by Cathie Linz
She sank into her office chair and propped her forehead on one hand. “Are you sure? They didn’t leave any possibility open that they’ll change their minds again?”
“Not a chance. I won’t repeat their exact words, but the general implication of their comments was ‘unreliable.’ You wouldn’t do what they wanted and they were, uh, really irritated.”
Absently, Mallory noticed that her hand was shaking. She stared at it as if it were an alien object. “That’s that, I guess. Bye-bye golden network opportunity.”
“Aw, kid, don’t take it hard. Another chance’ll come up. Besides, I heard some rumors about this project I don’t think you’d like.”
“Rumors?” One of the many things she adored about her agent was his loyalty. “What are you talking about?”
Lenny dropped his voice to what he probably supposed was a whisper. It actually meant she could hold the receiver against her ear in comfort. “I heard this prime-time slot is for a real sleazoid tabloid show. Not in the news division at all—in the entertainment group. Don’t know how well you’d have liked that.”
She really appreciated his attempts to cheer her up, so she went along with his story. “You’re probably right, Lenny. I wouldn’t have liked that much at all.”
“Don’t worry. We’ll find something better for you pretty soon now.”
Mallory said goodbye to her agent and hung up. It was just like Lenny to do his best for her, even when she’d been the one to let him down.
Doodling on a pad of paper, she contemplated her future. At the moment, it didn’t look like much except a series of empty days and even emptier nights. Even her affair with Cliff had deteriorated since their return from Julian. He worked so much that they’d only managed to be together three times. And each time, he’d left her bed in the early morning before she awakened, leaving her feeling lonelier than before.
Maybe she wasn’t cut out for an affair.
Maybe she wasn’t cut out for the “big time,” either. Certainly those network guys seemed to think that was the case.
She stared at her organizer where she’d penciled in dinner with Cliff for that evening. The truth was, she wasn’t really depressed over losing out on the network show. After three weeks of delays and stalling tactics, she’d known in her heart that this time she wouldn’t get that job. She was a big girl now, and she had to take the consequences of choosing a weekend with Cliff over a last-minute interview with the network.
While she regretted the lost professional opportunity, she spent far more time fretting over her relationship with Cliff. She wanted more than just an occasional evening in bed together. He was a tender, caring lover, to be sure, but when he disappeared even before the sun rose, she ended up feeling slightly used instead of satisfied.
The phone chirped, interrupting her disgruntled ponderings. “Mallory Reissen.”
“Hi. It’s Cliff.”
“I was just thinking about you,” she said. Her heart thumped heavily at the sound of his voice. “I’m really glad you called.”
“Good.” Papers rustled in the background. “I wanted to talk to you about dinner.”
Ignoring the warning frisson that shuddered down her spine, she said quickly, “Would you like to try that new Japanese place? Someone here at work said their sushi is outstanding.”
“Mallory—”
Bowing to the inevitable, she let him interrupt her. A sinking feeling in her stomach prepared her for his words.
“I can’t make dinner tonight. I’ve got to work.”
Damn, damn, damn. It was the fifth time in two weeks he’d canceled a date with her. But that’s what you agreed to, dummy. You were going to be sympathetic and understanding when he has to work. Just as he’s been when you had to cancel.
True enough, but she’d only canceled once, when a huge fire raced through a downtown high-rise.
“Mallory? Are you there?”
“Yes.” Her voice wasn’t as controlled as she liked, so she cleared her throat. “I’m here.”
“Look, honey, I’m really sorry. But I think this might be a major break for me. I have to get this work done tonight, but I’m hoping it’ll get me noticed.”
She cleared her throat again and blinked quickly. “That’s—that’s all right, Cliff. I understand. Would you like me to have something ready to heat up when you come in?” One of their few evenings together had resulted from just such an offer. Cliff had arrived shortly before midnight, he’d gobbled down the reheated meat loaf she’d saved, and they’d gone to bed. Of course, the next morning he was up and gone before six.
