I guess it would be for him, too. I hadn’t really thought about it, because in my mind, he was this careless moron who had abandoned my sister and neglected his parental duties. But now that I was starting to get to know him, I wondered if he was going to prove me wrong. I didn’t think he was innocent or anything, but I didn’t think he was some scoundrel, either. I guess I really had to start looking at him as Drew’s dad.
We stared at each other for another moment in the glow of the refrigerator light. I wondered what he was thinking about. I could usually read those eyes so well, but the way his eyes looked now … I had never seen Drew’s eyes look that way.
“Mom,” Drew called out, making me jump again. It broke the connection between Andrew and me. Andrew dropped his hand from my arm and laughed at my reaction.
“Yeah, kiddo?”
“I’m hungry.”
“You’re always hungry.” I smiled at him. “Do you want cheese and crackers, or apples and peanut butter for a snack?”
“Apples and peanut butter,” Drew and Andrew said in unison.
Drew called out, “Jinx,” and they both laughed.
I looked between the both of them and didn’t know whether to cry or smile. In my head, I knew this was the way it should be—Drew deserved to have a father—but my heart said he didn’t need more than me.
I put on a brave face, then got out the apples and peanut butter.
I sliced the apples the way Drew liked them and served them both at the breakfast bar. Drew had started in on his homework and Andrew seemed desperate to help him, but he soon found out that his son was a smart kid who required little to no assistance in that department.
While they ate their snack and did homework, I emptied the dishwasher and started in on dinner. Tonight we were having white bean and chicken chili with homemade cornbread. I felt eyes on me as I moved about the kitchen. I looked up and found my feelings were spot on. Andrew was watching my every move. He didn’t seem embarrassed at all that he was staring at me, especially since he had peanut butter on his lips.
I smiled at the fool. “You have a little something on your lip, by the way.”
He grinned, grabbed a napkin, and wiped his mouth, but his eyes stayed fixed on me.
“Something else I can help you with?” I asked.
His smile widened. “Well, since you’re asking, some more milk would be great.”
“Me, too,” said Drew.
I looked at Drew and he toothily grinned at me even though he was still missing his front teeth. “Please?” he added in.
“Now I know what it feels like to have two kids.” I grabbed both of their glasses.
Andrew’s eyes were smiling as I snatched his. “Thank you.”
It didn’t take too long for homework to be completed. I was happy they were moving upstairs. For some reason, Andrew was still studying me.
Drew went to retrieve his large box of Legos. “Come on, Andrew.”
Andrew smiled at him. “Give me a minute. I’ll meet you up there.”
Drew took no time grabbing the box and running up the stairs.
Andrew turned his attention back to me. “By the way, you look great today.”
I looked down at my fitted corduroy burgundy blazer and grey scarf, with blue jeans and my favorite leather boots. It was nothing special. I looked back up at a smiling Andrew. “Thanks, and don’t worry, I won’t take it the wrong way.”
“Did I say that?” He laughed.
“You didn’t have to.”
He got up, still smiling, and walked toward the stairs. As I watched him for a second, I couldn’t help but notice that he looked good, too. Once I was alone, I went back to making cornbread. That was, until I heard my name shouted from upstairs.
“Rachel Laine.” Andrew called. He was standing at the half wall in the loft that looked over the great room.
I gazed up to him. “What?”
He pointed all around him. “You and I need to talk about this room up here. There’s a little too much orange and blue, if you get my drift.”
“Go Stallions,” I replied.
He didn’t respond to me. Instead, he turned to Drew. “What do you say to adding some Bears stuff up here?”
“I don’t think purple and black would match.”
I smirked at Andrew’s faltering face.
“But maybe we could get all new stuff!” Drew called out.
Andrew looked beyond smug.
“I don’t think so, bud,” I yelled up.
“Awww man.”
Andrew smiled at me.
I rolled my eyes at him.
I went back to my cornbread, only to hear Andrew telling Drew not to worry, he would talk to me about it. I didn’t even bother with a rebuttal because I wasn’t giving in. I liked his room the way it was, but it was fun to listen to their conversation. Drew was meticulous when it came to Lego building, so he was the one giving the directions. I loved that he was so smart and confident, even in the presence of adults. The topics of conversation varied. Sports was involved, then they talked about the kids in his class, and even about little Miss Emmy, who was two years older than him, but Drew had always been drawn to her. But then the conversation took a more serious twist.
“My mom says I shouldn’t tell anyone we’re friends yet, but I told her you would think it’s all right.”
“Did you listen to your mom?” I could hear the worry in his voice.
I stopped what I was doing so I could hear clearly.
“Yes,” Drew answered.
“Drew, I know you may not understand this, and someday I will explain everything, but it’s important for you and your mom that you don’t tell anyone right now. Can you do that?”
“I guess so.” Drew sounded really bummed.
“Drew, I promise you someday that everyone will know we are the best of friends. Okay?”
“Would you come to my school?”
“Every day if you want me to.”
“Promise?” Drew asked.
I held my breath. I was afraid of him making promises to my son. Our son.
