitied me.
‘It’s just temper. I’ve nothing to tell you.’
&
nbsp; But she did know something, I felt sure of it. She’d forgotten herself for a moment, been about to share something important and then thought better of it.
I wouldn’t wait around for her to confide in me. I’d start to poke around a bit myself, use my librarian’s research skills to find out what I could about Bridget.
If he was going to get this joke of a marriage annulled, there was no time to waste.
Twenty-Six
Bridget
It didn’t escape my notice that Jill, Coral and Ellis all came back into the room together. Neither Jill nor Ellis would look at me, which was a big clue that they were feeling jumpy about something.
‘Ready for dinner, Jill? I’m so looking forward to it,’ I said brightly, though in reality I was counting the minutes until they’d be leaving. I’d forgotten what a scheming, sly personality she hid underneath that dull, humble exterior. I turned away from her to the collection of bottles on the countertop. ‘I bought a couple of bottles of fizz for us.’ I winked at her, the warmth of the alcohol relaxing me. ‘You’re already a glass behind me, let’s put that right.’
I poured Jill a drink, aware of Coral standing over by the door, arms folded, her face pale and furious. I didn’t offer her a drink on purpose, didn’t want her in here listening to everything that was being said. But of course, she was intent on supervising Ellis, making the boy nervous and jumpy.
Tom and Robert were silent. They glanced at Coral’s sour face and Jill’s miserable expression. This had the makings of a really great party.
‘Everything OK, Brid?’ Tom said meaningfully. ‘Need me to do anything?’
‘Nope. Everything is under control, thanks for asking though.’ Jill hadn’t offered to do a thing. ‘In fact, everyone can take their seats at the table.’
Everyone moved towards the table which I’d dressed simply with white linen napkins, candles and grey Portuguese stoneware plates. I watched as Jill picked up the Robert Welch cutlery and inspected it for smears.
‘Something certainly smells delicious,’ Robert remarked, inhaling deeply. ‘What’s on the menu, or is it a surprise?’
‘Not at all,’ I said, pleased he’d asked. ‘We’ve got a super-green risotto to start and then butternut squash and spinach curry for main.’
‘It’s an all-vegan menu,’ Tom said proudly. ‘Bridget’s got an amazing imagination when it comes to plant food.’
‘I’m very much looking forward to sampling it, Bridget.’ Robert beamed.
‘Really?’ Jill fixed him with a glare. ‘I thought your opinion of vegan food was that you might as well eat dry cardboard?’
Robert laughed lightly, clearly embarrassed.
‘Maybe it’s the way you’re cooking it, Mum,’ Tom said and I wanted to kiss him.
‘I can pass on the recipes if Robert enjoys them, Jill,’ I said with relish. ‘Tom can’t get enough of my cooking.’
‘No thank you,’ Jill said shortly, nostrils flaring. ‘I prefer to stick with classic food, I’m not one to follow fads.’
‘Glass of cola, Ellis?’ I called over, gleeful my comments had obviously hit home. ‘Hungry?’
‘I’m OK, thanks, Nan,’ Ellis mumbled. ‘I’m not hungry at all.’
I took pity on him. ‘Tell you what, you go and sit in the snug and play your game for an hour while we eat, sweetheart. That’s the best plan.’
Ellis immediately turned on his Nintendo Switch.
‘He’s had his gaming hour already today, Bridget,’ Coral said tightly.
‘Has he?’ I smiled at him. ‘Well let’s give him an extension, shall we?’
‘Ellis, turn it off now, please,’ Coral said, ignoring my comment.
Jill took another swig of her Prosecco and perched on a stool, enjoying the show. Ellis didn’t look up from his console.
‘Ellis!’ Coral said, her voice full of warning.
‘In a minute!’ he snapped at her.
‘Hey, chill, buddy,’ Tom said.
Ellis wheeled around. ‘You’re not my dad, you can’t tell me what to do, and I’m not your buddy.’
‘Wow, seems everyone’s an expert here tonight on Ellis’s behaviour.’ Coral stood there challenging us all, holding court as if this was her house and her party.
‘Coral, why don’t you go home?’ I turned to her. ‘I wanted to include you tonight, but you obviously don’t want to be here. Ellis can stay over.’
‘I’ll go with pleasure,’ Coral said. ‘But Ellis is coming home with me.’
I shook my head. ‘He isn’t going anywhere.’
‘Yes he is! Ellis, get your coat.’
Reluctantly, my grandson shuffled forward a few steps.
‘Go upstairs to your room if you like, Ellis,’ I said, and, eyes darting between me and his mother, he suddenly rushed out of the kitchen. Coral stepped forward and I squared up to her, fury coursing through my veins. I felt so angry, but I forced myself to back off before I throttled her.
