The physical attraction worried her. She'd never been the type of woman to let her hormones overrule her common sense. Except with Colin. The only man who could make her heart soar with a simple look, an innocent touch, was the only man who'd ever broken that same heart.
The thought terrified her, as did the realization that there was so much more at stake than just her heart this time.
She'd always known it was possible that he might come back someday. But it had been a remote concern, almost unreal, so long as he was halfway across the country. Now that he was here, she knew it was time to face the deception she'd lived with every day for the past five years.
She had to tell him. She couldn't keep the secret any longer—she wasn't sure she even wanted to. But knowing what she had to do didn't make it any easier to find the right words.
Colin, you have a child.
It sounded simple enough, except that Carly was her child. Nikki was the one who'd been there every day of Carly's life: when she'd cut her first tooth, taken her first step. She'd been the one to sit up with Carly through sleepless nights, to kiss her scraped knees, to worry over every cough and fever.
Still, she knew that biology gave him certain rights, not the least of which was the right to know he'd fathered a child. She had wanted to tell him about Carly years ago. She'd wanted to save her marriage, to be with the man she'd loved, but she'd refused to use their baby to do so. She'd loved Colin fiercely, completely, and it would have devastated her to know that he'd only stayed with her for their daughter.
So she'd kept her pregnancy a secret, consented to the divorce, and a few months later, she'd given birth to Carly.
Now he was back, and everything seemed to be spinning out of her control.
She heard the sound of a car approaching, breathed a sigh of relief that Arden was finally home from her meeting at the women's shelter. Arden Doherty was her cousin, her roommate, and her best friend. And she was the only person Nikki could talk to about the chaos that had come to town with her ex-husband.
Nikki turned around as the vehicle pulled into the driveway. Her heart pounded frantically against her ribs as she realized it wasn't Arden's car. And it wasn't her cousin who got out of the car.
It was Colin.
Her easy smile froze; panic clawed at her throat.
The shock of finding Colin outside the clinic where she worked didn't compare to the sense of terror building inside as he moved toward the front porch of the house where she lived. Where their little girl was sleeping inside.
What was he doing here?
And more importantly, how quickly could she get him to leave?
She fought against the panic, forced her tone to remain neutral. "What are you doing here?"
He stepped onto the porch, leaned a shoulder against one of the upright posts. "Haven't we already had this conversation today?"
"And didn't we say everything we needed to say?" she countered.
He took a step closer, deliberately invading her personal space. "I think we have some unfinished business."
His gaze dropped to her lips, and she knew he was thinking about kissing her again. Just as she knew she couldn't let it happen.
She lifted her hands to his chest, intent on pushing him away. She could feel the heat of his skin through his shirt, the unyielding strength of his muscles, the thunderous beating of his heart.
"It's been a really long day and I have to get up early in the morning and I'm sure you have things to do and if you want to get together for coffee some time on the weekend maybe we could do that, but now really isn't…"
Her words trailed off as he skimmed his knuckles down her cheek.
"You babble when you're nervous." His lips curved in a slow, seductive smile that made her breath catch in her throat and her pulse race. "I like that I can still make you nervous."
She could hardly deny it. Nor could she deny the anticipation that surged through her veins as his head lowered toward her.
Then his mouth closed over hers and a wave of desire crashed through the last, lingering vestiges of her resistance. Overwhelmed by yearning, overpowered by need, she closed her eyes and surrendered to the sweet, mindless pleasure of his kiss.
His lips were as masterful as she remembered. She'd never known anyone who could kiss like Colin, with a kind of arrogant confidence that might have been annoying if it wasn't so darned arousing.
Her lips parted on a sigh to welcome the teasing caress of his tongue as he deepened the kiss. She hadn't felt his arms come around her, hadn't been aware of her own reaching for him, but suddenly they were entwined together and the press of his long, lean and very hard body sent dangerous currents racing through her. She shifted closer, the friction of the subtle movement making her skin burn, her body ache.
It had been years—five years, in fact—since she'd felt anything close to this kind of arousal. And all it took was a kiss.
Or maybe it was Colin.
She had no defenses against him. She never had. It was this fleeting thought, this reminder of their disastrous history, that finally penetrated the sensual haze fogging her brain and jolted her back to reality.
She pulled out of his arms. "I want you to go, Colin."
"Making me leave isn't going to make the attraction between us go away." He brushed his thumb over the curve of her bottom lip, moist and swollen from his kiss. "The chemistry's still there. You might not like it, but you can't deny it."
He was right—she couldn't deny it. But she could, and she would, resist it. What was chemistry without staying power, anyway? Nothing more than an invitation to heartbreak—and she'd been there, done that.
She took a deliberate step back. "I have no intention of being a distraction for you while you're in town."
"Do you think that's all I want?"
"I gave up trying to figure out what you wanted a long time ago."
He moved toward her, breaching the careful distance she'd put between them. "I want you, Nicole. I've always wanted you."
