He released her and sagged without her support. He sniffed, then wiped the snot from his nose, slumping onto the edge of Loic’s cot to stare at his dead friend. Loic’s eyes, which had sought to see so much in life, were fixed and glassy. He was gone and there was nothing Hame could do about it. That powerlessness scrubbed him raw. He pressed the base of his palms against his eyes and ground them until they hurt. Aurelia pulled his hands away, encasing them in her tenderness.
“Will you sit with me a while?” he whispered.
“Of course.” She pulled up a stool to sit beside him and didn’t let him go. “I’ll stay as long as you want me.”
Elaine left, her departure confirming what he’d suspected all along. No matter how she tried to convince him otherwise, for her Loic had only ever been a tool.
Hame stayed beside his friend until twilight fell and Loic’s body grew cold. When he became aware of the dying light, he didn’t understand how so much time could have passed. Aurelia spoke his name, but it took seconds to seep through the fog clouding his mind.
“We should prepare a grave,” she said.
He winced. A grave meant burial, meant separation.
“I’ll help you.”
“No! I have to do it. He has to know I did one thing right.”
“I’m sure you did many things right. I’m sure he was proud of you.”
His chest hollowed. “I wanted him to be, but I could never match his ability. And now I never will.”
“Of course you will. It just takes time.”
“No, I won’t. And I don’t want to. Look at what it did to him.”
He braced himself, expecting her to try to persuade him otherwise. Elaine would have if he’d said it to her, even if she believed him broken.
“Very well. Where should we lay him to rest?”
That was it? No argument? He stared at her until she repeated the question, and he gave her an answer. Really, there was only one place suitable.
They walked to the ring of oaks, Hame carrying a shovel over his shoulder, then he stabbed it into the ground in front of the dolmen and dug the soil.
The effort felt good, his muscles working hard to carve out a suitable resting place. The night was old by the time it was finished. He returned to the hut and carried the oracle out. He was so light and small, his body empty of its formidable will. Loic had taught him that even though the body dies, the soul lives on and returns in another life. Death was never the end.
But right now, his tutor’s lessons were as heartening as a bowl of cold lard on a winter’s morning. He would do anything to have Loic back.
His tears dripped onto Loic’s body as he walked back to the grove. Aurelia waited for him. She’d summoned orbs of soft white light that floated above and around them. He climbed into the hole, careful not to lose his footing, and gently lay him on the earth. He stood a while, fighting the urge to lie next to him until Aurelia spoke and he scrambled out of the grave.
People said things at funerals, but he had no words to utter. The ache in his heart was beyond speech, a force that expanded and contracted in his chest, at once massive, the next so small and dense he thought he’d crack from the pressure. His pain served as a prayer for his master, his father, and his friend.
When he couldn’t bear to look at the mask that was nothing like the vibrant man he’d loved, he took up the shovel again and filled the hole. It was finished quickly. He turned to the dolmen standing guard behind him and made a silent plea for it to watch over the great oracle.
Aurelia slipped her arm around his back and hugged him close, and his vision blurred.
Elaine waited until Aurelia and Hame had left before she approached Loic’s grave. She hesitated, as she always did when faced with the dolmen, before reminding herself that it held no real power. No demon could come through it.
And no demon could be banished through it either.
She sank to her knees and placed her hand on the disturbed earth. She had cried all her tears, but still a question hounded her to the point of exhaustion. What was she going to do now that Loic was gone?
He’d found her as she’d wandered in search of answers. He hadn’t been able to help her with the magic, but he’d given her peace and assured her she wasn’t mad. Even so, it had taken her a long time to accept that a demon lived within her.
“You saved me, Loic,” she murmured. “I wish I could have done the same for you.”
Hame was right. She had a duty to protect those who aided her, and she’d failed. It didn’t matter that it had been Aurelia who’d freed Xadrak, or that Xadrak had been too strong for Loic. She was Sinara, and every horror Xadrak committed fell to her.
Hame would not go the same way.
She stood and dusted her dress, kissing the tips of her fingers and waving them over the grave, blessing the earth with good health and abundance.
“Thank you, my friend. May we meet again in happier times.”
The grass had already started growing by the time she turned for the hut.
She arrived as Aurelia pulled the door closed. Seeing her, she held up her hands to bar entry.
“I need to talk to him.”
“Now is not the time.”
“But he has to—”
“All he has to do now is sleep. He’s exhausted, and if you go in there and shout at him, he’s going to push you away again.”
Elaine sagged, some of the fight hissing out of her. There was so much to be done—not least of all regaining Aurelia’s trust—that just once she wanted to get through something without an argument. She almost let Aurelia lead her away.
Almost.
She brushed her daughter aside and opened the door. “Hame, I—”
“Leave me alone!” he roared, loud enough to halt her. He glowered at her from his seat at the table, his hair wild, teeth bared and the muscles in his neck straining. A half-empty plate of food and a cup sat in front of him.
Such a meagre meal.
“I can’t leave you here by yourself.” She approached, wary that he might lunge at her.
“I’d be a fool to go anywhere with you. Now Loic’s dead I’m nothing to Xadrak so long as I stay away from you, something I fully intend to do.”
