“Do it.”
II
The dishwater coffee slipped down Carn’s gullet, leaving behind a greasy residue. He usually transformed it into something palatable but today he hadn’t bothered.
His stomach was unsettled by more than what he drank. Ordinary people would say it was the guilt getting to him and making him paranoid, but ordinary people were idiots. Having part of a demon inside him was what did it. That and his concern for keeping Hame alive.
He didn’t know whether Xadrak saw into every part of him. There were sections he’d locked far behind many shields so that even he struggled to find them. But to think a demon could see into his thoughts and desires, while Hame could only see the surface, froze his blood. Still, that was his own fault.
He sat in the café window, watching his grown son play with his young daughter in the playground across the street. But far from being a distraction, the sight made his stomach pitch even worse.
He did not know his son in any meaningful way. His name was Peter. He had been born nearly thirty years prior, the offspring of a calculated move. Carn had provided monetary support to the mother but was otherwise absent. He did not belong in their ordinary lives. He did not concern himself with how his son lived—just so long as he lived.
Peter owned a three-bedroom house in Hampstead, close to the Heath so that he and his wife, Jane, could take Diana out to play. He did not care that Peter could make pasta from scratch, that he read to his daughter every night (often the same story day after day before Diana suddenly threw it aside for something new, much as Peter used to do as a child), or that Jane and he were happy. He knew these things without caring, because to care would make him interfere in what had to happen.
He lingered longer than intended, staying until Diana tired and Peter put her, laughing, on his shoulders, then pushed the stroller, with its stuffed elephant strapped into the seat, back home. He waited until they were out of sight, put down the half-empty cup and exited the café to answer Xadrak’s summons to the astral.
III
Hame woke alone. Even so, he reached to the other side of the bed, and his hand touched cold, crisp sheets. He sat up and peered into the rest of the empty and silent house. Had Carn even come home during the night? Surely he would have noticed someone moving around out there. The house sat in the middle of a large block of forested land on Vancouver Island. He could have screamed murder and only disturbed a few birds, perhaps a deer or two.
But he kept the screams chained inside his skull, where they were so loud his ears rang. Only his bellows resounded in there, the tortured and prophesized howl of the masses having deserted him. Now he was lucky if he could predict the weather. His connection with Aurelia was brittle too, and he dared not touch it for fear it might shatter completely. He didn’t have that kind of link with Carn, but their bond was just as fragile.
He had little reason to get out of bed. His limbs drooped, weighing him down, and he almost rolled over and went back to sleep, but he cringed at another day spent feeling sorry for himself in a king-sized bed.
With a harrumph, he stamped into the bathroom. He showered and dressed, pulling on a pair of grey sweatpants and a hoody. He gave himself a cursory glance in the mirror, his red hair hanging limp around a soured expression. He avoided his own gaze. Barefoot, he walked through to the living area with its floor-to-ceiling windows that gave the impression of welcoming the forest indoors. Yet it was an illusion, and he needed the real thing.
He slid open a side door and stepped onto the path to his sanctuary. His feet tingled at going from wooden floorboards to damp earth. The air had bite. He inhaled for what felt like the first time that day, the wet scent of life and decay suffusing his lungs, but it would take more than a few deep breaths to make him feel better. He exhaled in a hard huff and continued along the path.
They had built the sanctuary when they’d moved here. Thirteen stones surrounded the grassed area, about fifteen yards across. Each rock protruded from the earth, forming a jagged ring. Taken from many places around the world, no two were the same. In the west he’d placed a hunk of sharpened black obsidian, with a column of amethyst opposite. Here stood basalt from Iceland, and there, iron ore from Australia. In the center loomed the dolmen, aligned to the rising sun on the summer solstice. A chair sat at its base, with a purple cushion on it. As always when he saw that cushion, he heard Loic chide him, cheerfully, for how soft he’d become.
How he missed that voice.
Building the sanctuary with Carn was meant to repair some of the cracks that had appeared in their relationship. But while he’d enjoyed the physical work—of the velvet soil caressing his hands as they delved into the Earth—Carn didn’t have the patience. He’d threatened to use magic to complete everything in a matter of seconds. It became one more thing they’d argued about before Carn had stormed off, leaving him to finish alone.
But he couldn’t do it all by himself.
Unable to lift the dolmen in place, in a fit of vindictiveness he’d called on Aurelia’s help. She’d come, giving him grief about the whole thing, then raised the three stones into position as if they were a child’s blocks. Once settled, he’d realized his error and bid her leave before Carn saw her. She went, eventually, but not without telling him—yet again—exactly what she thought of Carn.
Serpents had twisted inside his gut while he’d waited for Carn to see and start yelling. But he hadn’t shouted. He took one look at the stones and never came to the sanctuary again. Even today, Hame’s stomach turned whenever he looked at the dolmen. At times he considered abandoning it, but it was the only place he called his own, as sad as that was.
He knew what was happening but forced himself to not believe it. The visions had lied before or told half-truths. Carn was not in Xadrak’s sway, but with every passing day, he wondered if that truth still held.
