by H. G. Wells
CHAPTER VI
THE FURNITURE THAT WENT MAD
Now it happened that in the early hours of Whit Monday, beforeMillie was hunted out for the day, Mr. Hall and Mrs. Hall both roseand went noiselessly down into the cellar. Their business there wasof a private nature, and had something to do with the specificgravity of their beer. They had hardly entered the cellar when Mrs.Hall found she had forgotten to bring down a bottle of sarsaparillafrom their joint-room. As she was the expert and principal operatorin this affair, Hall very properly went upstairs for it.
On the landing he was surprised to see that the stranger's door wasajar. He went on into his own room and found the bottle as he hadbeen directed.
But returning with the bottle, he noticed that the bolts of thefront door had been shot back, that the door was in fact simply onthe latch. And with a flash of inspiration he connected this withthe stranger's room upstairs and the suggestions of Mr. TeddyHenfrey. He distinctly remembered holding the candle while Mrs.Hall shot these bolts overnight. At the sight he stopped, gaping,then with the bottle still in his hand went upstairs again. Herapped at the stranger's door. There was no answer. He rappedagain; then pushed the door wide open and entered.
It was as he expected. The bed, the room also, was empty. And whatwas stranger, even to his heavy intelligence, on the bedroom chairand along the rail of the bed were scattered the garments, the onlygarments so far as he knew, and the bandages of their guest. Hisbig slouch hat even was cocked jauntily over the bed-post.
As Hall stood there he heard his wife's voice coming out of thedepth of the cellar, with that rapid telescoping of the syllablesand interrogative cocking up of the final words to a high note,by which the West Sussex villager is wont to indicate a briskimpatience. "George! You gart whad a wand?"
At that he turned and hurried down to her. "Janny," he said, overthe rail of the cellar steps, "'tas the truth what Henfrey sez.'E's not in uz room, 'e en't. And the front door's onbolted."
At first Mrs. Hall did not understand, and as soon as she did sheresolved to see the empty room for herself. Hall, still holding thebottle, went first. "If 'e en't there," he said, "'is close are.And what's 'e doin' 'ithout 'is close, then? 'Tas a most curiousbusiness."
As they came up the cellar steps they both, it was afterwardsascertained, fancied they heard the front door open and shut, butseeing it closed and nothing there, neither said a word to the otherabout it at the time. Mrs. Hall passed her husband in the passageand ran on first upstairs. Someone sneezed on the staircase. Hall,following six steps behind, thought that he heard her sneeze. She,going on first, was under the impression that Hall was sneezing.She flung open the door and stood regarding the room. "Of all thecurious!" she said.
She heard a sniff close behind her head as it seemed, and turning,was surprised to see Hall a dozen feet off on the topmost stair.But in another moment he was beside her. She bent forward and puther hand on the pillow and then under the clothes.
"Cold," she said. "He's been up this hour or more."
As she did so, a most extraordinary thing happened. The bed-clothesgathered themselves together, leapt up suddenly into a sort of peak,and then jumped headlong over the bottom rail. It was exactly as ifa hand had clutched them in the centre and flung them aside.Immediately after, the stranger's hat hopped off the bed-post,described a whirling flight in the air through the better part ofa circle, and then dashed straight at Mrs. Hall's face. Then asswiftly came the sponge from the washstand; and then the chair,flinging the stranger's coat and trousers carelessly aside, andlaughing drily in a voice singularly like the stranger's, turneditself up with its four legs at Mrs. Hall, seemed to take aim at herfor a moment, and charged at her. She screamed and turned, and thenthe chair legs came gently but firmly against her back and impelledher and Hall out of the room. The door slammed violently and waslocked. The chair and bed seemed to be executing a dance of triumphfor a moment, and then abruptly everything was still.
Mrs. Hall was left almost in a fainting condition in Mr. Hall'sarms on the landing. It was with the greatest difficulty that Mr.Hall and Millie, who had been roused by her scream of alarm,succeeded in getting her downstairs, and applying the restorativescustomary in such cases.
"'Tas sperits," said Mrs. Hall. "I know 'tas sperits. I've read inpapers of en. Tables and chairs leaping and dancing..."
"Take a drop more, Janny," said Hall. "'Twill steady ye."
"Lock him out," said Mrs. Hall. "Don't let him come in again.I half guessed--I might ha' known. With them goggling eyes andbandaged head, and never going to church of a Sunday. And allthey bottles--more'n it's right for any one to have. He's put thesperits into the furniture.... My good old furniture! 'Twas inthat very chair my poor dear mother used to sit when I was alittle girl. To think it should rise up against me now!"
"Just a drop more, Janny," said Hall. "Your nerves is all upset."
They sent Millie across the street through the golden five o'clocksunshine to rouse up Mr. Sandy Wadgers, the blacksmith. Mr.Hall's compliments and the furniture upstairs was behaving mostextraordinary. Would Mr. Wadgers come round? He was a knowing man,was Mr. Wadgers, and very resourceful. He took quite a grave viewof the case. "Arm darmed if thet ent witchcraft," was the view ofMr. Sandy Wadgers. "You warnt horseshoes for such gentry as he."
He came round greatly concerned. They wanted him to lead the wayupstairs to the room, but he didn't seem to be in any hurry. Hepreferred to talk in the passage. Over the way Huxter's apprenticecame out and began taking down the shutters of the tobacco window.He was called over to join the discussion. Mr. Huxter naturallyfollowed over in the course of a few minutes. The Anglo-Saxongenius for parliamentary government asserted itself; there was agreat deal of talk and no decisive action. "Let's have the factsfirst," insisted Mr. Sandy Wadgers. "Let's be sure we'd be actingperfectly right in bustin' that there door open. A door onbust isalways open to bustin', but ye can't onbust a door once you'vebusted en."
And suddenly and most wonderfully the door of the room upstairsopened of its own accord, and as they looked up in amazement,they saw descending the stairs the muffled figure of the strangerstaring more blackly and blankly than ever with those unreasonablylarge blue glass eyes of his. He came down stiffly and slowly,staring all the time; he walked across the passage staring, thenstopped.
"Look there!" he said, and their eyes followed the direction of hisgloved finger and saw a bottle of sarsaparilla hard by the cellardoor. Then he entered the parlour, and suddenly, swiftly,viciously, slammed the door in their faces.
Not a word was spoken until the last echoes of the slam had diedaway. They stared at one another. "Well, if that don't lickeverything!" said Mr. Wadgers, and left the alternative unsaid.
"I'd go in and ask'n 'bout it," said Wadgers, to Mr. Hall. "I'dd'mand an explanation."
It took some time to bring the landlady's husband up to that pitch.At last he rapped, opened the door, and got as far as, "Excuse me--"
"Go to the devil!" said the stranger in a tremendous voice, and"Shut that door after you." So that brief interview terminated.