“No,” he said, regret lacing his voice. “I’ll probably be here into the wee smalls. I’ll just send one of the clerks out for a sandwich or something.”
“Oh.”
“I’m really sorry about this. I know you were looking forward to dinner. I was, too.”
Determinedly, she raised her chin. Sheer pride was keeping her going and strengthening her voice to a calm firmness. “Never mind. There’ll be other evenings.” Wouldn’t there? “You get your work done and we’ll see each other another time.”
But after she’d ended the call she stared at the phone for long moments. The temptation to sweep it off the desk onto the floor was nearly irresistible—she had to curl her fingers until her nails stung her palms to prevent such a foolish action.
Her anger built into a flame that flickered higher. A quick rap at the door to her office sent her slewing around.
“Hey, Mallory, here’s the latest from the boss on the sweeps results. We’re doing really well so far. Up three points in the 24-to-35 age group.” Janet Powell, one of the station administrators, held out a memo to her. Janet and she occasionally shared a lunch at a local deli on slow news days. She was also the only person at the station who knew anything at all about Mallory’s relationship with Cliff.
It took three deep breaths before Mallory could respond. “Good. That’s good.”
“Good? Girl, that’s great. And most of the uptick seems to be a direct result of your series on traffic problems and population growth. People were really interested in what you presented.”
“Terrific.” A pounding headache was starting just behind her left eye.
Janet stared at her, then walked the rest of the way into the office and shut the door. “All right, what’s wrong?”
She could have evaded the question. She even seriously considered lying. But at this moment, she needed to talk to someone. Janet was sympathetic. In her mid-forties, she’d also been around long enough to have useful advice.
“It’s Cliff,” Mallory confessed. “He just canceled another dinner date.”
Drawing up the visitor’s chair and planting her ample backside in it, Janet asked, “What is this? The third time, lately?”
“The fifth.” Even saying the words made it sound worse.
“You think he’s cheating on you?” That was Janet. Go straight to the heart of the matter.
“No. Except maybe with his work. He’s just more devoted to it than to me.”
“So he’s got his work as a mistress, right?”
“No,” Mallory said slowly. “I’m his mistress. His work is his wife.”
“Honey, one thing I’ve learned is that the wife usually wins. Playing the other woman is like betting against the house. Sooner or later, it’s going to clean you out.”
“But I promised him I wouldn’t come between him and his work. It was what we agreed to.” Even Mallory could hear the wail in her voice.
“Why’d you agree to something silly like that?”
The question stopped her cold. Why had she agreed to it? Her reasons seemed remote and vague now, though she clearly remembered proposing the terms of their affair to Cliff herself. Why would she want a relationship in which she didn’t even get to see her partner except occasionally? Why would she want a relationship just like her—
“Ohmigod.”
“What is it?”
“I’
m living my parents’ life. They’re really involved in their careers, barely are in the same city for more than a few weeks a year. Somehow, I’ve begun to model my life after theirs.”
“Doesn’t sound right to me.” Janet thought about it. “Is that the life you really want for yourself? Waiting around for the man you love to toss you a crumb of his time?”
“Love? Who said anything about love?” Though she leaped to deny it, the heat of truth crept up her neck.
“Mallory, honey, I’ve known you for years. I’ve seen you date tons of guys—great guys. But I’ve never seen you so heated up over anyone. If this isn’t love, I don’t know what is.”
“But—” Mallory shut up. Janet’s unerring eye had revealed what she’d hidden from herself. She wasn’t just resentful of Cliff’s job. She wanted him to turn his attention to her because she wanted his love. She wanted him not to work so hard. She wanted him to eat more regularly, get more rest.
Be with her more.
She’d broken the biggest rule of all. She’d fallen head over heels for a man who didn’t have time to love.
PETER ABRAMS, senior partner at Abrams, Dentwhistle, Farber, and Cox, patted Cliff on the shoulder. “Excellent work, Cliff. You’ve really done us proud.”
