by Susan Stoker, Cristin Harber, Cora Seton, Lynn Raye Harris, Kaylea Cross, Katie Reus, Tessa Layne
Parker turned, almost seeing himself for a moment. Except he’d let go of anything that could hurt him as he bounced between foster homes. He’d latched on to the methodical side of his brain, forgetting how it felt to feel lost and unwanted. Forgetting how to feel in general—except that was all he’d done with her recently.
Lexi rolled her lip before continuing. “I saw it coming, which just shows how stupid I am. I thought I was protecting myself. I thought it would change when really all I wanted was a person to lean on. To know he’d be there. Because I’ve never had that, and I was so hungry for it, I took the bad kind of being there rather than have nothing at all.”
For all the things he wanted to do to her body, his arms ached to hug her. Hold her. “Sweetheart—”
“I moved through the stages, hoping things would magically change, but they just got worse. I clung to the idea that it was okay because he loved me.”
Parker swallowed against the pain in his throat. “A guy touches you like that, he doesn’t love you.”
“I know. The thing is, I didn’t love him.”
Thank fuck for that. But an uncomfortable moment hung between them.
Her fingers fidgeted until she sighed. “So thanks for letting me get my head on straight. I’ll be out of your hair after a couple of calls.”
He stepped forward, frowning. “Again, I didn’t say you had to leave.”
“I know.”
Then one more step closer. “I don’t want you to leave.”
She blinked, uncertainty in her eyes.
Shit, wrong thing to say. Right? That was that look? He’d just told a woman who had been scared to leave her fiancé not to leave.
Parker rubbed his temples, too damn worried about screwing up—whatever was happening. “Until you’re ready. Plan your next move. You’re safe here. I’ve got this place on lock down, with enough security to slow down a hostile takeover, much less a drunk piece of crap like Matt. Scour the fridge. We’ll find Bacon some food. Order in, whatever. Stay here until you’re ready.”
“Why did I have to meet him?” she whispered.
If she hadn’t, he never would’ve set eyes on her, so was this one of those “things happened for a reason” situations? That was a fucked-up thought. He was so far out of his comfort zone that he didn’t know what he even wanted to say. “I’m not the guy who’s good at… this.” See, he didn’t even know what to call whatever this was.
“At what?”
He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I am what I do. Risk analysis, situational quantification. Ones and zeroes. Code. Cold, lifeless facts. You’re fragile and hurt and probably filled with I don’t even know what. Feelings. Whatever. I have zero experience with anything you need right now.”
“God, that’s ironic.” A sad smile crept across her face. Lexi tugged at the sweatshirt with his alma mater’s insignia. “MIT? I saw your desk, that office in your bedroom. The technology in this place is sick.”
Her words made no sense as to why what she’d noted was important. “Computers are my thing.”
She laughed quietly. “Damn.”
“What are you talking about, Lex?”
“Nothing.” She took a deep breath. “You said I was pretty—”
“No, sweetheart. I said you were gorgeous.”
The pink on her cheeks intensified, and God, he liked making that happen.
“Gorgeous,” she repeated. “No one’s said that in a long time.”
Parker shifted, wishing he could fix that. “You deserve better.”
Tears welled in her eyes, and emotions scraped through his chest, leaving jagged questions ripping through him.
“Parker…”
“Yeah?” He swallowed the knot in his throat.
“This is going to sound so damn stupid.”
No stupider than every at-odds thought in his head. “Try me.”
“Can I have—can you just hug me?”
And… he… was… done.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
An explosion of excitement raced through Lexi’s body. The tips of her ears tingled all the way to the bottoms of her bare feet. She could breathe with Parker, could feel alive and that unattainable, so-missed feeling of her body sizzling under the intense, smoldering scrutiny of the man she couldn’t close her eyes without seeing.
Lexi wouldn’t give him the chance to back away. What she wanted more than another breath was to fold her body into his arms. She was just that damn hungry for a human connection. A male connection.