Sitting beneath the dolmen, he tried to meditate, quelling the thoughts churning inside him. He could tell Aurelia, but he believed he could keep Carn from falling too far. He was meant to be his lover’s guide along this path, but was that still the case? Had Carn stumbled long ago and now Hame followed into dangerous territory? He had to know for sure.
But when he stretched for a vision, his mind fizzed. Images flashed inside his head, but they cut into one another and he twitched.
Meaningless. It’s all meaningless.
He retreated and tried again, fighting to hold his desperation in check, but nothing clear emerged. He stayed for hours until his ass ached, and his stomach rumbled. Until the truth hammered at him.
He was an oracle no more.
IV
Hame’s distress pushed through the weak bond, turning Aurelia’s mood to toxic sludge. They hadn’t spoken in so long that sometimes she forgot the connection still existed. His sadness leached into her, a bone-deep grief that made her cry out and reach for the wall. He was in pain and she was powerless to help.
No, I’m not powerless.
Though things had not been good between them for a while, she couldn’t let him suffer. But could she show up uninvited? No, he’d reject her, embarrassed and enraged that she’d spied on him. She’d be lucky if he didn’t spit on her. And yet…
She craved him with a need that rocked her.
She cast a guarding spell before stepping into the ether. All of the coven took such precautions. Xadrak hadn’t been heard from or sighted for some years, but his followers patrolled, hoping to find new recruits and kill members of her coven. Many a witch on both sides had been snared and slaughtered.
She jumped through space and came to form without incident at the edge of Carn and Hame’s property. A protective shield ringed the land, which kept out any who attempted entry by supernatural means. Carn had always been good with such magic. The one he used to hide himself from even her skilled eye proved extremely effective.
Her stomach fluttered with each cautious step along the mossy, slippery path. Their home was nestled among the tall firs
and cedars, far from the road. As she drew nearer the building—wood cabin one side, all glass on the other—Hame walked up from his sanctuary.
To see him again in the flesh! That head of fire even more brilliant than the first day they’d met, his body still muscled and alluring, and like at their first encounter, he looked every bit the troubled young man. With his head lowered, he almost bumped into her.
“What are you doing here?” He hooked his hand beneath her arm and turned her from the house. “If Carn sees you, he’ll flip.”
She resisted his rough handling and removed herself from his grasp. “I came to check on you. Can we go inside?”
He looked away.
“Please, Hame, it’s important.”
He sighed heavily. “Fine.”
Once inside, he motioned for her to sit. He stood by the window.
“Carn’s not here?”
“Correct.”
She nodded with a weak smile. “I’m worried about you, Hame.”
“You stopped worrying about me a long time ago.”
His accusation stung like a wasp’s barb. “Not true.”
“Then you stopped showing it.”
She leant forward. “What’s happened? I sensed something. Is it Carn?”
He glared at her. “Stay out of my head, Aurelia.”
She stood and slowly approached him. “I wasn’t snooping. We share a bond. I still feel you.”
She was sure he felt her too.
“There’s nothing you can do. You are not responsible for me. You should leave.” He brushed past her, heading for the front door.
“Don’t shut me out again. Our duties extend beyond simple friendship. We are weapons forged for war, and neither you nor I can cast that aside. We’ve both tried and we keep getting sucked back in. The best we can do is cling to each other while we’re dragged into the maelstrom.”
“You don’t understand.”
“I used to.”
“No, you didn’t!” He stabbed his finger at her. “Not about me. Not about Carn. Not about us.”
She went to him and took his hands in hers. “Then show me, because from where I stand, you are in pain. I can see it on your face. I can feel it in my head. You’re not who you once were.”
He shied away. “That’s because I used to have energy for this, but now…”
“Let me help. Why are you being so stubborn? Out of the two of us, I never thought you’d be the bull-headed one. Is it some future you’ve seen? Does Carn—?”
He threw off her hands. “He has nothing to do with this.”
“If you can’t see that, then you’re blind.”
He fixed her with a baleful glare. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
But she did.
Then the bastard opened the door and entered.
It had been years since she’d seen him in person. He appeared oily. His blond hair was slicked and tamed, his mouth creased into a sneer. Magma bubbled inside her; a feeling usually reserved for when she faced Olivier.
“You!” she growled, stalking over to him. He was taller than her and thought he could intimidate her by crossing his arms over his chest and smirking down at her. “And where have you been while he’s here in torment?”
If she’d expected some remorse from him, some concern for Hame’s wellbeing, she might have capitulated.
“As if you care, Aurelia. Now get out. You are not welcome here.”
She spun to Hame. “Do you agree with this?”
“I think you should go,” he said, his voice soft and quiet.
“You can’t see, can you, how much misery he causes you? Carn doesn’t deserve you.”
“I care for him more than you ever did, Aurelia,” Carn said. “You treated him like a lapdog to answer your beck and call, much as you wanted me to be. And now you can’t stand it that we don’t need you.”