‘Come on now,’ Tom said smoothly. ‘Let’s all take a breath.’
‘Please don’t undermine me again in front of Ellis,’ Coral told me, clearly trying to make a point in Jill’s presence. ‘You know he isn’t allowed to—’
‘For God’s sake, Coral, pipe down!’ I snapped. ‘We’re here to have a good time. Take a chill pill, will you?’
I turned away from her and saw that Jill’s glass was empty. I picked up the bottle and topped her up. ‘So what are you up to these days, Jill? Tom says you’re working.’
My heart was racing but I’d be damned if I’d let Coral see she’d got the better of me.
‘Yes, I’m in retail,’ she said. ‘In the centre of town.’
‘She helps out for a few hours at the Second Chances charity shop,’ Robert kindly provided. ‘Do you know it?’
‘Actually, yes,’ I said, wanting to laugh out loud at Jill and Robert’s differing descriptions of her job. ‘I do.’
‘Some super things in there. Last Christmas, Jill got her dress—’
‘Robert, nobody wants the boring details of my wardrobe,’ Jill interrupted, slugging back half of her drink in one gulp.
‘On the contrary, it’s fascinating,’ I said, amused that nobody else seemed to notice her constant irritation with me. I topped up her glass again.
‘I think there are far more important things to discuss.’ She snatched up her drink. She was becoming careless and rude.
‘I’m going up to check on Ellis,’ Coral said. ‘I really don’t want him buried in that game for hours on end.’ She left the room. I was heartily sick of her attitude. She was selfish and ungrateful and it was about time she heard some home truths about taking people for granted.
‘She worries far too much about that boy,’ I said as I carried the food over to the table. ‘He’s a sensible lad, he’ll work it all out in his own time.’
‘Some of us prefer to give our boys boundaries, Bridget,’ Jill said tightly. ‘Rather than treat them as adults before their time.’
‘Mum!’ Tom hissed.
Saying nothing, I placed the tureen of risotto on the heat mat and returned to the kitchen counter. An awkward silence descended before Jill spoke again, her words slightly blunted at the edges with the effects of the alcohol she’d consumed.
‘I remember only too well, Bridget, how fond you were of leaving Jesse to work it out.’ Tom and his father stared at her, mute and aghast. ‘It usually ended up with school ringing you to threaten his exclusion, or even worse, the police knocking at your door.’
‘That’s enough!’ Robert raised his voice and Jill froze on the spot, seeming suddenly to realise how badly she’d behaved.
I stood very still and looked at the floor. Tom flew across the room.
‘Brid, are you OK? I’m so sorry, Mum wasn’t thinking. She—’
‘It’s OK, Tom,’ I said magnanimously, turning to meet Jill’s basilisk stare. ‘I understand we’ve a long way to go. I thought having dinner together tonight would help u
s bond a little, but I can see now that’s probably not going to happen.’
Jill turned her entire body away from me and took an unsteady step towards Tom.
‘You’re making a big mistake, Tom, and I will prove it to you.’ She started breathing heavily with her mouth open, her chest rising and falling. ‘It’s not too late to get this ridiculous marriage annulled. I won’t stand by and see her ruin your life. I won’t let that happen.’
Tom looked winded, as if she’d punched him in the stomach.
‘Bridget, Tom, I’m so, so sorry.’ Robert looked at his wife in disgust, clearly mortified. ‘Jill, get your coat, I’ll call a cab. It’s time for us to go.’
‘I’m not going anywhere until I have some answers about this farce of a marriage.’
‘Jill! Coat … now!’
She stood up, adjusting her terrible outfit. The shapeless dress hung on her frame, clinging in all the wrong places. But she didn’t follow Robert to the door. Instead, she turned desperately to Tom.
‘Is that what you want, Tom? For me to leave before we’ve talked about everything that’s happened?’
She waited. I waited. Robert sighed and looked at his watch.
‘I think it’s for the best,’ Tom said without meeting her eyes. ‘We’re married now whether you like it or not, and you knowing all the ins and outs of it isn’t going to have any bearing on that. You need to accept it, Mum, like we talked about.’
Robert nodded and glared at her. ‘What Tom’s saying, Jill, is that you’re going to have to like it or lump it.’
‘I couldn’t have put it better myself,’ I said. ‘Good night, Jill.’
Twenty-Seven
2005
Tom stood outside the disused factory and glanced nervously down the track again. This place was not exactly remote, but it was out of the way, down a long dirt road off Little Carter Lane, a five-minute bike ride from Jesse’s house.
Years ago, this place used to be a joinery, but now it was boarded up and disused.
Tom wasn’t interested in drugs but there was no telling Jesse, who’d collect weed for older boys for a fee. Everything Tom said to try and reason with him fell on deaf ears, and so here they were yet again.