Her heart did a silly little flip-flop inside her chest, but she refused to show how much his words affected her. "What about me?" she countered. "What about what I want?"
"Tell me," he said, his voice as seductive as a caress. "Tell me what you want."
She steeled herself against the traitorous yearnings of her body, the inexplicable longing in her heart.
I want you to go.
Before she could speak, the familiar creak of the screen door snagged her attention. Every muscle in her body stiffened, her breath caught.
Colin, his eyes still focused on her own, hadn't heard the sound. His back to the house, he couldn't see the tiny figure standing in the doorway. But Nikki could, and she saw the whole of her universe start to crumble around her even before Carly spoke.
"Mommy?"
Chapter 2
Colin stared at the child in the doorway while his mind desperately scrambled for a plausible explanation to the scene that was unfolding in front of him. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't think. He felt as though he'd just been blindsided at center ice, and he was helpless to do anything as the world spun out of control around him.
"Mommy, I had a bad dream."
He saw Nikki move toward the child, smooth a trembling hand over the little girl's tousled blond hair.
Mommy.
Whatever he'd expected when he'd returned to Fairweather, he hadn't expected this.
Nikki had a child.
He shook his head. He couldn't believe it. He didn't want to believe it. But the relationship between the woman and the child was obvious, and triggered a multitude of other questions in his mind. Whose? When? And most heart wrenching of all—how could she have betrayed him in such a way?
Nikki didn't spare him a glance as she crouched down beside the little girl. "What did you dream about, sweetie?"
"I don't 'member." Her bottom lip quivered. "I just woke up an' I was scared."
"It's okay," Nikki soothed, wrapping her
arms around the child. "Mommy's here."
It's been five years. A lot of things have changed in that time.
Her words echoed in his mind. Obviously a lot of things had changed, more than he ever would have expected.
Nikki had told him she'd never married again, and he'd mistakenly assumed that meant she'd never loved anyone else. The existence of this child proved otherwise.
The pain of knowing she'd been with another man, loved another man, was like losing her all over again. It was a betrayal of everything they'd shared, of all that they'd meant to each other.
You were the one who wanted the divorce.
Dammit, he hadn't wanted the divorce. He hadn't wanted anything more than he'd wanted to be with Nikki. But his career had made that impossible, and he couldn't bear to see how much their separation hurt her.
So he'd said goodbye; he'd walked away. And she'd found someone else. As he stared at the blond head nestled against Nikki's shoulder, the realization simply shattered him.
Somehow sensing his perusal, the little girl turned. The initial shock of hearing her call Nikki "Mommy" was nothing compared to the impact he felt when the child looked at him through eyes that were the mirror image of his own.
Colin grasped the railing behind him for support as a whole new wave of emotions washed over him. The most overwhelming, and the most unexpected, of them all was joy. Pure, unadulterated joy filled his heart as he stood face-to-face with his child.
His child.
There was absolutely no doubt in his mind, not the slightest hint of uncertainty in his soul. This beautiful little girl was his daughter.
She, however, obviously had no clue about his identity, because she turned to her mother and demanded, "Who's that?"
Nikki looked from the child to him, her teeth sinking into the soft fullness of her bottom lip in what he recognized as one of her nervous gestures.
Colin waited for her response, silently daring her to deny what was now so painfully clear.
"This is—" she cleared her throat "—Uncle Shaun's brother."
Uncle Shaun's brother.
The words were a double-edged sword—slashing through him with the denial of his parental relationship and the startling realization that his brother had been privy to the deception.
The child tipped her head back to study him more carefully. "Are you my uncle, too?"
At another time, Colin might have been impressed by her deductive reasoning. Now, however, he was too stunned to speak.
"Colin, can you, uh, just give me a minute? Please."
He heard the plea in Nikki's voice, the desperation.
He wanted an explanation and he wanted it now. After more than five years, he didn't want to wait another minute. The numbing shock that had settled over him earlier had been supplanted by bubbling hot fury. He wanted to shout, to rage, to demand. He wanted to shake Nikki, as he'd been shaken by this revelation. But he knew that the worst thing he could do right now was confront his ex-wife about her lies in front of their daughter.
He nodded tersely.
"Come on, Carly." Nikki put an arm around the child's shoulders, pointedly ignoring her earlier and still unanswered question. "Mommy will tuck you back into bed."
Colin watched them walk back into the house together, unable to tear his attention away from his little girl.
He'd never given much thought to the possibility of having a family. But faced with the indisputable evidence that he had a child, there was no doubt in his mind that he needed a chance to be her father. A real father—the kind of dad he'd never had.
Unfortunately, he wasn't sure he'd get that chance. He was on the run, hiding out from someone who wanted him dead. How could he pursue any kind of relationship under those circumstances? How could he expect to be her father when he might have to leave town without a moment's notice?
This time he did hear the creak of the screen door, and he turned as Nikki came back out onto the porch. Tension radiated from her slight frame in waves, but she faced him defiantly. "Her name's Carly. She's four-and-a-half years old."
"She's mine," Colin said.