“Promise.”
I let out a long, slow breath. I was hoping we would be telling Drew the truth tonight. I hated keeping the truth from him and asking him to keep this all a secret; it didn’t feel right to me anymore. I wondered what Andrew’s reasoning was for waiting now, but I would have to ask him after Drew went to bed.
“It’s time for dinner,” I yelled up after an hour or so.
They were both happy as they approached the table. Their similarity in physical appearance struck me again. There was no denying they were father and son, but I thought, for the record, we should probably do one of those paternity tests. That way there would never be any doubt. It was one more thing to talk to Andrew about. It was strange for me to have to think about talking to another adult in regards to Drew. Sure, I had sought advice from my parents, but ultimately each decision about his life had been solely mine to make.
Dinner was yummy, if I did say so myself, but do you know what was even better?
“Why don’t you take it easy, Rachel, while Drew and I clean up?” Andrew offered when I started to clear off the table.
I stood there, motionless for a moment. So maybe having an extra adult around wasn’t such a bad thing. Drew didn’t even complain. I tried not to be jealous about that part. Surely, I thought, if Andrew stayed a part of our lives, and Drew knew who he really was, he would eventually talk back and complain to him once in a while. Right?
We spent the rest of the evening playing Uno and Apples to Apples. Drew was happy to have an extra person there so we could play the latter game. Then bedtime rolled around.
“Mom, can Andrew come and read with us, too?”
I was afraid that would happen. It was like everything that was sacred and holy to me was being stripped away, all within a matter of a few days. I didn’t expect Andrew to so fully engage and entangle himself in our lives so fast.
I loo
ked over at Andrew. I could tell that, right now, nothing would make him happier. I wondered if he was already falling in love with his son. Was that possible? I knew it was love at first sight for me, but that somehow seemed different. But maybe it wasn’t. I felt like I had no other choice but to let him, even though I didn’t want to. That was my time with my son. Did that make me selfish?
The next thing I knew, Drew was in bed with me sitting on one side, and Andrew on the other. I guess I should have been happy that I still got to be the one to read. I was surprised Drew didn’t ask Andrew to do it. I kept having to tell myself this was what many families looked like, and it was a good thing for Drew. A boy needed a father, at least that was what they said. But I thought we’d fared pretty well without one. Sure, Andrew brought a different perspective and a male point of view, but where was he when I was up all night with a fussy or feverish child? And where was he when Drew was learning to talk and walk, or when he learned how to ride a bike, or when he cried when he was scared? That had all been me. But then I had to remind myself that this wasn’t about me. This was more than me.
When I closed the book for the night, I leaned down and kissed Drew’s smooth forehead. I lingered for a few seconds longer than normal. Sometimes I felt such love for him, I thought my heart would burst. I pulled back and peered into those beautiful amber eyes of his. I brushed my hand through his hair. “I love you infinity,” I whispered.
“I love you infinity plus one.”
We both turned to Andrew. He smiled at us both, but he only had eyes for Drew. I wanted to know what he was thinking, but I knew by the way he was looking at Drew that he was forming an attachment that went beyond friendship. In the end, though, he gave him knuckles and said goodnight. I could tell he wished he could do more. And for a brief second, I almost felt sorry for him that he couldn’t or wouldn’t.
I shook my head and stood up. I had too many conflicting emotions swirling inside of me.
Andrew got up, too, and followed me as I turned off Drew’s light and walked back downstairs. Andrew went toward the couch.
“Follow me,” I whispered. I led him to my office, which was off of the great room. We could talk there without being overheard. I opened the French doors. “Make yourself comfortable.” I pointed at the two fabric chairs I kept in the room and closed the doors behind us.
He smiled as I sat down next to him. I wished he were a jerk. I didn’t want to like him. It only added to the conflicting emotions.
“Andrew—”
“Rachel Laine,” he interrupted, “do you mind if I speak first?”
I sat back and shook my head no. I didn’t know exactly what to say anyway.
He caught me off guard and reached for my hand. He held it between both of his. I looked down at our hands together. I couldn’t remember the last time a man had taken my hands in his, aside from my dad.
He looked down at our hands, too, and grinned. “Don’t take this the wrong way.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Even though I’ll admit, it felt kind of nice. I missed that kind of affection from the opposite sex.
“Please know the respect I have for you and that I realize how hard this must be for you. I can see how much Drew loves you. I’m not here to get in the way of that, but I’m hoping you’ll continue to let me be part of his life.”
I knew it was coming, but it still stopped me dead in my tracks. He wanted to stay. I closed my eyes and breathed. “I don’t know if I can stop that now.”
“Rachel Laine, I would never try to force my way into his life.”
I opened my eyes. “What I meant is that it would be wrong for me to keep you away now that I know. Even though every part of me wants to.”
He rubbed my hand with the softest of touches. It sent a little jolt of electricity through me.
“But we need to tell him the truth,” I added.
His shoulders dropped. “Believe me, I want to. I do.”
“Then let’s go wake him up right now and tell him.” I stood up to do just that.