For Parker.
A hug sounded simple, but she knew that with as much as was written in his eyes, the intimate embrace would be anything but. He hadn’t granted permission, but she didn’t care and moved closer anyway. Lexi pressed her cheek against the hard muscle in his chest. She fit in that spot as if their bodies were meant to mesh, and a sigh unlike any sound of happiness she could remember slipped free of her lips.
He breathed her name, and if she could have melted into him, it would’ve happened at that sound. Slowly, one of his heavy arms wrapped around her back, then the other, as though he were binding himself to her. His chin touched the top of her head, and she closed her eyes, shutting out the world outside his hug. Parker smelled peppery. That same scent had scored itself into her memory when he carried her from her house into his SUV. It was mouth-watering and masculine, and the solid thump, thump, thump of his heartbeat in her ear put her into a trance.
She had no idea how long they stood there. Maybe she even fell asleep, standing in his arms, feeling safe and herself. He didn’t waver, didn’t ask her to let go and give him a little room. Nothing. He was her rock. The start of a new day. Maybe a new life. That was a lot to put on someone who hesitated to hug her, but truth was, he was her catalyst. No matter what came of it, he’d always have a place in her heart for setting her free.
After time slipped by, Lexi stepped back to cast her eyes up. “Thanks. Guess I needed that.”
“Me too,” he whispered, his arms still locked behind her.
She leaned into his hold, enjoying the warmth that went beyond skin-deep. “Why?”
“I don’t have a single answer that is… appropriate.”
A shiver fell across her skin and slid down her spine. The earnest look in his eyes was real. Raw. It had a depth that she couldn’t understand yet completely accepted.
Parker released one arm and cupped her chin, surprising her heart and making it skip a beat. His strong fingers ran along her jawline, easing her eyes shut as another rush of shivers cascaded down her limbs. It’d been too long since someone touched her with such care. Lips tingling, she embraced the arousal swirling deep in her belly. Her breaths became shallower, and when she opened her eyes, Parker’s deep gaze was intent on hers.
“This isn’t black and white.” His fingers continued to graze her skin.
“Never is.”
“But it always is in my world.” His quick, unsure smile flashed.
Her skin prickled. She was scared he would release her, but he only inched closer.
“Can we pretend that our worlds don’t exist right now?” she asked.
His warm breaths caressed her lips. “I don’t think it works like that.”
“Please,” she whispered then let her eyes close again.
Lexi soaked in all that was Parker. His scent. His strength. The rise and fall of his carved chest and his flat, hard stomach touching hers. Blood rushed in her ears and raced at her pulse. He shifted, and she almost moaned, craving his kiss.
His mouth brushed against hers. The touch was so soft, yet a rush of emotion and arousal tornadoed inside her. She went boneless. His lips were so right, so absolutely perfectly beautiful that she forgot to do more than just exist. She memorized his taste as he urged her to open, letting his tongue tease hers. His hands held her as though she was precious yet unbreakable as his fingers flexed into her back.
Every time she’d dreamed about his kiss, her most spectacular thoughts were nothi
ng like this. He leaned into her, angling her head, deepening their kiss—
Until he pulled back hard, holding her steady.
She gasped, almost crying for his kiss again. “Wh-what?”
But that look on his face—it was the worst. Regret.
* * *
“I think we need some space.” Parker hated himself on several levels for saying that, but it was the only thing he could do. Kissing Lexi changed everything—it put into action the wants and needs he’d harbored and always ignored.
Beautiful blue eyes broke before him. His gut twisted. Unease that he couldn’t articulate flooded his body because everything about her was amazing, but fragile, and he wouldn’t be responsible for hurting her.
“But—” she stopped herself.
“Not because I…” He had no idea how to finish that thought. No idea what to say.
Not because he didn’t want her kisses and so much more. That wicked tongue of hers would lead them straight to his bedroom, and—he blew out a harsh breath—he wanted it all. He wanted to hear her breathy moans against his neck and feel her come while he was planted deep in the woman blushing before him.