“This was never about you needing me, creep. This was about something bigger than all of us.”
“You use that as an excuse to keep us all under your power. Xadrak has been silent for a long time now. He isn’t worth all this trouble.”
She couldn’t have been more shocked if he’d punched her. “You don’t believe that, do you? After what you’ve been through? After all you know?”
“All I know is our lives are better when we’re not running around after your every whim.”
She turned to Hame. “Tell him. Tell him how real this is. Tell him what Xadrak did to Elaine, to Loic.”
“Don’t speak his name,” he said, unable to meet her eyes.
“Go ahead,” she snapped. “Stick your head in the sand. You’re both fools, but mark my words, I won’t be there to protect you when the final battle comes.”
“We don’t need your protection. Now get out.” Carn held the door for her.
She shook with fury and stalked out. Power flowed through her, fighting for release. She needed to get away from them as quickly as possible. Carn’s shield blocked her but then, without a moment’s hesitation, she unleashed that energy into it and burned her way through his fortifications. The forest lit with lightning as she roared her frustrations into the dome. Sheer brute force cracked its surface and, seeing Carn’s work undone, she pumped more magic into it until it fell, and she vanished into the ether.
A jet-fueled anger propelled her. She prayed for some evil thing to sneak up so she could obliterate it, but nothing came. She traveled, the world shifting below her in a smear of faded color. Landing would bring it all back into sharp focus, harsh light cutting through this miasma of painful emotions to reveal the hurt at its center. If she stayed here, time would pass and perhaps she could lose part of herself as well.
“You have to go back sometime,” a voice said behind her.
She pivoted, ready to defend herself, but the blow struck fast and deep.
V
The door closed. Hame prepared himself for the latest diatribe against Aurelia, but it didn’t come. The forest lit up with the blazing light of Carn’s crumbling shield, and Carn hurried outside to see it fall. There’d be more shouting because of this, the thought making him droop and seek his bed.
Carn came in some time later. “You think she’s such a friend now?”
He didn’t have the energy to speak. Aurelia coming had added another worry to the load.
“Why was she here?”
Because I’m blind.
He stared at the ceiling, letting the rant about her meddlesome ways wash over him. He wished he could see past this like he used to and find a happy future for them all.
“Are you deaf?” Carn glowered by the bed. “I’m talking and all you can do is stare at nothing. What’s the matter with you?”
He looked at Carn. Still so beautiful, or at least he would be if not for that aura hanging around him, and that pitying look as he tried to be more. Carn had always been enough for him, a perfect fit, or so he’d thought. Things changed quickly after they’d first gotten together. A vision made it easier to allow Carn into his heart, but it had always been an excuse. He wanted the witch, so he’d had him.
And now he lived with two people: the man he loved and this stranger in front of him.
He rolled onto his side. Carn touched his shoulder. He shrugged away from his lover’s hand, half expecting to be struck.
Instead, Carn left him alone.
VI
Aurelia stopped and the ether shuddered to a halt. Elaine stood before her, looking the same as the day she’d died. Except for the begging smile. The rest—sooty hair, strong nose, big eyes—was all so familiar.
And painful enough to cut into her heart.
“Why here? Why now?”
“You need me,” Elaine said in her familiar scratchy voice. It crackled but the usual note of scorn had been smoothed away.
“I needed you then. With me. Do you know what it’s been like without you?”
“I’ve been without you, too.”
“But still you kept you
r distance.”
“I did it to protect you.”
Aurelia almost laughed and would have if not for the sodden lump of clay jamming her throat. Slick and heavy, it dripped into the hollowness of her chest and gaping emptiness in her belly. Seeing Elaine made her all too aware of how alone she had become.
“Show me who you really are.”
“What?”
“My mother is dead. I would rather look at Sinara.”
“I know you are in pain, but—”
“You left and I require no comfort, never did. Instead I want to talk to the demon who I have devoted my life to.”
Her mother sighed. “As you wish.”
She steeled herself against Elaine’s transition, not wanting to admit how much it hurt watching her mother leave again. But it had to be this way or else she’d have a breakdown.
Sinara emerged. She was as white as Xadrak was black. Her wings opened and resettled behind her back, such beautiful things that she immediately thought of angels. Two white horns crowned her hairless head. Her body was powerful and lean, muscled yet feminine. She wore a white tunic, and a gold belt cinched the waist.
Aurelia’s eyes watered, despite herself.
“Is this better?” Sinara asked, her voice ethereal.
Aurelia forced herself to speak. “Yes. Why are you here now of all times?”
“Hame has lost his visions.”
Her stomach seized. “I must return to him.”
She’d been a fool, arguing about Carn because that was what she’d wanted to fight about.
“Not yet. He needs time, and you’re in no state to help him now.”
“But without his visions, we’re blind too.”
“You can’t help now,” the demon said emphatically. “Let me guide you, Aurelia.”
Burning Blood: Bonds of Blood: Book 2 Page 20