Cliff tried to look appropriately humble. “I like to make a contribution to the firm.”
“Well, we’ve all seen how hard you’ve worked on helping us prepare the Bartlett case. With the trial date now set for late June, it’s time to fire up the defense team. My partners and I feel you’ll be a great asset to us.”
Cliff blinked. For all his misgivings about the defense strategy, this was still a major coup. A case like this would be a career-maker. Especially if they won. Still, he might have misunderstood. “You mean—”
“I mean that as of this afternoon you’re officially part of the defense team for Fiona Bartlett.” Abrams stuck out his hand. “Congratulations, Cliff.”
Dazed, Cliff shook the older man’s hand. Perhaps it was the combination of too little sleep and too much work. Or maybe it was simply the impact of being the only nonpartner included in the prestigious defense team. In either event, he walked back to his office in a daze, collecting congratulations as he went He’d done it! He’d actually done it.
His first thought was to call Mallory. He’d felt bad about blowing off their dinner date yet again. These last few weeks he hadn’t seen nearly as much of her as he’d have linked. Still, their time in the mountains had accomplished what he’d hoped, and he’d been able to attack his work with renewed vigor and enthusiasm ever since. Which had resulted, of course, in today’s victory. In a way, he could credit Mallory for all this—and he couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate than by taking her to bed.
“Mallory Reissen.”
“Me again.” The big sappy grin on his face wouldn’t turn off. He twirled in his chair like a little kid.
“Cliff! I thought you were working late tonight.”
“I was, but I decided to take the night off. I’m shoving all the paperwork into the circular file and shuffling out of here at a reasonable hour tonight.”
A wary silence filled his ear. “What brought this on?”
“I’ll tell you tonight. You can make it after all, can’t you?”
“Well...to be honest, since you couldn’t meet me for dinner I agreed to help out on a promo spot after the evening news. I won’t be able to leave until at least eight or eight-thirty.”
“That’s okay,” he said easily. “I have some stuff to do here before I can leave anyway. Why don’t I meet you at the restaurant at nine? After we eat, we’ll go home and get naked.”
To his surprise, she didn’t leap at the offer. Had he been mistaken when he thought she’d been disappointed at his earlier cancellation for tonight? “Cliff, maybe we should do this another night,” she said at last. “I’m going to be pretty tired.”
What was going on here? Didn’t she want to be with him? “Mallory, is anything wrong?”
“No.” Her voice sounded tired. Maybe she was merely feeling a little stressed. “All right,” she capitulated. “But let’s not go out. I’ll stop by a takeout place and bring some food with me. I think we need some privacy, to talk.”
“Great!” His mood restored, he sent her a smacking kiss over the phone line. “I’ll see you around nine at my place. And, Mallory—prepare to celebrate, big-time. I’ve got some great news to share.”
“I’ve got news, too,” she said so quietly he barely noticed.
Idly, he wondered what her news was, then dismissed the question. He’d find out this evening. Meantime, he had six hours to finish up the paperwork cluttering his desk and get himself home. With renewed vigor, he pulled his legal pad toward him, flipped to a clean sheet, and started making notes.
MALLORY KNOCKED on Cliff’s front door with her arms full of chicken lo mein and chopsticks. Nervously, she moistened her lips. This evening was going to be very difficult.
Ever since her revelation with Janet, she’d been trying to figure out what to do about Cliff. Did she want to continue a relationship that was inherently self-destructive for her? Could she bear to walk away from him?
Truthfully, she didn’t know.
The door was flung open and Cliff pulled her inside, giving her a huge kiss and hug. “God, you look gorgeous!”
She handed him the bags of food and slipped out of the light jacket she wore against the early evening chill. “Sorry I’m so late. The promo spots took a little longer than I expected.”
“Never mind. You’re here now. I’ve got the table set and the wine’s poured. Let’s dish up the food and eat.”