Damn it.
Another frustrated breath burned from his lungs. Screwing her would mess up their situation. When he had her, it wouldn’t be because she was lost or because she thought she’d found a savior with a hot shower who’d rescued her from a shitty day. When he had her?
Lexi shook her head, blond hair cascading over her cheeks. “That was stupid, sorry.”
Her doubt was like salt in the emotional wound he couldn’t see but was shredding him. “Don’t be like that. I just can’t go there right now.”
With a tilt of her head, her eyes cast up. Bacon rolled on the ground, making a sound like she was playing dead. So even the dog didn’t buy his line. With each passing second, he regretted that they weren’t on the way to his bedroom, leaving a trail of clothes.
“Okay.” Her eye lashes fluttered, making his chest seize up.
Any more time with her, and he wouldn’t be able to hold himself back. “Maybe you should get some sleep. A nap or something. Or dinner? What do you need?”
“A nap or dinner…” she repeated, sounding too sad. But that passed, and something unsteady appeared on her bruised face. “I’m not really hungry. Why are you being so nice to me?”
Her confusion slayed him. “Because you feel the need to ask that question.” He inched closer, teasing himself with the idea that another inch wouldn’t be too much. “I don’t want to leave you alone, Lex, but I don’t trust myself. Not with you, not after that kiss.”
“But—”
“We’ve always had a good reason not to cross the line. And now…” He inclined his head. “I think that reason’s gone.”
She nodded, relief in her eyes, and held up her ringless hand. “Gone.”
Parker needed to step away but couldn’t force his feet to make the moves. He swallowed, but his throat ached. “I’m trying to be the good guy. Please get some sleep.”
She didn’t budge, tempting him.
“Or…” He pulled the one weapon he thought he might have. “You can explain how you ended up on my steps, calling my number, if Matt didn’t leave you here.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Lexi blinked at Parker, more tongue-tied than before and unwilling to share that she’d hacked Matt’s phone contact list, got Parker’s number, then back-hacked that to see what his billing and mailing addresses were. No one wanted to sound like a genius stalker. The process had taken all of five seconds, maybe longer since she was hunkered at a gas station, piggybacking off the Wi-Fi on someone’s phone. But she wouldn’t explain any of that. It made better sense for him to think she’d just stolen his info from Matt’s phone.
She stepped away, backing up more from his question than anything else. “I forgot, I have to send an email for work.”
His eyes narrowed, and he worked his jaw as if he was choking on the word bullshit. “Alright.”
With that, she grabbed her computer and held it to her chest like body armor. “Then I will take a nap. I really appreciate it.”
With that same intense scrutiny, he nodded silently and led her out of the kitchen. At the door of his bedroom, Parker waved. “If you need anything…”
She watched his throat bob, noticing how thick his neck and strong his shoulders were. Whether wanting him made her worthy of wearing a scarlet letter—no. She and Matt were over. They’d been done before he kicked her butt then kicked her out. Remembering the last twenty-four hours made her skin crawl. Matt had tossed her around, dragged her upstairs, and thrown her back down. And Bacon. That poor dog had done so much over the last few weeks to stop him. The second Matt had passed out, Lexi ran.
She pulled herself out of her thoughts, vaguely aware of Parker staring at her as though he’d been speaking.
“Lex? You okay? Need the internet password or whatever?”
“I’m good. Thanks, again.”
Kissing Parker, doing whatever with Parker was fine. She shouldn’t worry about strings or complications. Though the abrupt way he’d pushed away from her had been unexpected.
At least she was safe and warm. She could fire up her laptop without complaints from a nasty drunk peanut gallery. Shadow needed files, and she needed to use her laptop’s hotspot to send her broker an update. Parker’s house wasn’t the ideal place to send mega-sensitive documents, but as long as she could get Shadow the word that the files were heading his way, it’d be okay.