It was a statement rather than a question, but Nikki nodded anyway. "Yes."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
She looked at him, her eyes filled with sadness and regret, but she didn't respond.
He slammed his fist against the wooden post, and Nikki flinched. "Dammit, Nicole. Why didn't you tell me?"
He caught a glimpse of tears in her eyes before she averted her gaze.
"I think I deserve some answers." Colin's voice practically vibrated with tightly restrained anger. He didn't care. He figured he was well within his rights to be angry, and the fury was more tolerable than the fear that had followed him across the country and easier to deal with than the inexplicable longing to take her in his arms.
Nikki drew in a deep breath, nodded stiffly again.
"It's been more than five years, and you never said a word. Not one-single-goddamned word."
A single tear slipped onto her cheek, trailed slowly downward. "I'm sorry. I never wanted you to find out this way."
"Or maybe you never wanted me to find out at all."
She shook her head. "I wanted to tell you—I was going to tell you."
"You're five years too late."
"No." She managed to glare at him through her tears. "You're five years too late."
There was just enough truth in her words to infuriate him. "Don't try to blame this on me. You should have told me as soon as you found out you were pregnant. Or didn't you know at the time that it was my baby?"
He wouldn't have thought it was possible, but her already pasty cheeks paled further.
"There was never any doubt," she said softly. "But if that's what you think of me, then maybe it doesn't matter what I did or should have done."
"Maybe it doesn't," he agreed callously.
Nikki managed to hold back the tears until Colin had stormed off. She listened to the slam of the car door, the gunning of the engine, the squeal of tires as he pulled out of the driveway. She waited until his vehicle was out of sight before she went back inside, then she tiptoed up the stairs to check on her sleeping daughter.
She brushed the soft curls back from her forehead, then pressed a gentle kiss to one rosy cheek. Carly didn't even stir. Whatever unpleasant dreams had disturbed her slumber earlier had obviously been banished, and she slept deeply now, contentedly.
Of course, she had no idea that her life as she'd always known it was about to change.
Or maybe not.
Colin had been shocked to learn that he had a child; he was furious that Nikki hadn't told him about their daughter. But maybe, once he had some time to think about it, he'd decide there was no place in his life for a child. Maybe this revelation would inspire him to leave town as unexpectedly as he'd returned—forever this time.
Nikki sighed, knowing in her heart that although Colin's disappearance might be the easiest solution to the problem, it wasn't what she wanted for Carly. Despite the emotional scene on her porch, she was glad he'd come back, relieved he finally knew.
There had been so many times over the years when she'd wanted to call him, so many times she'd wanted to share her feelings—her hopes and dreams for their child, so many milestones she'd wished he'd been a part of.
She slipped from the room, closing the door softly behind her, and for the first time since Carly was born, she allowed herself to cry for everything she and Colin had lost. Everything their daughter had missed out on by not having her daddy in her life.
When Arden came home a short while later, Nikki's tears were finally spent. Her cousin dropped a copy of the Fairweather Gazette on the coffee table before sitting beside Nikki on the sofa. "I guess I don't have to ask if you've seen him."
Nikki shook her head.
"What happened?"
"He showed up here and Carly decided to make an impromptu appearance."
Arden winced. "Not the best wa
y he could have found out."
"I know. And I know you warned me." For the past five years, Arden had been trying to convince Nikki to contact Colin, to tell him about their daughter.
But she still believed she'd done the right thing.
Colin had made it clear that he'd wanted out of their marriage, he'd wanted to sever the ties that held them together. And a marriage was little more than a piece of paper, a legal institution. A child was flesh and blood, a lifelong responsibility. The last thing Nikki had wanted was to use their baby to try to hold on to him. She'd loved him too much to settle for less than his love in return.
"Are you okay?" Arden asked gently.
She grabbed another tissue and wiped her nose. "This morning, I thought I was in complete control of my life. Then Colin showed up and turned everything upside down."
"You had to know he'd come back sometime."
"I used to think he would," she admitted. "For the first year after he'd gone, every time there was a knock at the door, I was half hopeful, half afraid, that it might be Colin. Then, as the weeks turned into months, and the months into years, I was less certain. With each passing day it became more apparent that he wasn't coming back, until I'd convinced myself that he never would."
"But now he has."
"Yeah."
"How did he react?"
"He thought…" She hesitated, surprised by how much it hurt to replay Colin's words in her mind. She could still see the accusation in his eyes, hear the challenge in his voice. "He thought I hadn't told him because I didn't know if he was the father."
"Oh, Nic." Arden wrapped her arms around her. "You know he didn't mean that. He's hurting, and he lashed out. It's a normal reaction."
She gave a short, bitter laugh. "There's nothing normal about this situation."
"Give him some time."
Somehow Nikki didn't think any amount of time would diffuse Colin's anger. "You have no idea how much I wish I could turn the clock back."
"He had to be told."
"I know." She sighed regretfully. "I just wish I'd actually told him."
Extreme Measures Page 2