He tugged on my hand to stop me. “Rachel, please. I need you to hear me out.”
I looked at him like this better be the best speech he’d ever given.
His closed-lipped smile said he was nervous. “Rachel, I’ve decided to run for office. Depending on how it goes, I can either apply for the position and my party will decide, or there could be a special election. It all hinges on whether or not the current representative decides to resign gracefully or force a recall.”
I was confused why this made any difference at all. “And?”
“And the press and my party would have a field day if all of a sudden I have a son. And let’s be honest, the circumstances around his conception wouldn’t paint me in the most flattering light.”
I narrowed my eyes at him.
“And rightly so,” he responded.
I had to control the rage bubbling up inside of me. “So Drew’s just your dirty little secret?”
“No, no, no. I would never look at him like that.”
“That’s what it sounds like to me.”
He let go of my hand and ran his fingers through his hair and rubbed his neck. “Rachel, I want nothing more than to tell the world that Drew is my son. I’m not doing this to protect me; I’m doing this to safeguard Drew and you. If this comes out now, you’ll be hounded. Politics is a dirty business and I don’t want to expose you to that.”
“So what happens if you win? Then what?”
“Then we take a paternity test and I announce Drew is my son.”
“Oh, so now you want to hold off on that so you have some plausible deniability? Do you know how awful that sounds? Anyone who sees you and him together will have no doubt.”
“Rachel, don’t you think I know that?”
“Fine, then I don’t want you to come and see him again until this is all over. To be honest, I don’t even know why you kept that note in the first place or sought us out.”
I stood up and walked to the door. This conversation and his little experiment were over. It reminded me again of why I never let a man into our lives.
“Rachel, please.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me back toward him.
I wasn’t expecting that, and in a graceful move, I tripped on my own feet and fell into him.
He caught me. “Sorry.” He didn’t let go as he looked down at me. His amber eyes looked so sincere.
I felt a tad warm and embarrassed. “I think you can let go of me now.”
He didn’t comply with my request. He kept looking at me with those eyes of his.
“Andrew?”
“Yes?”
I felt my body temperature rise and it wasn’t just out of anger. “I really think you should let go of me.”
“That’s probably a good idea,” He slowly let me go. “Please don’t leave. Please hear me out.”
I planted my feet and folded my arms.
He half smiled. “Can we please sit down?”
“Fine.” I sat back down, as did he.
This time he didn’t hold my hand. “Rachel Laine,” he began, “I don’t know why I kept that note, either. I had a nagging feeling in the back of my mind, but I never listened to it because I didn’t want to believe it was true. I only thought of all the ways it would harm me if it was true.”
I scowled at him.
He leaned forward and rested his arms on his knees. “I know how wrong that sounds, and how wrong it is. I never even thought to look at how good it would be for me.” He turned to meet my eyes. “And before you say anything, I know it’s not all about me. This past week I’ve realized all the amazing things I’ve been missing out on. I realize the huge error I made in not trying to be part of his life from the very beginning. I don’t want to miss out on anything else.”
“Then come clean about it and let the cards fall where they may, or don’t run for office. Just don’t hurt my son … our son,” I amended, even though it killed to say it.
He
smiled at the amendment, but went back to rubbing his neck. “Rachel, it’s not that simple.”
“Why? Politicians have affairs and children out of wedlock all the time.”
He looked at me wryly. “While that may be true, my district is very family oriented and—”
“Well, nothing says family oriented like pretending you don’t have one.”
“Rachel, I’m doing this to protect him and you. Do you really want to throw Drew in the middle of a political campaign? It would be ugly, and your sister’s name would get dragged through the mud.”
I think my mouth fell open. “What does Sydney have to do with any of this?”
“You don’t know politics. The opposing side will try and dig up any piece of dirt they can if they know about Drew. They’ll talk to old teammates, and she didn’t have the best reputation.”
I put my face in my hands. I wished he would go away.
He gently removed my hands from my face and held them. “I’m sorry to say things like that. I’m not trying to badmouth your sister, but do you see why it’s better for us to keep this quiet?”
“Please don’t run.”
He squeezed my hands. “Rachel Laine, I’ve been waiting for this seat to open up so I could follow in my father’s footsteps. I know nothing would make him happier.”
“What about a grandson?”
He grinned. “He would have loved Drew. You don’t know how sorry I am that they will never meet. But this doesn’t have to be an either-or.”
“What are you going to tell Drew after this is all said and done? After you’ve kept the truth from him?”
“I’m going to tell him the truth—that I did it to protect him and you.”
I shook my head at him in anger. “You don’t need to protect me. And if you really cared about protecting Drew, you would go upstairs and tell your son who you are.”
Chapter Nine
Andrew way overstayed his welcome. He was determined for me to understand his reasoning, and for me to agree to go along with it. We went back and forth until one in the morning. I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d stayed up that late. I almost felt bad he had a long drive home. Almost. He was an idiot to think this wasn’t going to end badly.
Rachel Laine (The Women of Merryton Book 3) Page 7