Parker guided through his room and to an alcove off the side of the master bedroom. “You can work here if you want.”
His house was large and expansive, expensive, and the area he motioned to had probably been designed for some rich housewife to lounge and dress while sipping on some fruity wine spritzer or something. But he’d turned it into a sleek office with more bells and whistles than she could have dreamed of. Some people had food porn, others had real porn, but this was hacker porn. Holy shit. Everything was turned off, and there was a fingerprint and retina scanner. Her pulse jumped from just looking at the four monitors stacked two on top of two and back lit. There were two sets of ergo-keyboards.
She was hiding her inner geek as best she could, but seriously… “This is some crazy shit, Parker.”
He rolled the chair back and still studied her. “Here you go, all yours. Quiet work space. Do whatever you need to do.”
If it was all hers, she wouldn’t let someone else even breathe on the computing power before her. “I can just work on the…” She’d almost said bed. How presumptuous. Except he was bringing her in there to sleep and work. Oh God, now she really was having a hard time taking a steady breath. They were like the two most intimate places she could be: in a man’s bed and in his personal office—even if it was locked down like Ft. Knox on steroids. That seemed like a lot of trust.
“Feel free. Whatever you need. I’ll take this and be out of your hair.” He unplugged his laptop from a docking station and tapped the back of his chair. “Work and relax. Deal?”
All in all, she was transfixed by the setup and by the man. “Really appreciate it.”
“Alright then.”
The room was big enough that he could have put a dozen feet between them as he left. Instead, he walked right to her, his long strides eating the space between them and sucking the oxygen out of her lungs. He tossed his laptop on the bed and stopped in front of her, and Parker gripped her shoulders and slid his palms to her elbows. His thumbs stroked over the sweatshirt, and she would’ve died had his hand been on her skin instead.
Hoping she didn’t show how desperate she was for his touch, she said, “I haven’t always been this fragile girl who needs to be saved.”
“I know. I didn’t meet you today.”
Two years of watching him from afar. “I know.”
“You might be the most interesting woman I’ve ever met.”
She stepped back, nervous, but couldn’t
get far because his hold on her tightened. “Why?”
“There are a lot of things about you that I can’t explain. I’ve known you, liked you, been interested in you, but now…”
Her mind raced. She could just tell him how she pictured herself, who she was and wanted to be. What she did for a living, or even her current project. Even Parker might have trouble understanding though. Laymen learned about the zero day market and thought it was illegal. But he seemed on the up-and-up with all things techy.
She could explain her work in vague terms. Given what he’d seen and said so far, he wouldn’t tease her or break out the name-calling. No nerd girl titles from Parker, who was up to speed in giving nerd-girl-gasms—because she still couldn’t get over his setup.
But her hesitation was still there. Damn Matt for screwing up her head. She just felt so broken. “Well, see, I, uh—”
“Don’t.” Parker shook his head. “I’m curious. Didn’t say I needed an answer now. Just that I plan on figuring you out.” His hand cupped her cheek, his thumb sweeping from her cheekbone to the corner of her mouth.
“Oh,” she sighed, almost nuzzling his hand like a damn cat.
He took the warm touch away and left her alone, mouth agape and hand wanting to reach out to stop him. Damn. Parker wanted to figure her out? Holy swoonballs! If she was interesting, Parker Black was the most intense man she’d ever met.
Quickly, she went to her computer, trying to shake the tingling feeling that hung in her limbs. Once she was in her email, she typed a message to Shadow.
Monarch is complete, and Matt and I are done. Big day for me, huh? Thought you’d be proud on both accounts. But because of the Matt situation, I’m on the road and not comfortable transmitting the files. Don’t hate. :) Be in touch soon. Xx
Perfect. She hit send, double-checked that it went through, then powered down her laptop. The reliable machine went silent as it turned off, and she was completely aware of how alone she was in Parker’s room. A nap—she needed one and had promised him that she’d try. She must need the rest if he was so adamant she get some sleep.