The hate in his eyes made her heart heave. She needed Hame to be the oracle Loic foretold he would one day be, but now she was in danger of losing him.
“Please, Hame, I did what I could. You have to believe that.”
He slammed his palm down on the table, shooting up from the stool so fast that it toppled and clattered on the floor.
“I don’t have to do anything, least of all believe you.”
He stalked over to her, and she resisted every urge to back away. Though he wasn’t as big as Henri, he was nevertheless an imposing and powerful man, made all the more fearful because of his grief. She clasped her hands in front of her to stop their jittering and forced herself to hold his glare.
He stopped inches from her. “I never want to see you again,” he said, each word clear and grotesque on his mouth.
But she would not be bullied, not when there was so much at stake. She raised her hand, her index finger wielded like a pike. “Listen to me, Hame—”
Aurelia gripped her wrist. “Mother, we need to go. Please, you’re making this worse.”
Her vice-like hold and the shock of being manhandled by her daughter gave her a moment to think. Aurelia was right. Grief clouded Hame’s judgment. It had been a long night, and they had both lost so much. She opened her mouth to apologize, but the look he gave her withered her words on her tongue.
She nodded to Aurelia, and the two of them left the hut. The door slammed shut behind them.
“Mother?”
Elaine stopped, so weary that she swayed. “What is it?”
“He will be fine, won’t he?”
“As long as he takes the proper precautions. But I’m afraid if he thinks he’s done with this, he’s mistaken.”
“You can’t force him
to do your bidding.”
She spun as if Aurelia had struck her. “My bidding? You make it sound like I do this for my own amusement. This is duty too, Aurelia, real and ugly. No one escapes it. Not you, not me, and certainly not him.” Her voice cracked.
“But—”
“Enough! I haven’t the strength to argue with you anymore. Give me your hand. I want to get out of here.”
Aurelia quickly smoothed away the worry that had molded itself to her mouth and brow and took Elaine’s offered hand.
They flew through the ether, and though she didn’t feel the slimy gaze of Xadrak slide over her, she knew he was out there somewhere.
Waiting.
“Good night,” Elaine said firmly before shutting herself in her room.
Aurelia rubbed her arm, trying to warm a chill that had nothing to do with the air. She raised a fist to knock on her mother’s door but froze. She sighed, let it drop, and retreated to her room. With a wave of her hand, the candles ignited. She sat on the edge of the bed, slipped off her shoes, and lay down.
Tangled knots writhed in her belly. She hugged herself, hoping to alleviate some of the feelings that were going to keep her awake, but the act only reminded her of Hame’s arms.
Pressed against his chest, she’d inhaled his scent of sun-warmed earth. Recalling the aroma unlaced the ties that kept her weighted. She hummed as she floated free into the memory of him.
For all his strength and size, he’d held her like a butterfly cupped in his hand and protected from a gale. Thierry had been easy with his affection for her, but this was different.
During the course of the night, there had been many moments when she’d felt Hame near, as if he were drawn to seek comfort, little realizing how his presence soothed her. He had put his arm around her and hadn’t shied away from her touch. If anything, he’d leaned into it.
And when he’d kissed her palm…
Her breath hitched in her throat. She had never experienced anything more beautiful. His soft, full lips pressed against her skin sent shivers up her arms.
Then she remembered the broken look in his eyes, and guilt chased the phantom away. How could she think of him in such a way while he grieved?
But still she craved him.
“Oh, Hame.”
She curled on to her side. She wouldn’t sully his innocent need with her selfish lust. Pushing it aside, she searched beyond the way her body responded to his and realized he touched a vulnerability in her. One she also saw in him. They could help each other. He would not find peace while Elaine hounded him, and if he were left alone, he would never attain his full power as an oracle.
She spun her legs off the bed, ready to run to him, but stopped. He had pushed them both away. He’d asked her to leave once she’d settled him. He’d done it gently, saying he wanted to be alone. She had to wait. Her hands closed, gripping the quilt beneath her.
Not tonight. Wait.
With a harsh breath out, she undressed and slid underneath the covers. Extinguishing the light, she lay there, peering into the darkness. When sleep finally came, desire followed, and Hame appeared in vivid color.
Elaine jolted awake. The accusing faces of her children and a horde of others chased her out of a hard-fought but restless sleep. She wiped the sweat off her brow, glad to leave the dream behind, but a feeling like melted wax continued to ooze throughout her body. She wasn’t going back to sleep anytime soon.
She threw off the covers, climbed out of bed and pulled on a prized robe of cream silk, printed with cranes and willows. With feet bare, she hurried into the corridor, across the entry chamber and down into the spiraling tunnel.
At the bottom, she entered her sanctuary. Torches burst alight, illuminating the white marble room. In the center sat a low altar made of obsidian, which raised and lowered as she required. Tonight, she needed to sit. She closed the door behind her and sat cross-legged behind the altar.
On the gold pentacle carved into the black altar-top lay the objects she used to focus her will: an athame—or ceremonial knife—a wand, and a chalice. She didn’t rely on them anymore—her skill having exceeded far beyond such things—but they provided steadiness while her mind was in turmoil.