Silently she let him lead her to the dining area. Once they were served, she asked, “I gather something good happened at work this afternoon?” Maybe if she let him get his good news out first, he’d be in a mood to talk about their relationship.
He put down his chopsticks with a smile that threatened to split his face. “You might say that. As of today I am now officially a member of the Bartlett defense team. The one and only nonpartner so honored, I might add.”
Oh, no. She knew what this meant. Instead of him being able to make more time to be together, the allout effort for this trial would cut even further into his nearly nonexistent free time. Still, he was obviously looking for approval. “Cliff, that’s wonderful. I’m thrilled for you.” Okay, so “thrilled” was an exaggeration. She genuinely was pleased he’d achieved what he’d worked so hard to get.
“This is going to be my ticket to the paneled offices, Mallory. They only wanted one junior member of the firm on the team—Fiona Bartlett always wants only the best of the best—and I’m the one they chose. I can hardly believe it.”
She leaned forward and took his hand. “Cliff, there’s not a doubt in my mind that you deserve this. You’ve been working so hard lately. They must have noticed your dedication.”
Smugly, he nodded, and regaled her with the details of how everyone in the office had reacted when the news was announced. Only when he was winding down did he appear to notice that she’d contributed little to the conversation.
“Mallory, didn’t you say you have some news, too?”
She smiled weakly. “It can’t compare with yours, I’m afraid. It’s just—the network isn’t interested in me, after all.”
“What? I didn’t even know you’d interviewed with them.” Automatically, he shoved their plates aside so he could grasp her hand more tightly in his.
“I didn’t. They wanted to talk to me the weekend we went up to Julian, but...well, I already had other plans. Since then, we’ve been getting the old runaround trying to schedule a meeting.” She shrugged. “Lenny says they’ve now settled on someone else.”
“Why didn’t you talk with them that weekend? I would have understood.”
She looked down at their clasped hands. “I decided I didn’t want to cancel our weekend together. I thought it was important—you thought it was then, to
o.”
“Yes, but this was your chance at the networks. I would never have stood in your way for that!” He looked profoundly shocked at the thought.
“I know that, Cliff. It was my decision, not yours.”
“I just don’t understand. Why would you deliberately ruin your own chances like that?”
He’d moved the conversation to the one area she both needed to discuss and dreaded bringing up. She took a deep breath and came to a decision. “Before I answer that, will you tell me something?”
“Of course.”
“Will your new position on the defense team mean more work for you—or less?”
His surprise couldn’t have been faked. “More, of course. As a member of the team, I’ll have to double-check everything. I won’t just be producing briefs, I’ll be responsible for their accuracy and timeliness. I’ll be working harder than ever.”
“That’s what I thought.” Her fingers clutched his so tightly her knuckles ached. “Cliff, I want to end our relationship now, tonight.”
“What?”
“Remember we said in the beginning that if I ever wanted out, all I had to do was tell you and that would be the end of it? Well, I’m telling you. I want out.”
“But—Mallory—why? What’s wrong? Whatever it is, let’s talk about it. Surely we can fix it.”
Her free hand came up to thread through his hair. “You said you’d never stand in the way of my career. You told me you’d support me in my decisions.”
He paled. “Are you telling me you’re going to New York after all? I thought you said the network job fell through.”
She shook her head. “No. I’m saying I can’t be so generous as that with you. I want nothing more than to tell you I don’t want you taking on the Bartlett case. I don’t want you working harder than you already are—in fact, I want you to ease up, work fewer hours.” She took a breath that was more of a swallowed gulp. “I want you to have more time for met.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Don’t you see, Cliff? I’m as bad as Suzanne and all the other women you’ve known. I want more from you than an hour in bed when you can fit me in between your clients. If we don’t break this off now, you’ll grow to dislike me, just as you’ve disliked all those other women who were too demanding of your time and energy. And I can’t stand the thought of that.”