And with Sinara inside her head, it was a wonder she didn’t need them all the time.
At times she hoped she were two people stuck in one body and could find a way to separate herself. Because right now she wanted to weep and howl for the loss of Loic and the pain she’d caused him and Hame; meanwhile, Sinara was near frantic wondering where Xadrak was, what he was doing, and whom he’d hurt next.
Restlessness made her leg twitch, Sinara wanting out, wanting to hunt.
She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, seeking some calm. Her mind tore this way and that, wanting to dwell on her grief one instant, and plan her revenge on Xadrak the next. Loic’s face flashed in front of her, the gentle one she’d known for so many years, before it contorted into the tortured mask she’d seen at the end.
Another deep breath and she was through, leaving it behind temporarily.
That was what she’d told herself when she’d left her children. She’d come back for them; she’d protect them. But once gone, it was easier to stay gone. The twins didn’t mind, and they wouldn’t have understood anyway. They didn’t have Aurelia’s skill, but they did have power of a kind.
Thierry’s invisibility—he had Sinara to thank for that—and Olivier’s charisma—bestowed upon him from Xadrak—weren’t to be ignored. And then there was the fact of their existence, their purpose, that was more essential than Aurelia’s magic, or even her own. Without them, this would be for naught.
Had she made the right choice in hiding from them? Would they have been more amenable had she told them sooner? Knowing what she’d seen of Olivier, she doubted it. He wouldn’t go willingly to anything. Perhaps if Thierry asked him…
She shook her head. What was done was done and the future beckoned. She had to seek Xadrak on her own. Though she couldn’t divine the future any more than Loic could send his body between one place and another, she could send her mind out onto the astral. A slick of fear coursed through her mind, an aversion to venturing onto that plane where Xadrak held great power. Being of pure spirit now, he had the advantage. She was strong, but she was still human and earthbound. She almost allowed herself to think this was foolish, but her mind rebuffed the concern. A need—whether hers or Sinara’s, it didn’t matter—drove her. Loic had done this for her. She couldn’t shrink from it.
She breathed with her whole body, her chest inflating, shoulders rising and falling. Darkness filled her mind, silence reigned, and concerns scattered like spores on the wind. She projected her mind out of her body and into a copy of her sanctuary. With a jet of power, she pushed out of this representation into a void that contained everything and nothing.
Here flew the minds of those skilled enough to handle such things, navigating a great ocean of knowledge, impressions, visions and emotions. Here witches and oracles discovered hidden truths. Here the spirits of the dead waited before being sucked back into the whirlpool of an earthly existence. And here flowed the foul and putrid contamination of Xadrak’s evil.
She took care to contain her thoughts and keep her presence small. She cloaked herself with shields, studded with pentagrams. But the astral’s fluidity meant that nothing remained truly hidden. It touched all, saw all, felt all. And someone with enough talent and power could find anything.
If she thought too loudly about Xadrak he could detect it, so she drifted, bending her mind to track him without focusing on him. Sensing strong, powerful anger, she flowed in that direction, much like she’d paddle down a dark channel.
Dipping into the emotion, she caught his essence, that slickness coating her mind with grease. Now she was in it, she had to be extremely careful not to alert him to her presence.
The more she traveled, the harder it became. His fury beat against her shields and threatened to shatter them. Panic flap
ped inside her breast. At any moment she could be sucked down into the mire. She had to focus on the way forward. She dragged and before long she may as well have been wading through mud. It rose up to claim her, covering her in an ever stickier, even more malignant hold. And still she was no closer to finding him.
“No, but I’ve found you.”
The voice shook with malevolent laughter. Her shields erupted with light, an instinct that saved her life, but alerted him absolutely to her presence. She lashed out at him. He drew back, a snarl cutting through her, but she took advantage of his distraction and fled.
Out of the astral, out of the darkness, she escaped as fast as she could and left him behind, hoping he hadn’t tracked her, hadn’t latched onto her like a poisonous barnacle. Back inside the relative safety of her chamber her eyelids fired open, and she collapsed to the floor, her breathing harsh and choked. Blood pounded in her veins so loudly that she thought Xadrak had her.
What if she’d been caught in his net?
She lay for a while, thankful for the press of the hard stone beneath her check. As the cold seeped through her body, she came to realize her two halves—Sinara and Elaine—were in absolute agreement.
They were both completely and utterly terrified.
XI
The next morning Aurelia walked into the kitchen to find her mother seated at the table and staring into a cup.
“Mother?” she asked gently.
Elaine lifted her head. There was no recognition in her eyes, just a faraway stare that looked as if it belonged to someone else.
“Sinara?” she asked as she came closer. Her mother blinked rapidly, and her gaze returned to normal. “Are you all right?”
“Fine.” Elaine lifted the cup to her lips and took a sip.
Aurelia sat opposite her. She wanted to ask more questions to make sure Elaine was as fine as she said, but she knew such inquiry would be unwelcome. She moved on.
“I want to help Hame, but I can’t do that without answers.”
Burning Blood: Bonds of Blood: Book 2 Page 5
